


Heart of a Jedi

by ItsJaneyDanny



Category: GOT7, JJ Project, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Angst, Boys In Love, Clone Wars, Eventual Smut, Forbidden Love, Implied Sexual Content, Jedi, Jedi Jinyoung, Lightsaber Battles, M/M, Past Character Death, Romance, Sensuality, Smuggler JB, Ten Years Later, gays in space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:06:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 144,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25047364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsJaneyDanny/pseuds/ItsJaneyDanny
Summary: He never thought it possible that war would break out, that that war would seem endless. Jinyoung had been raised believing his path was to service the force and service the galaxy, to become the best Jedi he could be.Jaebeom broke every rule, and walked away from the order long before the war began; but as his eyes beheld the destruction of the galaxy he believed his decision to be right. Seeing Jinyoung again wouldn’t change his mind, he’d made the right decision. To him the Jedi were the ones who started the war, they were wrong in every way.Disclaimer: No previous knowledge of Star Wars needed, everything is explained. Enjoy.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 198
Kudos: 171





	1. Heart of a Jedi: Prologue

* * *

**Part 1 - Heart of a Jedi**

* * *

I saw the temple on fire, I saw it all fall down.

Jaebeom, you have to stay calm.”

They were words spoken to him over and over, each and every time… He was tormented by things he couldn’t control, those words like poison. He didn’t know how to do as instructed. He didn’t know how to stop the images in his head as they burned within him. He saw the same thing, over and over and over again. When he closed his eyes it came to him as if it was within his soul.

“Let go of your fears, let go of everything you are holding on to and the dreams will stop.”

If only it was that easy.

It started at Illum, and they wouldn’t stop. He tried to follow their teachings but nothing was working. Nothing could change it.

He’d only done what he had been told to do, what he had thought was meant to be a moment of triumph in his life. He’d gotten his kyber crystal within the dark of the caves and while all the other younglings rejoiced over their success he was the only one broken. The only one cursed.

“I don’t believe my dreams mean nothing,” Jaebeom told the masters who watched over him, “I don’t believe this is just about my fears.” What sane child feared the end of the only life they knew? How could he imagine such things on his own? He would never have.

He built his lightsaber as instructed, and placed the green crystal within its depths to light his weapon’s blade. While others saw their lightsabers as achievements his was a burden that had cost him everything to take ahold of.

“There is a darkness in him, no master would ever choose him. He’ll be out of the temple soon...”

Jaebeom heard the whispers and words they said when they thought he wasn’t listening. He began to believe he was just biding his time towards an ending. Maybe they were right about him, that he wasn’t meant to be there. That he would be sent away.

“Don’t listen to them,” one constant in his life, one friend stayed by his side. Jinyoung never understood why it was Jaebeom changed after Ilum, and Jaebeom wouldn’t dare tell him. Jinyoung had enough weighing on his mind, enough fear in his heart. More than enough burden placed on his shoulders.

They were eventually both chosen.

Jinyoung was picked first when he was eight years old, very young, before he was of age. It wasn’t customary for children so young to be apprenticed. Jaebeom was happy for him but he’d never doubted Jinyoung’s place within the halls of the Jedi temple. The masters were impressed by him, the other children were jealous of him. He was talented, well able to be the best they’d ever seen. His use of the force unmatched.

Jaebeom wasn’t the same at all.

He wasn’t chosen until he was 12 years old, if it hadn’t occurred then, one more month later and he would have been expelled from the temple. There was a time limit to how long the children could wait, and those who weren’t chosen were seen as defective and sent off to other planets to learn trades.

Jaebeom had begun to believe there really was darkness in him in the time that he waited, in the masters that came and watched and went. The dreams played on and on behind his eyes, never leaving him.

He’d begun to believe there was no way out from the things he’s seen and that the Jedi path would only lead him to ruin.

Doubt crept in around the corners of every bit of his heart and threatened to consume him.

Love crept him and threatened to pull him away from the path before him.

Fear took the heart of him.

If the temple burned, they would all die.

If the Jedi fell what kind of world would they live in?

Jaebeom turned away, threw it all away.

He didn’t want a life where children were treated as defective over things they couldn’t control, or where love was forbidden. He wanted freedom, he wanted to run from the darkness within his own heart.

So he did.


	2. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 1 - Heart of Kyber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung is sent on his first mission after the loss of his master, he doesn't feel ready but he must proceed regardless.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung was young when he met Jaebum. They were both kids in the temple, both didn’t know anything outside of the place that had been their home since they were babies. They didn’t even know what planets they were taken from, not that they could understand what it was that meant. Thoughts of family beyond were far from them then. All they knew was comprised of Jedi masters and knights who oversaw their classes and day to day life. Who cared for them, raised them and trained them to be the best they could be._

_Jinyoung remembered being young and not understanding that there was a purpose to the things they did, and that it had to do with their role in a much larger universe around them. He was fascinated by studying planets and the different worlds beyond their own. At nights he would sneak from his room and find the highest point he could get to in order to try and see the stars even when the lights from the city below drown them out. He was told that someday he would go see the planets beyond their own and it was something he dreamed of doing._

_Days were spent learning the ways of the Force, the reason he was there. Force sensitive children around the galaxy were picked up by the Jedi Masters to be trained in hopes that they would become great Jedi Knights. Early on he learned the Jedi’s place in their universe. They were the guardians of peace, the guardians of the Republic. The most noble and good beings in the universe, devoted to the task of keeping the many planets in the galaxy safe. The Force was their guide that would teach them each which path they were meat to walk. Many outside the order thought that the force was nothing more than a weapon the Jedi wielded like their lightsabers but it was nothing like that._

_Jinyoung learned young that the force had a will beyond his own, and he was taught to put aside his own will to listen to the force._

_Jinyoung didn’t have many friends as he grew. He advanced quickly through classes on the basics of taping into the force and using the powers within himself. The masters always looked at him with expectation and because of it he grew afraid of how quickly his own powers were developing. Other children shunned him because of it and he learned quickly that they didn’t matter. His goal was to become a Jedi Knight, to guard the peace of the galaxy and he didn’t believe that the opinions of other children mattered in his goal._

_Jaebeom was his first friend._

_Jinyoung didn’t know what to think of the other boy when he first met him. He’d never paid attention to who the other kids around him were, except in the instances of the ones who were troublemakers. He made sure to avoid them. He had never seen Jaebeom before their fist day. That first day they met because they’d been paired off in a sparing class, given training lightsabers and told to practice fighting._

_Jinyoung had always been studious and methodical with his training but Jaebeom was different in every way. He kept making jokes throughout their practice and Jinyoung could tell the other boy was letting him win. Overtaking Lim Jaebeom was too easy and one thing Jinyoung knew was nothing was ever easy. He was the same age as Jinyoung, he had a bright smile and seemed to not take everything as seriously as Jinyoung did._

_At first Jinyoung was annoyed with his antics and more annoyed the masters didn’t do anything to stop him. Jinyoung wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the boy with the cheeky smile and teasing words. When the session finished Jaebeom followed him down the halls._

_“Wait for me!” Jaebeom called out to him and Jinyoung glared at him, he didn’t understand why the other boy was following him._

_“Why should I wait for you?” Jinyoung asked nonchalantly._

_“Because we’re going to be best friends,” Jaebeom told him with a big smile on his face. Jinyoung's’ eyes narrowed at how assured he seemed about it. No one wanted to be Jinyoung’s friend and he guessed the other boy had some ulterior motive of some sort._

_”Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said his name when he addressed him, “what makes you think I want to be your friend?”_

_“Don’t be like that Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom responded, “I know we’re going to be best friends cause I’ve seen it.” It was odd phrasing and Jinyoung hadn’t ever heard anyone use those sort of words to describe a friendship._

_“If you mean the force showed you,” Jinyoung composed his response carefully, “it’s going to have to show me too or else we’re not going to be friends. I’m not here to make friends Jaebeom.” Jinyoung took the rules about attachment to heart young. They were taught that close relationships would cause them to form attachments which could lead them to falling to the dark side._

_Attachment was expressly forbidden when it came to romantic relationships, friendships were allowed but all Jedi were expected to hold their purpose and the will of the force above their friendships. Jinyoung took it all to heart and found it easier to avoid the notion entirely._

_“What color lightsaber do you think you’ll have?” Jaebeom asked him. It was clear the other boy was ignoring his words._

_“I do not care for such conversations,” Jinyoung responded, “when we go into the caves to get our crystals the force will decide.”_

_“It’s going to be purple,” Jaebeom replied, “remember that cause you heard it here first.” Jinyoung narrowed his eyes to try and look annoyed but he was really at a loss for what to do about the other boy._

_“What do you think you can see the future or something?” Jinyoung asked him, “that’s impossible. The force doesn’t expressly show the future, haven’t you been listening in class.” Jinyoung believed he’d figured out just what the other boy was on about._

_“The force shows us things to guide us,” Jaebeom responded, “and three years ago it first showed me you.”_

_“First?” Jinyoung questioned, then he internally chided himself for being drawn more into the conversation._

_“Are you going to get something to eat?” Jaebeom asked him, completely changing the subject. Jinyoung wanted to question him further. He was curious about what Jaebeom meant but his pride wouldn’t let him. He wanted to distance himself as far as possible from the strange boy._

_“No,” Jinyoung replied, “I’m going to go meditate.”_

_“But the meditation rooms are that way,” Jaebeom pointed down the large hallway. Jinyoung grimaced at Jaebeom’s observance of his direction._

_“Just leave me alone,” Jinyoung snapped._

_“Here,” Jaebeom grabbed his hand which Jinyoung was pretty sure was the opposite of what he’d just asked Jaebeom to do. “Let’s go eat together then we can go to the meditation rooms, then I am going to show you the coolest spot in the entire temple.” Jaebeom started to drag him towards the mess hall._

_“Wait I haven’t said yes!” Jinyoung protested._

_“No but you were going to,” Jaebeom replied, “don’t worry so much Jinyoungie. We’re kids, we should have some fun while we still can!” Jinyoung glared at him but he stopped resisting._

_He didn’t know why but for some reason his annoyance lost and he found himself curious. He followed Jaebeom that day and found himself wondering more and more about the other boy. If he was going to have a friend, he supposed he could have ended up with a worse choice than Lim Jaebeom._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung put a hand to his chest as he felt the beating of his heart increase from a slight adrenaline rush. He didn’t have the talent to lie the way his companion did and they were treading dangerous ground in enemy territory. He had been unsure of his place on the mission, unsure of himself at every turn of the process of preparation. There was no more time for lack of surety.

He still felt it was too soon for him to be back in the field. He felt unbalanced, like a ship off course in the tides of gravity. He wasn’t sure how to change that. The fear started clawing at his being the moment they got close to the planet in front of them. He’d agreed to take this mission because the council had insisted he was ready. He should have known better. The reality before him suddenly seemed more insurmountable when it was right in front of him.

The Sith was on that planet.

Count Dooku was there.

The last time Jinyoung had encountered him things hadn’t gone well. He’d killed many Jedi throughout the duration of the entire war. It was frightening to be there, and the thought of facing him alone after everything was not one he enjoyed dwelling on. But that wasn’t their mission, they weren’t meant to face down Dooku. They were going to rescue a planetary leader. That was all they wanted to achieve.

Jinyoung hated the war and how long it had gone on. For two years he’d been told the Republic was close to victory and everytime victory slipped away. The Separatists found new ways to subvert the Republic’s victories. As the months passed Jinyoung began to wonder if the promises of a swift victory were only ever a fantasy. Time wore on and things were getting more difficult. The Jedi were worn thin from the fighting. They tried to fulfill their mandate as the guardians of peace, but war continued on and they were never meant to be soldiers.

Two years before he’d still been a padawan learner, he’d gone with his master to Kamino to collect the Republic’s army. They’d hoped to stop the separatists in a single day but they’d failed and in the process they’d unwittingly heated the fires to the point that the flames were unstoppable. He didn’t realize then how much the war would change them all but he should have done. He felt he was knighted too fast and that it was still a title he didn’t really deserve.

“Relax Jinyoung,” the young senator beside him said, “I’ll get us past the blockade no problem. Just say nothing and blend in. I’ve worked for months to convince the Separatists I am with them and they have no reason to suspect different.” Jinyoung nodded in response, not feeling sure enough of himself to speak in that moment. He knew Wang Jackson had done his job well, they’d be fine for the first part of the mission.

Jackson was the only senator that Jinyoung trusted. He knew the Jedi had a short list they worked with but he’d seen too many senators betray the Republic within the short two years of the war. He knew many were easily swayed by the promises of wealth and power from the Separatists leaders and Count Dooku himself.

It was painful to watch the galaxy divide as quickly as it had. As a child he’d had a much different view of how things were. He’d believed that the union between the planets in the Republic was unshakable, it had existed so long before him. It hadn’t taken much for many to be swayed into succession. With all that had happened Jinyoung often wondered about if the war was truly necessary. He wondered why the Republic didn’t just let them leave so that diplomacy could go on.

He had hoped after the first battle that the Jedi and the Senate would take a step back from blindly walking into the war but he’d been wrong. The presence of the Sith complicated things in his limited view. The Jedi were drawn in by their enemy and with how far it had gone it seemed too late for it to be stopped.

“Jackson how much longer do we have to wait?” Jinyoung asked, impatient with the situation he was in. He hated the feeling of the dark looming before him. They were in Jackson’s personal ship, one he used to travel between his world and Coruscant for meetings in the galactic senate. It was luxurious and gaudy, something Jinyoung wasn’t used to with his simplistic life as a Jedi.

“We can’t rush or else they’ll ask more questions about our business,” Jackson responded. They’d been waiting in line for what felt like hours to enter the planet below. It was surrounded by a light blockade, and entry requests weren’t granted to just anyone. Getting in was it’s own sort of battle but getting out with a fugitive would be far more difficult.

The planetary leader they were going to rescue was the King of Skaytar, an outer rim planet which had developed powerful weapons for the separatists under duress. Their leader, King Tal-Ves, was taken some months before and was being held for ransom. He was beloved by his people and because of his capture they were giving in to whatever demands the separatists made of them. Such a situation was not to be allowed to continue.

Jinyoung’s mission was to find him and bring him back to help the Republic take back his planet. It would be a tricky feat to pull off. Getting onto a heavily guarded Sepratist planet was difficult enough but once he was down there he couldn’t use Jackson’s ship to get off the surface. He would be entirely on his own. The council had trusted him with the mission despite his own misgivings about his readiness he had agreed. There was a set plan for what was intended for to do to get off. Jinyoung had only been given pieces by the Jedi. He would have to figure out much of what was to go on in between.

He’d wondered if he was picked for his imagination then realized who the intended target of the rescue mission was. He’d met the King when he was young, on a mission to the King’s home planet. He and his master had gone to oversee the King’s succession to the throne. There had been rumors of an uprising but everything went peacefully on that mission. Jinyoung recalled it being one of the more boring missions he had gone on. The polar opposite to the one that awaited him on the Separatist stronghold below.

“You seem on edge,” Jackson pointed out. It was an obvious thing to mention, Jinyoung was never good at hiding such things. He didn’t see any reason to appear relaxed in front of someone he trusted when he felt anything but relaxed.

“Really though you seen me relaxed since Hypori?” Jinyoung asked Jackson, “I protested being sent on this mission. I think I needed more time to process what happened...” Jackson was one of the few people who had seen him since his previous mission. Jackson was one of the few people he let close enough to know that nothing was going well.

“Jinyoung,” Jackson responded, “you had time, how much did you process and how much did you try to bury?” Jinyoung was silent in response to the question. His friend saw too much at times.

“I am a Jedi,” Jinyoung said, “we process different, meditation and stuff...” A simplistic answer that didn’t actually bear the truth of things. He held too much pride to really admit how things had gone in the months he’d spent moping about the temple.

“I am pretty sure being a Jedi doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge your still human,” Jackson replied, “our emotions can be messy. What happened to you Jinyoung… It was awful.”

“That’s a mild way of putting it,” Jinyoung responded, voice dry and almost spiteful. He didn’t want to sugar coat what it was like to walk away from such an experience. It had been his fault things had gone wrong, no one’s fault but his own. “I failed the mission...” He didn’t mind it being said.

“You didn’t fail,” Jackson replied, “we won those skirmishes on Hypori, you contributed even if you almost got taken out.”

“I lost half my unit,” Jinyoung said, “those lives lost were on me.” It was odd to have to defend his own admission of guilt. So many had tried to sanitize what happened, to shift the blame. He couldn’t shift it, he couldn’t let anything but the truth exist.

“So you meditated for the last three months and still came out weepy about it all,” Jackson shook his head, “that Jedi thing must not be working so well. Do you want to talk through it.” Jackson was the only person who would pick at the story he told about how he spent his time. Aside from Jackson he didn’t speak to many outside the order.

“I didn’t then, I don’t now,” Jinyoung said. Jackson had been on the planet with him, one of the first people to try and speak to him after. He knew better than most what things were like in the immediate aftermath. Jinyoung did almost die but lucky for him there had been a couple of older Jedi there to bail him out.

He didn’t want to dwell on it considering the looming presence on the planet below.

“How much longer,” Jinyoung asked again.

“Aren’t Jedi supposed to be patient?” Jackson asked him, “maybe you should meditate. Get the force to take your antsy feelings away.”

Jinyoung just glared. He wanted to be done with the mission quickly. He had all the intel he needed to locate the team and the contact for the smugglers who were going to help them get off. He did need to calm his mind and calm down. The more anxious he was he knew the more likely he would make another big mistake be discovered. His master had always tried to teach him to balance his mind between his fears and confidence. To be overly confident was also dangerous.

He felt insecure without his master, he’d believed he was knighted too early. He hadn’t even gone through the tests, the trials other Jedi padawans had faced before being knighted. He’d done well in some early battles in the war and was knighted so they could make him a general. It felt wrong at the time, to place a position ahead of age honored traditions. He’d turned out to be a failure of a general, so in the end it wasn’t even worth it. His mind was constantly shifting to such thoughts as those.

“I am going to meditate,” Jinyoung made the decision to do it after all. He got up from his chair to walk towards his quarters on the ship, “let me know when we’re through.” He needed to be entirely focused on his cover. He couldn’t afford to be discovered by the Sith, the goal was to get in and out without Dooku knowing that he was close. He dreaded what the man would do to him if he identified Jinyoung.

“Don’t worry so much,” Jackson repeated a sentiment Jinyoung had heard too many times in his life.

His thoughts had always been his own form of torment. He was learning to disconnect from them more and more but it took time to work through them. Unfortunately for him he didn’t have much time. The interplanetary confrontations were not slowing down.

He walked the halls of the ship slow, dim lights guided his way. He sat down in his quarters and reached out for the force to wrap himself in it like the warmth of a cloak to block out the cold. His mind became clearer as he did and he breathed in relief as he was able to find a place of peace relatively easily. The dark side was still there, echos of the enemy who was close but it wasn’t imposing.

He wouldn’t allow himself to dwell on it any longer because it was small. He needed to focus on concealing himself within the depths of the force. There would be no room for error, no master to jump into the fight if he was found out.

He would be in enemy territory but with the force to guide him he wouldn’t be alone.

…

Jinyoung opened his eyes to nothing before him, nothing but the force surrounding him. It beat through every fiber of his being. It bathed his senses, cleansed them of all else but it’s existence.

Light and dark met in the middle before him, he consumed only light.

He wanted to see more, to hear what the force would guide him to do.

He listened, he knew well he could do nothing more than listen.

There was nothing but the force, everything in the galaxy expressed the force in all it was.

It felt like too much for him to handle.

He was like a kyber crystal, a vessel for energy to flow. A vessel for the force.

Like his lightsaber was powered by the crystal’s directing of the energy, Jinyoung could direct the energy of the force around him and encompass his whole being with it.

He listened.

He heard nothing.

He kept his head empty, not wanting to focus on the lack of direction he felt from the force.

He didn’t want to wonder if he was on the right path or if he would meet his own end on the planet below.

He didn’t want to care about his own unsteadiness. He wanted to move past it.

He knew his own place in the universe seemed finite but that he could have an impact if he just continued to listen.

There was nothing until he realized he felt something.

Something familiar yet distant. Almost like a voice calling his name.

His name.

Names were meaningless to the force, simple titles used between beings to identify or call for each other.

The force surely wouldn’t call his name.

Jinyoung

Jinyoung

Don’t go

It felt so familiar, he recognized it. He wondered what it was telling him.

Stay here

Jinyoung

Stay

His eyes opened and it all faded like it rushed away from him all at once. He felt unbalanced, still as anxious as he was before. He took a slow deep breath and wondered why he couldn’t reach a place of peace that stayed with him like he’d been able to as a child. He didn’t know why it all so easily slipped away with a single disturbance.

Jinyoung wondered about the voice he heard, the words he’d heard and what they meant. If his master was there he would have been able to offer some sort of wisdom, but the older man hadn’t been there for a long time.

Jinyoung felt like missing him had become a perpetual thing, a gnawing in his soul he couldn’t seem too outpace. He didn’t understand how the other Jedi could let go, he wanted to. But it stayed, ever persistent. A reminder each time he felt a need for guidance, that there was no one to turn to.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall behind him. He took a deep breath to press the emotions that threatened to flood him back away. Before the war he’d never been so burdened. He’d faced fear, he’d faced so many things but he’s never faced something that felt like a mountain in front of him that was unscalable.

Jedi were supposed to be above the negative feelings he felt. Yet he couldn’t get past them using the methods that had helped him in the times before. He’d learned to lock things away, there were some things he’d successfully destroyed in his life. He supposed he just needed more time to learn.

“Jinyoung we’re next,” Jackson called out to him. Jinyoung sighed and stood up, there was no more time to worry about it. He reached for the robes that would help him blend in with Jackson’s entourage.

He had to focus, if everything went according to plan he’d be in and then off the planet before the separatists realized their prisoner was gone. He walked out and his astromech, R7-O2, followed him. He couldn’t carry his lightsaber with him during the precession, so R7 would protect it until the time was right.

* * *

“We should have information within 24 hours,” the Jedi master spoke and Ok Taecyeon cringed. The wait felt like a long one for a mission he had adamantly opposed in the first place. Those 24 hours would not move swiftly. The task when originally laid out seemed routine but the dangers were extreme. He was encamped with the 702nd fleet on a moon of Skaytar awaiting the results of the mission.

All their plans had led them to an extremely risky rescue operation and he hated every bit of it. They were risking Wang Jackson’s cover which he’d spent so long building. Everyone had deemed the risk worth it but if his cover was blown his planet would be in danger of attack and his work as a spy would cease. On top of that they were risking the life of a Jedi who was clearly not ready to be back in the field. They’d lost so many Jedi in the war. Taecyeon was tired of losing friends, tired of watching things drag on and the endless amounts of death just continued.

With every victory and every year that wore on he got more and more weary. There were whispers things had only barely begun. If the war kept going he couldn’t imagine what the galaxy would become.

“I can feel your worries,” the older Jedi master who was with him spoke, “the council is wise, and they didn’t make this decision lightly.”

“I apologize Master Windu, I understand the council’s wisdom but I still do not support it,” Taecyeon responded, “If we hear nothing in 24 hours we should begin our ground assault.” The fight on the planet still mattered even if they didn’t have the king to turn the tide for them.

“You have no faith in our younger knight but that doesn’t change the fact that the council chose him,” Windu responded. Taecyeon scoffed, Windu was one of the council members that had been adamant that Jinyoung go on the mission. Taecyeon knew well what had gone into the decision. He’d known before officially informed by the council because Jinyoung had gone to Taecyeon first to ask for help getting taken off the mission.

Jinyoung wasn’t ready. If he was that desperate that he was asking for help he wasn’t ready. Winds didn’t understand Jinyoung like Taecyeon did.

“He has no faith in himself,” Taecyeon replied, “I told all of you that, he clearly wasn’t ready. How could you send him regardless of his misgivings and my own? I may not have been his master but I watched him grow up. He’s strong with the force but he overthinks everything. He needed more time.”

“It is because he has no faith in himself that he needed to go,” Windu responded his voice devoid of emotion as it always had been. Taecyeon remembered Joon commenting on how robotic Windu sounded when he spoke. “The council was in agreement. It was the will of the force that Jinyoung be chosen for this mission. It worried me at first as well but as Jedi we must follow the will of the force, not our own.”

Taecyeon didn’t respond. He knew as a Jedi what he was supposed to do was follow but he couldn’t help but feel the council was blind to many things. How were they so sure of what the will of the force was? It was one of his frustrations. He never knew quite how to try and bring up his concerns to those who were the wisest among them. The council members hadn’t been chosen lightly, they were the best among the Jedi order.

But still he often wondered about their wisdom when they had let the Sith grow to a strength that a war had begun again. Clearly manipulated by a Sith. When he was a child the Sith had been nothing more than a legend, a cautionary tale of the dangers of the dark side of the force. The Jedi believed them to be extinct. But it took nothing more than one Sith to turn the heart of a powerful Jedi named Count Dooku, who was wise and once one of the most revered in the order.

Taecyeon feared Jinyoung’s mind wasn’t ready to face down the Sith Lord again. The previous encounter had been frightening for him, for all of them. Jinyoung unlike most Jedi knights had never truly mastered how to let go of his fears and Dooku knew too much about Jinyoung.

Jinyoung still carried his emotions in a brash way compared to the other knights Taecyeon knew. He made a show of being in control but it didn’t take much to expose what was really going on in him. Taecyeon felt it was his job to look out for the boy. They had both had the same master. Taecyeon had been the older man’s student before Jinyoung and had been happy when the Jedi took Jinyoung on after Taecyeon faced he trials and was knighted. He’d loved training students and Jinyoung had become like a younger brother to Taecyeon.

Taecyeon had only seen Jinyoung’s perfectly composed mask break a few times in his life. One was on a mission to Ryloth, Jinyoung and Taecyeon’s then padawan Im Jaebum had gotten into trouble and Jaebum had nearly died taking a hit for Jinyoung. Another time was shortly after…

On a mission, unprovoked he’d snapped and nearly lost control of his anger, stepping close to the dark side and scaring all of them. Taecyeon had always had suspicions as to why but Jinyoung would never answer questions about that day. It had scared him too much to speak of it. Taecyeon remembered well the aftermath and how rattled Jinyoung was and the things he said.

The third time that stood out to Taecyeon was the most recent, when their master had died on Hypori. Jinyoung responded in anger, he couldn’t stop himself. It was apparent he feared losing those close to him and in that moment he had lost.

Jinyoung fought with impressive strength and tense control that made him seem like one of their best. But the council knew as well as Taecyeon tat it was a false control. Jinyoung was still so young, and the incidents had all been brought up when the council had made their decision. Taecyeon had been one of few to witness what those truly were like, so he’d tried to inform the council and sway their decision.

He went back to the temple with Jinyoung briefly after the loss of their master and had meditated and sparred witch him. They’d both lost someone important to them but Taecyeon was more prepared to let go. Death was a part of life he was ready for. He was older, more in touch with how to let go. Jinyoung was still so young.

Taecyeon didn’t feel the need to grieve, because he knew when people passed they became one with the force. They were still there a part of the universe in a new beautiful way. He explained it to Jinyoung and Jinyoung swore he understood over and over but he grieved regardless.

He wasn’t the kind of Jedi people expected and that was why Taecyeon worried. The council was very clearly testing Jinyoung. Testing to see if he belonged among them after all, and even if the gamble paid off for the planet they wanted to win over, Taecyeon worried what the cost would be. They couldn’t afford to lose a single Jedi. They’d lost so many, and it worried him that they seemed willing to play a gamble with Jinyoung.

He didn’t want to lose Jinyoung. The order was a shadow of what it had been before the war had started. Most of those who’d survived were worn down like himself. Some continued on in brightness, hailed as heroes in the eyes of the republic.

To Taecyeon felt wrong to accept love from the people. It felt wrong to be called heroes when they’d been reduced to generals in a war they should have never been fighting. He wished for its swift end, and everyday he worked tirelessly to try and bring it to a close. He didn’t know what the galaxy would look like when it did finally end. He didn’t know if the galaxy would know how to move on such an all encompassing war.

He only hoped they were able to find a way through the years to come. It they didn’t he was sure the future would be more wars. More death, more loss of life. Whole civilizations eradicated, planets desolated. That was the future Taecyeon feared most. A future where peace was impossible and war was inevitable.

For when those whose lives were vowed to keep peace turned into warriors, what was left to lean on?

He didn’t have any answers. He just hoped they could find a way to fix it.


	3. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 2 - Improvise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan goes awry as Jackson and Jinyoung prepare to improvise.

Jinyoung hated when plans didn’t go as expected. As a child he was told the two key’s to being a Jedi were to listen to the force, and to learn to improvise when necessary. He knew padawans that were better and improvisation than he was himself. It was a word he detested. In dangerous situations he preferred when the plan wasn’t amended too many times.

The plan had been to settle into a provided apartment on the planet from which Jinyoung would slip away and begin his mission. When he was told they would be greeted directly by the Sith Lord, Count Douku and brought to a feast he asked Jackson what he was to do. Dooku knew him, there was no way he could handle such a confrontation. It wasn’t part of the plan at all. But Jackson’s response did nothing to alleviate his fears of what was ahead.

Improvise.

Jinyoung glared at him.

“I can feel you glaring my pretty Youngie,” Jackson said in a singsong voice. Jackson couldn’t see his face behind the robes and veils Jinyoung wore but he was correct. Jinyoung had his glare directed right at Jackson.

“I’m going to kill you someday,” Jinyoung hissed at him as they walked. He was unnerved and angry.

"At least pretend you like me for today," Jackson winked at him. Improvise apparently meant dressing Jinyoung in traditional robes of Jackson's planet that only Senatorial Concubines wore. It was effective as Jinyoung was completely covered, but he had no idea was came after. He didn’t know if he was expected to attend a banquet and stay in Dooku’s presence for long.

“How are you going to explain my sudden disappearance when I do find a way out of this mess?” Jinyoung asked. Because that was the plan he assumed, to slip away hopefully unnoticed. He didn’t see a clear way to do so, there would be separatists droids everywhere guarding every which way and keeping sight on all of the entourage. Jinyoung felt more than uneasy. He felt trapped.

He worried that Jackson’s cover had been blown somehow. He worried that he was the reason for it happening, that Dooku sensed him there. Dooku was familiar enough with his force signature to accomplish it. And Dooku was a powerful Sith Lord, so it was not outside of the realms of possibility that Dooku already knew Jinyoung was there.

“We’re going to figure it all out as we go,” Jackson told him. That didn’t help Jinyoung’s uneasiness at all, it made the whole thing worse. Especially since Jackson was undoubtedly forming a plan but not sharing it with him.

“Is this how they normally treat you when you visit this planet?” Jinyoung asked him.

“There is no normal with these people,” Jackson responded, “but this is definitely on the abnormal side.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Jinyoung responded.

“Just let me take the lead,” Jackson said, “you’ll be fine.” Jinyoung knew he could trust Jackson to try.

“Welcome Senator Wang,” Jinyoung heard the voice of the man he had dreaded seeing when he’d felt that dark presence from above. A chill ran down his spine, he stopped with the group and closed his eyes. He hadn’t known before how difficult it would be, how very difficult it was to face him.

_“Use your fear boy, use your hatred of me to fight back.”_

He couldn’t forget...

Focus.

He reminded himself to focus on the present. The past was gone, he wouldn’t have to relive it despite it replaying in his mind. He had to let it go, it was no longer his reality and it could no longer control him.

“It is an honor Count Douku,” Jackson responded, “though the wait to get in was excruciating, my entourage wishes to rest as soon as we can.”

“Rest you shall,” The older man replied, Jinyoung wouldn’t look up at him. He just focused his breathing, silence in the force. “Though I must confess I am a bit confused as to the nature of your visit. You said you have information but surely information could have been relayed through a messenger.”

“It’s more than information sir,” Jackson responded, “and it was safer for me to come myself rather than trust this to some external informant with what it is I have. I wanted to ensure the message reached you without being intercepted so I came personally.” Jinyoung had no idea how Jackson expected to live up to the tale he was spinning, how could Jackson hope to lie about something so huge successfully? There was no message, no information as far as Jinyoung knew.

“And what is that message?” Douku was clearly growing annoyed, he was never one for patience. Jinyoung wondered how Jackson was going to talk his way out of the lie. He’d have to come up with something good, probably something true in order to get the Sith to trust him. That meant the republic was set to lose out…

Something true.

There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, a sense of danger. He knew many things that were true, the very reality of the moment he was in. He could feel he was awake and none of it was a dream.

_Improvise_

_Your focus determines your reality._

_There is no fear there is only the force._

Wang Jackson wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

“The Jedi have devised a plot to free King Tal-Ves of Skaytar,” Jackson responded, Jinyoung’s heart pounded, “they wish to cut off our weapons supply from Skaytar by coming here to rescue him.” Jinyoung felt the danger increase, he searched for his droid, he might be fighting his way out sooner than expected because of his damn friend.

“They can not hope to enter this planet,” Count Douku responded, “to attempt such a thing would be unwise.” Jinyoung knew well it was unwise. It was a secured prison, dangerous to enter and dangerous to attempt to leave. That’s why the Jedi planned the mission the way they had.

“They sent their best,” Jackson continued with his words and Jinyoung knew exactly what he was getting at, “and trusted to much.”

The older man’s eyes narrowed in expectation of what it was Jackson had to say. Jinyoung wished he could stop Jackson in that moment. They hadn’t discussed this as a plan, but it likely wasn’t the plan Jackson had in his brain when he’d dressed Jinyoung up and said they were going to improvise.

“They sent Park Jinyoung,” Jackson stated and he gestured exactly towards where Jinyoung stood, “they trusted me to get him in but I never said anything about getting him out.” Jinyoung’s veins ran cold with fear and he knew he couldn’t deny it. There was no way out from what Jackson had just said so he pulled off the mask and robes and met the eyes of his enemy.

He was infuriated as he saw the Sith looked amused at the situation he was in. He glared towards Jackson next who just shrugged in response, nonchalant and expression cold. Jinyoung knew what Jackson was doing but Jinyoung hated that this was the direction he had chosen to go in. Jinyoung wasn’t ready to fight Dooku.

“It is good to see you again young Jedi,” the Sith Lord was unafraid and likely aware that Jinyoung was unarmed. There was an expression in his eyes, a satisfied look that made Jinyoung uncomfortable. All the droids turned their guns on him and Dooku lifted his hand to wave them off. The weapons were lowered, Jinyoung breathed deep facing him down.

“Have you forgotten to speak?” Dooku asked him, his expression turned to a sneer. He didn’t need it to intimidate, Jinyoung already felt out of his depth. The images of memories threatened to replay, breaking at the fray of the mask of sanity he’d carefully constructed. He wasn’t ready but he couldn’t focus on that anymore. Jinyoung reached out with the force for his lightsaber in his droid but he found nothing. He looked to Jackson whose expression was unreadable.

Jackson knew where his lightsaber was. Jackson knew everything they’d planned. Jackson wouldn’t betray him, Jinyoung knew that; It was part of the plan. Whatever twisted plan Jackson had come up with Jinyoung wouldn’t be fighting Dooku just yet.

“It seems you haven’t just lost your voice but also your lightsaber,” the count stepped closer to him, “I have one you could use, should you desire...” Jinyoung knew the man was baiting him but he couldn’t stop himself from looking. Dooku reached to his belt and held forward Jinyoung’s masters lightsaber. His mind flashed back to that day unwillingly.

Dooku had killed him. That desperation Jinyoung had felt, the pain and anger it was right at the edges. Jinyoung held it all inside still, he knew Dooku knew it. Dooku knew exactly how volatile Jinyoung could be and he wanted Jinyoung enraged. He wanted Jinyoung to fight him with anger, to fight him like...

It took everything Jinyoung had to hold himself in place to win over the strength of the emotions that threatened to imbalance him. He breathed and saw the Sith was taunting him and he knew why. He’d been warned his whole life how one wrong decision could lead to his end…

“I will not take it,” Jinyoung spoke for himself reaching for the light of the force as his lifeline. The emotions faded as he accessed a place of calm in the force and wiped himself clean of the things he feared the most.

Death wasn’t one of those things.

“Jackson is right about my purpose here,” Jinyoung stated clearly, “I didn’t come to fight you. I will not fight you so do whatever you will to me.” He didn’t care what came next.

“You’re stubbornness will be your end young one,” Dooku walked closer still stepping towards his trapped prey, “you have such potential in you. If you wanted you could destroy me, and I know it would bring you such pleasure to do so.” It was how he’d taunted Jinyoung on Hypori, he wanted him to turn.

“I don’t want it,” Jinyoung responded. He held his hands out in surrender, “take me if you wish, kill me if you wish but you won’t get what you want from me.” It took everything he had to speak words opposite of everything he felt when the temptation to give into the anger came again so strong. Count Dooku had killed his master, the man who raised him. He’d killed countless other Jedi.

Jinyoung wanted revenge in his deepest desires he craved it, it was why he hadn’t wanted to be sent on the mission. He’d been so afraid he couldn’t face it if Dooku was there without bring drawn towards the dark again and this time without anyone to help pull him from it. What scared him wasn’t death, it was the idea that he could fall. Fall away from the Jedi path, become darkness, madness, a monster.

“It’s a pity you’re trying so hard to hold back,” Dooku said and he waved his hands as if bored with the confrontation. Droids approached Jinyoung and Jinyoung knew it was unwise to fight and be drawn into a fight. He couldn’t win. He couldn’t fight his way past all of them even if he did beat the Sith Lord.

His eyes met Jackson’s and Jackson looked at him with earnestness.

He didn’t understand what it was that Jackson expected him to do. Being captured himself meant he would need to be rescued. The odds weren’t on his side and the anger was replaced by a cold rush of fear.

“Take him away,” Dooku said with a wave of his hand again as he turned away.

Jinyoung arms were pulled, cuffs were placed on his wrists and he looked at Jackson again. He had to have a reason and a plan.

And Jinyoung had no way of knowing what it was.

* * *

Past

* * *

_“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Taecyeon put arms around the small boy and held him close. It was against every protocol to do so, attachment was forbidden and every action of affection was seen as steps towards attachment. Everything so illogical in his own mind when a child needed comfort, Taecyeon felt he needed to comfort him. Their master wouldn’t comfort him, the child was afraid, he’d scared himself on the planet they’d left behind._

_He could tell Jinyoung was trying to speak but words only turned to sobs every single time he tried. They’d been taught to suppress all emotion to the detriment of moments like these, Taecyeon didn’t know what to say in response. He didn’t know how to process how much Jinyoung felt, because Jinyoung felt so much more than he ever had._

_“Shhhh,” Taecyeon tried to calm him sending soothing waves of the force across the tiny bond they shared, “don’t think about speaking right now, just breathe little one. It’s okay, you’re safe and nothing can hurt you here. Just breathe.” He could feel Jinyoung latch onto him, he could feel the boy relaxing in his arms and he patted his small head gently. Jinyoung just needed to breathe, Taecyeon didn’t need an explanation._

_Taecyeon remembered what it was like to be a child in an order that didn’t allow them to feel. That taught them to put aside everything. He knew what he should do was to teach Jinyoung how to meditate and push it all away on their own, but he didn’t have the heart to._

_He didn’t know how to tell a child, I know you’re scared but you’re not supposed to be. They were human first, not just Jedi. The boy in his arms was just a child, just a human child trying to work through the messiness that made him human. He had no heart to tell him that he couldn’t feel, that he couldn’t try to process what had happened._

_“They’re going to throw me away,” Jinyoung found his voice between calmed breaths and tears but he struggled still as he tried to continue to speak, “I messed up, I’m broken...” More sobs came. Taecyeon was shocked he felt the way he did. He was surprised to hear him say it so clearly._

_“No,” Taecyeon tightened his hold on Jinyoung protectively, “why would you say that?” He wouldn’t let such a thing happen to Jinyoung._

_"Because...” Jinyoung broke into more sobs and hid his face in the older Jedi’s robes and Taecyeon thought of what had happened. Jinyoung had acted out of anger yes but many Jedi faced moments of anger. Many made mistakes and learned from them. One couldn’t learn how to not give into anger if they never experienced it while they were training. No Jedi was ever thrown away for minor lapses, especially not as padawans. Jinyoung knew that, Taecyeon had been sure Jinyoung knew that._

_As Taecyeon tried to process Jinyoung moved his face from Taecyeon to look through the glass to where the other boy laid barely alive. The way Jinyoung looked at him, the emotion in his eyes, suddenly Taecyeon understood. Jinyoung wasn’t afraid of being thrown out for his fear an anger alone, it was more._

_Love, Jinyoung had fought with anger born of love._

_Love was above all forbidden. That was enough, that would be enough for the council to make a final decision- if they found out..._

_Taecyeon wiped the tears from Jinyoung’s face with the sleeve of his robe and brushed the hair from the younger boy’s eyes, Jinyoung looked to him for help and a way out. And Taecyeon didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know how to fix it._

_How to tell a child not to love?_

_He’d never faced such a thing before._

_“It’s going to all be okay,” Taecyeon said softly to him, “you listen to me carefully Jinyoung. You can burry it, hide it so deep within yourself that they’ll never find it. Don’t let them see it.” Taecyeon couldn’t let anything happen to Jinyoung. The Jedi needed him, Taecyeon understood that was why his former master had decided to train Jinyoung, taking him on so young. Cause they all believed he had a bigger destiny than they could even see. He had to stay in the temple, as a Jedi no matter what the cost was._

_That meant he couldn’t be like so many before him. He couldn’t be lost to them because of something so small._

_“I don’t know how,” Jinyoung cried, “I tried so hard not to...” More sobs, “I tried...” Taecyeon realized he should have seen it before. It was in everything, all the signs were there. The two boys were dancing circles around each other trying to move past it and he’d ignored the signs cause he hadn’t wanted it to be true._

_“You can’t just try,” Taecyeon responded, “you have to be in control, you have to decide that you’re going to do it without giving yourself room to fail.” He had to find a way to help Jinyoung and his heart hurt because he knew his own padawan likely felt the same._

_Jaebeom and Jinyoung._

_The inseparable best friends. Love was bound to find its way in, they’d let the boys get close not realizing what the consequences would be. And Jinyoung’s eyes looked to Jaebeom, a haunted expression someone so young should never have to feel. But it was the reality of the path they’d chosen, that they had to choose._

_“He’ll be okay,” Taecyeon told Jinyoung, “don’t be afraid for him, bury all thought of him. You have to do this Jinyoung.” He hated every word he had to speak but it was necessary. They were Jedi, and if Jinyoung was to be a Jedi he would have to follow every rule, especially those that bore a threat of being expelled. Seeing him falling apart on that planet had been frightening but Taecyeon believed that he was strong enough to be the best of them. He believed Jinyoung would defeat whatever dark emotions lived within him, that he would make it through to be the best of them._

_And the way he earnestly listened and the way he responded to do everything Taecyeon said... it made Taecyeon more sure of who it was Jinyoung would become._

_Taecyeon watched weeks later as Jinyoung didn’t even flinch when he was told Jaebeom had left the order..._

_Jinyoung listened well and learned well. He buried it all and locked it away. He became what he needed to. That was something Taecyeon had hoped for but once he saw it, he found he missed Jinyoung as he had been. Jinyoung changed with the decision to do as Taecyeon said. And Taecyeon found himself wondering why love was so wrong, watching it happen before his eyes._

_Jinyoung lost a piece of himself, all because love was forbidden._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung sat against the back wall of his cell, his mind buzzing from so much input as the planet had. Everything was clouded by his own dark side seeping in through the cracks. He searched for clarity and balance.

Improvise.

Jackson had done what he’d done for a reason. Jinyoung needed to see that reason. He needed to slow down his thoughts long enough to think. He had to get out of there somehow. He was beyond pissed off. He wanted to shout curses, and scream at Wang Jackson for his idea of what a good plan was. He should have given Jinyoung a heads up that their plan included selling him out. He realized Jackson wanted his reaction to be real as possible. That was why...

Jinyoung couldn’t contain himself entirely because it wouldn’t be believable. He threw his head back and shouted in frustration and everything in his cell flew into the walls around him from the outburst in the force. Jinyoung let control slip snapping as he did. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath.

“Fuck you Jackson,” he said in the midst of his frustration. Jackson knew exactly what a trial it would be for him to face his master’s murderer like that. Especially when that man had expressed interest in turning him more than once. Jackson knew.

Dooku was happy with Jinyoung’s capture, and he was probably devising some way to torture Jinyoung until he broke down and gave in to becoming his Sith apprentice. Whatever way it was Dooku had some way he planned to get Jinyoung to turn. It was a bad way to improvise a plan with such circumstances as were in front of them.

He wanted to fight his way out of it. There were droids on every hall. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough in the force to make his way through without a lightsaber but he wondered what would happen if he tried. Jedi were taught to move defensively, but he’d have to be offensive to win. It was against droids, they weren’t living so he was sure he could twist the rules just a bit.

He looked at the cell doors and around the small cell. There wasn’t much in the room. A cot which he had overturned with his frustrated burst of force energy, a small chair, a bucket and a vent. He wondered if they knocked prisoners out who were unruly with gas from the vent. That seemed the more likely reason for it being there than anything else. There was no air blowing from it.

Overall the cell seemed nice compared to what he expected from the separatists. It was almost as if he was in more of a diplomatic prison with more important guests. He wouldn’t expect his enemies to give beds to prisoners unless they were more precious cargo.

He supposed he was precious if Dooku really believed he could be turned. The niceness of the cell was probably mean to lure him into a false sense of security. He could have easily been killed during the confrontation before, if he was anyone else he probably would have been.

He stood up wanting to shake off his nervous energy. He looked towards the force field that held him in. It was dangerous to try and touch it but maybe with the force he could find a way to take it down.

He put his hands forward and reached out to feel for it. The force ran through living things and it wasn’t living. It was just a field of energy but Jinyoung supposed energy itself was living, related to the force in some way. He reached harder and felt it’s pulse through around him. The force he could feel… From there he felt other life forms. Others in the prison, trapped like him. One presence familiar but farther, so much farther.

He reached to touch that presence and was surprised in that moment when it reached back. He withdrew confused and opened his eyes. He focused on the force field in front of him and turned to pick up the bucket in the cell. He picked it up and threw it at the field. He was shocked at what he saw happen.

The bucket went straight through and hit the back wall. The droid guards looked at it and looked at him. He had one shot to make it and he wasn’t about to miss it. He gathered the force quickly and jumped through the field, he went through unharmed and landed on the other side. He gasped in surprise at how easy it was.

“Blast him!” One of the droids robotic voice spoke but Jinyoung was done taking things lying down. He reached with the force and ripped one of the droids in two. He reached with his hand and called one of the droids blasters into his hands.

“Uh oh!” A droid said. Jinyoung fired taking out the remaining 3 guard droids before they could call for help but he knew the noise he made was loud so he had to move. He sighed at the blaster in his hand, it was a weapon but he hated it. It was uncivilized, he needed to find his droid and his lightsaber.

“Okay,” he said aloud to reassure himself. He realized why Jackson had given him up, he knew exactly where he was; right in the heart of the prison. He walked quickly along the cells and searched for the Skaytar king.

“King Tal-van,” Jinyoung spoke once he found the cell, he recognized the King’s species.

“Who are you?” The creature asked confused.

“I am Jedi Knight Park Jinyoung,” he responded, “I was sent by the republic to rescue you.” He lifted the blaster and shot the lock, the field went down. He figured out what Jackson’s whole plan meant, improvisation meant go batshit crazy in the young Senator’s mind. He heard droids coming before the King could respond and turned to take them down with accurate shots. They needed to get out before destroyers came.

“If you’re a Jedi where is your laser sword?” The King asked.

“I’m undercover,” Jinyoung defended his lack of lightsaber with a smirk. The Skaytar king looked mostly human but bis skin was bright orange and his hair was a darker orange, his eyes were piercing blue. He was much younger than Jinyoung had expected but he was definitely the person Jinyoung was looking for.

“Get up we gotta move,” Jinyoung beckoned him to follow. His cell had been unlocked and he had a feeling it was due to one of Jackson’s men but they didn’t have time to waste their chance. Jinyoung didn’t truly know what was next but he would have to find his own way out of the prison.

“We’ll never get out of here,” Tal-van said. “There are too many droids, the republic should have sent an army, not one man!” Tal-van wasn’t confident in their chances but they didn’t have any other options.

“I’m not just any one man,” Jinyoung responded with confidence as he led Tal-val down a few halls, passing other prisoners. He reached out for the force, trusting it to guide his way through the labyrinth. He could feel something calling to him in the force so he kept moving. He was surprised no destroyers had come after him. The round droids moved fasts and their shields made them a more difficult foe. He wanted to move faster in hopes to get out before they were sent in.

“Where are we going?” The king asked.

“Up and out,” Jinyoung followed his gut sense towards a maintenance hatch and opened it. “This way your highness.” It was a ladder that would lead them to the roof. His hope was that Jackson had someone looking and waiting for him. He was ready to kill Jackson for his insane plan but he was sure he had cracked what it was.

“I can’t climb that,” the King protested, “I’m afraid of heights!”

“I’ll go up after you and make sure you’re fine,” Jinyoung said, “just do as I tell you, I’m going to take you home safe your highness.” The king nodded and Jinyoung was more confused by how young he was.

The king set himself up the ladder with determination. Jinyoung looked back to make sure no one was coming and closed the hatch behind him. He followed taking hold of the rungs of the ladder to begin lifting himself up. He reached again for the force and felt the presence nearer. He couldn’t fully identify it but he knew that it was someone there to help.

The king suddenly froze above him and Jinyoung was growing impatient

“Keep moving,” Jinyoung said, “there’s a hatch above you, we have to get through.”

“I...” the king stuttered, “I can’t...” he was breathing fast.

“Kid,” Jinyoung shouted to him, “just look up and keep moving! Don’t look down! You can do this, it will be over soon!” Jinyoung reached to send calming waves of the force towards the kid. He hoped it would help.

The Skaytar king nodded and kept pushing himself to move.

The king reached the hatch and Jinyoung reached out a hand to open it using the force. It flew open and the king hurried to pull himself out and Jinyoung followed. Once on the roof his heart sank.

He knew it would be too easy. Destroyers waited for him and behind them Dooku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two done, sorry for a bit of a lag in the updates on my stories. I am trying to be better.
> 
> Please leave Kudos and a comment to let me know what you think is coming next. Thanks for reading.


	4. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 3 - Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung faces Dooku to escape the planet.

* * *

Past

* * *

_He gritted his teeth at the enemy who stood before him. He watched his master fight, he watched his friends fight and he knew it would be so easy to end it. He could feel it in his veins, in the air, in every single cell of his body. There was so much more to the force…_

_They held back, they always held back._

_A Jedi was supposed to defend, not attack. They were peacekeepers not soldiers. His master had taught him the moment you attack is the moment you lose. But they were about to lose, so what difference did it make. Jinyoung didn’t understand why they held back in the face of what was before them. What he saw was a dire situation and everyone defended but the one man who’d ordered their deaths. Their enemies never held back. That enemy was within his reach._

_Jinyoung couldn’t stand down. He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. Anger flowed through his veins. Anger filled him and he could feel the force gathering like electricity inside him ready to burst out in a new power._

_His thoughts went numb, all he could see was enemy, all he could feel was hate._

_It was too much… Something inside of him snapped._

_He reached his hands and shouted as he unleashed a burst of force energy. It knocked everyone in front of him to the ground in a single moment. He locked his arms forward, lightsaber blazing, his eyes sharp as he leapt in towards the man in charge. The guards were down from Jinyoung’s power in the force, Jinyoung raised his weapon to strike down the man who’d caused them so much trouble._

_“JINYOUNG NO!” He heard his masters voice as he brought the blade down and it clashed another blade that blocked his way. Taecyeon pushed him back using the force with a burst of strength, Jinyoung wasn’t expecting it as he fell to the ground. His lightsaber fell from his hand, the violet blade fading. Hands grabbed his shoulders._

_It was as if something shifted back in place-_

_The haze fell from his mind as he looked at Taecyeon looming over the man who Jinyoung had attempted to kill. “Surrender,” Taecyeon told him, “there is no more fight to be had.” Tears filled Jinyoung’s eyes as he realized so many on the ground weren’t moving._

_He’d hit them so hard he’d..._

_“Jinyoung,” his master pulled him back against him. Jinyoung sat stunned at what he was capable of, he looked down at his hands._

_His hands which could take life with so little effort. He could leave so many lifeless, drained of the force of life within their beings._

_He felt panic set in that day, as he realized what he could become._

_That touch of darkness existed within him, and he knew it would be the battle he would have to overcome for the rest of his life._

* * *

Present

* * *

“I must confess I expected more from you,” Dooku spoke in a calm level voice that Jinyoung knew was meant to lure him to a false sense of how things were about to go, “I thought perhaps you’d have a better plan than this.” Jinyoung pushed the king behind him and held up the blaster in his hands though he knew it was futile to attempt to fight Dooku in such a way. He wasn’t going to go down easy.

“I expected more of you as well Count,” Jinyoung responded, “wouldn’t it be easier to just kill me than continue these circles.” Dooku chuckled and it unnerved Jinyoung and he was sure the Sith knew it. He had to know the traumatic nature of the effect he had on Jinyoung.

“You know nothing boy,” Dooku said, “I don’t want to kill you. You’re too valuable for that, and if you want I’ll let you in on what exactly you mean to this war Jinyoung. All you have to do is lower your weapon and we can talk like civilized men.” Jinyoung always wondered why Dooku had a fixation on him, a fascination in a way that Jinyoung always found unnerving. Even when he was a child in the temple and Dooku was still a Jedi, Dooku had been watching him. He knew Dooku wanted to turn him, to apprentice him but he didn’t know why.

“You can keep your explanation,” Jinyoung responded. The Sith’s words would be nothing but a deception, it would be dangerous to hear them.

“I was once a Jedi like yourself as I am sure you remember,” Dooku spoke anyways, “I believed in the Jedi teachings, and their cause... but the Jedi are blind to power and true balance of the force. If you were to join me I could teach you the true ways of the force, and together we would be strong enough to defeat the Sith who started this war. Together you and I could bring lasting peace to the galaxy.” It was unbelievable, a clear lie.

“Why do you want me?” Jinyoung asked him, “why keep coming after me?” Jinyoung knew what he truly was, a mediocre Jedi who’d once been thought to have a bright future. But he’d wasted it in fear of what he could become.

“Jinyoung put the blaster down,” Dooku told him, “and we’ll discuss this. This doesn’t need to end in violence.” Jinyoung wondered how he was going to get out of it, because talking did seem to be all he could do. That was when he saw something out of the corner of his eye and he smirked.

“It doesn’t need to, but somehow it always does,” Jinyoung responded. He raised his hand and reached out with strength, it wasn’t long before he felt cold metal slam into it. He flipped the lightsaber in his hand, turned it on, and his violet blade ignited. He breathed in relief as he saw R7 flying towards his side of the fight. His droid had finally brought him his weapon. He felt like himself again within seconds. Finally he had a fighting chance to get them out.

“Care to fight me without your battle droids to protect you?” Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. He knew it was personal, he wanted a rematch after what had happened. He wanted it so badly.

He wanted to defeat Dooku and leave him humiliated. He was human after all, it was natural to desire vengeance. But that wasn’t the mission nor was it the Jedi way. Dooku looked the picture of calm at Jinyoung’s suggestion as he took out his lightsaber. Jinyoung wanted to flinch at the sight of the crimson blade but he held his ground. For all his bravado it still made him feel too much.

“If you fight as a Jedi you will lose this fight,” Dooku said, “but you could be so much more if you would just give in.”

“Jinyoung,” the King said his name with a small voice, with fear at the rescue gone awry.

“Don’t worry your highness,” Jinyoung responded, “I’m not alone in this.” He walked forward knowing he couldn’t attack first, it wasn’t the Jedi way and it wouldn’t help him win. He would wait for Dooku to make the 1st move.

The moment was interrupted as a bomb went off on the roof and one of the destroyers blasted to nothing. Jinyoung was thrown back by the impact and he saw Dooku was as well. Jinyoung turned back to see the King was also knocked over and holding on to the walkway tightly, fear wild in his eyes.

Jinyoung got up to defend as he felt that familiar presence in the force closer than before. He wondered what was going on but he didn't have time to process it as Dooku moved towards him. Jinyoung caught the red blade with his violet one as the older man glared down at him, eyes darkened in a sneer. Dooku moved fast with a series of strokes and Jinyoung met each one with a counter to protect himself. He felt the force pulling around the man in darkness and Jinyoung held his own defense around his mind. One slip up and he knew he could go down easy.

"You're no match for me," Dooku spoke and he didn't back off. It didn’t need to be said as Jinyoung knew he was outmatched, he knew that from their fights before.

"Yeah I didn't pay much attention in basic training," Jinyoung kept his head wanting to infuriate his opponent, "I was too busy daydreaming of visiting planets like this one." He met more of Dooku's attacks. And dodged as Dooku reached a hand out to knock him down.

Jinyoung pushed back with his own rush of force energy to block the attempt as he moved his lightsaber to meet Dooku's. The older Sith was not caught off guard and absorbed the strength of Jinyoung’s hit. Jinyoung knew his skills were not in how he moved his blade but in the way he could manipulate the force around him.

The reason someone would want to turn him was not because of his abilities with his lightsaber, but because he'd always been deeply connected to the force. When he was picked up as a child some had described him as having potential to be their chosen one. He'd been eclipsed by another... But it had never deterred him on knowing that his path was meant to be that of a Jedi.

Dooku kept on him with more swipes of his blade and Jinyoung's arms felt the fire of the fight. The heat of the lightsabers clashing was something he was used to. The pain his arms from the strength it took to defend against the blows was a familiar burn. He looked for an opening and began to fight back, seeking to gain ground against the Sith Lord.

He wrapped himself in the force around him, drawing from the living and drawing on the light. It was like a shield that he could form around himself so when he slipped and Dooku moved his lightsaber to land a hit on Jinyoung, the force around Jinyoung pushed it back. Something he’d taught himself as a child, the force was everything to him.

Another explosion rocked the rooftop and Jinyoung found his footing slipping once again. He gathered the force and flipped away from his enemy and back towards the king to grab the king with the force and secure him before he fell.

He was aware of his surroundings and turned to hold his hand up to stop Dooku. From his hand he held all the force energy he could as a shield, as a barrier the other couldn't pass and it took everything he had to hold it as the destroyers started firing. He felt the strength of light, and life of the living force within his being. He had to hold Dooku back just for a bit longer.

He could feel that presence from before closer and he could see the ship coming from a distance. He just had to hold it with every bit of strength he had left. He breathed heavy as Dooku began to work with the force himself to try and bring down Jinyoung’s protective barrier. Jiyoung put more into it, into holding it strong in front of them as the ship moved down alongside the rooftop.

"Your highness," Jinyoung gasped out to shout to the child, "jump that ship." He felt sweat dripping down his brow as he focused on what he was doing. Few Jedi could do it, few could actually hold so much at bay for long. He didn't know how much longer he could last.

The king wasn't moving, he was scared, whimpering.

"Jump now!" Jinyoung shouted at him. He felt pain beginning to radiate up his body as Dooku attacked with the force to bring him down. He couldn't hold it for longer. They had no more time for hesitation.

"NOW" Jinyoung shouted with urgency and the king got up and followed orders. He jumped towards the ship. Jinyoung's head pounded. He focused everything forward. He could hear voices of living creatures all around him. He felt deeply connected, one with the force, at peace... finally. He moved his hands forward and pushed with all his might.

As soon as he did Dooku and the destroyers fell and Jinyoung took his opening to jump backwards into the air.

He felt the familiar feeling of being in free-fall but he felt no fear. He gathered the force around him and softened his blow as he hit the top of the ship. He saw his droid R7, flying to land alongside him. He held on as the ship blasted forward and identified where the King was. The king was holding on tight and Jinyoung reached to grab ahold of him as the hatch on the ship opened.

There Jinyoung was greeted with a familiar face, Jackson's head of his guard. Jinyoung breathed in relief that the ship had been friendly as he had thought.

"Come on now!" the man said. Jinyoung grabbed the King and pushed him towards where Mark was. Mark grabbed him and pulled him down inside. R7, followed smoothly and Jinyoung breathed and pulled himself along towards the entrance.

Once inside he closed the hatch and felt the ship begin to move faster, beginning to accelerate towards their way out. He breathed as he felt the ship rocked by a blast. His head hurt but they weren't out of trouble just yet.

"Thanks," Jinyoung said to Mark, the guard's face lit up with a smile.

"No problem," Mark said gently patting his hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder in a friendly gesture. The ship rocked again from another blast, fighters were likely in pursuit of them. Jinyoung knew if he could offer any sort of help that he should do it.

"Protect him," Jinyoung gestured towards the king who looked terrified out of his mind. Jinyoung turned towards the hallways. He began to walk through the unfamiliar ship with purpose of understanding it who it was that Jackson had hired to get them off the planet.

"Where are you going," Mark called out.

"I need to help take down the fighters that are chasing us," Jinyoung responded. He knew Jackson had hired a smuggler to help them get off planet before they'd even got there but he hadn’t been sure of what the plan for it was. He had no idea if the smuggler had been prepared to be in a firefight or if it was an improvisation that Jackson had sprung on the poor soul last minute.

"Jinyoung," Mark grabbed his arm to stop him, "they've got this, we're going to be fine. The captain of this ship has a way through the planetary shield and Jackson told me to get you to rest.”

"I can't sit around I have to help," Jinyoung insisted. Jinyoung knew Mark knew him well enough to let him go and he was right. Mark did let go. Jinyoung walked forward continuing his trek down the hall. He didn't like the uneasy feeling he got off of Mark and he wondered if Jackson was on board. Jinyoung was ready to have words with Jackson over his plan, and even if it had seemingly worked he was still angry with the other man. Mark undoubtedly knew that.

Jinyoung felt dizzy, tired and he knew exactly why he felt that way but they weren't out of trouble yet. He couldn't rest until they were. The ship rocked again and this time he was so hard he hit the wall. He grabbed onto it to brace himself as the ship rocked back and changed direction.

“Jinyoung!" He heard Jackson's voice and looked up to see the other walking towards him, "you need to strap in the captain says the ride is going to be bumpy!"

"You son of a batha!" Jinyoung glared at him, but it was halfhearted. He felt a wave of dizziness, a feeling he glanced back down the halls.

"You can be mad at me later," Jackson grabbed him with a strong grip, "come with me." Jinyoung tried to shake him off but Jackson got a firm grip on him and Jinyoung felt less than good. He could feel the dark presence of the Sith, it was getting closer seeking out Jinyoung’s mind. Dooku wasn't just going to let them leave with Jinyoung on board.

"I got him!" Jackson called out as he dragged Jinyoung forward towards the cockpit of the ship.

"Strap in there," someone yelled at them and Jinyoung saw the back of two heads piloting the ship. They were focused on what was outside, so Jinyoung understood why there was no greeting.

"Yugyeom all power to the forward thrusters," the man in the captains seat yelled and Jinyoung felt a sinking feeling. The voice, it sounded oddly familiar. He couldn’t focus with the way he could feel Dooku in the force.

"Sit down!" Jackson pushed him him into a seat as the ship rocked again. Jackson sat down next to him and Jinyoung held on tight as the ship rocked again.

"Are we going to make it?" the other person who was piloting spoke to the man who was in charge. He had dark wispy hair, he seemed so young to Jinyoung as he turned his head towards the captain.

"Just power forward!" the man shouted at him.

"Who are these people," Jinyoung asked Jackson. He was worried about their chances, worried cause he couldn't fight back. He was being told to sit, stay still while others did the work. He wasn’t used to just staying back while there was still a fight to be had.

"They’re the best," Jackson said, "we're in good hands, just relax Jinyoung."

"Wait how are you here?" Jinyoung questioned, realizing that was something he was sure hadn’t been part of the plan. Jackson was supposed to stay with his entourage and leave the planet in the same ship he arrived in. Had Jackson somehow been made by Dooku and forced to flee the same way Jinyoung was? Jackson sighed.

"I said for you to relax!" Jackson scolded him with a whine, “relax, means you can stop overthinking, I can answer all your questions later!” The ship banked hard as the man in the main seat turned it and Jinyoung looked out the viewport and they were turned towards the atmosphere going up.

He could feel Dooku pulling on him in the force, probing his mind for weaknesses. He gasped at the sudden snap of pain in his head as Dooku pressed his way forward, forcing his way in. Jinyoung felt for a moment as if the breath had been knocked out of him.

"Jackson," Jinyoung reached out for his friend for help even though he was sure Jackson couldn’t offer any. The ship rocked again. Jinyoung was nearly thrown out of his seat. Dooku’s pressure on his mind increased. Jinyoung shook his head and he looked up- his eyes met a pair of eyes... eyes he knew. That he’d only seen in memories, dreams, things past. The main whipped his head around back towards the atmosphere and the outside and Jinyoung lost focus as a sharper pain hit his mind.

"JINYOUNG HOLD ON," The man shouted at him, "we're almost out."

His heart pounded as his mind flashed back to the last day they fought together.

_Jinyoung hold on, we're going to make it._

_Jaebeom._

His focus slipped as memories flooded into his senses. He felt so much more pain, he couldn't fight back against what Dooku was doing to him as his mind was reeling. His eyes rolled back from the pain.

"Jinyoung," Jackson grabbed hold of his arms, "Jinyoung stay with me."

"Yugyeom push the engine harder!" It was _Jaebeom's_ voice he'd been hearing that whole time.

 _Jaebeom's_ presence.

Jaebeom.

"You'll never escape," He heard the Sith's voice inside his head as he cried out from the intensity of being attacked and facing a realization of someone he'd never thought he'd see again. It was too much for him.

"Jackson hold on to him!" Jaebeom's voice shouted and the ship pushed it's way up and Jinyoung could feel it. Dooku was getting father away, the pressure wasn’t fading though, it was intensifying. Jinyoung felt like he couldn’t breathe, the dark side clouded around him and he couldn't force it back.

The pressure came from all sides and there was no relief.

The ship flew higher.

"Take over!" he heard that voice he knew well like a haunting echo.

His eyes began to shut as he felt hands against his head.

"Stay with me," the voice spoke to him, "just hold on."

He felt a warmth in the force wrap around him protective...

But everything had been to much, too much for him at once.

He shut his eyes completely.

It went dark.

* * *

Past

* * *

_“Jinyoung," he turned his head towards his friend, his best friend. The view in front of them was beautiful, the sky so warm from the setting of the sun. Jinyoung felt tired like he wanted to sleep but Jaebeom had insisted that they watch the sunset together, like they had so many times. Jinyoung didn't know why but something was different in how Jaebeom had begged for it._

_He felt Jaebeom's hand reach for his own and Jinyoung let the other boy grasp it. His heart jumped in his chest, unbidden._

_"I am glad you're okay," Jinyoung said to Jaebeom wanting to think of something other than the racing of his heart. The way it seemed to always race the closer they got. He hated how muddled it had all become. Things used to be different, easier…_

_When had Jaebeom become so… dangerous._

_"I know," Jaebeom said softly, "I'm glad too." Jinyoung leaned back against the pillar and forced himself to stare at the sun instead of Jaebeom. Though at times he didn’t know the difference anymore. Both were impossible to look into for long. Both burned._

_He didn't know if Jaebeom could sense how difficult it was for him to just be there beside him. With what Jinyoung had realized about himself, and about how he felt towards the other… Everything within him had changed. It was all conflict, all painful to sort through. His best friend, the person he relied on had somehow become the knife in his ribs._

_It was forbidden._

_Every single feeling was meant to be cut off, never explored._

_He'd never faced anything more tempting in his life than to throw everything away for Jaebeom, but the other boy didn’t deserve that. Jaebeom was born to be a Jedi, he doubted himself but Jinyoung saw he was where he belonged. Jinyoung wouldn’t be the one to take it away from him. He couldn’t._

_"Are you mad at me?" Jaebeom asked him, undoubtedly realizing the way Jinyoung had put walls up. They’d never hidden anything from each other before._

_"No," Jinyoung answered quickly, too quickly._

_"You seem mad at me," Jaebeom responded. Jinyoung wished he wouldn't think that way but he didn’t know how to make any of it better. He looked at Jaebeom, eyes meeting. He wanted things to be different, to be what they’d been before… everything._

_"I'm not mad at you, I'm just tired," Jinyoung stated, emotionless. Their last mission had been too much, too frightening. Jaebeom smiled at him in response and Jinyoung wanted to smile back but he couldn't. He couldn’t let himself._

_"I was worried about you," Jaebeom told him, "when I went down I was more scared for you than anything." His voice was filled with emotion, Jinyoung wanted to lay his head against Jaebeom’s shoulder the way he had so many times. Instead Jinyoung let go of Jaebeom's hand and turned away, back towards the sunset._

_"You don't need to be." He didn’t want Jaebeom to be afraid for him._

_"I need to be," Jaebeom said softly, "you seem different since we got back. I heard you crying when we were on the ship, when I was drifting in and out. I am sorry I let things get so bad. I didn’t mean for you too…” He trailed off. Jaebeom had almost died. Jinyoung didn't want to talk about it or relive it in his mind, how it had happened and what had happened after._

_"There is only the force," Jinyoung put up his wall with his words, the words they had chanted like a prayer from when they first learned words, "there is no fear…” He wished it was the truth to speak it, but speaking it didn’t make it his reality. “I am sorry that you felt my fear, I was weak and I needed to remind myself not to be afraid."_

_"It's just me here Jinyoung," Jaebeom sounded concerned, confused, "not the masters, you don't have to hide anything from me." Jaebeom knew him too well. Jinyoung pressed his lips together and looked down at his hands._

__Bury it._ _

_He did have to hide. He stayed silent looking forward as if frozen in place, in that moment. He had no intention of saying what he felt, no intention of revealing what he'd done. Though Jaebeom probably already knew how he'd drifted closer to the dark in his fear for Jaebeom’s life._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom said his name again like he always had, like nothing had changed, "I've been thinking a lot lately... a lot about the Jedi and about our lives..." Jinyoung stiffened hearing those words._

_"Are you happy?" Jaebeom asked suddenly and Jinyoung looked at him puzzled._

_"Of course," Jinyoung responded, "why ask?" It was a defense to being probed about something he wasn’t sure he wanted to discuss. He didn’t like the nature of that question, what it implied._

_"Because sometimes I..." Jaebeom began to speak again, "I think of what's in front of us... I think of everything that's happened and all we've faced for this long. We're still just beginning our training and sometimes I just wonder... I just wonder what life is like beyond these walls. All we know is the Jedi order... It’s all we’ve ever known-”_

_"It's a good place Jaebeom," Jinyoung cut him off his words spoken gently, “and we do know what else is out there. I've seen it and so have you. This galaxy doesn't have a lot to offer outside of greed..." He did believe the words he spoke._

_"No listen to me," Jaebeom suddenly sounded pained as he spoke and Jinyoung was surprised by his tone. Jinyoung’s eyes met Jaebeom’s again. Jaebeom looked at Jinyoung earnestly, he was in pain._

_"Do you really think..." Jaebeom stumbled with his words and tried again, "would you..." He stopped and Jinyoung thought he saw tears forming in Jaebeom's eyes, a glassy shine on the surface. He didn't understand why Jaebeom would start crying, what emotions lurked within what he was trying to say._

_"Jaebeom," Jinyoung loved the sound of the others name, he loved to speak it. He wanted to reassure him of the path before him. Because despite how conflicting it was to fight against his own emotions Jinyoung did believe in what they had set out to become. "This is where we belong. It's not an easy life but you know it's going to be worth it. This is where we've always belonged. This dream to be something more, it's everything to you and to me.”_

_"Was this ever our dream?" Jaebeom responded, his voice so filled with emotion. Jinyoung understood what the question meant. They were not initially given much choice on what their future was. They didn't know where they came from, they didn't have anywhere to go back to. All they knew was the Jedi, it was the only future they were meant to have._

_"This is my dream," Jinyoung insisted. He wanted to be a Jedi. It was the first desire he remembered from when he was a child. When he could barely walk and he moved around the walls of the temple. When their caregivers would tell him stories of what it meant to be a Jedi. He knew it was where he belonged then. He wasn't about to let anything stop him on his road. Especially not something as trivial as love._

_"This is your dream too," Jinyoung told him, insisting that Jaebeom listened. And Jaebeom grabbed his hand again, his expression changing._

_"What if you're my dream now?" Jaebeom asked boldly, suddenly. Jinyoung froze. His body becoming rigid._

_"When I was laying in that bed, close to death..." Jaebeom spoke between breaths, and Jinyoung was frozen listening to that sound. His heart ached as he heard the way Jaebeom spoke words but Jinyoung couldn't give in. He couldn't let it exist._

_"Stop," Jinyoung begged him, he couldn't hear whatever it was that was coming next. He couldn't believe it._

_"Jinyoung..."_

_"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said his name forcefully and pulled back away from him, "I have to go." He stood up to run away, because he couldn't bear it if Jaebeom kept looking at him the way he was. Bury it, bury it, his mind chanted what he knew was his only way forward. He stepped back towards the halls the would lead him inside the safety of the only dream he knew. Jaebeom grabbed his arm to stop him. Jinyoung's heart raced as he felt himself waver. His heart ached for Jaebeom._

_He tried to pull away but he couldn’t put any strength into his attempt. Jaebeom pulled him back and he pushed against Jaebeom's chest as Jaebeom’s arms came around him and it all happened so fast._

_Jaebeom's lips were against his and Jinyoung felt his own heart breaking._

_He didn't want to step so close again… So close to something he knew he couldn't have. Tears fell from his eyes as he felt Jaebeom's lips on his and it was something he wanted so badly. Jinyoung responded, he knew better in his mind than to do so but he couldn't stop himself from responding to Jaebeom. From wanting to feel, Jaebeom._

_His hands were flat against Jaebeom's robes and they turned to fists clenching hold of the soft fabric. His heart hurt more than anything as he let Jaebeom kiss him and he kissed Jaebeom back._

_Jaebeom felt the same way he did._

_His heart hurt as he realized. He could destroy both of them, but he couldn't let go. For one moment he felt his heart waver and he wanted to hold on, he wanted to fall. He wanted Jaebeom, everything- but he wanted to be a Jedi._

__Bury it._ _

__Bury it so deep, they’ll never find it._ _

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom breathed his name against his lips and Jinyoung couldn't stop the tears from falling. He moved his head down to try to get away and Jaebeom tried to kiss him again. Jinyoung found the strength to push back._

__Never again_ _

_"Please," Jinyoung begged him to stop, "don't..."_

_"I love you," Jaebeom told him, "I don't want to deny it anymore... I don't want to push it away..." Jinyoung shook his head as he cried._

_"Jaebeom we can't," Jinyoung said, "please we can't. I don't want to give it all up." It would lead to their ruin, there would be no place for them left in the Jedi. That passion would lead them to the dark side if they tried to have it and hide it. It would destroy them if they ran away to a life of hardship._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom begged for him in return, desperation in his voice. Jinyoung pushed at him and when Jaebeom tried to kiss him again Jinyoung grew more desperate to get away._

_"I don't love you," Jinyoung shouted as he pushed him, "I don't." I can't. Jaebeom looked stunned, his expression pained as if Jinyoung had hit him._

_"You don't mean that," Jaebeom gasped._

_"I don't love you," Jinyoung said it again forcefully._

_"Please," Jaebeom was begging him now._

_"There is no passion," Jinyoung repeated words they'd been taught since childhood, "there is only the force..." The platitudes his defense, his reality. The only thing he wanted was the life he’d been born for. He couldn’t let anything take it away from him._

_"Jinyoung..." Jaebeom reached for him again and Jinyoung held his hands up and pushed gently with the force to keep Jaebeom back from him. Jaebeom stumbled back and Jinyoung stepped back himself widening the distance between them._

_"Bury it Jaebeom," Jinyoung spoke with coldness in his voice, "bury it and forget me. I am not worth giving up for." For if Jinyoung couldn’t give up for Jaebeom, he didn’t understand why Jaebeom would ever think to give it all up for him. He stepped away. He could feel Jaebeom’s pain in the force, and Jinyoung hated that he was the reason Jaebeom had to feel that pain._

_"I won't forget it," Jaebeom called after him, "burying it won't change it! It won’t change anything!“ Jinyoung knew that all too well, it wouldn't change what it was they felt. But day by day he believed it would get easier to pretend it didn't exist. He would win in a fight to lock it all away within himself._

_"Living it will destroy us," Jinyoung responded. "There is only one place this leads, and I won't go there." He had already touched the dark side, and passion would bring him closer still. He was terrified of breaking, terrified of what he could become._

_That was why he couldn't have Jaebeom._

_"You feel the same," Jaebeom was crying, "I know you do."_

_"I don't," Jinyoung told him, "it's that easy to let go of Jaebeom.” He turned away and he felt Jaebeom grab his arm again. He could feel the harsh breaths of the other so close. His own beating heart wouldn't still despite him willing it to do so. But Jinyoung was resolved. He pulled away from Jaebeom and kept walking._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom called for him again but Jinyoung wouldn't stop walking. He knew exactly the pain he'd given to Jaebeom with the words he said._

_He could feel it in the force, in the connection that had always existed between them._

_He could feel it so strongly in Jaebeom's heart and in his own._

_He kept going and Jaebeom stopped trying to stop him. Because Jinyoung wouldn't change. He was too afraid._

_He was too scared of where it would lead._

_He kept walking until he was far away from Jaebeom._

_And he broke down crying far away from all eyes that could find him. The emotions flooded his body, and he couldn’t contain them so they poured out in salty tears. Falling from his eyes wetting the sleeves of his rope. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. He fell asleep in a dark corner of the temple from the exhaustion and the emotion of letting go. It took more than he ever thought he had to reach for the force and for peace._

_And when he awoke alone he felt the change._

_He somehow knew before he was told what had happened. He could feel it like something had been broken down between the both of them. Like that piece that had always been there had been ripped away from him. Emptiness filled him, he was empty. He knew before the sun had reach it's height in the sky and before the words had reached his ears._

_"Jaebeom's gone," Taecyeon told him._

_Jinyoung wanted to fold in on himself and let it all out._

_"He resigned," Taecyeon said, "he left the order."_

_Jinyoung wanted to feel pain, wanted to scream and cry. But he reached for the force, he reached in to feel numb, to feel nothing._

_He reached to hold on._

_He didn't flinch, he didn't let himself show any indication of pain. He numbed down inside himself and nodded._

_He breathed out and nodded. He breathed in and breathed in the force. Breathed out and knew he had to stay strong. He had to keep moving forward in order to make it._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung took a deep breath and turned his head, he felt pain in his skull but it was just a dull headache. It could be ignored easy. He opened his eyes as he stirred himself awake. He felt his heart rate beating fast like he'd been woken suddenly, there was a tension in his body easing in the release from sleep.

He took a deeper breath.

The room he was in had dull lights, the bed was warm and soft and he was in the center of it wrapped in blankets. It didn't look like a hospital room or anything so he supposed he was fine... He remembered what happened suddenly. The dull pain was a reminder of his enemy closing in on him.

And Jaebeom...

_Jaebeom!_

His mind exclaimed as he sat up and heard footsteps rush to him.

"Lay down," that familiar deep timbre reached his ears as hands grabbed his arms, "you shouldn't get up just yet you need to rest." Jinyoung looked up into his eyes to see they were real. They were exactly as he remembered them.

"Don't tell me what to do," Jinyoung pushed at him, reactionary to confronting someone he hadn’t seen in ten years. It was Jaebeom but he reminded himself he didn't know this Jaebeom. He didn't know anything about him except he'd been hired for the job of getting them out.

"Don't be stubborn," Jaebeom chided him. "Jackson told me you've had a rough time with Count Dooku on your ass over the past year, you had your friends worried, and that King you picked up was panicking. You should continue to rest for the journey ahead.” Jinyoung didn’t like his concern. Jinyoung had handled himself fine and didn’t need Jaebeom’s help.

"I am fine," Jinyoung retorted, "stop talking." His head hurt, he just wanted to be alone so he could process the situation.

"You aren’t just fine," Jaebeom insisted, "and you need to rest."

"Go away," Jinyoung groaned, "I need to meditate, that's the rest I need." Jaebeom looked at him with a sort of ironic expression that Jinyoung didn't like. Jaebeom looked annoyed.

"That's the answer you Jedi give to everything," Jaebeom said. Of course there would be some animosity.

"It's the answer there is," Jinyoung stated, "I need you to go."

"This is my room," Jaebeom said, "I don't need to go anywhere." Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he let the irony that they were getting off to a great start roll through his mind. He didn’t need conflict, he needed peace.

"Well then excuse me while I find somewhere else to meditate,” Jinyoung stated. He tried to get up but Jaebeom reached to hold him in place again.

"You're going to find that to be difficult," Jaebeom said, "there's not a lot of space on this ship, the plan wasn't originally to have Mark and Jackson coming along but we had to adjust things."

"Yeah I know," Jinyoung responded with vitriol. He wanted to find a way to get Jackson back for that. It had all been slippery because of Jackson’s antics.

"Jackson was just doing his best," Jaebeom responded as if knowing what Jinyoung was thinking about the situation, "don't fault him for the mess you got yourself into.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes at the smuggler.

"You know nothing.” Jaebeom could make assumptions but in the end it was Jackson’s fault things hadn’t moved smoothly.

"I know your operation went sideways and Jackson contacted me that we had to save your ass," Jaebeom said.

"Oh he did did he?" Jinyoung glared, "it was his idiotic plan that got me into that mess. He’s the one who thought giving me up to Dooku was a good idea. Now could you go? Please? I really have a headache and need to fix it."

"You can't make a headache go away by meditating," Jaebeom pointed out, "and why are you being so difficult. It's good to see you again, no greeting? No hello Jaebeom how have you been all these years?" Jinyoung just glared harder. He hadn’t sought to meet with Jaebeom again, there was no reason to greet him. They weren’t friends, they weren’t anything.

"I didn't ask for your help," Jinyoung argued back.

"Well your friends did," Jaebeom said.

"And if I had been asked I would have told them to hire someone else," Jinyoung didn’t hold back exactly how he felt about it.

"And I thought you'd be happy to see me again," Jaebeom laughed slightly, but the way he spoke was with sarcasm. Jaebeom must have known things wouldn’t go well and it made Jinyoung more irritated.

"Congratulations you were wrong." Jinyoung responded with his own dry retort. He had known about Jaebeom, he'd known about him for most of the war. He knew that certain members of the republic military had hired a particular smuggler to help them with war operations. Someone who wasn't too keen on the war but was persuaded when paid handsomely. Jaebeom was in their networks.

Taecyeon had informed him a couple months into the war of that fact and that he had met with Jaebeom for a mission. Jinyoung hadn't cared then and didn't want to seek out Jaebeom's presence himself. If someone had told him who they were looking to hire he would have told them to hire someone else. Jaebeom wasn't even really on their side. He wasn't exactly a Separatist but Jinyoung knew enough about smugglers to know their loyalties weren't solid. He didn't particularly want to work with one who believed the Republic was wrong for a war they didn't start.

"How have you been?" Jaebeom asked him after Jinyoung had gone silent for several seconds. Jinyoung glared at him again.

"Not well considering a Sith Lord just tried to mess with my mind," Jinyoung stated, "but you know that." He knew Jaebeom could feel it. That's why Jaebeom had reacted. They'd always been connected, that’s why Jinyoung had felt Jaebeom’s presence close. He hadn’t immediately recognized it, Jaebeom’s signature in the force had shifted.

"Aren't you going to ask me how I've been?" Jaebeom asked him.

"No," Jinyoung said. He didn't care.

"Well okay," Jaebeom replied, "I'm going to leave and I hope this meditating stuff gives you a better attitude. Then we can work out the next part of our plan.”

"You know it's not just stuff," Jinyoung felt defensive, Jaebeom knew better than the words he said.

"Whatever," Jaebeom stated and he moved towards the door and Jinyoung watched him open it and leave without another word. He was infuriated despite getting what he wanted.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes again and realized what Jaebeom had said earlier. He was in Jaebeom's room, in Jaebeom's bed. He'd had the nerve to bring Jinyoung there. Jinyoung grimaced. He crossed his legs and tried to remove all thoughts from his brain.

He focused on the force, on nothing else but wrapping himself in it to strengthen himself again. He'd made errors against his enemy and he needed to make sure it didn't happen again. Dooku knew right where Jinyoung was headed with the Skaytar King. He would follow and Jinyoung would have to be ready for a more decisive battle. Dooku saw his weaknesses, knew how tempting the dark side was to him. Jinyoung couldn't afford any distractions if he wanted to win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another crazy chapter, I was excited to get this one up quick. I hope you like it. I don't think many people are reading this story but I'll keep posting. 
> 
> Please leave kudos, bookmark and comment. It definitely helps with writer morale.


	5. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 4 - Setbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jaebeom don't see eye to eye on what comes next. Jackson departs the ship.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Training was exhausting that day. Jaebeom felt sore all over his body from the numerous exercises and how hard they'd been pushed in lightsaber combat. At 10 years old he felt that the training level was almost too much but he would never say it. He settled into his bunk exhausted that night content to get a good nights rest, knowing training would resume the next day in a similar way._

_Jaebeom shifted in his soft bunk to find a comfortable way to sleep when he felt a weight on his bed. He should have sensed it before it happened, still he moved over instinctively knowing who it was._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom groaned, his voice hushed as there were other children trying to sleep as well. Jinyoung slipped in and curled up against him, "we're getting too big for this." The bunks were small, made for one person each. The planetary cycles went on, they were getting older and as they grew the fit became more and more awkward with the both of them in one. Jinyoung didn't stop coming on days that Jaebeom knew where hard for him. He never came unless something had gone wrong, and he was seeking out comfort._

_"What's wrong," Jaebeom asked him as Jinyoung threw an arm around the elder and shifted to get more comfortable. The only way for it to work in the small space was for them to be pressed into each other but Jaebeom knew there was something wrong with how quickly Jinyoung settled in._

_"Nothing," Jinyoung whispered back, "I was cold." Jaebeom knew that's not what it was, but Jinyoung always responded that first. Every single time was the same. Jaebeom patted his head before wrapping his arm around Jinyoung. He had always liked Jinyoung's thick dark hair, it was fluffy and nice for patting._

_"Okay big baby," Jaebeom teased him, he threw a leg over Jinyoung's body to share body heat and Jinyoung glared at him. Jaebeom could see it even in the dark. Jinyoung always glared. Jinyoung was a petulant child. It took weeks for him to accept Jaebeom as a friend and over time the two became joined at the hip. Best friends just as the force had show Jaebeom they would be._

_Jinyoung liked to pretend he was annoyed with Jaebeom, liked to pretend he was above it all. But Jaebeom knew that Jinyoung liked having Jaebeom around. Jaebeom found it entertaining how his friend behaved. Jinyoung was always cute to Jaebeom in his behaviors._

_"Jaebeommie," Jinyoung said his nickname softly after time had passed but he didn't follow it up with anything. Jaebeom could tell he wanted to. He was searching for words, sometimes Jinyoung couldn’t find words. Jaebeom learned not to push him._

_"Let's get some rest," Jaebeom whispered in the dark, "we're going to need it for the next few days of training." Jinyoung just nodded and closed his eyes. Jaebeom didn't mind if Jinyoung didn't want to talk, the younger kid would open up eventually. He always did in time. Jaebeom shifted a bit and Jinyoung whined when he moved away from him so Jaebeom shifted back. Jaebeom knew Jinyoung hated being alone._

_He tolerated it most days as the other kids would make fun of them for being so close. The masters also frequently told them they were to use their own beds and even separated them by moving Jinyoung to a different bunk room. So they both tried to listen to what they were told most days. It was the bad days that made them want to drift together._

_"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said his name softly after a few minutes._

_"I thought you only came because you were cold," Jaebeom teased him but Jinyoung didn't respond to his teasing like he usually would. Something really was wrong. He reminded himself he couldn't push Jinyoung, he would have to wait for Jinyoung to tell him._

_"Jaebeom can we say no to a master picking us?" Jinyoung asked after a few beats of silence._

_"What?" Jaebeom asked surprised Jinyoung would ask such a question. Was he just wondering about the process or... had Jinyoung been picked? Jaebeom felt fear coming off the younger. Jaebeom often felt fear when it came to Jinyoung. Jinyoung was constantly scolded by the masters for his obvious gravitation towards being afraid. It was one of the reasons Jaebeom never told Jinyoung of the visions he frequently got, the things he couldn't run from. He didn’t want to put that burden on Jinyoung._

_"Jinyoung were you picked?" He had to know why Jinyoung was asking. If Jinyoung had been picked by a master, that meant that his life would change. He would be set as a Jedi Padawan, set for a future as a Jedi knight. That was what they were all working towards but few got picked as young as nine years old._

_"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said and Jaebeom could feel now that he was crying, Jinyoung’s tears reached him. "Can I say no? I don't want to go, I don't want to leave." Jaebeom understood why Jinyoung was scared. He would be moving into housing with the master that chose him, and would go on missions outside. He would be gone for months at a time potentially._

_His whole life would change in an instant, but that was what all of them wanted. Jaebeom was afraid he'd never get picked, that he would be sent away from the temple to never get the chance to become a knight. Jinyoung couldn't seriously be thinking about turning it down when it was all they had ever wanted. Jinyoung was crying a bit more, a bit louder and Jaebeom was scared the others would wake up._

_"Jinyoung calm down," Jaebeom said, "you're not really leaving. That's not how it works. We'll still be in classes together for the next few years, except when you're on missions." It wasn’t the end of their time in training, it was a new stage of it._

_"I don't want to go," Jinyoung said again softly. The unspoken words were that he was afraid to go. Jaebeom wondered why, and wondered if it had something to do with who had picked him._

_"Which master Jinyoung?" Jaebeom asked, his mind flashed to one he didn’t like who seemed to be constantly watching Jinyoung._

_"Master Joon," Jinyoung said softly. Jaebeom felt relief that it was a different name and he realized it made sense. Joon had been observing their classes for days. Jaebeom noticed him watching from the upper windows of the rooms. Other kids had been working harder to try and impress him but Jaebeom had tried to stay focused on what was in front of him. Of course he would pick Jinyoung. Jinyoung was the most gifted and talented with the force of any of the students, incredible in combat training and meditation classes._

_Jinyoung had the rare ability to combine his lightsaber forms with force defense techniques. The masters had noticed how gifted he was in feeling out the living force around him when he was much younger had had cultivated his gifts. He was the best in their class, far ahead of everyone else._

_"Jinyoung, Joon will be a great master for you,” Jaebeom said._

_"But I'm not ready," Jinyoung responded. He patted Jinyoung’s head again._

_"You'll never be ready," Jaebeom reassured him, "there's no way to feel ready to move on to the next part of things, but this is a good thing for you. This is your chance." They worked every day hoping a master would choose to train them. That was their focus each day, to become better and to stand out as those candidates worthy of being Jedi._

_"They want me to leave tomorrow," Jinyoung said softly, "they just told me today." Jaebeom took a deep breath. That would change everything. He remembered through the visions he had that they would remain close, even as they grew. He didn't think this would change it._

_"It's okay," Jaebeom said, "you'll still be living here in the temple, just a bit farther away.”_

_"We're going on a mission," Jinyoung responded, "I'm going away for months." Jaebeom felt his heart sink. He would be without Jinyoung for months. Jaebeom felt a stab in his heart but he also understood it wasn't okay to be attached to his friend, to hold him back from anything out of selfishness._

_"Jinyoung you have to go," Jaebeom patted his head and pulled him closer, "It'll be okay. I'll still be here when you get back. I promise everything will be fine, this is a good thing for you. I am proud of you Jinyoungie.”_

_"It doesn't feel good," Jinyoung responded, barely audible._

_"I know." It didn't feel good that their tomorrow wouldn't be the same as their today. It didn't feel good that Jinyoung would be away for months, probably helping to settle some interplanetary dispute while Jaebeom continued to perfect his lightsaber forms. They wouldn't be together for awhile._

_It didn't feel good but it was okay. Jaebeom didn't worry about losing Jinyoung as his friend. Their friendship would have a bit more distance to it but maybe that was a good thing. The masters kept telling them they were to attached to each other. He didn't know how not to be. He enjoyed when he was with Jinyoung, more than anyone else. They understood each other better than anyone else. They both knew each other's everything. He didn’t know how else to be._

_"I'll follow you soon Jinyoungie," Jaebeom told him, "I'll work hard everyday and when I get a master we'll work together on missions.”_

_"Promise?" Jinyoung asked._

_"I promise," Jaebeom whispered in response._

_"I'll miss you," Jinyoung said._

_"I'll miss you too," Jaebeom agreed, "but this is a good thing. I am happy for you." They both went silent, both didn't want to fall asleep. It was their last night together, and it had come so unexpectedly. Their hands intertwined, no matter how much they were holding out the eventually did fall asleep._

_The morning came too quickly and Jinyoung went away with a long goodbye, Jaebeom hadn’t wanted to say it. Jinyoung had hesitated but Jaebeom had encouraged him forward. He knew he had to and that Jinyoung was ready for what was ahead for him. Jaebeom felt alone so quickly. The goodbye was the the first moment he began to suspect he loved Jinyoung more than just a best friend._

_He buried the thought of it deep in his heart._

_He worked for months, worked hard each day with determination to overcome the pain of the things he’d experienced because he wanted to follow Jinyoung. He wanted to become a child worthy of being chosen. But as he worked he waited for Jinyoung._

_He listened as people spoke in the halls waiting for the day that Master Joon would return from his mission and bring Jinyoung back with him. Jaebeom waited searching for Jinyoung's face in each class, hoping each day to see him and each day having his hopes slip away. He didn’t realize how isolating those months would be._

_One day he flopped in his bed to fall asleep and the lights went out in the dormitory. He drifted off when a weight set down on his bed and he opened his eyes surprised as someone wrapped their arms around him. He didn't need to fully see to know his Jinyoung was back, he smiled and pulled him close as he could. Jinyoung wasn't supposed to be there, he had a home now with his master in the upper apartments but he clearly didn't care._

_He had snuck down to be with Jaebeom._

_"I missed you," Jinyoung said and he cried again like he had the night before he left._

_"I missed you too.”_

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung knew it wasn't Jedi like behavior but he found it funny using the force to trip Jackson as they worked around the ship later that day. There was maintenance to flying and all of them wanted to make themselves useful. Though Jinyoung didn’t know how useful he was being causing trouble the way he was.

"Jinyoung!!!!" Jackson protested and whined.

"It's not my fault you tripped on air," Jinyoung responded dryly. He’d always pass it off as just a coincidence that Jackson had tripped.

"I know that was you!" Jackson looked frustrated, knowing he couldn’t fully prove it.

"Do you?" Jinyoung asked him, "please enlighten me your omniscient knowledge of how the galaxy works. Maybe next time we stand in front of my mortal enemy you'll kill me yourself to prove your loyalty to him." His words did leave no doubt he was the one behind Jackson’s clumsy walking. He couldn’t let the situation pass without some sort of confrontation to show how upset he was about it.

"It was a bad situation!" Jackson shouted, "I had to do something." Jinyoung rolled his eyes, he wasn’t in the mood for excuses.

"Yeah something was nearly get me killed," Jinyoung responded disgruntled. He wouldn’t have cared if it wasn’t to do with Dooku, but Jackson knew how bad it was for Jinyoung to have to deal with Dooku.

"Jinyoung stop whining," Mark spoke calmly from where he sat against the wall, "you didn't die." Of course Mark would take Jackson’s side, it was his job after all. Jinyoung simply narrowed his eyes at Mark and moved his hand. Jackson tripped backwards with the way Jinyoung force pushed him.

"JINYOUNG!" Jackson shrieked as he fell on his ass. Jinyoung smirked, crossed his arms and leaned back.

"You can't prove it was me," Jinyoung stated, though it was fairly obvious.

"You've literally been waving your hands around in the direction he's tripping," Mark pointed out but Mark looked amused with the whole situation.

"Coincidence," Jinyoung said.

"That's not very Jedi like is it?" the kid who spoke was someone he didn't know. His name was Yugyeom, he apparently worked with Jaebeom and lived on the ship. He was younger, and friendly enough that Mark and Jackson both really liked him. There was a third crew member named Youngjae that Jinyoung had only met briefly, he had a scowl on his face when introduced to Jinyoung.

Yugyeom worked at piloting the ship with Jaebeom while Youngjae worked on the engines and manning the guns. They apparently had a very profitable operation smuggling nefarious items and people around the galaxy. Jackson had paid a high price for their help. Hearing what the price was had been a reminder that these people weren't really with them. They were paid to help, they didn't actually care about the war or fixing the galaxy.

Jackson was someone who cared, Jinyoung knew that. Jackson cared deep enough to earn the trust of their enemies and to be someone who spied on the inside. He put himself at risk each day that he had to face them. He put himself at risk by helping Jinyoung get off the planet. That risk meant that he couldn't continue with them to Skaytar. Jackson and Mark would be departing from their ship within hours and Jinyoung would be left alone without his friends surrounded by people who weren’t really on his side. That thought made him less resentful of them and he realized he wished he could depart with them.

"How's the King holding up?" Jinyoung asked them, he hadn’t checked on the young Skaytar native. He’d had so much going on in his head, though he knew he should care more about the subject of the rescue mission.

"He's sleeping," Mark replied, "he was pretty shaken up by everything. How old is he? He seems really young."

"I don't know," Jinyoung said, "I also thought he seemed young." He hadn’t exactly expected to be pulling a child out of a separatist prison given how important the target was. Jinyoung wondered more about his story.

"He is young," Jaebeom entered, and responded to their conversation. "He's the youngest of his family, the last heir. The rest were killed by the Separatists when they invaded his home.” Jinyoung didn't know that part. He hadn't been given that much information. He felt bad for the child King, he wondered what they were returning him to. A home without a family…

Not that Jinyoung would be able to relate in any way. He'd always had a home and a family to return to in the Jedi order. Things had changed over the couple years the war had gone on. Many Jedi had died but still so much of his family was still there for him and always would be. The war had taken a lot from so many.

“What is our estimated time to get to Skaytar?” Jinyoung asked. Jaebeom sighed in response, making it clear his next answer wasn’t going to be good.

“My ship was damaged upon leaving the planet,” Jaebeom replied, “Youngjae says we need repairs, there’s no nearby friendly planets to land on. This is the problem we face right now moving forward.”

“You serious?” Jinyoung spoke feeling an instant spike in frustration, he didn’t need one more setback in all this. He needed to get back to Taecyeon and Windu and their army before the other two Jedi started their ground assault. They didn’t want to cause unnecessary loss of life in the fight, this was their one key to making everything better.

“Yeah it’s a common issue that one would face in an attempt to get off a planet quickly while hostiles are in pursuit,” Jaebeom responded. His words seemed a bit condescending.

“I’ve managed to get off hostile planets without crippling my own ship many times,” Jinyoung grumbled noting the way Jaebeom’s expression changed to one of annoyance, “what are your plans to fix it?”

“Is there something we can provide when you hand us off to my people?” Jackson asked, and Jinyoung hoped it was as easy as that.

“Yes there is,” Jaebeom replied, “you can compensate me according to the damages. There is a substation on our way to Skaytar where we will be able to buy what we need.”

“Or take it,” Jinyoung spoke his knee jerk reaction to the idea. Jaebeom looked at him confused and Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. “This is sepratist territory,” Jinyoung explained, “I assume the substation will be as well. They’re probably supplying our enemies with parts for repair as well so we can take it down and take what we need.”

“Jinyoung,” Jackson sounded surprised by Jinyoung’s words, “we shouldn’t.”

“Is that really what the Jedi have become now?” Jaebeom said with narrowed eyes. Jinyoung just glared. He had to remind himself whatever he remembered of the past, that Jaebeom ceased to exist when he’d left them all behind. He wouldn’t understand what mattered because he wasn’t a part of the war.

“We’re at war,” Jinyoung responded. “We don’t have the luxury of letting things go right now.” He knew it was a philosophy even his master rejected but some Jedi really did believe it. Jinyoung was tired of seeing his family die cause they wouldn’t take preemptive action. They had to cripple the enemy supply line every chance they got. It would help them to succeed in ending the war. A substation within Separatist territory was a part of that supply line.

“You are on my ship, we will do things my way,” Jaebeom told him. Jinyoung pursed his lips and bit his tongue to prevent any sort of response to Jaebeom’s play at being in charge. He wasn’t in charge, he was being paid to help them and Jinyoung didn’t feel a need to instantly hold that over his head. He would say it when the time was right if Jaebeom kept pushing.

“What?” Jaebeom looked at him with frustration. Jinyoung blinked in surprise at the sudden questioning word, it was like Jaebeom had read that he was holding back on something. Jinyoung felt intensity in Jaebeom’s gaze, a frustration coming from him. Jinyoung couldn’t figure out what was up with him. Did the other really expect him to be happy about encountering Jaebeom again?

Did he expect Jinyoung to fall all over him and say he missed him when he hadn’t? He hadn’t thought of Jaebeom at all.

But he knew Jaebeom was getting a read off him. Even if the other wasn’t a Jedi anymore it didn’t mean he was blind to the force. And Jinyoung could feel their connection at the edges of his mind, like opposite charged magnets pulling their consciousness back towards each other. It was a door he’d slammed shut so long before, it budged slightly.

“You’re not in charge here,” Jinyoung finally retorted to break up the intensity of the moment, “I am.” He could feel Jackson and Mark’s gazes going between them and he saw Yugyeom shrink back out of the corner of his eyes. He wondered if Yugyeom had context, Jackson and Mark certainly didn’t.

“This is my ship,” Jaebeom repeated the sentiment that he’d spoken earlier. It would have been noble idea if he wasn’t a criminal.

“We paid handsomely for your services,” Jinyoung emphasized. Once a smuggler was paid it was their job to follow the orders of those who were paying them. Jinyoung was the one in charge, this wasn’t his first time working with someone from the underground.

“What are you even implying?” Jaebeom crossed his arms.

“You’re a smuggler,” Jinyoung didn’t understand why Jaebeom didn’t get it, “stop acting like this is some mercy mission on your part. You were paid to follow orders for the duration of this operation and you will follow mine from now on.”

“I could throw you off this ship,” Jaebeom stepped a step closer to him standing straighter as if sizing him up. Jinyoung didn’t uncross his arms or respond in any bodily gesture. He was confident in a fight that Jaebeom wouldn’t stand a chance. Jinyoung could stop him dead in his tracks with the force if he wanted to but he saw no need to instigate a physical fight.

“I’d like to see you try,” Jinyoung wanted to know what move he would make. Jinyoung felt the force around him and he knew that Jaebeom understood exactly what he was capable of.

“That’s enough!” Jackson stepped between them, Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “we’re all on the same side here, why are you fighting?”

“He’s not on our side,” Jinyoung pointed out. Separatist sympathizers were as much of the enemy as everyone else. They enabled the war to continue.

“Why does there need to be sides?” Jaebeom asked his voice sounding on edge.

“This is a war,” Jinyoung spoke each word slowly to make sure they all understood what he was saying. He turned to Jackson, “you hired a separatist sympathizer to carry us through. Excuse me of I don’t trust him to keep his word especially when dealing with the enemy.”

“I am not a separatist sympathizer,” Jaebeom shook his head responding to the accusation quickly, “I simply don’t believe the republic is in the right either. I’ve refused to take sides cause of what this war has grown to represent. Though, I am flattered that you know what positions I take Jinyoungie.” Jinyoung clenched his fist annoyed with Jaebeom’s words.

He hated that he knew what the man thought about the war. He hated that Taecyeon told him. He would have been happy to never hear Jaebeom’s name again nor see his face. He hated that he’d been blindsided and forced into a situation where he needed Lim Jaebeom’s help. He saw Jaebeom flinch slightly, as in response to something in the force. Jaebeom could feel much more than Jinyoung realized. Their stupid connection was snapping together too quickly with their proximity, a curse to his life.

“The point comes back to the repairs that we need to complete this mission,” Jaebeom replied, “I am committed to getting you to Skaytar, but we need repairs. We can pay for them and go unnoticed through this sector… or we could make a ton of noise and increase our changes of getting caught by your Sith Lord friend.” Jaebeom cornered him with the emphasized reality of what their situation really was, “I defer to you Master Jedi.” The last sentence was spoken in a mocking tone. Jinyoung caught it and he was sure the others did as well. Jaebeom’s response was meant to be a blow to his prideful stance.

“If the substation is friendly with us we will respond in kind,” Jinyoung declared, “but any sign of hostility we’ll take what we need and run.” He pushed a middle ground out, certain the result would be that the substation wasn’t friendly. He knew too much about how the separatists worked to trust them.

“That sounds reasonable,” Jaebeom responded.

“I am reasonable,” Jinyoung declared.

It was Jaebeom’s turn to roll his eyes.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung stood alongside his master facing a council that explained a new mission they would be going on. He was 11 years old, and tired because they had just landed on Courscant only to be told they were going out again. The planetary disputes were never ending it seemed. One dispute ended and another one came. He heard the older masters say unrest was growing, things were getting worse and more and more Jedi were constantly on missions. There was no chance to rest in the environment they were in._

_His master had officially taken him out of temple classes the months before. Joon believed he was at a point where he could learn more from the missions and his time with Joon than them. He wanted to sleep where he stood, to lean against his master and sleep. Jinyoung hadn’t realized what having a master would be like. Joon had quickly become like a father to him and he knew that Joon saw how tired he was. His master put a hand on his shoulder in comfort._

_“This mission is bigger than the last one,” Master Windu spoke measuredly like he always did, his voice devoid of emotion as he glanced at Jinyoung, “because of this we’re sending another team with you.” He looked back away from Jinyoung._

_The doors to the council room opened, Jinyoung turned and saw the master being sent with them first first. It was Taecyeon, a Jedi Knight he knew welll. Taecyeon had been Joon’s student before him. Taecyeon was like an older brother who looked out for and took care of Jinyoung but Jinyoung didn’t know he’d taken on a student. They’d been gone so long Jinyoung missed that development._

_When Jinyoung saw who it was he had to hold himself back for running towards the person who trailed behind Taecyeon. Jaebeom’s eyes met his with so much joy in them, Jinyoung knew his own face had lit up. Jaebeom had found a master! Jaebeom had been selected by Taecyeon! Jaebeom was going on the mission with them! Jinyoung had never told Jaebeom but one of his biggest fears was Jaebeom not making it. He believed in Jaebeom and he didn’t want his own fears to cause Jaebeom to doubt himself. He just didn’t know what he would do if Jaebeom didn’t get picked to be an apprentice._

_“Welcome Master Taecyeon,” One of the council members said, Taecyeon bowed and Jaebeom followed his lead. Jinyoung smiled, he was so happy to see Jaebeom there. They’d be together on a mission, like they’d always dreamed of when they were younger._

_Jinyoung could hardly listen to the masters as they described the situation on the planet their team was going to. He was excited because after two years of waiting, he would have Jaebeom with him. Jinyoung felt his master squeeze his shoulder as a nudge to tell him to pay attention. And when it ended his master kept a hand on his shoulder. Taecyeon exited with Jaebeom first and Joon held onto Jinyoung as they began to walk out._

_"You need to keep your concentration when in council meetings,” Joon chided him and Jinyoung looked up to the older man._

_"Sorry master," he responded. Joon knew about Jinyoung’s close friendship with Jaebeom. He’d caught Jinyoung sneaking out several times and sat him down at one point to tell him that he needed to stay in their home. Masters and students needed to have close proximity to establish a connection._

_That way the masters could better teach their students. Jinyoung thought his master was the best one. Joon was patient, he never got frustrated with Jinyoung for being slow at learning. Jinyoung got frustrated easy and needed someone like Joon to help him stay balanced._

_“I know you’re excited about this new development,” Joon replied, “but you need to stay conscious of your surroundings in meetings.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung repeated his apology, flushed as he realized how obvious his lapse in concentration was. He’d let himself get to excited._

_“We don’t discourage you kids from having friendships,” Joon said, “as a young Jedi I know other padawans will be your lifelong friends in the future. You will work together and apart, you will all be brothers and sisters here in the Jedi order. That is okay. Just don’t get too attached.”_

_“It’s to easy to value some friendships more than others,” Joon explained, “when you have a lot of common with someone it’s normal to feel a greater attachment to them. But we are Jedi, concentrate on the will of the force and let it’s will guide you. Nothing else matters besides that.”_

_“Yes master,” Jinyoung responded knowing that Joon was right, he did need to stay focused on what mattered. Joon patted the side of his head._

_“Now go along and greet your friend,” Joon smiled fondly at him. Jinyoung looked over to where Jaebeom stood a ways off with Taecyeon. “He’s been so excited about telling you he was chosen. Just mind my words young one.” With that Joon beckoned him forward_

_Jinyoung nodded in response and began to walk quickly towards where Jaebeom was. He couldn’t keep his excitement at bay no matter how hard he tried. He threw his arms around Jaebeom’s middle and held on to his friend._

_He was so happy their dreams were aligning. They would both be Jedi, they had both made it to the next stage and they would both fight their way onward towards their dreams._

* * *

Present

* * *

“I’m sensing a strange tension between you and Captain Lim,” Jackson had forced Jinyoung to sit and talk with him. They were close to the rendezvous point with Jackson’s entourage. After that Jinyoung would be left on the ship with no one familiar and forced to navigate through the mess of working with people he didn’t want to be around.

“You’re not a Jedi don’t pretend you can sense what is going on,” Jinyoung countered.

“I didn’t know that you had some sort of vendetta against this particular smuggler,” Jackson pointed out, “I picked him cause he suited the job and he’s more trustworthy than the others I know.” Jinyoung didn’t know a lot of smugglers but he would have picked any other one ahead of Jaebeom. Jackson didn’t know that though.

"Good," Jinyoung responded, he didn’t want to get into it with Jackson nor explain anything to him, "I'm glad you picked who you thought was best. In any case there's no backing out of it now."

"You've been in such a bad mood lately," Jackson complained, "you need to lighten up somehow."

"Do you constantly forget—“ Jinyoung began.

"We're at war," Jackson filled in the last of his sentence, "I know. But that doesn't mean you have to act the way you do. You used to have fun, remember when you came with me to help settle a dispute on Ryloth. We got so drunk your master..." Jackson trailed off. Jinyoung just rolled his eyes.

"You know mentioning him won't hurt me," Jinyoung responded, "I don't feel anything when you say his name." He didn’t want anyone to tread him like his masters name was a trigger of sorts.

"That's the problem," Jackson replied, his voice sounded sad, "you've changed so much..." Jinyoung didn't think he'd changed at all. He'd just grown up, the war had forced him to grow up.

"There is no problem," Jinyoung insisted. They'd been friends since they were younger so Jackson did know how he had been before it had all began. Before the war Jinyoung had helped solve several disputes on Jackson's planet, and Jackson had aided the Jedi in other missions. The council always sought Jinyoung out for dealings with Jackson because Jinyoung was close to Jackson. Jedi often did establish relationships with those on planets they’d been to.

Jackson was the closest thing Jinyoung had to a friend outside the order. He knew the Senator was just saying what he felt was right to say, and that he wanted to look out for Jinyoung but he didn't understand Jinyoung. He could never understand what it was like to be a Jedi in the war that they were in.

"You keep saying that there's no problem, that nothing bothers you," Jackson said, "but you're not just a Jedi. You're still human. I don't think this complex you have with acknowledging your emotions. It’s not healthy." Jackson would never understand to be a Jedi was to deny the things that Jackson said. He wasn’t simply a human, the part of him that was a Jedi was everything.

"I acknowledge my emotions,” Jinyoung corrected Jackson, “and I control them."

"Sure that’s what it is, control," Jackson scoffed at him, "you've been angry Jinyoung, very angry. You're not controlling that at all. You're letting it show and honestly that is what frightens me the most. Because I know how much that frightens you.” Jinyoung was tired of people trying to analyze him. He didn’t want Jackson to speak if Jackson was going to hit so close to what might actually be the truth.

"I'm controlling it," Jinyoung said measuredly, "if I wasn't, I would have attacked Dooku the moment he held out my masters lightsaber. You wouldn't understand what all that means, but trust me when I say I am fine." The dark side was tempting but he hadn't acted on it. He’d won against it.

"Since you're speaking honestly with me," Jackson spoke, "what is it you have against Jaebeom?" Jinyoung crossed his arms tightly.

"Anyone who doesn't believe in the cause of uniting the republic can be swayed by the other side," Jinyoung said, “I’ve seen it before and I don't trust his loyalties." He knew Jackson suspected there was more but that was all that Jinyoung would give him.

"We work with people everyday we're not sure we can trust," Jackson said, "the tides of things are shifting constantly. A planet that is on our side today can easily shift towards the other tomorrow. That's never stopped you from believing in people or trusting before. You have changed. Loosing Joon changed you, and not for the better."

Jinyoung breathed out, he didn't want to respond. He knew silence was agreement, but he had no fight left in him with the accusation because it was the truth. Before he'd lost his master he'd believed they could end the war. Things had changed. He felt lost in an endless circle. Chasing the wind as it kept moving farther and faster away from him. He was chasing something he couldn't see. The force was his guide, and as he grew he'd always relied on it.

When he lost Joon he felt cut off from it. Distant, alone.

He was still the same in how he could access the force for utilize it. He could still fight, he could still wrap himself within it but he couldn't find peace. He couldn't find his way out of the maze of wondering if everything the galaxy had become was their fault. He didn't want to believe that nor be around anyone who did. The Jedi hadn't wanted war, they'd been led into it. Everything felt clouded by a growing darkness. The dark side of the force was becoming more powerful and Jinyoung feared it was going to keep growing.

He feared what the galaxy would look like if the Jedi kept dying off. The war had to end before that happened. For it to end they needed everyone to be on their side. They needed everyone to side with keeping the union of the republic in tact. They needed people to stop aiding the separatists cause. The separatists were led by Count Dooku, by Sith, they were clearly wrong.

If he wasn't so proud he would have admitted how tired he was, he would have admitted what weighed on him. But he was all pride so he kept it inside and silent. He'd also convinced himself all he had against Jaebeom was just his lack of sides. When Taecyeon had told him Jinyoung had been surprised. More than surprised it hurt.

It hurt to think the one who had been his best friend didn't believe the Jedi were right. That he didn't believe Jinyoung was right. The truth was that Jaebeom was no longer his best friend. He'd changed, he'd left and he'd changed. And he'd given up on the Jedi so of course he didn’t agree with them. Jinyoung did his best to forget everything else, to bury all memories to the point where his mind felt one thing about Jaebeom. That he wasn't a friend, that he was untrustworthy. That he would betray them.

That frightened him. Not being able to trust in someone he’d been so close to frightened him. The war had taught him that if someone didn't believe in their cause that they would inevitably help the enemy. He didn't want to believe that about Jaebeom but he had to.

"Don't worry about me Jackson," Jinyoung said, "I'm going to be fine."

"I am sorry we have to leave," Jackson said. That was out of their control. Jackson couldn't be seen near Jinyoung again by any of their enemies if he wanted to keep hidden.

Jackson's place in their war mattered, even more than Jinyoung's did.

“It makes no difference,” Jinyoung said, “we all do what we have to.” He looked at his friend and sighed. “Thanks for getting us this far.” He knew despite his pride and despite the protests he did owe Jackson a thanks.

“I want you to be okay Jinyoung,” Jackson said, “try to get along with Jaebeom even if you don’t like him. Get to Skaytar safe.”

* * *

After Jackson and Mark were delivered safely to their ship Jinyoung found himself unsure what to do with the time he had. Jaebeom informed him there were several hours to go until they reached the substation. Jinyoung took it as a good opportunity to rest for just a bit. If things at the substation were dangerous he would have to put up a fight.

He was directed by Youngjae, one of Jaebeom’s crew members to a bunk room where King Tal Van was sleeping soundly. Jinyoung looked at him for a brief moment and wondered how he was holding up. He wondered how afraid the kid was, knowing what he was going back to. He was sure it was impossible not to be.

Jinyoung felt empty as he laid in the bunk and shut his eyes to try and find sleep. He could still feel pain somewhere in his mind from where the Sith Lord had tried to claw at him. The fear that Dooku could reach for him again was terrifying because Dooku had gotten so much of a hold… That kind of fear was something he should reject. He had to remind himself of the things that mattered, the things he was taught from the time he was small.

_There is no fear, there is only the force._

He couldn’t let himself be afraid. Fear only exposed him to the Dark side, just like anger. Those were emotions he couldn’t afford to let in because they were dangerous but they wouldn’t let him go. He hated the way fear latched on to him like a claw like hand gripping his heart. He was afraid of failing and falling to the dark side now that there was a clear intent from a Sith to turn him. That meant the Sith saw him as a viable target… He needed to stay on the right path when everything was moving against him.

The cold of space travel was familiar, the weariness of the fight was nothing new. The gnawing feelings in his mind... Worry, someone worried but it wasn’t him. He could feel it raw in his mind and he was able to quickly identify what it was he was feeling, who it was he was feeling. He wanted to push the door shut. How had something that had been gone for so long reopen within hours?

A force connection that had formed because they both had spent so much time side by side. Like masters formed connections with apprentices by proximity. Only theirs wasn’t supposed to happen and time apart was supposed to sever those ties. He could feel Jaebeom, not as strong as before but the elder was close and he could feel something from the other. He resented having to spend time with the other at all. He resented all of it. He would be glad when it ended.

“Jinyoung?” Jaebeom was there in the room with him, and Jinyoung didn’t move. He kept his eyes shut like he really was just sleeping. He was easily relaxed, just feeling the force around him in a space comforted but it wasn’t sleep and Jaebeom likely knew difference. He didn’t want his space of peace invaded, not by the person who he’d shut out.

“I know you’re awake,” Jaebeom spoke and Jinyoung didn’t budge. He wouldn’t be drawn into another conversation, especially when Jaebeom’s voice sounded so serious. There was nothing for them to talk about. Nothing he wanted to say.

“I have no intention of fighting with you, if that helps...”

Jinyoung was still.

“I never had any intention of fighting,” Jaebeom continued, “or causing trouble. I’m just here to do this job. I didn’t know the Jedi I was picking up was you...” He trailed off. Jinyoung wanted to ask if he would have refused if he’d know. But he didn’t.

He wouldn’t open his eyes.

He couldn’t bring himself to.

There was too much resentment towards someone who caused nothing but pain. Towards someone who didn’t believe in their family so much so that he’d run… He’d left them and more than that he betrayed them by not being on their side. Anything personal beyond that didn’t exist. Jinyoung had erased it.

“I don’t know what you’ve been told,” Jaebeom said, “it’s probably accurate as to how I feel about this war... but I don’t... there’s more too it. I could try to explain but it’s complicated.” Jinyoung wondered why Jaebeom cared what Jinyoung thought of his feelings on the war. Jinyoung didn’t care anything about what Jaebeom did or what he felt.

“I don’t think this war was ever the answer,” Jaebeom continued to try. Jinyoung wouldn’t respond. He couldn’t expect Jaebeom to understand. The Jedi didn’t seek the war, didn’t cause the war, didn’t ask to be generals. Their own were attacked. Their own were murdered on Geonosis. They’d had no choice but to fight back. When the Republic asked them to help, they did because it was personal. The Sith had started it and it was the hardest trial the order had ever faced.

Jinyoung was tired of friends dying, and tired of others blaming them.

“There’s a lot I could say,” Jaebeom said, “if you would just let me. Please.” He didn’t want an explanation. Within hours they would repair the ship & do a light speed jump to Skaytar. Before the day was over Jinyoung would never have to see him again. It was better that way.

There was silence then footsteps as Jaebeom stopped trying. Jinyoung stayed still, breathed steady and let sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been feeling a bit down by the lack of clicks and response to this story but I'm going to keep pushing it forward. 
> 
> Please leave kudos, comment or bookmark. It's a wonderful thing every author loves to see.


	6. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 5 - Work Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebeom and Jinyoung have to find a way to sort out their difference when faced with the challenge of the Separatist substation.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung walked amidst the smoke and ash that filled the skies. The sun was setting in colors that offset the view of the destruction he saw before him. He breathed deep as he could feel pain in the force from the darkness of the battle and the lives that were lost._

_“Jinyoung!” One of the other knights called for him. Aayla Secura was the one who he has been backing up in coming to the planet. She was a Twi’lek with a stunning blue color to her skin. They’d never worked together before that day and he was in awe of how calm she remained through all the stages of the fight. The ground assault had been a nightmare. They’d been unprepared for the bombing that had taken place but Aayla’s quick thinking and calls for counteraction and help from their space fleet had resulted in their victory._

_Victory at a high cost._

_The planet would never be the same._

_“Why did the Separatists even come here?” Jinyoung voiced the only question that had filled his mind. It made no sense to him, there was no tactical advantage to taking the planet. He wondered why Aayla could be so strong when he could feel the force crying, life being taken. He could feel it all, the voices screaming in agony and pain._

_The planet was peaceful. They weren’t warriors. There was nothing the Separatists could gain by attacking such a race. They’d done nothing but caused pain and death and misery. Jinyoung shook, feeling the weight of the losses._

_“They wanted to draw us into it,” Aayla responded, “I have been bothered by what their reasoning could be as well. The only thing I can think is they wanted to dare us to fight them here.” And the Republic had answered the call and sent the Jedi…_

_“Why?” It didn’t make sense. It didn’t have to go the way it had. He felt it so deeply. Three Jedi had been killed and those losses burned within him. Three more lost but that was nothing compared to the losses of the people of the planet. If the Separatists hadn’t gone to the planet the Republic wouldn’t have responded and those losses could have been prevented._

_“The Sith feed off the gathering darkness caused by this war,” Aayla said, “that is a reason, that and using this destruction against us. They’ll use this to rally more planets to their cause, to paint the Jedi as evil purveyors of war.” Jinyoung hadn’t heard that explanation before and the thought of it frightened him. He’d never thought about how others might see him and his family as the ones causing the war. The ones driving it forward but now that it had been presented to him Jinyoung was sure it was happening._

_“They can’t do that,” Jinyoung said, “they started this, they did this.” He felt like his body was rejecting the idea, shaking from it. B_

_“They did though,” Aayla replied, “And they will continue to fan the flames of this war.” Jinyoung cried out clenching his fists in frustration. He’d heard they could win easy, that the could end the war quickly but it didn’t... it wasn’t going to end if it kept on the way it was going._

_“We have to win,” he spoke desperately._

_“Good always prevails in the end,” Aayla responded, “we must keep to the light, we know our cause is just. The people on every planet will see we are fighting for their good if we keep going the way we are. That is what will end this by showing the galaxy the difference between us and the Sith.” He felt how strongly she believed it and he let himself take her words to heart. What they were fighting for was right. Every people or every race would see the contrast of it. They wanted unity and they wanted peace._

_He knew they were on the right side and the Sith were on the wrong. It was simple and easy for him to grasp._

_He believed others would also know._

_He believed…_

* * *

Present

* * *

“I need you to listen to every word I say before you pass judgement on this plan,” Jaebeom spoke on the defensive before the conversation had really even begun. They’d landed in the substation but Jaebeom had sealed the doors to his ship. No one was allowed in or out until he spoke to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung felt Jaebeom was being ridiculous in his move to block Jinyoung from entering the substation. Jinyoung had asked to accompany him in his dealings and Jaebeom had wanted to put Jinyoung in the smuggling hold with the Skaytar king. Jinyoung wouldn’t be left out of any proceedings. He believed he needed to be there as he was the one in charge of the operation. This was his mission, not Jaebeom’s.

“I’m listening,” Jinyoung declared with frustration as Jaebeom raised his brows like he didn’t believe Jinyoung. His twin moles were the same as ever moving slightly with the movement of his brows. Jinyoung glared harder, upset at noticing that detail.

“I will allow you to come with me—” Jaebeom began to speak.

“Great,” Jinyoung interrupted, “let’s go.”

“I asked you to listen to every word I said,” Jaebeom declared with more frustration. Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

“Well then hurry it up,” Jinyoung argued. They didn’t have time to keep discussing things. It would look suspicious if they landed for too long without addressing the owners of the substation on why they had arrived. Jaebeom had gotten permission to land but they still needed to depart.

“Then stop interrupting me,” Jaebeom pushed back against Jinyoung’s constant interruptions.

“Can you both stop arguing,” Youngjae whined, “I’m getting a headache.” Jinyoung glanced over at Youngjae who looked irritated, he could see most of that irritation was directed right at him.

“You need to leave your lightsaber behind,” Jaebeom spoke quickly what his plan entailed, “and change out of your obvious Jedi robes to hide what you are—”

“Why would we need to hide if they’re not enemies?” Jinyoung countered. He shook his head, he didn’t want to change or mask his appearance. He wanted to see the reaction of the substation if a Jedi walked out to greet them. It would help him to quickly determine if they were on the separatists side in the war or not.

“I’m getting close to just throwing you off my ship,” Jaebeom spoke with a growl to his voice in anger.

“Good luck getting paid then,” Jinyoung retorted, “this is still my mission.”

“I was paid to transport the King, I was never told about bringing along a brat of a Jedi,” Jaebeom said. He really wasn’t in the mood for Jaebeom’s whining.

“Find another option,” Jinyoung said, “my lightsaber stays with me.”

“Jinyoung we need to have a peaceful negotiation with these people,” Jaebeom said, “the best way to do that is to hide what you are. People in this sector don’t view Jedi favorably.” Of course they didn’t.

“Well maybe I could change their perception,” Jinyoung said.

“You haven’t changed mine.” He bristled at Jaebeom’s words.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jinyoung questioned. He felt himself standing up straighter, sizing up Jaebeom as if he was an enemy for Jinyoung to fight. Jinyoung hated it. Jaebeom was too familiar yet too different all at once and it was a mess of frustration. His mind buzzed as he stared him down.

“You know what I mean,” Jaebeom responded, “I thought you signed up to be a peacekeeper not the Chancellor’s lapdog.” There was the attitude towards the Jedi that Jinyoung had heard about first from Taecyeon, there it was again. Jaebeom hated the Jedi, blamed them for how things were in the galaxy. Maybe there was a deeper blame in that but Jinyoung didn’t care to pry deeper. He would push at what was on the surface.

“We are fighting to bring back peace,” Jinyoung argued back, “That is how we got involved!” The Jedi really hadn’t wanted the war yet Jaebeom acted like they had.

“Fighting in a war definitely seems like a good way to bring back peace,” Jaebeom said sarcastically.

“You’re trivializing it,” Jinyoung shouted at him.

“And you’re blind to it,” Jaebeom continued to argue.

“Enough,” Youngjae got between the two of them the way Jackson had before, Jinyoung didn’t know him but he saw clear annoyance on his face. Jaebeom’s other crew member, Yugyeom, put a hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder. “This isn’t going to get us anywhere, you both need to stop fighting.” Youngjae was exasperated.

“Jinyoung,” Yugyeom said his name softly, “Jaebeom is right about presenting ourselves peacefully to the station.” Jinyoung narrowed his eyes.

“We need to be smart about getting these negotiations done without incident,” Youngjae explained what Jinyoung already understood, “you can put your lightsaber in your droid again and e can follow, and Jaebeom you really should have suggested that first.” Jinyoung smirked at the way Youngjae talked down to his captain. He would have to get to know the younger a bit better.

“I’ll agree to that plan if he does,” Jaebeom responded as if he expected Jinyoung to argue against it.

“Done,” Jinyoung said as he crossed his arms tightly. He was glad to upend Jaebeom’s expectations of his response to Youngjae’s very valid suggestion.

“You still need to change your clothing,” Jaebeom pointed at him.

“I’ll just take off the outer robe,” Jinyoung offered. The clothes beneath were more normal looking, just dark pants and a dark shirt.

“Every piece your wearing is a signpost saying ‘I’m a Jedi’,” Jaebeom argued against his idea.

“It is true,” Yugyeom backed his captain up.

“I don’t have anything else,” Jinyoung responded, he didn’t exactly enter the mission packed for a multi day retreat of sorts.

“The three of us live on this ship,” Youngjae stated, “I am sure we can find you something that will fit you. Yugyeom can stay in the smugglers hold with the King and I can oversee the repairs here while you both negotiate peacefully. No disagreeing! Jaebeom knows how to do these negotiations, I don’t doubt you have your own knowledge of them Jinyoung but this is Jaebeom’s ship. He knows the outline of the repairs we need, just let him talk. If he needs your help he will ask. Please just agree to this.”

“Fine,” Jinyoung said. Youngjae seemed nice enough to lay out things and plead for agreement. Jinyoung saw no reason to push back against him when he was much nicer than Jaebeom was.

“So you agree when he suggests it and not me?” Jaebeom looked frustrated.

“He’s way more reasonable than you,” Jinyoung said, he held out a hand to Youngjae because he liked that Jaebeom was annoyed. Youngjae didn’t take it, his expression turned into a glare.

“I’m not on your side,” Youngjae declared. Jinyoung shook his head and held his hand up.

“Suit yourself,” Jinyoung replied.

“Jaebeom find him some clothes, and Yugyeom go wake up the King and get him to the hold,” Youngjae instructed the other two, “let’s get this job done so we can get paid and out of this sector.” He grumbled about something as he turned away back towards the ship console.

“Okay,” Yugyeom said, Jaebeom just left without a word of response. Jinyoung huffed and leaned against the wall, annoyed with the smugglers lack of manners. He looked up again to see Youngjae staring at him with eyes narrowed.

“What?” Jinyoung asked, confused by Youngjae’s expression. There was something in Youngjae’s mind, wheels turning like he was sizing Jinyoung up.

“You’re the one aren’t you?” Youngjae shook his head as the question left his lips.

“What?” Jinyoung asked as his heart rate increased with the question. Youngjae’s eyes narrowed and Jinyoung’s thoughts began to race. What had Jaebeom told Youngjae? Was it possible Youngjae and Yugyeom knew about Jaebeom’s past or didn’t know… He had no way of knowing.

“Nothing,” Youngjae responded and he turned away. It was almost as if the question was a box that Youngjae wasn’t ready to unpack. Jinyoung looked towards the ground.

“I am nothing to him,” Jinyoung responded before he could stop himself. The looming weight of the past was something he didn’t want misconstrued. It had no bearing on the reality of the present. His qualms with Jaebeom had nothing to do with their history and everything to do with the nature of them sitting on opposing sides of something Jinyoung took very seriously.

“I met Jaebeom the day he left the Jedi temple,” Youngjae spoke up, “because it was the day my time there expired. No master chose me so I was being sent away.” Jinyoung clenched his fists. He knew what the consequences were for being ignored. The order wouldn’t keep kids forever if there was no future for them with a master. If one had no master by the time they were 13 years old, they were sent away to learn different trades on other planets. The Jedi weren’t cruel, they set children up to succeed when they were sent away, but being sent away was painful.

Jinyoung was chosen so young, he’d never had time to worry about that day coming for him. He’d been given a place to pursue his dream when he was still a tiny child with years ahead of him before that ultimatum.

“I met Jaebeom at his lowest,” Youngjae continued to speak after a pause, “I’m probably the only person in this galaxy that knows what went wrong because I asked him everyday why he would throw it all away. I wasn’t even given a chance to have what he had yet he walked away willingly.” Jinyoung could feel Youngjae’s pain as he spoke. He didn’t like that feeling. It existed in the force, Youngjae was force sensitive.

But he caught what Youngjae was trying to tell him. He knew everything, maybe every detail of what Jaebeom had tried to have before leaving.

“Not the only person,” Jinyoung countered. Jinyoung knew what happened in the final days. A fateful encounter, a near death experience and an overwhelming emotional response… Most Jedi apprentices never had such experiences. Most were strong enough not to fail…

“Think whatever you want to think about what you witnessed,” Youngjae stated with a cold expression on his face, “but you weren’t the only factor in what happened.” Jinyoung was confused by those words.

“What?” Jinyoung asked.

“Ask him yourself,” Youngjae said, “because I am curious if he would tell you or if he would lie.” Jinyoung realized that meant Youngjae would say nothing more. He was baiting Jinyoung, perhaps testing if Jinyoung would really dare to ask Jaebeom more. He wouldn’t be drawn in, he wouldn’t allow himself to consider it.

“I don’t care,” Jinyoung said.

“Yeah I know,” Youngjae responded, “but you should. There’s a reason he despises the Jedi so much.” Jinyoung already knew. There was nothing more than that Jaebeom despised the rules that bound them both. That was the reason, all the reason. Jinyoung didn’t want to talk about it. He’d completed his training and part of that had been learning to leave the past in the past. He didn’t care about someone else’s opinion on what happened. He believed in the Jedi, he knew they had flaws, everyone did but the Jedi sought to do right.

“I am sorry for what happened to you,” Jinyoung said, “but those rules are necessary. Force sensitivity isn’t enough to make one a Jedi. There aren’t enough masters to train every student.” It was unfortunate but the order really couldn’t accept everyone. Not everyone had what it took at the end of the day.

“I made peace with it long ago,” Youngjae said, “I don’t mind not having that life.”

"I have clothes," Jaebeom announced as he entered and Jinyoung was left wondering how much he'd heard and how he hadn't noticed the other approaching. Their eyes met and Jinyoung walked to take the clothing Jaebeom held out.

"You can change in my room," Jaebeom told him. Jinyoung took the clothing and grunted in acknowledgement. He continued to walk past Jaebeom and towards the back room.

"What did you tell him?" He heard Jaebeom ask Youngjae as he'd walked down the hall and away from the cockpit. It was tempting to listen but Jinyoung reminded himself he wasn't going to be curious. He had no reason to care. He continued towards Jaebeom's room.

He remembered waking up in that room and realized that he'd been immediately hostile. Jaebeom had shown concern and Jinyoung had pushed him off in frustration. He'd told himself Jaebeom deserved it but he did understand his own position wasn't the best. He couldn't justify his actions for long, though that didn't exactly mean he could stop.

It didn't mean he would do anything but push away any chance to get to know this version of Jaebeom. He didn’t want to know this person. He would continue with the mission, continue moving forward. He hoped that after the mission the Republic would have a decisive victory on Skaytar. Then all the things he went through to get there would be worth it. Every victory was one step closer to ending the war. It was all he wanted. They could pick up the pieces of what was left of the Jedi order after the war ended.

* * *

"I've just received contact from Senator Wang," his commanding officer came to him and Taecyeon had been meditating. He didn't mind the intrusion but through searching the force he'd discovered a disturbance he couldn't identify. It was puzzling when the force would present things to him that were difficult to get a read on. He wished he had more time to seek it out but sometimes he just needed time away to see it with new eyes later.

"What did he have to say?" Taecyeon asked. He knew that Jinyoung wasn't being dropped off by the Senator but by some smuggler that Jackson had hired. Jackson was returning to his home planet following some hang ups on the mission.

"He says the rescue was successful and Jinyoung is in route," the commander said.

"Very good," Taecyeon said, "thank you for your report."

"There's more," the commander said, “Jackson also conveyed that Dooku is also on his way, and he wants Jinyoung." Taecyeon froze, he'd worried about that potential outcome. Dooku had found out what Jinyoung was doing and where he was going. Taecyeon suspected the Sith Lord wanted to kill his own master, and to do that he would need an apprentice. Someone on his side who was strong enough in the force to back him up against whoever that was. They'd never identified who it was that Dooku served, it was a mystery but Dooku turning his eyes to Jinyoung as an apprentice candidate was concerning.

"I will inform Master Windu," Taecyeon said, "keep a lookout for Jinyoung's arrival and inform me immediately if you hear something."

"Yes sir," the commander responded and Taecyeon dismissed him. The older Jedi slipped back into surrounding himself in the force. If the disturbance he identified was Dooku, then he would have to be ready to fight hard against him.

He trusted Jinyoung to stay on his path, but there were certainly complications when a Sith Lord was involved. He wondered if the new development was related to the disturbance that he sensed or if there was more. Jinyoung needed to be strong enough to defeat the Sith Lord fairly, like a Jedi would. Jinyoung was too vulnerable to put in that sort of fight. So Taecyeon knew had to be the one to do it.

He wouldn't leave anything up to chance. He would listen as the force guided him and search for the answers. If his path was to face down Dooku himself, he would give everything to make it happen.

* * *

Jinyoung walked out of the ship beside Jaebeom. He was pretty sure the clothes he was wearing were Jaebeom's as the fit of them was large and awkward on his smaller frame. He didn't have a similar build to Yugyeom or Youngjae either so whatever was chosen was bound to fit off. But that it was obvious the shoulders of the clothing were too large he knew it was Jaebeom's. He didn’t know how he felt about that. It annoyed him.

They stepped together and Jaebeom began to address the Substation engineers in their native language. Jinyoung stood next to him waiting for the inevitability that the other man needed something from Jinyoung. Jinyoung didn’t recognize the language they spoke, he’d studied a lot of languages but Jaebeom was always better at picking them up.

R7 rolled beside him and Jinyoung eyed the little droid then turned back to look at Jaebeom. He couldn't tell how things were going cause he couldn't understand the language and that frustrated him.

"He wants me to introduce you," Jaebeom suddenly turned to Jinyoung and spoke directly to him. "Take his hand and bow as I speak." Jinyoung followed instructions though he didn't know what it was the alien was saying or what Jaebeom was saying. He wanted to show Jaebeom he could play the game diplomatically. Once the introduction was apparently completed, the creature beckoned them to follow.

"They'll sell us the parts but we must handle install ourselves," Jaebeom explained to him. So things had apparently gone well. Jinyoung was glad they at least had the necessary parts.

"Is that alright?" Jinyoung asked about the install. He had no idea what was being replaced and what the install entailed, but he was sure Jaebeom knew.

"Yeah we can do it no problem,” Jaebeom responded. He didn’t say it like it was obvious or with any sort of force.

"Great," Jinyoung said dryly. He was upset they'd needed repairs in the first place but it was good they were going to get done. "Where are we going now?” They were following the substation engineer and he didn’t know why.

"His office, to pay for the parts and sign the deal on the price," Jaebeom said, “he’s giving us a good price for our purchase.”

"Great," Jinyoung said. He was still wary about the station.

"Don't act so surprised that this went well," Jaebeom said, “I told you it would.” Jinyoung didn’t think he was acting surprised about anything. He was just watching suspiciously.

"You assume it's over," Jinyoung muttered. He didn't like the feeling he had about the whole thing. He was trying to listen in the force for a warning, a sign to make sure things were actually okay. Something did feel off.

"It's really much simpler than you wanted to make it," Jaebeom replied. Jinyoung felt something creeping in his mind and he looked at Jaebeom. He wondered how easy it would be to nudge at him and at what was between them. Like when they were kids and their force connection was easy. Would Jaebeom understand? Would he respond like he had then. They'd never needed words to communicate in tough situations then.

Jinyoung knew doing such a thing would widen the connection between them once again and he was annoyed it was reforming at all. He didn't want that so he didn't move to do what he was thinking of. It was better to leave the past in the past.

They followed to an office as was described and Jaebeom motioned for Jinyoung to take a seat along with him. The creature said something to Jaebeom who responded favorably to whatever was suggested and the creature turned towards the door to leave them there. Jinyoung turned and watched him leave, the door shut.

"Something's off," Jinyoung immediately said, "I can feel it."

"You're convincing yourself something is wrong cause you never liked this plan," Jaebeom commented.

"Excuse me if I am not a fan of giving money to separatists," Jinyoung responded in a harsh whisper. But that wasn’t the reason he felt something was off. The whole thing was going too easy, it didn’t feel right.

"See nothing wrong but your attitude," Jaebeom replied, "what happened to you?" The last part sounded like a question that wasn’t meant to be answered, more like an observance. Like Jinyoung was a puzzle that Jaebeom was trying to figure out. Someone who looked like his former friend, but wasn’t the same. That’s how Jinyoung knew Jaebeom felt because it was how he felt as well.

"I am telling you something's wrong," Jinyoung responded, "can't you feel it, it's in the force around us." Jaebeom's eyes narrowed at him, he looked like Jinyoung was going crazy. Jinyoung furrowed his brow confused by Jaebeom’s expression.

"I'm not a Jedi, Jinyoung," Jaebeom responded, it was pointed and Jinyoung got what he meant. That he wasn't going to talk like one and he was upset at Jinyoung for speaking to him that way, but surely he hadn't closed himself off completely. The idea had Jinyoung feeling off, uncomfortable. He didn’t know why, but the idea of Jaebeom being closed off upset him. But their connection had reformed, in a small way. That couldn’t happen if Jaebeom was completely shut off.

"You're still force sensitive," Jinyoung responded, "that doesn't go away when you turn your lightsaber in." Jaebeom turned away. Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom, he could still feel him in the force. He was still connected. Maybe it had faded, maybe it got weaker because Jaebeom didn't use it. Maybe Jaebeom didn't listen or let the force guide him.

It hurt to think of Jaebeom without the force. Jinyoung moved against his better judgement, he couldn't stop himself. He nudged at Jaebeom in the force through their connection, the door between them. In mere hours of meeting him again Jinyoung couldn't resist reaching for their connection again. To brush against that which was most familiar, from their childhood moments… Jaebeom's head snapped to his and their eyes met. Jaebeom could still feel, he could still listen. Jinyoung breathed out as he felt their connection.

Jinyoung was reaching touching like a hand reaching for the other man's but it was different. There was always something secure about the way they'd connected. Before they'd even understood what it was, they'd felt safe wrapped up in the force together. It was their comfort when things went wrong. Something only between them.

"Jinyoung," Jaebeom spoke his name with confusion. It was impulsive and Jinyoung realized it was the wrong move. The familiar, the taste of something he hadn't touched in so long. Jaebeom was always his own personal rebellion. A piece of him that had never fit with what he'd been taught. Jinyoung snapped the connection shut like he’d been burned. His heart racing as he looked into Jaebeom’s eyes. His eyes were still the same…

"Why would you do that?" Jaebeom asked him and Jinyoung just turned away.

"Sorry," Jinyoung muttered. He realized he'd made a mistake. It was better to leave it all alone, forget any of it ever existed. Memories were past, they did not determine the reality of the present. And the reality was nothing like the past. They weren’t kids anymore.

"Jinyoung..." Jaebeom said his name again and Jinyoung felt a sting hit his neck. He was shocked by it and he looked up too see Jaebeom slumping over towards the desk.

He grabbed at his neck as things started getting hazy.

He'd known there was danger, he'd let his guard down.

His head went so dizzy that he couldn't stay awake any longer.

It all went black.

* * *

DREAM

* * *

_Run._

_Someone told him to run so he ran. He wasn't sure why but he kept running because that voice propelled him forward._

_He breathed deep and heavy. There was a heaviness in his heart but he didn't remember why. He could hear explosions, bombs falling. So familiar._

_But something was different._

_Jinyoung felt like the danger was endless. Like the darkness was closing in and he could feel the pain in his heart as each light was snuffed out. He became aware of what it meant. What each stab to his heart meant._

_The Jedi were dying._

_He stopped, he stopped and fell to his knees._

_He grasped his head and couldn't stop the pain from filling his entire body._

_"JINYOUNG GET UP!" Someone called to him._

_"GET UP." He could feel danger closing in from all sides. He didn't understand what was happening._

_"JINYOUNG," he recognized the voice and everything was in slow motion as he looked up to see Jaebeom standing in front of him. A hand held out to him. It was raining. It poured around him. He laid against cold ground staring up as the rain fell, a burning pain in his chest as he felt like life was slipping away from him._

_In his hands, a warmth- kyber-_

_It shifted…_

_He became aware that they were surrounded, out in the open. He was standing once again boots in soft grass. Surrounded by enemies, with no escape in sight. His eyes met Jaebeom’s, with him, next to him and was surprised to find tears there._

_Jinyoung shook from what was happening but he still reached for Jaebeom's hand._

_The cold winds blew around them and he heard blaster fire. His hand brushed Jaebeom's, he grasped it tightly. He pulled himself towards Jaebeom and threw his arms around the other man. He put everything he had left and threw a shield up, circular around them. Blasters went off over and over but they couldn't reach them, not when they were together. They were protected by the force, by Jinyoung fighting with all he had._

_But even so he knew he could only hold it for so long. Tears spilled down his face as he held on with both arms around Jaebeom, and he felt Jaebeom's tears against his neck._

_It was as if everything slowed down in an instant._

_But an instant couldn't last forever._

_Their shield fell._

_Everything fell._

_Everything burned down._

_…_

_…_

_Jinyoung's eyes closed and he opened them to see the temple on fire._

_He couldn't believe the sight, but he shook from the weight of it._

_They'd lost._

* * *

He woke up to a throbbing pain in his head. He didn't like that he still felt drugged and weighed down. Still… Jinyoung stirred, became aware of a warmth. He moved his arms and realized he had been tossed over someone. He worked to get his eyes open but his eyelids felt weighed down.He shook his head to fight the feeling and opened his eyes, it was difficult to do so, and as he did he realized they had tossed him on top of Jaebeom who wasn’t stirring.

“Dammit,” Jinyoung grumbled. He realized his hands were bound and whatever substance they put in his system made it difficult to see as the room moved in hazy shapes. He reached for the force instinctively for help but found it hard to focus on just doing that simple task. He tried to move again and hoped Jaebeom would wake up soon.

How had he been so stupid?

He’d let his guard down. He’d walked them right into their current situation by letting Jaebeom have control of the mission against his better judgement. He’d been convinced his idea of how to handle it was unreasonable. He should have known better. His mind felt strange and the dream came back to him, like a cloak of fear thrown over him. He moved himself back off Jaebeom and fell back to the floor completely. He breathed heavy, it took effort as he fought against the drugs in his system.

He fought to feel the force.

He could feel the haze clearing on his mind. He reached through it and grabbed more clearly for the force. He pried at the bonds on his hands and found the lock to be complicated but not impossible. He looked back to where Jaebeom was out soundly and reached his bound hands to nudge the man.

Jaebeom didn’t move. Jinyoung breathed deep and the exhaustion must have caused him not to think. He reached for their force connection, reached for the door, the bridge...

Jaebeom.

He shouted at him in the force, willing him to wake up. They had to get out and Jinyoung needed him awake to get him out too.

“Jaebeom get up,” Jinyoung gritted out as he focused all his energy on Jaebeom’s mind. Things seemed to snap into place between them, Jinyoung gasped as it felt like the full force of their connection re-opened. It was strong as it had ever been. His eyes fluttered open, he stirred and looked confused. Jinyoung still held on, still pushed in overwhelmed by the familiar feeling. His heart felt a stir.

“Jinyoung?” Jaebeom struggled it seemed he was still so deep under the drugs influence. Jinyoung's mind was becoming more and more clear with the force and Jaebeom. They were stronger together.

"We have to get out of here," Jinyoung said and he watched as Jaebeom's eyes slipped shut again. They must have hit him with a higher dose if he was struggling more to get out of it.

_Jaebeom wake up._

Jinyoung shouted at him with the force and Jaebeom's eyes opened again. This time his expression wasn’t blank, his eyes weren’t hazed, he was angry.

"Get out of my head," Jaebeom said coldly as their eyes met. Jinyoung felt himself being pushed back out with the force. Jaebeom clearly trying to shut down what Jinyoung was doing.

"Then stay awake," Jinyoung pushed back forcefully like a shove against Jaebeom’s consciousness before using the force to sit himself up. He pulled away back inside his own mind away from Jaebeom like he’d been burned.

"You're the one who got us into this mess," Jinyoung muttered.

"All you do is argue," Jaebeom mumbled in return as he clearly struggled with the feeling in his head. Jaebeom’s hand went to his forehead and eyes as he found his own bearings slowly.

"Well all you do is act infuriating," Jinyoung shot back, "you really thought separatists were going to be friendly?" He wanted to move the subject away from what he was feeling. It was better to fight over their mutual disagreement than for Jinyoung to think any longer about what had happened.

"Well I definitely made the mistake of thinking you were going to be friendly," the length of Jaebeom's sentence was enough for Jinyoung to realize he was coming around fully. Jinyoung ignored unpacking just what Jaebeom was implying.

"Why the hell would they even do this?" Jinyoung asked.

"How am I supposed to know? Jaebeom asked.

"Get up," Jinyoung pushed at him with the force and Jaebeom groaned, "I need your help to get these cuffs off." Jaebeom moved to get himself into sitting position as well. He reached for the cuffs around Jinyoung's wrists to examine them.

"You're not getting these off, not with the force," Jaebeom pointed out. Jinyoung huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Just help me by holding on to that green part," Jinyoung explained to him, "I can get this off." Jaebeom listened and held on to exactly what Jinyoung wanted him too. Jinyoung used the force to apply pressure to an opposite part.

"That's not going to work," Jaebeom spoke his doubts to what Jinyoung was attempting. Jinyoung didn't pay him any mind. He knew what he was doing, he knew what he could do if he just focused. It wasn't budging with the pressure he was exerting but he didn't let up. His master had taught him many lessons when he was a child. He knew enough pressure and anything could break.

He felt strength filling his body as he pushed down harder and Jaebeom's hand stuttered in it's hold. Jinyoung smirked as he saw the look of surprise Jaebeom had towards how much Jinyoung had control. The metal snapped. Jaebeom let go and jumped in surprise, clearly not expecting it. Jinyoung put his hand on his wrist to rub the pain out of it. The other wrist was still bound but he would deal with that later. He stood up and rushed towards the prison door.

"What about me?" Jaebeom questioned, his own hands still bound behind his back.

"Give me a minute," Jinyoung responded. He was tired of being locked up in prison cells. Two within one mission was getting too close to his record three years before. He prided himself of never staying locked up for long.

"Are you going to push the door open with the force?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung looked at the door and wondered if there was some sort of extra reinforcement. Maybe the creatures who ran the substation didn’t know what he was, maybe they did. He lifted his hands to test it.

“Wait!” Jaebeom shouted at him and Jinyoung pushed forward with the force. He wasn’t sure what happened but he was surprised when his move rebounded and he was sent back towards the wall. He hit it hard and the breath was knocked out of his body. He fell to the ground and caught himself with his hands before laying against it to breathe.

“It’s sealed Jinyoung!” Jaebeom shouted at him, “don’t you see the field?” Jinyoung coughed as he tried to catch his breath. He had not expected that to happen.

“Are you okay?” Jaebeom asked and Jinyoung just nodded. “You didn’t have to hit it that hard! If it wasn’t sealed it would have opened with much less if it was going to open!” Jinyoung was aware that Jaebeom was correct, he hadn’t meant to push it so hard. Jinyoung looked back towards the door out of frustration. He had to find another solution.

“Help me get these off,” Jaebeom whined at him, “and I can help you get us out.” Jinyoung pushed at him slightly with the force in annoyance and he grunted.

“You’re seriously going to be petty now? We have to work together to get out of this,” Jaebeom protested but Jinyoung was examining the room. There were wall panels, it was likely retrofitted to be a cell. The door was sealed with a force field but the walls weren’t.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Jaebeom snapped at him in frustration.

“Quiet I am trying to concentrate,” Jinyoung said to him. He hadn’t asked to be trapped in a cell with Lim Jaebeom of all people.

“On what?” Jaebeom asked with a frustrated tone. Jinyoung focused on the wall panel in front of him and tried to pull it out. He felt a ringing in his ears as he tried with more. He felt a sudden give and began to pull with more. He stopped as it wouldn’t budge further. He turned back to Jaebeom who was watching wide eyed. He walked back over and put his hands on Jaebeom’s cuffs. He applied pressure in the right places and broke both of Jaebeom’s hands free.

“I need you to help me,” Jinyoung said.

“I’ve been saying I would,” Jaebeom grumbled.

“Yeah but I doubt you thought you’d be doing this today,” Jinyoung responded as he gestured towards the wall, “I need you to use the force with me to pull that panel off.” His expression was one of disbelief at Jinyoung’s request.

“Jinyoung I can’t—“ Jaebeom began to speak.

“Yes you can,” Jinyoung said, “you remember how, I know you do.”

“I am not supposed to,” Jaebeom said, “I haven’t used the force since I left, that’s how it works. I gave it all up, I can’t do that.” Jinyoung didn’t believe for a moment that Jaebeom had really truly stopped using the force all together when he left. It was a part of them, an instinct and Jaebeom still had it.

“You don’t get your memory erased when you leave,” Jinyoung argued, “you don’t get cut off, you remember and I know you can feel it.”

“Jinyoung—“ Jaebeom tried again

“Come on,” Jinyoung interrupted him, grabbed his hand and pulled him off the ground, “it was you who said we needed to work together. Just clear your mind and remember how it felt... we did this a hundred times as children.” Jinyoung couldn’t read Jaebeom’s expression after he said those words. The lines between them had always been dangerous, but they needed to work together and trust each other in the moments they were in.

“It’s easy,” Jinyoung said, and he lifted his hands towards the wall panel to being. Jaebeom looked unsure but he followed Jinyoung’s motion. Jinyoung felt a bit of smug triumph that Jaebeom was willing to follow after protesting.

“Just follow my lead,” Jinyoung instructed and he breathed deep and began to pull with the force. He felt it budge more as Jaebeom began to try. “That’s it,” Jinyoung encouraged but he felt the panel pull back and realized Jaebeom had stopped trying. Jinyoung stopped pulling as well and looked back at the other man. “Do you want to get out of here or not?”

“Jinyoung I just can’t,” Jaebeom said, “it’s not my life...” Jinyoung wasn’t going to take that answer, he didn’t see the point of them hesitating. He nudged Jaebeom through the bridge that they used to cross like breathing.

_Just follow my lead._

Jinyoung looked him in the eye knowing Jaebeom could feel him and Jaebeom nodded. It didn’t take much more than that to remind Jaebeom. They’d been in sync many times before. Jinyoung lifted his hands and Jaebeom followed. They didn’t need words when they were open to each other, they never had needed them. They both pulled with the force together, Jaebeom gasped and Jinyoung knew he hadn’t done it in so long. He’d likely forgotten what it felt like.

Jinyoung hadn’t forgotten. Together they were always strongest, that’s why they’d been pulled together by the force from their earliest moments. The panel began to break from the wall, snap from force of their combined strength. Jinyoung put more into it and soon enough it was pulled off completely. Jinyoung had to act fast to stop it from flying into them. He pushed it back and the crash was loud.

Jaebeom looked entirely stunned and Jinyoung just smirked and walked forward to finish the task he’d set out to do. There were a series of wires behind that panel. He recognized the make and pattern of them. He used the force to rip the right ones out of the walk and the field around the door fell. He ripped a couple more and the door opened.

“How did you know that would work?” Jaebeom asked in surprised at what quick work that Jinyoung had made of the wiring.

“I’ve been in too many cells the past few years,” Jinyoung responded. He knew so many ways to break out.

“Okay,” Jaebeom still looked stunned at how things had turned around so quickly.

“Come on,” Jinyoung grabbed his hand, “we gotta go, they definitely heard the crash.” Jinyoung moved out of the cell dragging Jaebeom for a moment before he joined step with Jinyoung. The station wasn’t large and that was something Jinyoung was thankful for. They could find a way back to their ship easily but he needed to find his droid.

“This way,” Jinyoung pulled Jaebeom down a side hallway as he felt out in the force for his lightsaber. The kyber crystal inside had its own force signature that Jinyoung knew well. He was drawn to it, it was a part of him. Jinyoung turned down another hallway and a couple of creatures were there with blasters aimed. Jinyoung let go of Jaebeom’s hand and force pushed him behind cover before holding out another hand to block the blaster fire.

He reached back with his second hand to steal a blaster. He got it and fired back on the creatures who tried to run but he got them both before they could. Jaebeom looked up at him from the ground with an annoyed look.

“You didn’t have to push so hard,” Jaebeom whined. They both knew it was intentional on Jinyoung’s part.

“Sorry protective instincts and all,” Jinyoung smirked in response. He tossed Jaebeom the blaster and Jaebeom had to move his hands quickly to catch it or it would have hit him in the face. His expression made it clear he knew it was intentional but Jinyoung didn’t care.

“Let’s go,” Jinyoung said.

“The hangar is that way,” Jaebeom pointed another direction from the one Jinyoung was pointed to.

“And my lightsaber is this way,” Jinyoung pointed the direction he wanted to go in, “just come on.” Jinyoung grabbed his hand again. He pulled Jaebeom off the ground and along behind him.

“You don’t have to hold my hand,” Jaebeom complained.

“You didn’t try to stop me,” Jinyoung quipped back. He felt back in his element with a fight to be won in front of him and a clear enemy. Jaebeom yanked his hand away from Jinyoung and Jinyoung let him. They continued to run down the hall and when there were more hostiles Jaebeom took them out easily with the blaster. Jinyoung kept leading the way unfazed by anything that came their way.

“They likely knocked us out with some sort of gas,” Jinyoung said, “we need to stay in the open. Any enclosed rooms are likely dangerous.” He had to keep a read on what had gone wrong.

“Makes sense,” Jaebeom responded.

“Stay close,” Jinyoung said and he finally made it to what he wanted. R7, his little droid responded to seeing him with a series of beeps. They’d put a restraining bolt on him, Jinyoung removed it quickly and put his hands against the metal dome of the little astromech.

“Hey little guy,” Jinyoung knelt in front of him, “did they hurt you.” R7 responded by opening a compartment with his lightsaber and Jinyoung took it. “Thanks buddy. Let’s get out of here.” R7 beeped in affirmation.

“This way,” Jaebeom gestured back towards the door of the room Jinyoung nodded. They both had to work together fighting their way down the halls but it wasn't difficult. Jaebeom fired his blaster and Jinyoung used his lightsaber expertly to fight their way back to the ship.

"We still need those parts," Jaebeom declared, “But we need to check on the others. Youngjae would have noticed something off.”

"I need to check on the king," Jinyoung rushed aboard the ship and he heard blaster fire as he realized Jaebeom stayed out to fight off the enemies who were moving in. He rushed towards the smuggler hold and opened it up. He found Yugyeom and the King were still there, the King looked terrified.

“What’s going on?” Yugyeom asked him. Likely confused to see Jinyoung back there with his lightsaber in hand.

“The station was hostile,” Jinyoung said, “where is Youngjae?”

“I don’t know,” Yugyeom responded.

“Stay here, protect him,” Jinyoung instructed the younger boy. He had no doubts that Yugyeom and the King were both safer there. Jinyoung closed up the hold and ran back out towards the hangar when he felt something...

A darkness, a dark presence drawing closer.

Jinyoung’s heart started to pound as he ran out faster. He knew that- he knew that feeling.

“Jaebeom, Youngjae isn’t here!” Jinyoung called out, “we have to go now!” His heart was pounding, he was frightened. The firing had stopped there was no one else coming but that presence it was close by.

“Where is Youngjae?” Jaebeom asked, “can you identify his life signature.” Jinyoung’s heart pounded and he felt frozen as he realized what was about to happen. He didn’t even know if they had time to run, he didn’t feel ready to fight.

“Jinyoung you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung realized he had to do something drastic to stay hidden, to be untraceable but it hurt. It hurt more than anything. He closed himself off to the force quickly, entirely shutting himself off from the life flow and it hurt. He felt his body weaken almost in an instant.

“Dooku’s coming,” Jinyoung explained as Jaebeom looked like he was about to ask, concern was all over his face. His eyes instantly looked like they understood.

“We need to go,” Jinyoung said and Jaebeom nodded.

“Get on the ship,” Jaebeom told him.

“I got the parts!” Youngjaes voice shouted and Jinyoung saw him running with a cart of stuff, “I figured something went wrong and hid till I could pinch them.” Jinyoung didn’t know if it was enough, if it would take a long time to install but they had them. They had a chance and they had to run.

“Good,” Jaebeom sounded relieved. “Get those to Yugyeom now, and get them installed we’re going to have a chase on our hands!” He shouted out those words like orders.

“What?” Youngjae asked.

“They called in the Separatists,” Jaebeom said, “there’s no more time to explain just go.” Jaebeom grabbed Jinyoung’s arm and pulled him up the ship ramp, down the hall. “I need you to help me fly while the others get those parts in,” Jaebeom told him, “you can do that right?” Jinyoung nodded, he’d learned to fly from the time he was young as part of his Jedi training. It was going to be difficult to do so while hiding his force signature.

“You sure?” Jaebeom looked concerned and that annoyed Jinyoung. He didn’t want Jaebeom’s concern.

“Yes,” Jinyoung responded and Jaebeom nodded for him to follow. They rushed down the hall and Jaebeom closed the ramp and door to the ship. They both headed towards the cockpit to begin. Jinyoung felt the cold, their enemies were close. Jaebeom got into one seat and Jinyoung got in next to him. He looked at the controls in front of him and familiarized himself.

“This is going to get bumpy,” Jaebeom said, “get all shields online and get prepared for countermeasures.”

“They’re not going to shoot us down,” Jinyoung responded, the fight out of his voice.

“Yeah they’re going to try to catch us in a net if the really want you and the king alive,” Jaebeom responded, “we have to keep a distance or we’ll be caught in a tractor beam. Expect fighters to try and cripple the ship or to drive us towards their cruiser.” Jinyoung nodded, he knew what they were up against. He was surprised Jaebeom seemed to understand separatist tactics. Jaebeom engaged all systems and Jinyoung powered up the shields.

“Together,” Jaebeom said and Jinyoung followed his lead to help him launch the ship into space. As expected there were two giant cruisers waiting for them. Dooku’s ships. Jaebeom maneuvered quickly. He pulled back around towards the substation and Jinyoung understood why. The Separatist ships couldn’t use a tractor beam if they risked taking the substation in as well.

“Fighters launching,” Jinyoung said, “how long will the install of those parts take?” He was on edge and he wanted to know what their chances were. If they couldn’t jump to light speed he didn’t know how long the chase was going to last.

“Don’t know,” Jaebeom said, “we’ll escape though, I’ve gotten out of worse situations than this.” Jinyoung held on as Jaebeom sent the ship into a dive and started flying down towards the underside of the station. He breathed deep as his instincts were difficult to resist.

He wanted to reach for the force but Dooku had found his mind so easily before. Jinyoung was terrified of that happening again. He knew Dooku wouldn’t let go of he grabbed at Jinyoung again. He didn’t understand why the Sith Lord was so fixated on turning him.

Jaebeom moved under the station and whipped the ship around. Jinyoung started targeting fighters and firing at them. “Good job,” Jaebeom said, “take them down.” Jinyoung knew he’d have better aim if he opened himself back up to the force. If he did he’d have to shield himself. He knew he could do it but the focus and the fear were conflicting.

He fired more shots and missed the next few. Jaebeom took them on a wide chase and gave Jinyoung an open window to fight back. He used it as best he could to shoot down as many as he could hit.

“You’re going to need to hit the targets!” Jaebeom shouted at him

“I am trying,” Jinyoung snapped as he tried to focus on the fighters. More would be coming and fancy flying wouldn’t be enough to drive them off for long if he couldn’t shoot them down. He knew he was under pressure.

“Try harder,” Jaebeom chided. Jinyoung hit another but it was frustrating. He took a deep breath and focused, he knew what he had to do. He reopened himself to the force and felt that same dark feeling of dread but he reached for the force and wrapped a shield around himself. He could feel everything. He closed his eyes and began to fire. He could feel when to, direction, how to. It all came to him.

“YES!” Jaebeom shouted, “just like that!” Jinyoung opened his eyes to see the field cleared. He smirked. He could feel Jaebeom’s excitement when more fighters came into view.

“They’re relentless,” Jinyoung whined as he moved to target again.

“I’ve got some tricks for them.” Jinyoung felt the ship jerk as Jaebeom moved it suddenly into the station. Fighters followed in but they moved past them as Jaebeom slowed to reverse back out.

“Now!” Jaebeom called. Jinyoung fired to blow up the entrance as Jaebeom backed the ship out fast. They barely missed the flames and Jaebeom was back to maneuvering. Jinyoung gripped the controls to keep from tossing with the way Jaebeom was flying.

“Great job more coming starboard,” Jaebeom informed him. Jinyoung reached out again with the force to decimate them but he could see how many there were. He knew what it meant with how they moved.

“They’re going to try and swarm us,” Jinyoung informed him. He’d seen it many times.

“I know that’s why I’m using the station to split their numbers,” Jaebeom responded. Jinyoung understood what he meant. The fighters were completely robotic, and the cruisers could launch armies of them.

“Youngjae status?” Jaebeom called back.

“Almost done!” Youngjae shouted, “get to a place where you can make a jump!” It would be crazy to try and jump with so many fighters around but they had to move regardless and Jinyoung understood that. He kept firing at the fighters.

"They're trying to drive us towards the cruisers," Jaebeom explained, "to shake the fighters we're going to go within their range. Once the jump is ready we'll get out of there."

"That's crazy!" Jinyoung said, they needed to stay away from the cruisers and the tractor beams. If they got caught they were done, Jinyoung would be trapped in Dooku’s hold again. He was terrified of what Dooku would do to him if he got ahold of Jinyoung once again.

"I've done it before," Jaebeom said making Jinyoung wonder when Jaebeom had faced down Separatist fighters, "We're going to be just fine. Hold tight it's going to get bumpy." Jinyoung focused on firing. He could feel Dooku lurking, in the force. He could feel the dark cold feeling of the dark side that centered around the Sith. He hated it. Dooku was waiting for him to drop his guard. He felt the ship jerk forward and grabbed onto the console to keep himself steady.

“You’re good to go Jaebeom!” Youngjae shouted up to them, Jinyoung felt relief.

“Got it,” Jaebeom started switching controls and Jinyoung felt their ship lurch again and suddenly they were being pulled off course. He felt the stabbing sharp pain of fear in his chest, the dark side of the force clouding his view. Dooku was making his move.

“Jaebeom!” Jinyoung shouted at him.

“We’re good the ship can take it!” Jaebeom responded. Jinyoung could see the cruiser, feel it’s pull. He knew what awaited them. He could feel more than the tractor beam. Dooku was pulling at him, drawing him closer and he couldn’t shield against the stronger force user forever.

“Come on,” Jaebeom kept configuring the engines and Jinyoung felt it snap to life and the sudden burst of speed threw him back. But they were still caught, warring forces pulled against each other. Jinyoung felt like they’d be torn apart.

_Come to me young Jedi._

His voice reached Jinyoung’s mind and Jinyoung pushed back. He was frightened as Dooku pushed his way in stronger. They weren’t going to make it out, that thought was overwhelming to him. The ship couldn’t break from the grip of the tractor beam.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung called out to him again, reaching for him in the force.

“YOUNGJAE DUMP THE CARGO NOW!” Jaebeom shouted and Jinyoung didn’t understand. The opposing forces pulled at his body, his mind. He was unbalanced. He couldn’t breathe.

“Jinyoung stay with me!” Jaebeom shouted at him, like before but stronger, rippling around him. He reached for the light, and Jaebeom was light. The ship jumped with greater power and it hurt when the tractor beam released. Jinyoung cried out as his body hit his seat hard and Jaebeom’s ship successfully jumped to light speed.

They’d gotten away once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter. This was such a fun one to write! I loved writing all their banter and the awkwardness of JJP working together despite their differences.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think of the story so far, or leave kudos or bookmark, All good things. I hope you are enjoying it.


	7. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 6 - You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung closes the door on his history with Jaebeom and the two complete their time together.

* * *

Past

* * *

_“We’re safe now,” Jaebeom declared to him, but Jinyoung didn’t feel it was true. They’d had to run hard to find a place where they could hide just to rest and plan their next move. The planet they were supposed to be helping had turned out to be a more hostile place than they’d expected. Jinyoung felt the air of anger in the city and he was afraid of it._

_“We won’t be safe until we find our masters and get out of here,” Jinyoung protested. He hated that they’d been separated, it had happened before on missions but he always felt nervous about it. “We cannot let our enemies find us first.”_

_“How did we even get dragged into this?” Jaebeom asked, “we were sent to help with negotiations not to cause trouble.”_

_“How should I know?” Jinyoung responded. It was true one minute they were sitting in talks between the two trade guilds of the planets and next they were nearly drugged and taken captive by one. They hadn’t even wanted to choose sides. They were there to keep it civil between both parties. It seemed that often the most peaceful missions in description turned into the worst ones they had to manage._

_“You’ve been on way more missions than me,” Jaebeom said, “I thought you’d understand it better.”_

_“I don’t understand,” Jinyoung said, “wherever the Jedi go we’re either treated like kings or like some hostile outside force trying to wreck people’s way of life. It’s nonsense.” They were called to help negotiations, they didn’t go for any other reason._

_“We’ll get out right?” Jaebeom asked, “you’ve been on worse missions right?” Jinyoung didn’t know that he had. No one had ever threatened to erase his memories before. The planet they were on was much more hostile than others he had been on. He could feel the anger in the force, and it was overwhelming at moments._

_“We always find a way,” Jinyoung tried to think of something reassuring to say to his friend._

_“If they catch me I promise I won’t forget you, no matter what they try to do,” Jaebeom responded softly and Jinyoung realized that was what bothered him. Before they had escaped from their captors the threat was that their memories would be erased. Jinyoung hadn’t known such tech existed but it sounded awful. He didn’t want to lose his memories, or for Jaebeom to lose his memories. They had lots of memories together, if they both lost them then they wouldn’t know each other._

_“They couldn’t erase me from your brain if they tried,” Jinyoung scoffed, trying to lighten up the mood because the thought was too heavy. “Sorry Lim Jaebeom I think you’re stuck with me forever,. Jinyoung laughed at his own jab and Jaebeom smiled in response._

_“Like you would do any better forgetting me,” Jaebeom quipped. His face turned to pouting as he looked at Jinyoung._

_“I could forget you,” Jinyoung responded to the banter, “easily, you’re forgettable.” Jokes helped, he felt better with their words._

_“I’d like to see you try to forget me,” Jaebeom leaned closer, “you need me Jinyoungie, just admit it.” Jinyoung smiled in response and pushed Jaebeom back away from him._

_“Never,” Jinyoung said. He liked the way they were. It always felt better when he had Jaebeom to joke around with. His best friend who always seemed to fall into their little games so easily. There was no one else in his life like Jaebeom._

_“One day I’ll get you to admit it,” Jaebeom quipped._

_“The day there are no more Jedi then I’ll admit it,” Jinyoung laughed at his own declaration of the impossible. He thought it clever but he didn’t miss the smile dropping from Jaebeom’s face. The way he stiffened. The mood instantly changed, though Jinyoung was laughing, Jaebeom was clearly not._

_“What?” Jinyoung asked. He didn’t like the way Jaebeom’s emotions fell. He could feel them in the force, from the warmth of what they were they turned icy. Like fear, cold and numb._

_“Don’t ever joke about that Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said with a cold tone of voice and Jinyoung felt him close off as if to push Jinyoung away. His reaction was one Jinyoung hadn’t been prepared for. He didn’t know why Jaebeom reacted to his joke the way he did._

_“What?” Jinyoung was confused, “what do you mean.”_

_“It’s nothing,” Jaebeom’s mood shifted suddenly and he smiled. It was like whiplash and Jinyoung was more confused. He didn’t think it was nothing, Jaebeom had been bothered by what he’d said. Jinyoung wanted to know why._

_“Jaebeom?” He questioned the other boy and Jaebeom turned away from him._

_“I just...” Jaebeom knew that he couldn’t hide his emotions really. Jinyoung could feel them, he always could feel them. “I don’t like to joke about that, I hope there is never a time where there are no Jedi.” Jinyoung felt like there was something more bothering him but he didn’t want to push him into saying more if he didn’t want to. Jinyoung respected Jaebeom’s feelings._

_He put an arm around his friend and laid his head on Jaebeom’s shoulder. He wanted the warmth that he always found being close to Jaebeom. He didn’t like the cold._

_“That day will never happen,” Jinyoung said, “not while we’re around. Everything is going to turn out just fine.”_

_“You’re right,” Jaebeom said and Jinyoung felt the elders head lean against his own._

_“We’re going to find our way out of here,” Jinyoung said, “and we’ll find our masters and beat these guys and get home. Master Yoda will tell us backwards how well we did. That’s how it always works out.” He felt Jaebeom’s hand slip into his own and he intertwined their fingers._

_He could feel Jaebeom believed him. They were strong enough to face anything together. That was something Jinyoung knew was the absolute truth. Their strength together was undeniable. When they were together they could defeat anything, he felt that in the force. He was glad in the darkness of the planets night they at least had each other to hold on to._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung felt like he had hit his head as he began to stir awake. He didn’t like that feeling, it felt like someone had put his mind in a blender of some sort. It was like he was drunk or drugged or something and he didn’t know why. He felt warmth next to him and he was cold so he snuggled closer to the warm pillow. He felt suddenly like his pillow was moving and that set off sparks in his mind. His pillow was not a pillow.

His eyes opened and he blinked as he felt his hand was holding onto something. It was an arm, leading down to another hand in Jinyoung’s other hand. Jinyoung looked quizzically at it. He moved his eyes back up the foreign arm and to where his head was, against a shoulder and he realized he was leaning against a person. He was leaning against Jaebeom.

He shouted and pulled away from the other man at the sudden realization.

“Fucking shit!” Jinyoung yelled. It was a sudden knee jerk reaction to get away from the ships captain as fast as he could. Jinyoung was still against the floor but he put some distance between them. He looked at Jaebeom as the other man stirred and Jaebeom’s eyes opened. Jinyoung looked around to see they were sitting on the floor of the cockpit against the back wall. He had no idea how they had gotten there or what had gone down. The last thing he remembered was the jump to hyperspace and passing out.

“What the hell!” He yelled at Jaebeom. He was sure the older boy was behind whatever was going on.

“Huh?” Jaebeom looked at him confused.

“What do you think you were doing?!?” Jinyoung shouted at him.

“Sleeping,” Jaebeom responded and he leaned his head back against the wall, “my head hurts, that lightspeed jump hurt.” That jump had hurt, and Jinyoung had been the one surprised at Jaebeom’s plan to jump while in the clutches of a tractor beam. They could have been ripped apart.

“You’re the one who had the wise plan of jumping from the range of a large cruisers tractor beam!” Jinyoung shouted, “and that doesn’t explain how we got on the floor you asshole!” Jinyoung’s head hurt and he felt physically sick. The last place he wanted to be was near Lim Jaebeom, but he was still stuck on a small ship with the man.

“You were whining about the Sith and your head,” Jaebeom explained as he rubbed his temples, “I tried to help you back to the bunks and you got all clingy and somehow you only stopped whining when we sat down. I didn’t do anything.” Jinyoung didn’t remember any of that, he was certain Jaebeom was making it all up not that he had any reason why Jaebeom would make it up. He just didn’t trust the separatist sympathizer.

“Bastard,” Jinyoung muttered.

“Could you stop with the insults?” Jaebeom whined at him, “I’ve only been trying to help you since we met again and you’ve only been angry at me. It’s not my fault you thought I was the light side of the force incarnate or something like that. You made no sense and I was sick of dealing with it!”

Jinyoung grimaced. Jinyoung put his hand against his head it did hurt so much. He could remember some of the haze and the release of the dark hold Dooku once again tried to put on his mind. He’d been trying to cling to the light side of the force. Dooku had pushed his way in at Jinyoung’s mind and it was almost too much for him. He’d searched for any way away from Dooku that he could fine.

Of course he should have realized what Jaebeom was saying was probably true because his connection with Jaebeom was part of the light side. Running away from Dooku’s hold on his mind he must have been clinging in the force towards Jaebeom, and physically he must have latched on to him. Jinyoung didn’t like the implications of what that meant. Once again their stupid connection was causing problems and he couldn’t just cut it off. His cheeks burned as he realized. He stood up quickly wanting to make a run for it. He didn’t want to be in the same room with Jaebeom a moment longer than he had to be.

“I’m going to go check on the king,” he declared trying to gather what was left of his dignity, “um... let me know when we reach Skaytar.” He stumbled out of the room and shook his head. The sooner he got to Taecyeon and Windu and away from Jaebeom the better.

* * *

Jinyoung was sure he was going insane and needed to get off the ship as soon as possible. He tried to focus to meditate in order to clear his mind again and get himself back to a more balanced path. He’d taken the liberty of taking over Jaebeom’s room for the task. He felt the older man owed him that much for not listening to him about the substation in the first place. The whole mess they’d gotten into could have been avoided.

Jinyoung could feel where Jaebeom was on the ship. He was conscious of the other man’s movements, hyper focused on the open bridge of the force between them. Jinyoung could feel where everyone was but his awareness of Jaebeom was always stronger. He opened himself up to the living force to clear his mind and cleanse himself of all his muddled thoughts. He could feel the opposing forces within himself when he did. He could feel both light and dark and he wondered how to purge the dark from himself.

He only wanted the light.

He didn’t want the things that tempted his will to sway him into making the wrong decisions. He let the force in so that he could wrap it’s life giving stream around himself, body and mind. It was cooling, like water flooding his senses. He could feel it’s guidance like he had since he was a small child, there was strong pull towards a direction that he didn’t understand but he would seek it out. He always thought to find where it was the force was leading him.

Images and his dream came back into his senses. He wondered what they meant, and why the force had shown him those things. He wondered if it was a trick of the dark side to make him afraid. It was the most likely explanation. The future wasn’t going to be like that. The temple would never burn, the Jedi would never lose. These were things he was absolutely confident in. They were on the right side in the war they fought and justice would lead them to victory, he believed it with all his heart.

That thought reminded him of Jaebeom, his negative remarks and what he thought of the Jedi. It was opposite to what Jinyoung believed about the Jedi, and Jinyoung was sure Jaebeom was just bitter about his own decision to leave. Jinyoung stiffened thinking about it, there was so much anger he held towards Jaebeom and Jinyoung had to do his best to cleanse himself of that anger.

He reached deeper into the force hoping for guidance of the light on how best to sort through his messier emotions. He found more muddled confusion as he sifted through himself in the force. His path wasn’t clear before him and that frightened him. As a child he’d gotten clear answers within meditation, deep surrounded by the force but so much had changed.

Jinyoung pulled himself out of the state of being one with the force and breathed deep. He felt completely off and he knew he needed to get back to the temple, back to the masters for guidance and help. He’d been sent out so soon, he didn’t feel ready but he’d had to go anyways. He hoped the masters could help but he knew even if he went back he didn’t know who would be there. He didn’t know if anyone who was at the temple could help him.

The masters were busy with the war, in and out of the temple leading the charge on different systems. Whoever was there were usually masters or knights taking rest from the fight or healing from it. He didn’t want to burden those who needed healing themselves with his messy issues. When they got to Skaytar he knew Windu would be there, and he was one of the oldest masters but Jinyoung wouldn’t go to him for help. Windu was the kind of person more likely to suspend Jinyoung from action for good for having any inclination towards the dark side. He wouldn’t find help sorting himself out there.

If his own master was still alive the older man would know how to help. He always knew what to do when it came to Jinyoung. In times of uncertainty he always guided Jinyoung out of the darker emotions in his mind and helped him to control in the best ways. He felt the pain of missing someone, a sharp stab in his heart. He wasn’t supposed to be missing Joon, but he couldn’t help it.

He uncrossed his legs and pulled his knees to his chest. There were times where he still felt like a child, unable to see and unable to understand. Why couldn’t he feel the way he did? Why was it wrong? He was a Jedi Knight and that had changed everything. He did his best to figure out what it meant to be a knight but he still felt blind.

He wondered if others felt the same as he did, muddled and conflicted about how they were supposed to behave. If they did they never talked about it. No one ever spoke of any struggles they were feeling openly, they weren’t supposed to feel them. Jinyoung never felt he could speak his doubts, because he was scared of how those around him would perceive him. As Jedi they were supposed to be above the struggles he faced.

He wasn’t supposed to miss his dead master. He wasn’t supposed to be so afraid of turning. He was supposed to have confidence enough to know where it was he stood. Jinyoung was good at pretending those things were true, at least he thought he was. But what good was pretending when he was supposed to be able to get past all of it with the force guiding him? He was missing something, doing it wrong somehow.

He was good at burying things, at repression but that wasn’t what Jedi were supposed to do. His master had told him to confront his darker emotions. He was taught to confront them in order to move past them but when he faced them down he felt overwhelmed.

He had felt at ease on the substation when he was fighting, he felt more at ease on the battlefield than anywhere else and that frightened him. Had the war changed him that much? Was the only thing that could help him to focus the adrenaline rush of a battle. A clear goal of what he needed to accomplish. Maybe it was as simple as that, he needed to focus on his goals moving forward piece by piece. Maybe that would be enough for him to get past the emotional mess in his head instead of dwelling on it.

He heard the door to the room slide open, he didn’t look up. He knew who it was so there was no need to give attention to the person.

“I thought it wasn’t the Jedi way to mope about when things were hard,” Jaebeom’s voice was biting, sarcastic. Jinyoung grimaced but still didn’t look. It was like they were magnets of the same charge, which meant they could only push at each other.

“I’m not moping,” Jinyoung responded, “I’m meditating.” He kept his eyes shut.

“Whatever you say,” Jaebeom spoke nonchalantly as if he didn’t care, “we’re almost to Skaytar, came to let you know we should be making contact in 20 minutes or so.” Jinyoung nodded. He would be glad once his mission ended. He would request to go to the temple immediately to get away from Dooku. He hoped that enough masters were back that someone would agree to help him.

It was difficult having Dooku trying to expose his weaknesses. He would be safer in the temple. Though he knew Windu could help against Dooku if Jinyoung did stay. Windu didn’t have a warm personality but he was effective against the Sith. Jinyoung was afraid of him when he was young but he grew to understand him a bit more in seeing him within the context of the war. Winds cared very much about protecting the galaxy. His coldness seemed to be due to how attuned he was to the force.

“Is there something else you needed?” Jinyoung asked Jaebeom who hadn’t left the room upon delivering his mission. Jinyoung wished he would leave.

“This is my room, I don’t have to leave it,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung was tired, he couldn’t find the energy to respond. He leaned back against the wall he sat by and locked his thoughts down. He opened his eyes. Jaebeom was sitting on the chair next to his desk, leaned back in it.

“What comes after this for you?” Jaebeom asked.

“We get the King to his people,” Jinyoung responded. Though he had a feeling that wasn’t what Jaebeom was asking.

“I mean after that,” Jaebeom said, “how do you expect to win with his presence alone?”

“The people will stand with us when they see him,” Jinyoung responded. He’d been told it would be simple after that. The people only sided with the separatists because of their king being in captivity. When that was resolved they would rise up and fight with the Republic to free their planet.

“What if the people don’t side with you?” Jaebeom asked.

“The King is supposed to make that happen,” Jinyoung said, that the mission. It was one the council had been sure of.

“He’s just a kid Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said, “what if it doesn’t go as planned? What if he gets scared and doesn’t want to speak?” Jinyoung didn’t know why Jaebeom was asking him such questions. It wasn’t like such information should have mattered to Jaebeom. He was going to get paid regardless of how the mission went.

“We’ll adjust the mission as needed I guess,” Jinyoung replied. He was supposed to be on the ground fighting with Taecyeon and his troops. He wanted to go back though, he didn’t want to continue forward to see the mission through.

“You’re intervening on a planet and you don’t have contingencies?” Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung began to understand he was just being critical.

“My part of the mission was getting the king there,” Jinyoung responded, “that’s all. What other plans are made do not fall to me.” Windu was the most senior one on the case of that planet, so he would change the plan if it needed to be changed. And Windu was one of the best Jedi they had so he would do a great job, not that Jaebeom needed to know all that.

“Do you even know what Skaytar is like?” Jaebeom asked, “do you know how the Separatists invaded?” Jinyoung didn’t know, it wasn’t something he needed to know. He just needed to do his part then get home.

“That’s not my mission,” Jinyoung responded, he was tired of Jaebeom’s questioning.

“So like a Jedi,” Jaebeom scoffed and Jinyoung glared at him.

“What are you so mad about?” Jinyoung asked, “we’re trying.”

“You should try harder to understand the planets you’re planning to make into a war zone before you start intervening on them,” Jaebeom critiqued.

“We didn’t make these planets war zones,” Jinyoung said, “the separatists did it.”

“It takes two to fight Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

“We didn’t come into this war to fight it,” Jinyoung said forcefully, “we want to stop it! You really believe the Jedi want to be fighting a war? What is wrong with you?” Jaebeom looked emotional as he sat down on his own bed and looked at Jinyoung. Jinyoung was taken aback by the expression on his face.

“The war won’t end like this, not if you keep fighting them,” Jaebeom said. “I don’t actually believe the Jedi wanted war, but you walked into it. You fanned the flames and kept it going because you fought back. If the Republic had just let the Separatist planets go there could be peace!” Jinyoung shook his head, Jaebeom’s assessment was entirely wrong.

“You don’t know anything!” Jinyoung responded venomously, “you left.” Jaebeom had no right to pretend he knew anything about the Jedi after walking away. He’d walked away from everything. Jaebeom looked at him with a colder expression.

“Yes I left,” Jaebeom said, “Cause there was no reason for me to stay.” Jinyoung’s heart rate increased, he felt the anger of it hot and rushing through him. Jaebeom struck a nerve, hitting one thing Jinyoung didn’t think could still hurt so badly.

“No reason?” Jinyoung shouted, “you gave up! You gave up because you don’t have what it takes to be a Jedi!” Defensive response like a shield to what he was feeling. Jinyoung pushed back.

Jaebeom was silent and he looked away. Seconds passed, turning quickly towards minutes. Jinyoung felt an ache in his chest. Jaebeom had no reason to stay, of course that’s what he would say. No reason after what had happened…

“You’re right,” Jaebeom said, surprising Jinyoung. But Jinyoung glared hard at where Jaebeom sat. “I know that very well.”

“We can have an honest conversation about this if you wish,” Jaebeom continued, “but I have some questions for you as well, and I would want you to listen and hear them before just answering. I believe you believe in what you’re doing but I think you’d understand me better if you just listened.”

Jinyoung knew what Jaebeom was asking. They’d had to fight together, doors had been opened already. Things had shifted again. They’d proven they could still work well together. Maybe that made Jaebeom think he could find common ground but there was nothing for them to find. Jinyoung didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to hear a single world Jaebeom had to say. They wouldn’t see eye to eye because Jaebeom clearly hated the Jedi and Jinyoung was the thing that Jaebeom hated.

Jinyoung couldn’t let him in anymore than he had, it was too dangerous. Some doors opened meant that others could be touched as well. The locks deep down inside of him were strong but he knew exactly who held the keys to them. Jinyoung shrunk away, put up a wall around his mind. Shut himself off to his connection with Jaebeom. It was better that way.

“There is nothing more I want to say to you,” Jinyoung said, “and nothing more I want to hear from you.” Jaebeom breathed deep but Jinyoung didn’t look at him. Jinyoung stood up to leave.

“After Skaytar,” Jinyoung spoke quickly before he reached the door, “I never want to see you again.” He meant those words.

“Why Jinyoung?” Jaebeom asked, Jinyoung turned back to him and the way his eyes looked Jinyoung could see the boy he had been before, “have you really changed so much?” Tears filled Jinyoung’s eyes as he looked at a Jaebeom who was familiar yet different. They’d both changed. And of course everything about Jinyoung had changed, he knew Jaebeom could see that.

Jinyoung didn’t respond, there was a tension between them. There had been the moment he saw him again. He hadn’t wanted to look at Jaebeom and see anything else but the defense Jinyoung had formed against him. Jaebeom wasn’t anything more than a separatist sympathizer, ex Jedi, and someone who wasn’t on his side. That picture was the easiest one for Jinyoung to see. Looking deeper would only hurt. It would have been easier if their memories of the past could have been erased, if they could meet as strangers.

Jinyoung would give anything to forget that the man he was looking at had once been… nothing. It was better if it was nothing.

“We used to be...” Jaebeom began to speak but his voice went quiet. He trailed off as if unable to complete the thought.

“Nothing,” Jinyoung said it like slamming a door shut and stopped breathing. He didn’t want to talk about it but like that day in the past Jaebeom wasn’t stopping. So Jinyoung had to stop it.

“It was never nothing Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said. The hurt was evidence in his voice and expression and everything… Jinyoung turned back to look at him. He knew why Jaebeom was bringing it up was likely his own fault. The proximity, the connection being touched, it brought things back into perspective. Something about them always fit together too perfectly. They won everytime they stood together, so much was unexplainable but it was something Jinyoung knew he couldn’t have back. It was pointless to speak of something that no longer existed.

"There is nothing now," Jinyoung said. He wanted to say more but he couldn’t. He wanted to tell Jaebeom it was better to be nothing, but the words caught in his throat before he could speak them. So he left it at that. That was the only way it could be. There was nothing between them, no familiarity, no friendship, no care at all. They were on different paths headed in different directions.

They had different convictions, different beliefs. They'd been changed entirely by one single day and there was no bringing back anything of what they were before Jaebeom had walked away. It was so much better that way. Jinyoung had too much against Jaebeom to have any old problems resurface in his life and he didn’t want any more to do with the man.

Jinyoung turned to leave when Jaebeom spoke up to stop him.

"Remember when we were kids," Jaebeom began. Jinyoung stopped walking once again. "Do you remember when I chased after you and wouldn't leave you be. You kept telling me to go away, you were always stubborn. Do you remember what I told you?" inyoung didn't answer but his mind could remember that day clearly. Jaebeom had told him his lightsaber would be purple, Jinyoung always told him it was violet. After they'd gone through the caves on Illum and gotten their crystals Jaebeom had still said it was purple.

"I told you we were going to be best friends," Jaebeom said, "that I'd had visions and you didn't believe me then. I don't know if you would believe me now but this isn't the last time we're going to meet. Even if you never want to see me again, my visions have always come true. I just thought I'd warn you, you're not going to get what you want this time."

Jinyoung looked back and him and glared before completely leaving the room. He would wait somewhere else on the ship until they landed. He didn’t want those words Jaebeom had said, and he didn’t want to think of them. Their time reunited was coming to a close. He wouldn’t believe Jaebeom was correct. He knew when he was done with Skaytar he would be going back to the temple and after that more battlefields.

Their lives were once again moving apart and there was no going back to anything else.

Whatever it meant he wouldn't think of it.

* * *

Taecyeon was glad when the ship touched down and surprised when he realized which ship it was that had come bearing Jinyoung and the king. He was happy when Jinyoung walked out of the ship with the King beside him. Taecyeon was also happy to see Jaebeom, his former padawan, again. After initial greetings Jinyoung left them all and walked away towards the camp. His expression gave Taecyeon a pause as he wondered what could have happened.

He could see a tension in the way Jinyoung held his shoulders. He knew things were probably rough for the young Knight facing down Dooku and flying with Jaebeom on the same mission. Taecyeon realized he should have warned Jackson which smugglers not to hire. He’d told Jinyoung about finding Jaebeom again and the way Jinyoung had responded to the idea of seeing Jaebeom had been hostile. Taecyeon could only imagine what it had been like on that ship. Jinyoung liked to pretend he hadn’t been upset about Jaebeom leaving the temple but Taecyeon knew better. Those wounds ran deep.

"How was the trip?" Taecyeon asked Jaebeom. He was curious if his former padawan would say anything about what went down.

"We had some rough patches," Jaebeom responded, "where is our payment?" Taecyeon rolled his eyes, he didn't know why he expected anything else. He’d hired Jaebeom a few times and knew he had to pay quite a bit to make things worth Jaebeom’s while. He was one of the best smugglers in the game and one of the few Taecyeon actually trusted.

"Here," Taecyeon pulled out the credit drive from his pocket, they were paying Jaebeom quite a bit. It would fuel him for awhile but Taecyeon was sure the price wasn’t meant to be spent of fuel. He wondered what else Jaebeom was involved in but had never asked.

"Thank you," Jaebeom said and he looked after the direction Jinyoung went, "whatever happens next you should send Jinyoung back to the temple. He's not ready for a fight." Taecyeon looked back after Jinyoung as well, he had been worried.

"If it was up to me he would have been there this whole time," Taecyeon responded, "I can't force him to go if he doesn’t want to.” It wasn’t within his power to remove another Jedi Knight from the mission. He had given his opinion on Jinyoung’s case multiple times but his opinion was mostly ignored.

"Dooku got inside his head," Jaebeom explained, “he kept going straight for Jinyoung, and he’s not going to stop. He knew we were coming here so it’s logical that Dooku will probably be arriving soon. Jinyoung isn't safe..." It would be odd to anyone else if they heard a smuggler commenting on Jedi business. But Taecyeon saw the concern on Jaebeom’s face and knew Jaebeom could understand somewhat what the situation was. Though he no doubt lacked much context to why things were the way they were.

"I know he isn’t safe where Dooku is concerned,” Taecyeon said, "but I believe in Jinyoung. I know that he's stronger than the dark side." Jaebeom still looked concerned, but Taecyeon couldn't be. There was no room for it, he had to trust the force would protect Jinyoung.

"I'll take care of him," Taecyeon said, "and if he wants to go back I'll make the case to send him back." Jaebeom nodded to him.

"Be careful," Jaebeom said, "the fight you're about to have for this planet is not going to be easy." Taecyeon knew it, the situation on Skaytar was difficult. He said goodbye to Jaebeom. He was sure he was going to see Jaebeom again at some point, they seemed to cross paths frequently. Taecyeon then brought the King to Windu to get him acclimated to the plan that was in place. Once that was done he walked to follow after where Jinyoung had gone. He could feel the other Jedi reaching for the force to meditate.

He easily found where Jinyoung had was, well hidden past the encampment in a nearby forest but his force signature was bright. It practically shouted to where anyone attuned to the force could easily locate him. Taecyeon had been surprised by how bright Jinyoung’s energy could be when Jinyoung was just a child. Jinyoung controlled it better with age but at times his control slipped.

Jinyoung was sitting with his eyes closed, his brow furrowed in concentration and Taecyeon frowned. He hated seeing Jinyoung so stressed. It had been that way for so long, but Taecyeon couldn't help but remember before. Jinyoung had always been so attuned with the force, it had been easy for him before. But ever since the war had escalated and Joon had passed, Jinyoung had lost his confidence. He’d lost so much.

"Jinyoung," Taecyeon chided, "if you have to struggle you're going about it the wrong way." Jinyoung's brow furrowed more and he opened his eyes. He looked exhausted. Taecyeon was surprised by how openly he wore it.

"I'm not struggling," Jinyoung responded, "I'm just taking my time to work through some things."

"Jaebeom said Dooku got on your head," Taecyeon responded. Jinyoung glared up at him at the mention of Jaebeom. Taecyeon narrowed his eyes, curious.

"I let my guard down," Jinyoung said, "But we got away, nothing happened." It was definitely not nothing.

"Are you sure nothing happened?" Taecyeon asked and he analyzed Jinyoung's response as he measured his next phrase, "was it nice to see Jaebeom again?" Jinyoung's eyes grew colder. Interesting enough.

"It wasn't," Jinyoung said.

"You sure about that?" Taecyeon asked. He had to check to make sure everything really was okay. Where Jaebeom was concerned Jinyoung had been compromised in the past and they couldn’t afford that if Dooku was really on his way.

"What are you even asking?" Jinyoung declared, "I never wanted to see him again. There's no problem there." Of course Jinyoung did understand what Taecyeon was pushing at.

"I have to make sure," Taecyeon clarified, "because with the way things are..." He trailed off as he thought about his choice of words, "you can't be conflicted."

"I'm not," Jinyoung said. Taecyeon sat down on one of the rocks. He had another question that was more important.

"Do you want to be here right now?" Taecyeon asked, "be honest with me. I can help, if you want me to I can send you back to the temple. I can tell the council you need more rest. Is that what you want?” Jinyoung looked saddened, his defensive expression gone and more raw emotions out from behind his mask.

“I have been afraid,” Jinyoung confessed, “and I think I do need more time.” Taecyeon put a hand on the younger mans shoulder.

“You finished your mission,” Taecyeon said, “you can take my personal ship back to the temple immediately and I’ll deal with the rest. Master Yoda is there now, go to him for help and talk to him.” It was a good time for Jinyoung to go back with the wisest Jedi master taking time at the temple for a bit. It wasn’t often that the older Jedi was there anymore with the war ongoing.

“Isn’t that like running away?” Jinyoung asked. They all knew Dooku was coming, he was likely close and maybe to some it would be perceived that way. But Taecyeon knew that perception didn’t matter. Keeping Jinyoung safe was what truly mattered.

“No,” Taecyeon responded, “its taking a chance to gain an advantage on your enemies. Any time spent at the temple will be healing for you, I want you to stop feeling afraid.” He tried so hard to stand in where Joon had been, to look out for Jinyoung and to push him in the direction that was best for him.

“I will do my best master,” Jinyoung bowed his head to Taecyeon. Taecyeon was glad Jinyoung had agreed. It showed Jinyoung was still level headed about what he could handle and what he could not. Jinyoung had a brash side to him that was sometimes difficult to manage, he would push himself past his own limits if they let him.

But on the flip side that Jinyoung was so agreeable meant that things were really worse than Taecyeon had predicted they would be. Jinyoung agreeing meant he truly felt overwhelmed by what was happening to him. Taecyeon was sad because the way the galaxy was heading the war wasn’t ending. It was likely many more Jedi were struggling like Jinyoung was. Many would continue to struggle.

Taecyeon would put his all into winning the battles in front of him for the younger generation to be freed from the toll the war was taking. He knew each battle was not just a fight for the future of the republic but a fight for their own future as Jedi.

Seeing Jaebeom again made him wonder about things that had passed and what their future would become. Were the masters right about what Jaebeom saw when he was young? Was it a trick of the dark side like they said? Was it a sign he wasn’t fit to be a Jedi? Or was it a warning of a possible future? And the worst question, was it something unavoidable?

Taecyeon hoped for the first even though it invalidated the boy he’d trained it didn’t matter anymore, since Jaebeom had left. Though as the war went on Taecyeon wondered more and more about what was truly happening to the Jedi. What dark forces kept the locked in a struggle. What power clouded the minds of their leaders? Could they overcome it before it was too late? Or would the darkness consume the whole galaxy as it consumed them?

For a galaxy without Jedi would be a galaxy without light. Taecyeon would fight to ensure it never happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the first arch has come, now Jinyoung's going back to the temple. Much more to come with this story. I had originally planned 3 books but I may combine them all into one. Let me know what you think about that.
> 
> Please comment, leave kudos and bookmark this story. Thank you to all my readers.


	8. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 7 - Blinded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung is given a new mission, a very ironic one.

* * *

The Past

* * *

_Jinyoung felt cold. He didn’t like the cold, he never had. The masters had bundled him up in thick clothing to prepare him for the harsher cold climate of Illum. The other younglings were excited by what was ahead but Jinyoung was frightened and he was cold, shivering on that planet._

_He had heard all sorts of things could happen within the caves, it was their first test as future Jedi. If they passed they would be awarded their kyber crystals and they would build their lightsabers together. If they failed they would be sent away to learn different trades on other planets. He had no plans of failing but the uncertainty made him feel hollowed out. He didn’t like that such a single thing could define his future._

_“You’re going to be fine,” Jaebeom spoke as if he could hear Jinyoung’s thoughts. The other boy sat close beside him, Jinyoung shivered from the cold of the ice planet. The cave would be even colder once they went inside._

_“I don’t like the cold,” Jinyoung whined._

_“You’re just being a baby,” Jaebeom told him._

_“No I am not,” Jinyoung glared at him._

_“Yes you are,” Jaebeom reached over and patted his head over the hood that was pulled close around his face. “You’re just my cute little baby Jinyoungie who gets cold too quickly.” Jinyoung pushed his hand away and blushed furiously. He hated when Jaebeom teased him._

_“I’m not going to sit next to you,” Jinyoung whined. They were sitting down to meditate before the masters sent them in but the masters had just left them all sitting in a circle. A few of them had sensed something and were discussing the conditions they were sending the children into. It was nerve wracking._

_“Don’t be like that,” Jaebeom reached to grab his arm, “stay by me. You’re going to do great and your lightsaber is going to be purple!” Jinyoung pushed at his shoulder._

_“You’re so annoying,” Jinyoung declared, Jaebeom had been telling him his lightsaber was going to be purple for years. Jaebeom moved his face to Jinyoung’s shoulder and pouted. Jinyoung pushed him away again._

_“Big baby Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom teased again. Jinyoung was about to respond when the masters sat down in front of them. Jinyoung focused himself to them. He could deal with Jaebeom after he got through the ordeal. And when he walked into the caves he realized he was determined, all thoughts of fear had left him. He realized Jaebeom had teased him to distract him from his own spiraling thoughts. His friend had helped him right before the moment he had to enter._

_He faced the illusions within the caves and did his best to choose the right path from what was presented in front of him. It wasn’t easy and at times fears came rushing back in but the sense of victory he got when he saw his crystal floating in front of him was something he wouldn’t trade anything for. He rolled his eyes as he realized Jaebeom had been right, his crystal was violet. His lightsaber was going to be exactly as Jaebeom had seen in whatever force visions he was getting his whole life._

_Jinyoung left the caves in the path the crystals showed him and waited with those who had finished for the others. Jaebeom wasn’t there when Jinyoung had gotten out and Jinyoung kept himself patiently focused on the force. He didn’t want to worry about his friend. When Jaebeom did appear Jinyoung was happy to see the green crystal within his hand, the knowledge they had both made it through. Jinyoung excitedly jumped up but couldn’t run to the other boy fast enough before it happened._

_Jaebeom collapsed at the mouth of the cave, unconscious. The masters rushed in, Jinyoung got there first and put his hands on his friend but he was pulled back away. He was scared but he couldn’t do anything to help. The masters pulled him back to the others and told him to stay calm and to stay with them._

_It wasn’t fair, he didn’t feel it was fair at all. Jaebeom was his best friend. He deserved the right to help, he deserved to see him and to take care of him. Jinyoung couldn’t relax until Jaebeom sat up with his eyes open breathing, confirming he was well enough to breathe. He looked intently at the master who spoke to him. There was such a wild fear in his eyes, like Jinyoung had never seen before._

_Jinyoung wasn’t allowed near Jaebeom. Jaebeom was taken away from the other children on the ship to somewhere else. They were all told to focus on making their lightsabers and not to be distracted by anything else going on._

_Jinyoung wondered if Jaebeom was being thrown away, but he’d gotten a crystal. He’d passed the test and he force had given it to him. That thought was what Jinyoung used to calm and comfort himself. It was the hope Jinyoung held to against the fear that threatened him. He built his lightsaber and waited until Jaebeom was returned to the group. When Jaebeom did come back his own lightsaber built and in his hands, whatever had happened he had done that part._

_Jaebeom’s shoulders were slumped, his head was down. He sat down next to Jinyoung and when Jinyoung asked he got nothing out of Jaebeom. He asked for days, for weeks what had happened. He soon realized whatever it was that Jaebeom would never give him an answer and that asking was only hurting Jaebeom. So he asked less until he gave up entirely on ever knowing._

_He noticed Jaebeom was different since that day. Jaebeom had always had dreams, but his dreams were different. They were nightmares and he hid something from their connection till it became so normal it was as if it wasn’t there at all. Jinyoung felt a wall between them but he ignored it. He stayed by Jaebeom’s side, because there was no other option._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung focused his mind as he practiced the careful paths in the force to find a deeper and deeper place of peace. He spent days bathing himself in the force, pure energy of life itself surrounded him and he basked in it. He let himself become one with the light and let all other thoughts drift away. It took weeks of practice to reach a place where he could let the light wash away all other things off of him. Jinyoung stayed within the force for a long while, he couldn’t measure time when he found that space to be completely clear and open to the will of the force.

When he did pull out he saw the sun was lower in the sky falling behind some of the buildings on the city planet of Coruscant. He had spent his weeks resting, learning from those stronger than he was how to find a place of rest in the force. Whatever Taecyeon had reported it had given Jinyoung much more time to be left alone. He hadn’t been tapped for anymore missions.

Jackson had contacted Jinyoung to inform him that he was on Coruscant. They met briefly to catch up. It was good to do something outside the temple for a moment. Jinyoung didn’t let anyone know he was feeling a bit restless with the extended break. He had finally gotten to a point where he knew he really needed the time off but at times it felt like too much time.

Taecyeon had arranged for him to spend time with Master Yoda, the wisest and strongest of them all which had been good for Jinyoung. The old master’s instruction allowed Jinyoung to finally meditate in peace again and he was glad for it. He felt the conflict and the fear that gripped his body losing its hold the longer he stayed there. He hadn’t updated himself on the war beyond the temple, he hadn’t wanted to because he knew it would likely drive him to requesting to go back out again and he wasn’t ready.

Jackson had told him a few things, informed him the conflict on Skaytar still hadn’t concluded. Windu and Taecyeon had worked tirelessly to try and fix things there but it was taking time. Jinyoung wondered if he should have stayed to help but as predicted Dooku had gone there. And he’d also left quickly once he realized Jinyoung wasn’t there. Jackson reported it that way, also reported that there was word in his network that Dooku was planning some large scale attack of more central systems in the Republic. The war would eventually be unavoidable for Jinyoung and he would encounter Dooku again.

He knew he couldn’t rest forever. He walked back towards his room and thought of one of the masters advice. Someone told him that if he took on a padawan it would give him something positive to spend his energy on and help him more forward from things that had happened. Jinyoung didn’t want to take one on with how uncertain things were. He certainly didn’t feel ready to take on a student when he didn’t feel secure as a Knight himself. Things were moving too fast for him to comprehend.

He walked in silence when someone called out to him.

“Jinyoung,” he turned back towards the direction the voice came from.

“Master Kenobi,” Jinyoung bowed to the famed Jedi master. He had met the older Jedi more than a few times. He was considered one of the heroes of the war and Jinyoung had been on missions with him before the war. Obi-Wan and his former Padawan Anakin Skywalker were the names everyone spoke when praising the Jedi’s work on the field of battle.

Jinyoung didn’t know them well despite being in the order with them. He’d been in a different class from Anakin and was a padawan before Anakin had even come to the temple. They were the same age but their stories were very different.

“I was told to look for you,” Kenobi said, “Master Yoda has requested your presence.” That was a request he was used to, as Taecyeon had requested Yoda work with Jinyoung and Yoda had listened to the request.

“Where is he?” Jinyoung asked.

“The fountain room,” Kenobi said, “it seems you have a new assignment.” The fountain room was an odd place to give an assignment. They usually went to the council room to get information on their missions so the assignment was probably some new meditation technique to master.

“I will go immediately, thank you master.” Jinyoung bowed and turned to make his way to where the the fountain room was. He remembered when he'd first seen the room. That memory had Jaebeom in it. He sighed. He wished one day could go by resting and thinking through memories without encountering Jaebeom but Jaebeom was all over his past.

Jinyoung had been thinking often about the past despite the masters telling him to focus on the present. Ever since the mission had involved someone from his past his mind couldn’t stop rehearsing details. He couldn't deny that he held some curiosity to what he'd been told by Youngjae. He'd always assumed... he couldn't think on it so he reminded himself how to let it go. He needed to focus on the present not the the past and not the future. He didn’t believe the future was set in stone, he believed things could change just as a thousand tiny decisions warped each day he lived.

He walked into the fountain room with his mind clear. There he saw the Jedi master he sought sitting on one of the cushions with his eyes closed. Jinyoung took a seat next to him and crossed his legs. Master Yoda looked to be meditating and Jinyoung knew better than to disturb him if that was what he was doing. He didn’t need to inform the other of his entrance the old master already knew.

Yoda was small, a species no one quite knew but he was powerful. He was the oldest Jedi in the temple and had followed the Jedi path his whole life. His age and experience were unparalleled by anyone else. He’d seen the galaxy change many times and he understood things the rest of them could not.

Jinyoung had once been afraid of Yoda as a child but he’d learned there was no reason to be. The older master was warm, a beacon of light and someone who never treated his students as if they were lesser. Yoda never considered himself above teaching younglings and seemed to really enjoy spending time with them. He offered guidance freely to anyone who sought it. He often spoke in riddles, his pattern of speech was strange but Jinyoung listened intently to each word to uncover any hidden meanings. The great Master didn’t waste his words, and Jinyoung understood that.

“Peaceful, you seem,” Yoda spoke indicating that he was coming out of the meditative state he was in. “Good your time here has been.”

“Yes master,” Jinyoung agreed, “I am grateful for your guidance. I have felt at peace since returning.” He was glad Taecyeon had offered to send him back, he was too conflicted to stay and fight. He had to understand his limits. Especially where Dooku was concerned. It was better for him not to stay.

“Very good,” Yoda said, “ready you are for returning to the war.” Jinyoung wasn’t completely sure about that but he trusted his masters. If they thought he was ready he would have to trust them. But they had thought he was ready before, and he had succeeded at the mission. It just hadn’t been without it’s difficulties. He guessed no matter what came it would be difficult to move forward.

“Do you have a mission for me?” Jinyoung asked. He gauged that that was why his Master had called him.

“Yes,” Yoda responded, “but quiet this one must be, off the records it will be.”

“Why?” Jinyoung questioned. Missions were usually given in the council chambers and recorded meticulously so that the Jedi in the future could keep track of all their dealings on other planets. It was the way they’d always done things. It was odd to Jinyoung to receive a mission in secret, and he wondered if it happened with other older Jedi.

“Dangerous things have been,” Yoda said, “spies there may be in the senate.” He understood that fear. They had their own spies among the separatists, it made sense that the separatists also had spies among them. Jackson had helped them to find and keep track of a few of them.

“A plot there is,” Yoda said, “a dark plot against us. Clouded our vision has been, impossible to see what it could be. This mission important it is, for the future of the Jedi.” Jinyoung furrowed his brow. He wanted to ask what it was, but he knew better than to interrupt.

“To the caves of Illum you must go, answers you must seek,” Yoda said, “and alone you will not be.” Jinyoung listened carefully wondering what could be found at Illum that could give them answers. “Seek out former padawan Lim Jaebeom you must, visions he had as a child may be key to unraveling a dark plot against us. Take him to Illum you must.” Jinyoung stiffened. Of all the missions he could be asked to partake in, it had to be one that involved…

“Master...” he was confused and wanted to argue against it but what visions? He remembered Illum, remembered something happened with Jaebeom but he was never told what it was. Jaebeom had kept it inside and when Jinyoung had asked had always refused to say.

“Your friend he was,” Yoda said, “I believe with you he will go willingly.” Jinyoung wasn’t so sure but that didn’t matter so much as why…

“What visions master?” Jinyoung asked. He wanted to know what it was he was to look for. Jaebeom had never told him anything as a child when they were friends. They weren’t close anymore, they weren’t friends but more like enemies.

“Tell you himself he must,” Yoda explained, “only recently hear of what happened did I. Unsure am I of the details. The dark side our view it clouds.” Jinyoung remembered Youngjae’s words as he thought of what the visions could be. There was another reason Jaebeom had left? He wondered if Jaebeom would go with him willingly to Illum or if Jinyoung would have to fight him for it. Jaebeom had no love of the Jedi, the idea of helping them wouldn’t make Jaebeom happy. Jinyoung was sure of that part. He was also sure he wasn’t the best to go.

“Master I believe I am unfit for this mission,” Jinyoung declared, “Master Taecyeon would likely be a better choice. He knows Jaebeom much better than I do.” He didn’t want to go after Jaebeom. He felt annoyed that Jaebeom’s words were coming true so soon after meeting him again.

“Taecyeon’s on the battlefield, he can not leave,” Yoda declared, “and better? Better than you no one knows him. Follow you Jaebeom will. Listen he will.” Jinyoung doubted that. He and Jaebeom were nothing.

“Master,” Jinyoung said.

“Important this mission is,” Yoda repeated.

“How will I know what to interpret of these visions when I see them?” Jinyoung was confused. “What if It shows us nothing?” Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he was even going to look for in the visions. Jaebeom was a difficult variable but everything about the mission was vague.

“Guide you the force will,” Yoda said, “strong with the force you are.” He had to trust his Master. He wasn’t going to be able to get out of the mission and he knew Yoda likely had more reasons for choosing him.

“Fear not what you see,” Yoda said, “and no one else must you tell of this mission. Careful we must be when dealing with premonitions.” Jinyoung was confused about what he would see and how it would help but he took each word to heart. He was a Jedi, he would do what was asked of him for the good of the Jedi.

“I will do as you ask,” Jinyoung said, “but I don’t know where to find Jaebeom.” It was one glaring issue with going after Jaebeom. The smuggler could be anywhere in the galaxy.

“Figure that out you will,” Yoda said, “far you won’t have to look.”

Jinyoung realized it was easier than he was making it. Jackson had contacted Jaebeom before their mission and made the deal with him. Jackson would know what to do.

“Thank you master,” Jinyoung said, “I will go immediately and I will do my best.”

* * *

Jackson was laughing at him and it was infuriating.

Jinyoung had set out from the temple after taking the time to meditate and plan what he would need for his trip. He couldn’t take a marked Jedi transport so he had gone out and purchased a small ship that would do the job of carrying him across the galaxy. After that was done he couldn’t avoid the important step. He had to go to Jackson to have any hope of finding Jaebeom. Jackson had hired Jaebeom so Jackson was Jinyoung’s biggest lead on how to contact him and Jackson was a troublesome one.

“You want to find Lim Jaebeom?” Jackson laughed, “you gave me so much trouble for hiring him and now you want to find him?” He kept laughing at Jinyoung but Jinyoung couldn’t understand why it was funny.

“Stop laughing and just tell me how to contact him,” Jinyoung demanded, “I need to get some information from him for my mission log.” It was a complete lie but he had to keep the actual mission a secret. He figured his lie was passable enough, it was on the senate books that he hadn’t written up a proper mission report. He’d skipped it due to his mental state.

“I thought you wanted to apologize for your behavior,” Jackson responded with more laughter.

“Just give me the information or I will mind trick it out of you,” Jinyoung glared at him. He enjoyed Jackson’s company most days but the man could be infuriating.

“That only works on the weak minded,” Jackson responded, “You taught me that silly boy. I promise I will give you the information but know that it’s going to be difficult to pin him down. I believe he headed to the outer rim.” Jinyoung sighed. The outer rim could take forever to search without more information.

“Do you know where on the outer rim?” Jinyoung asked, “or a channel to contact him?” Jackson had gotten in touch with him before, he had to know something. Jinyoung couldn’t be running around the outer rim plants searching.

“I don’t know,” Jackson responded, “but he’s a smuggler, has dealings with all sorts of unsavory characters. If I’d have to bet I’d say Tatooine is a good place to start.” Jinyoung wondered how long it would take if a desert planet was the place to start. Tatooine was not a pleasant planet to go to in any capacity, climate nor atmosphere.

“How did you contact him before?” Jinyoung asked, he expected things to be a bit simpler.

“He was here on Coruscant when I was looking through possible candidates for the job,” Jackson responded, “Mark found him in the city underbelly and hired him on my instruction. I’d worked with him once in the past, I knew he was trustworthy. We’ll give you all operating numbers and contact streams we used, but in his line of work many of them likely go inactive once he finishes a job.” It all wasn’t certain but it was as much help as he would get. Jinyoung shouldn’t have expected things to be easier, the galaxy was a big place to search. He would have to trust the force.

“Okay, just give me what you have and I’ll be on my way,” Jinyoung said. He would have to do a whole lot of meditation on his way to the outer rim and hope the force was feeling merciful towards him.

“Just like that?” Jackson asked him, “you’re really going to search the whole outer rim to get some information about a mission you completed weeks ago?” Jinyoung looked at him and furrowed his brow, Jackson’s line of questioning was odd. He guessed it was unbelievable that Jinyoung would do such a thing for such a reason but still…

“Do you know more than you’re letting on?” Jinyoung asked him. He knew Jackson could be coy when he wanted to be.

“I am curious as to why you would be tracking down a smuggler when there is quite a bit going on around the galaxy with the ware. You are a general after all,” Jackson said. “But I have been curious because you seemed to be quite familiar with who he was when you met him. Very familiar.” Jinyoung felt cornered and realized what Jackson was playing at.

“Jackson I swear I will throw you out that window,” Jinyoung threatened. He didn’t want to play games, he didn’t want to be questioned.

“Why?” Jackson asked, “I am merely curious as to what connection you share with the man.” Jinyoung stood up to square himself towards Jackson and Mark stepped quickly in front of Jackson.

“Stop,” Mark said, “cool off Jinyoung it won’t do you well to lose your head when you’ve made so much progress.” Mark’s tone of voice was low, and Jinyoung knew he’d go to bat hard defending Jackson. Even if he and Jinyoung did get on well, his job was to protect Jackson.

“Just give me my information so I can go,” Jinyoung said forcefully.

“When you sat down on the ship,” Jackson sat back relaxed as if going over his musings, “he looked at you like he’d seen a ghost. He recognized you.”

“Jackson!” Jinyoung shouted at him. He didn’t want to talk about it. Nothing concerning Jaebeom was easy for him to talk about.

“When Dooku attacked your mind, Jaebeom gave the ship controls to Yugyeom,” Jackson continued but spoke fast, “he grabbed your face and held onto you and told you to stay with him. The way he spoke to you was like he was familiar… you knew him before? Didn’t you. You were close with him.” Jinyoung jumped at him but was grabbed my Mark, Jackson jumped up and back away from Jinyoung.

“This has nothing to do with anything!” Jinyoung shouted at Jackson. It was too easy for a nerve to be struck where it came to what happened. Jinyoung hadn’t even known any of that, but he hadn’t wanted to know.

“Why are you looking for him?” Jackson asked.

“Does it really matter?” Mark questioned. He seemed exasperated with the both of them.

“I am curious,” Jackson said, “please satisfy my curiosity.”

“It’s Jedi business,” Jinyoung said, “you don’t get to know everything just cause you help us.”

“You called him a separatist sympathizer,” Jackson replied, “those words are heavy. So forgive me for not wanting to just sell him out on the basis of it being Jedi business. Are you planning on bringing him in? On making him an outlaw? He’s a good man and he’s not your enemy.”

“It’s not like that,” Jinyoung argued back. He would never make Jaebeom an outlaw, he would never sell him out.

“Then what is it like?” Jackson asked. Jinyoung was appalled that he was being interrogated over questions that were supposed to be routine. He didn’t expect Jackson to be so difficult trying to get reasons out of him. He didn’t know Jackson would get defensive of Jaebeom when Jinyoung posed no threat. It seems in the conversation though Jinyoung was trapped. There was nothing else Jinyoung could do but tell at least part of the truth.

Jinyoung huffed as he faced Jackson down with a scowl.

“Jaebeom was a Jedi,” Jinyoung admitted softly, “it was a long time ago. We did lower level training together, he was Taecyeon’s apprentice. And he left the order when he was 15.” It had been ten years. Jinyoung didn’t know why it still mattered but for some reason it kept coming back up.

“Was that so hard?” Jackson asked with another large laugh but his face turned serious fast. “Now why are you looking for him?”

“Classified,” Jinyoung declared, that was one thing he wouldn’t give in on. He wasn’t going to blow a mission that his master dubbed so secret it wasn’t even being written in their records. Jackson would not get that from him.

“How classified?” Jackson whined, “I have the trust of everyone on our side you can tell me.”

“No I can’t,” Jinyoung responded calmly, “just trust that this is for the best and tell me where to find him.” He hoped Jackson would stop pushing him and just give in.

“Last I heard he was on Akiva,” Jackson said, “he did the job to help your mission for money to buy a slave boy off some masters there. That was weeks ago, that’s the last I know but we have communication channels that might still be open with him. I’d still start there.” Jinyoung didn’t thank him. He stood to rush out cause he wanted out of the conversation. He was upset he’d been forced to speak of the things that had passed.

“No gratefulness?” Jackson whined at him.

“Goodbye Jackson,” Jinyoung replied coldly. He had a mission to get to. One he wasn’t happy about but with the way Yoda had spoke of it their very future depended on it so he would do everything in his power to complete it.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung stroked his friends brow. Jaebeom was sick and Jinyoung hated when he was sick. It seemed to happen frequently, too frequently ever since Illum. The boys had been sparring when Jaebeom collapsed. Jinyoung had been frantic at what had happened and had refused to leave his friend’s side. The masters were upset with him for not listening, but he wasn’t going to listen. Not when the orders were for him to return to his quarters, to leave, to go back to training. He couldn’t listen to them. Jaebeom needed him. They were stronger when they were together._

_They kept talking in hushed tones. Some who knew other languages used them to talk over Jinyoung so he couldn’t understand what they were saying. One had even tried to tear him away but he’d cried hard so they stopped messing with him. The masters were commanding but they tended to back down when children were crying. Jinyoung’s master had been called down to try to convince Jinyoung to go back to their quarters with him._

_Jinyoung couldn’t stop crying with how they kept trying to convince him to leave. His master didn’t scold him like the others and didn’t get angry with him. He listened as Jinyoung kept saying that Jaebeom was his best friend and that Jinyoung needed to make sure he was okay. Joon had gotten on his level to speak with him, to listen to him like Joon always did._

_“Jaebeom please wake up,” Jinyoung begged him. He wanted to see Jaebeom awake, okay. It was scaring him. It happened when Jinyoung was there and Jinyoung wondered how much it happened when he was away. Joon had explained to him that Jaebeom’s case was troubling to many of the older masters. He was strong in the force particularly when it came to receiving vivid visions. Joon explained to Jinyoung that Jaebeom received so many of them that they happened while he was awake. That he didn’t know how to control it._

_Jinyoung was glad someone had taken the time to actually tell him what was going on cause Jaebeom never would. Such a thing had never happened in the history of the order. Jaebeom was much different for what he was experiencing. Jinyoung worried for him. Jaebeom collapsed likely due to seeing something that was too much for him. Jinyoung heard another master say Jaebeom was defective, that his training would never be completed._

_Jinyoung got angry hearing such things and his master had helped to calm him. Joon had settled things so Jinyoung could stay, he talked with the others while Jinyoung sat beside Jaebeom._

_Jaebeom stirred beneath Jinyoung's gentle touch against his brow and his eyes opened slightly. Jinyoung looked back to where the masters were deep in conversation with each other. He turned back and leaned forward from where he sat to wrap his arms around Jaebeom in relief to see him coming back around._

_"You scared me," Jinyoung said, his voice a quiet whisper. He believed Jaebeom's eyes opening were enough to determine he was awake. He just wanted to hold on to his friend. He felt Jaebeom's hand move to the top of his head in a gentle stroke._

_"Jinyoungie," Jaebeom said softly, "I'm okay." Jinyoung shivered, he was cold and Jaebeom was so warm._

_“You never told me you could see things,” Jinyoung said, “you never told me why this happened.” Jaebeom continued to pat his head but his hand slowed. He seemed to stiffen._

_“It’s nothing Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom said. Jaebeom didn’t want to burden him but Jinyoung didn’t want him to go through it alone._

_“It’s not nothing,” Jinyoung responded, “not at all. Not if it does this to you.”_

_"I told you I could see things," Jaebeom said softly, "I told you I saw that you would be my best friend. You didn’t believe me yet here you are.” Jinyoung could hear the smile in his voice as Jaebeom tried to make light of it._

_"That was one thing," Jinyoung responded, "but you always said that when you had bad dreams that they were nothing." He worried so much. Jaebeom's visions weren't just simple dreams, they hit him while he was awake. He collapsed and it had happened more than once since Illum, Jinyoung couldn't ignore that. How bad had things gotten while he was on missions?_

_How bad would things continue to get if Jaebeom couldn't control it? What if no master took him? What if Jinyoung lost his friend completely. He didn’t know if he could make it as a Jedi without Jaebeom there beside him._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom said his name affectionately, "don't worry about me, don't worry it will be okay." Jinyoung gripped at his friends robes as he kept his head down against Jaebeom's body._

_"I am worried," Jinyoung confessed._

_"You don't need to be," Jaebeom responded, "I can manage, I’m learning to manage.” Jinyoung wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He wasn’t sure if his friend could manage but Jaebeom had managed to hide things from him for a long time. Jinyoung didn’t care his reasons, he just wanted Jaebeom to be alright again._

_“Please don’t worry about me,” Jaebeom told him gently, “I would be upset if you had to worry too, this is the will of the force. I can’t control it now but I will work hard and I will learn. I promise I will do my best to learn what it is the force wants of me. So you don’t have to worry about me at all Jinyoungie. It will all be okay.” Jinyoung heard Jaebeom’s words but they didn’t change his fears._

_Words weren’t power enough to chase away his doubts. The future was uncertain in his own mind and whatever future Jaebeom saw was something he wasn’t allowed to know._

_The unknown scared him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, the chase has begun. Jinyoung is going after Jaebeom this time and things will be explosive when they meet again. Please leave a comment, kudos or bookmark. Interactions with this story are really encouraging to me. Much more to come soon.


	9. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 8 - At Odds, Get Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung begins his quest to recruit Jaebeom for the odd mission given to him by his master. But catching up to the smuggler is easier said than done.

Jaebeom wasn’t an easy man to track down, but finding one man in a whole galaxy was never an easy task. What Jinyoung didn’t expect was weeks of following leads, failure to use any channels that Jackson had given him. All he could do was follow the leads and hope he ended up in the right place.

Jaebeom had been on Akiva like Jackson had claimed but he was gone before Jinyoung got there. It was inconvenient but it had been weeks. It was always unlikely that the smuggler would stay in one place for long. From what he gathered Jaebeom was following a trail himself and once Jinyoung had picked up on that trail he remained a step behind but worked to move faster.

Jaebeom was chasing the sale of a slave boy, some unfortunate kid named BamBam who Jaebeom wanted to buy for some reason. Jinyoung knew Jaebeom well enough to know he wasn’t some sort of monster who wanted slaves for himself. It was likely he wanted to free the poor kid. Slavery was illegal within the republic but still practiced on the outer rim and with the war it had become increasingly prevalent on core worlds as well. He was aware of it, the Jedi were aware of it but they struggled

Separatists leaders were more than happy to buy up slaves to pad armies and for running their own households. Jinyoung had seen a couple senators with questionable companions as well, he was suspect about how big the problem was getting. He hated it but they couldn’t crack down on it until the war was over. Those were the chancellor’s orders. Chancellor Palpatine didn’t think the issue was important enough to give attention to with an intergalactic conflict consuming their time.

Jinyoung wasn’t particularly fond of the Chancellor but he understood the man was trying to bring the war to a swift close. It was his entire focus and when it was complete he was expected to step down from his power. It was widely agreed upon in the senate that whoever was elected in his place would bear the responsibility of putting the galaxy back together when the war had ended. Jinyoung hoped whoever it was found slavery to be important enough to address quickly. They needed to snuff it out before the problem got bigger. It was likely the Jedi would be sent in to deal with slave traders like they had before the war.

They’d sent several Jedi undercover through the years to take out slave operations from the inside. It had been a long hard fought battle for the Jedi Order. To see slavery rise again made Jinyoung’s blood boil. Several missions of his own as a child had been against slave traders. One of the Jedi war hero’s Anakin Skywalk was a former slave.

He knew Jaebeom likely blamed the republic and the Jedi for the rise of slavery again cause they weren’t taking care of the issue. It was something Jinyoung was prepared to address and answer for whenever he actually caught up with the annoying smuggler. He found himself surprised as he followed the trail through Coruscant and it made him feel as if he was going in circles. But the trail was still hot so he knew he was on to Jaebeom.

Jinyoung kept following and it led to another world he didn’t expect. Jinyoung found himself on one of the core worlds called Ganthel. One loyal to the Republic, native home to a beetle like race of creatures. Jinyoung didn’t know much about the planet but when he arrived he found the underbelly of the cities to be seedy just like Coruscant. It seemed the core worlds were not immune to the same kind of scum that lived on the outer rim. They just tended to have a layer of good society that hid what lay deep beneath.

Jinyoung walked through the streets following his instincts as he could feel a stirring in the force. He believed Jaebeom was on the planet, he could almost feel that familiar connection that had defined much of his childhood. It was close, alive with their proximity.

The sun had set and the night was cold. The lower streets were noisy, riotous. The war hadn’t yet touched the planet, it was safe as the battles raged in other places because it was considered unimportant. It had made itself that way yet supported the production of clones financially. Jinyoung expected more signs of the war there, it made him uneasy that no one seemed to care what was going on in the galaxy.

He walked down the streets into one of the larger establishments and was admitted but not without a lot of eyes on him. It was uncommon for them to see a Jedi in their vicinity. He did not disguise himself for his entry into the planet. There was no need to on a core world, and his status was such that people would let him go wherever he needed to.

He could feel eyes focused on him. Most would be curious but ignore him. But he knew not all those eyes were friendly. Some looked at him with hostility and would be defensive. They knew he was there on business and Jedi business never aligned with the criminal elements in the galaxy. He could not fault them for it. The Jedi robes he wore symbolized him as a both a peacekeeper and as a general in a galaxy wide conflict. They feared him and they feared being the one he was there to bring in.

He slipped into one of the seats at the bar, one that gave him ample room to observe what was going on around him. There he simply opened himself up to the force to listen. The barkeep came to address him and he ordered a drink to blend in despite already standing out just based on his attire. He glanced around the room to see if he could spot anything out of the norm. He would have to be on guard wherever he went. Separatists spies could be anywhere.

“It’s odd to see one of you down here,” Jinyoung turned to see a woman had sat down next to him. He looked at her attire and identified her quickly by the kind of clothing she wore. Bounty hunter.

“Not odd to find one of you here,” Jinyoung replied in kind. Bounty Hunters were seen almost everywhere, easy to hire. They would take any job for the right price, to kill subjects or bring them in to whoever hired them. Sometimes the Republic even hired them for simple jobs. They were easy for him to spot, usually by the mismatched weapons they carried and the kind of weapons they packed.

“I am just passing through,” she said, “I don’t want any trouble, but I am curious about why you are here. Things are quiet here, yet a war general has decided to stop by. It seems odd.” He tossed back the drink in front of him.

“I am not here as a general,” Jinyoung responded, “I am just like you, I’m looking for someone.” He didn’t mind making friendly conversation with the locals, he knew it was better to make conversation than to ignore them entirely. There was no getting around his identity.

“Who might I ask?” She questioned him and he didn’t like the look in her eyes as she did. He wasn’t going to reveal it to her, even though there was a possibility she knew who Jaebeom was. Everyone knew each other in the underground.

“Just someone,” he responded and he glanced around the room again. He felt a warning in the force, snapping through him quickly. He moved his head back to where his peripheral could see the bounty hunter. But he was on edge for any other movement that was off.

“Someone is looking for you too,” she said, “General Jinyoung Park.” He caught the movement of her weapon and grabbed her arm before she could fully raise it. She glared at him as he gathered the force around himself strong. He glared back at her easily, wondering why in the galaxy she was targeting him.

“Whatever you are here for,” he told her, “I will pay you double if you tell me who paid you.” The possibility of who it could be was not lost on him. She sneered at him but he knew she couldn’t try anything too boisterous within the establishment without being kicked out. The barkeeps wanted quiet operations and would ban anyone who caused too much trouble. Jinyoung glared at her and her eyes lightened. She released her weapons so Jinyoung let go and she put her hands on the table in front of her.

“Pay me triple and I’ll tell you everything,” she said, “I want 18,000 credits.”

“Dooku thinks I’m only worth 6,000?” Jinyoung mused. She looked surprised and he knew he’d guessed correctly and the thought of it was upsetting. Dooku was desperate enough to hire Bounty Hunters to capture him.

“Here,” Jinyoung quickly pulled out what she asked for and calibrated the number of credits to give. “How many did he hire? Who else?” She was a lower level bounty hunter but there could be others. Luckily with a reward as low as 6,000 he wouldn’t have to deal with a Bounty Hunter gang willing to split a large reward.

“I don’t know all that,” she responded, “any number could be after you. He posted the bounty on quite a large channel. You should be careful where you find yourself, and get off this planet.”

“I thank you for your concern but I can take care of myself,” he said slightly offended by her thinking he’d go down easy, “now get lost.” She turned to leave and he kept the force around him to stay aware of any other threats. He wondered how many Bounty Hunters would risk going after a Jedi for a mere 6,000 credits. The one he’d dealt with obviously just wanted to get more out of him. He was dangerous to them if he actually fought back.

Dooku could up his price at anytime and Jinyoung knew that. The threat was out there and he would have to keep his head down if the chase for Jaebeom continued past Ganthel. He probably needed to don a disguise on future planets. Jinyoung sighed, he really had hoped to not loose the trail again. His eyes scanned the room and finally rested on a familiar figure. He was absolutely certain of who it was after weeks of chasing.

Jaebeom was finally right in front of him. Jinyoung smirked and reached to nudge his target with the force through their shared connection. Jaebeom jumped slightly and glanced around him. The people with him look confused and Jinyoung watched him reach for a bottle which was on the table in front of him. Jaebeom grasped hold of it and stumbled forward slightly. Jinyoung wondered if he was drunk, and he observed a moment longer.

He hadn't been eager for their meeting, not initially but the length of the search made him more eager to finally get it over with. It shifted again since he had his target in sights he hung back, wanting to observe the other. He felt a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of speaking to him again. Something about seeing Jaebeom in the world that he belonged to, it made Jinyoung feel so different from him. They used to be in sync, the same. But Jaebeom had left and this time Jinyoung was in his world looking around at something completely foreign.

It made their differences feel insurmountable, uncrossable. He wondered why Yoda believed that Jaebeom would actually go with him for any reason? Jaebeom wasn't interested in helping the Jedi. He wasn't interested in anything to do with them. How could Jinyoung even seek to presume that he had any place interrupting Jaebeom's life? Jinyoung wanted to leave before bothering the man. He wanted to turn and walk away without saying anything.

Something about the last time they'd met had left him hollow. He wasn't ready to feel it again. He'd wished he'd never seen Jaebeom again at all. If he hadn't then he could have remembered the good of what had once been instead of regretting what was lost. There was no friendship between them anymore, nothing that Jinyoung could draw on to get Jaebeom to do what they needed him to do. He was scared to try, and he wasn't sure why. Nothing bad could come from just asking for Jaebeom’s help.

If he refused... Then Jinyoung would go back with nothing and let the masters sort out the issues of their future. But if Jaebeom agreed then they would be on their way together. Jinyoung wasn't sure what was worse between those options.

He had a duty to the order to get what answers they needed.If Jaebeom was the key to unlock those answers he had to try and he had to put his all into trying. Despite his personal feelings and all the tainted memories between them. He had to reach and hope that Jaebeom would at least give him something. He had to make everything he'd gone through to get there worth it.

He began to walk down towards where Jaebeom was, and he felt a sense of danger around him. He turned quickly and drew his saber in response to the strong sense. He lifted a hand, the force flowed powerfully through his body. The woman, the bounty hunter was there and others. Blasters fired stun rounds towards him quickly. Jinyoung rolled his eyes as those stuns were repelled by the wave of force energy he had moved forward so quickly. The bounty hunters looked shocked and he dropped his hand.

"I gave you the chance to go," Jinyoung glared at them, it was suddenly a big scene in the bar. That was something he'd wanted to avoid if he could but he wasn’t going to get what he wanted.

"You're coming with us," one of the bounty hunters said.

"I don't think so," Jinyoung responded. They fired again he moved his lightsaber and moved one hand. He leapt fast and avoided the shots, he moved quickly towards them in a pattern they could not easily predict. His lightsaber ignited to defend him from their shots.

He took down one and it was like the whole room jumped up to fight. Shots started being fired from every direction. Jinyoung read the room and dodged as needed. He used his lightsaber to block shots or send them back to his opponents. The force allowed him to move fast, to see things coming. He heard the sound of a larger blaster and felt another person firing.

"What the hell is going on!" Jaebeom shouted. Jinyoung shot a glare at him and focused in front of him towards the lead bounty hunter.

Jinyoung launched himself at her. There were more coming and he could feel him, Jinyoung's violet blade was fast to defend from all sides. He needed to end the fight before he was overwhelmed. The obvious became clear that Dooku's bounty on him was much more than a mere 6,000. If the amount of people one woman hired to help bring him in was made it evident. The price Dooku put on his head was astronomical. That thought caused unease to settle within him.

He worked his way through his enemies and towards the main one. She fired shots in quick succession. He surrounded himself with a force shield to block them then dropped it to catch them with his blade. He angled one back and it hit her blaster. She cried out from the hit. Jinyoung walked to meet her calmly, the more shots he the more he used against them and as he reached her he held his lightsaber to her throat. Those there seemed like they were ready to stand down once Jinyoung had their leader.

"I told you to go," Jinyoung shouted at her her, "you lied to me! How much is Dooku paying?"

She glared at him and Jinyoung felt the fear radiating off of her. He raised his lightsaber to increase that fear when he heard a blaster, he hadn't expected a shot from the direction it came from. His eyes turned to meet Jaebeom's as he looked at the other man in shock.

There was no mistaking who had fired on him.

The stun hit Jinyoung hard square on and he fell to the ground fast. His body felt paralyzed in an instant and he watched Jaebeom from where the smuggler stood with his blaster raised still fixed on Jinyoung.

Jinyoung knew who had shot him, he knew exactly who as everything went black.

* * *

Jinyoung woke up gasping, his body felt pained and stiff like he could barely move. His limbs responded slowly as he coughed and choked out for air but it wasn’t air he was seeking for. He knew that, he had enough air… Tears filled his eyes at the immediate pained sensations and he reached for the force to find nothing there.

He couldn't breathe not because there wasn’t oxygen, the force was gone. The life blood of the very heart of him was cut off from him. He reached, he reached again and felt nothing but pain in his head. Tears filled his eyes stronger as his mind tried to catch up on what had happened but he couldn't breathe properly.

"You need to get that off him!" someone shouted but Jinyoung couldn't see. He tried to focus on keeping his body calm, to find peace enough to find air enough... Something was wrong and he could feel it in every single cell he had. Whoever had taken him, had done something to him. He couldn't feel the force, he couldn't reach it. It was the most terrifying thing he had ever felt in his life.

He shook his head and felt his body shaking as he tried to fight what was happening to him. He could feel like a wall had been placed in his way and he tried to fight for the force regardless of the wall, regardless of the pain. He needed it, with everything he had because he knew it was life. He’d never been cut off from it, he’d always felt it. He reached for the force and it hurt his whole body as he found it and pulled it to wrap it around himself. He couldn’t hold it for long and everything went black again.

When he woke up the second time he could breathe, his body felt numbed but not in so much pain. It felt strange.

“You’re awake this time?” He heard a deep voice, familiar and dark in tone. He turned his head slightly to see Jaebeom sitting in a chair, Jinyoung’s lightsaber was resting in his hand. Jinyoung wanted to yank it back with the force but he could do nothing with the numb feeling around him blocking him from the force. Jinyoung was glad at least to realize the bounty hunters didn’t have him unless Jaebeom was with them. But he couldn’t be…

“You’re not going to talk to me?” Jaebeom asked, “you’ve been following me for weeks and you’re not going to talk? Why Jinyoung? Why are you chasing me?” Jinyoung reached for the force again but there was still nothing. He felt empty, afraid, messed up. He wanted out, he could barely hear what Jaebeom was saying.

“What did you do to me?” Jinyoung asked, his voice slurred slightly.

“I took precautions,” Jaebeom responded, “things your Bounty Hunter friends had on hand to block your connection to the force. They meant business Jinyoung.” Why would Jaebeom block him from the force? It hurt, it was the worst form of torture he could imagine. He needed the force.

“Give it back,” Jinyoung pleaded. He didn’t know what to do, he just wanted it back.

“Not until you tell me you’re not chasing me for some nefarious reason,” Jaebeom responded, “I’m not on the chancellor’s hit list am I?” Why would he be?

“Jedi aren’t assassins,” Jinyoung responded, “I wouldn’t be hunting you! I was just looking for you.” He gasped out as he felt his vision blur. He kept reminding himself he could still breathe oxygen, it just hurt so much.

“You looking for me?” Jaebeom asked, “I thought you said you never wanted to see me again.” Jinyoung tried to find his way through whatever it was that made it hard to see. He felt like he was going to pass out again, he didn’t know how much longer he could stay awake.

“Jaebeom please,” Jinyoung didn’t understand why Jaebeom thought it was okay to treat him like he was an enemy. To treat him like a bounty hunter would have. He just wanted the force back.

“You’re worth a lot of money right now and that means your presence here is dangerous,” Jaebeom said, “I want you off my tail.” Jinyoung clenched his fists, tried moving his limbs. If he could find his way out of the field he was in then he could feel better. Jaebeom and Youngjae weren’t effected which meant whatever was happening was localized.

“Jaebeom just let him out of it,” He heard Youngjae’s voice but Jinyoung couldn’t see where Youngjae was.

“Just give me a chance to explain,” Jinyoung gasped out.

“There’s nothing for you to explain,” Jaebeom told him, “I am not doing any more jobs for the Jedi order. You have no business following me.” Jinyoung had to make Jaebeom understand.

“Jaebeom I didn’t come here to fight with you,” Jinyoung pleaded, “please just give me a chance.”

“No,” Jaebeom responded, “you tried to kill an unarmed woman earlier. I don’t trust you. I don’t trust the Jedi. I’ll let you go once you agree that you’re going to keep your war away from me.” Jinyoung couldn’t agree to his ultimatum with out at least getting Jaebeom to hear him out. He had to get Jaebeom to listen to him. He had to keep pleading with Jaebeom to listen.

Jinyoung was about to speak again when he felt a sudden release from whatever it was that was blocking him. The force flooded into him and Jaebeom looked shocked. Jinyoung breathed in relief as all the pressure in his body melted away. Jinyoung turned towards where Youngjae’s voice had come from and saw him with some sort of remote in his hand. The expression on Youngjae’s face was one of anger.

“Youngjae,” Jaebeom said his name.

“I will not agree to this,” Youngjae shouted at Jaebeom. Jinyoung laid his head back to breathe and feel the relief from all the tension. “You have no right or reason to torture him like this!” Jinyoung was glad at least Youngjae was on his side in one thing. Jinyoung finally could think, he could respond to Jaebeom properly.

“I wasn’t trying to kill that woman,” Jinyoung responded to Jaebeom’s accusation of him, “I just wanted information. And I know Dooku’s after me but I didn’t think he would go so far as to put a bounty on my head. Please Jaebeom this all has nothing to do with why I am here. I need your help, can you let me explain.” Jaebeom looked angry and Jinyoung didn’t understand why. He hadn’t done anything but follow Jaebeom to speak with him, he didn’t see anything wrong with his own actions. It made Jinyoung more upset. He sat up, his equilibrium was still off but he had to.

“I need your help Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said, “it’s not an official mission, I was sent to find you by the Jedi masters because of what happened to you as a child.” Jaebeom stiffened.

“No,” Jaebeom responded quickly, waving him off as if he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear it and Jinyoung had barely explained.

“Just listen to me!” Jinyoung shouted at him, “we need to go to Illum, together—”

“I said no!” Jaebeom cut him off forcefully, coldness in his voice clear, “I will never go back there!” His voice raised to a shout, his face looked exasperated. Jinyoung was momentarily stunned by his reaction.

“Jaebeom,” Youngjae said his name softly.

“Please just give me a chance,” Jinyoung said, “I didn’t come to fight, I didn’t come to try and force you to do something. I was chosen to be the one to speak to you because we were friends...” He didn’t know what drove him go bring it up but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“We are nothing,” Jaebeom responded his voice lower, but his expression softer. Jinyoung winced and he knew why Jaebeom had chosen those words. Jinyoung had said it himself. Nothing, it was all nothing, it all meant nothing. “Go back home Jinyoung,” Jaebeom’s expression softened further, “Its dangerous for you to be in the underground right now.”

“I can’t go home,” Jinyoung said quickly. He didn’t want to mess up the one thing he’d been entrusted to do. After everything he’d endured with the loss of Joon and the questions about his own sanity. He needed to succeed at something.

“Why not?” Jaebeom asked him. There was something in his eyes that was hopeful and Jinyoung didn’t understand why.

“I was sent by master Yoda himself to come after you,” Jinyoung explained, “there is a plot to destroy the Jedi that runs deep in this war, and I need answers. The Jedi need me to find answers. Please Jaebeom, I can’t go home until you help me. You always saw the future, that’s what Yoda said, and I remember that. Whatever it was you saw I need to be alongside you to experience it with you this time.” Jaebeom shook his head.

“We can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Jinyoung asked.

“That’s not how it’s supposed to work,” Jaebeom said, “the future isn’t set. The path of seeking answers from it is dangerous, the Jedi taught me that. They made sure I understood that one lesson.” His words sounded like a man haunted by something. Jinyoung didn’t know if he understood.

“Jaebeom—“ Jinyoung began to speak again.

“No,” Jaebeom said, “that is my final answer, I will not go to Illum.”

“Then I guess you’re stuck with me,” Jinyoung said, “because I am not leaving until I complete my mission.”

“I can kick you off this ship,” Jaebeom responded.

“Yeah you could,” Jinyoung responded, “but you won’t.” He didn’t know that such a thing was true but it came out fast with confidence.

“Yes I will,” Jaebeom said. He looked frustrated.

“No you won’t,” Jinyoung replied. Jaebeom furrowed his brow there was a challenge between them. Jinyoung had to play things off to win the fight between them. “Before I left you had something you wanted to say,” Jinyoung brought up, “and I wouldn’t let you. Would you believe me now if I said I’d listen? I’d listen to anything you wanted me to hear, I promise.”

“What has changed between then and now?” Jaebeom asked with frustration, “nothing.” Jinyoung was sure then there was something Jaebeom wanted. He wouldn’t be so frustrated if there wasn’t.

“Everything has changed,” Jinyoung responded.

“No it hasn’t Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said, “you’re exactly the same as you were the last time we saw each other and you were right that there is nothing between us. Nothing at all and it’s better that way.” Jinyoung couldn’t disagree completely because it was better for them not to live the past. No friendship, no feelings, nothing. But he had to do whatever it took to get Jaebeom on his side. He had to put himself and everything he was in the line of fire if it meant he could get what he wanted.

He’d had time to contemplate every outcome and he knew his best chance of convincing Jaebeom was playing with the other man’s heart. If there was anything still in Jaebeom that felt anything for Jinyoung he had to find it. Jinyoung was sure from their last meeting and the things Jackson had told him that something was still there. Jinyoung tested at it, looking for a long dormant seed of something passionate. The dangerous fire that had burned them both.

“It’s not better this way,” Jinyoung said, “what if I told you I missed you? Jaebeom can you remember how we used to be? We worked well together, things got complicated but maybe that was always how it was meant to be.” It was unfair but Jinyoung said it, it hurt a bit.

“Jinyoung—“ it was Jaebeom’s turn to be interrupted as Jinyoung looked at him earnestly.

“When we were fighting together on that substation I know what I felt,” Jinyoung said, “I tried to ignore it but Jaebeom there are some things too hard to ignore. Too hard to push aside.”

Jaebeom stood up, his hand still held Jinyoung’s lightsaber and his grip around it was strong. Jinyoung looked at it and remembered times past. At one time Jaebeom hands had held his own saber, and at another time both of theirs. Jinyoung still remembered. Jaebeom seemed to forget it in his own hand but he looked down to it as Jinyoung looked at it. Jinyoung would have reached for it to take it if it was anyone else holding it.

Jinyoung hoped Jaebeom would make a different move. He looked earnestly waiting to see what he would do but Jaebeom wouldn't meet his gaze. The man looked at the lightsaber in his hand and threw it on the ground in front of Jinyoung. Jaebeom breathed deeply, and Jinyoung watched the way his chest moved outward as he took in air. Jaebeom’s fists clenched and he looked up, he met Jinyoung's gaze, his eyes were cold.

"Get off my ship.”

Jinyoung was surprised, he felt hurt as he had tried to reach for an emotion they'd both shared at another time. Such a thing was something he wouldn’t have ever wanted to do if the situation was different. Because it did hurt so much. Jinyoung closed his eyes for a moment to shake off how he felt.

"Jaebeom-" Jinyoung began to speak again.

"I am done talking to you," Jaebeom responded. He turned to leave.

"You're the one that brought me on your damn ship!" Jinyoung shouted at him in frustration. Jinyoung wanted to yell more but it felt futile, he didn't want to fight Jaebeom but Jaebeom had been openly hostile to him. Maybe Jinyoung's approach should be responding in kind, capturing Jaebeom and his crew and forcing his former friend to comply with his mission. But responding in kind would lead him nowhere. He didn't know if Jaebeom would see the same things in Illum if he didn't choose to go willingly.

Jinyoung had to convince him somehow but he was at a loss for how to do it. Jaebeom kept walking out of the room quickly with no intention of speaking to Jinyoung further. Jinyoung sighed and he turned back to see Youngjae leaning against the wall.

"Thank you," Jinyoung said softly, he was glad for the other letting him out of the force blocking field. Jinyoung knew of the weapon and he'd heard how painful it could be but he'd never experienced it himself. They were rare weapons, the Bounty Hunters had meant business when they’d packed one for him.

"I'll destroy it," Youngjae said, "I'm sorry he used it on you. He's been angrier than usual." Jinyoung wondered if Youngjae would give him more information but Youngjae wasn’t on his side before. He had no reason to change.

"I'm not going to go back to the Jedi,” Jinyoung said, "I'll keep following you until he agrees to go with me." Jinyoung was stubborn and willing to fight for what he believed was something that could save all his family. When he wanted something he knew how to get it. Tenacity and staying on the target usually did the trick.

"Sorry," Youngjae said, "like I said he's angrier now but I have nothing more to say to you, you need to leave." Jinyoung knew Youngjae was loyal to his Captain and Jinyoung didn’t fault him for it. Youngjae wouldn't help Jinyoung anymore than he already had.

Jinyoung turned to leave the room and to walk off the ship. He knew where he was when he did exit walking off the ships open ramp. They were still on Ganthel and with the potential threat of bounty hunters tailing him.

He would need to disguise himself. That was his first task, then he would stick to Jaebeom and watch closely. He would watch and wait for his opportunity to help out the other man. If he was lucky the opportunity would present itself and Jaebeom would begin to trust him again. He would have to bide his time, stay hidden and not get himself captured by Bounty Hunters.

It seemed routine but he had a sinking feeling it would be much more difficult than he wanted it to be. Something had happened between the last time he saw Jaebeom and what was in front of him now. He had to find out what that was to be able to get over the new walls between them. He was sure he was up for a challenge but he hoped things would go smoothly.  
  


* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung's muscles burned as he moved his arms through with his lightsaber in hand. Their forms were simple enough but the task of mastering them was tedious. He did everything he could to focus and to move his lightsaber as the masters described, like it was an extension of himself. He followed the patterns and pulled back in as his master did, It took precision and skill, like dancing with the blade. One wrong move could be dangerous and even life threatening._

_The goal of the exercise was to learn how to move the saber around his body, to learn how not to hurt himself with his own weapon. To master how to move it in every way for the fights that would be ahead. He breathed deep as he spun it over his head, the slow movements were agonizing to his muscles after hours of practice. His arms were in pain and his core burned, tired from the extension and each precise movement. He breathed and kept tension throughout his body, the blade had to pass him without harming him. It was warm and he felt it’s warmth under his skin._

_The blade of the lightsaber was like fire passing behind him and his body. He used the force to guide his arms, to keep himself strong with the slow movements the masters had showed them. He breathed deep in relief when he moved his arm out with the lightsaber extended away from him. It put him more at ease to not be passing the blade so close to his body._

_Most students got through the exercises without incident but there were occasions of students hurting themselves. It was a live flaming sword in their hands, it was dangerous to hold it. The exercises were also a reminder to them to treat their lightsabers with respect._

_The master in front of them turned off his lightsaber and Jinyoung followed, grateful for the relief on his body. He was tired from a hard day’s work. The masters then led them in a series of movements with their lightsabers off. It was meant to help them release the tension of the instruction to bring balance within the core of their bodies. To soothe the life within them, the heart of the force._

_The lightsaber was a weapon they were tied to, a life, a fire, but it was not meant to be taken lightly. It was why their masters drove them on for hours, teaching them to move with it, teaching them to believe in what they could do with it. Each phase of instruction mattered for their overall training. When the last movement was done they all sank to their knees and held their weapons in front of themselves to connect with the crystals within._

_They were given those shards of kyber by the force itself, entrusted with them to fight for only good. Jinyoung did not take that burden lightly. He believed in it as his true purpose. His crystal was like fire and he felt it so strong when he reached within his lightsaber to touch it. It was like flames dancing he felt deeply connected to. He could hear it calling his name. He wondered if the others felt the same thing, but the masters had never spoke of such a thing. Jinyoung felt so bonded to his crystal like it was living but he’d not been told much about such a thing._

_He was told the violet crystal meant he would be a stronger fighter like Windu or the other Jedi masters who were skilled with their blades. He wasn't sure such a thing was true. His crystal seemed to fuel the force in his body as if it was charging up his connection to it. His crystal seemed to push him towards understanding what strength was within him to harness the force, rather than pushing him to master every form and fashion of his blade._

_Some said the violet crystal meant he would walk a fine line between the light and the dark, between the blue and red hues of Jedi and Sith. But he didn't find anything dark within his crystal when he connected to it. He found only light, pure and warm light. Like fire bathing him in strength and light. He felt stronger with his lightsaber in his hands, not because of the blade but because of the force within it touching the force within him._

_When his instruction was over he walked the halls of the temple. The experience in training was still so vibrant and a live to him. He wanted to hold on to his lightsaber as he walked but he hooked it to his belt like all the others did. He was meant to return to his master's quarters but he didn't know that he wanted to at that moment. He'd felt good with his lesson. He wanted to meditate, to stay connected to the force for much longer._

_He wanted to cleanse himself of all his worries. So he climbed to a higher part of the temple and sat out to see the sunset, to feel the life around him. The life around the entire planet. He connected himself deep with the force in his quest to understand it more. He felt at peace as he sunk deeper and deeper into a state of light in meditation._

_When he pulled out of his deep connection the sun had set and he found he wasn't alone. A familiar figure sat against one of the pillars beside him, the boy’s head down in sleep and his hand intertwined with Jinyoung's. Jinyoung reached over to brush the hair from Jaebeom's eyes and Jaebeom’s eyes opened. Jaebeom looked exhausted when he awoke. Jinyoung moved closer to lean against him slightly. Jaebeom hadn't been at training and Jinyoung had resolved himself not to worry, but he worried._

_"I felt you up here," Jaebeom said, "you seemed so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you so I waited..." Jinyoung nodded, he understood. They could always easily find each other around the temple. They were both silent together for a moment staring at where the sun was setting._

_"How deep in can you go now?" Jaebeom asked, "you seem so connected to the force, beyond the rest of our year. You were meditating so deep I could say your name but you didn’t hear me.” Jinyoung was surprised, he’d felt good about where he’d gone but he had no idea Jaebeom had called for him._

_"I don't know," Jinyoung responded truthfully, "I just feel better when I am like that... it's like fears can't get me there. I don't know how I sink in so far, I just keep reaching for it.”_

_"Teach me," Jaebeom said softly, "please Jinyoung." Jinyoung looked at him and saw fears in his eyes, dark circles and signs he hadn't been sleeping. Signs things had gotten more difficult for him. Jinyoung didn’t know enough about Jaebeom’s struggles. There were things Jaebeom didn’t share but his words were said pleading. He wanted relief from whatever it was he was burdend with._

_"I am not sure how," Jinyoung said, "but here," Jinyoung reached to take his hands. Jinyoung then reached for his connection with Jaebeom and opened it to feel the force shared between them. "Just follow me," Jinyoung said. They could feel each other. Surely Jaebeom could go with him. He felt Jaebeom resisting as Jinyoung began to go into the force, deeper and deeper._

_"Trust me," Jinyoung told him, “I’m with you, and you can do this." It was all about trusting the force, trusting the way in. Jinyoung began to feel like he really could lead Jaebeom deeper. He felt Jaebeom, he pulled the other in and he felt nothing in the force but Jaebeom. He opened his eyes but there was nothing else in front of him but Jaebeom. His heart skipped a beat as he met the other's boys eyes. He felt warmth between them, like fire, like his crystal it seemed to be a strength flowing into him._

_It was like the heart that beat in his own chest own had been revealed and all he saw in front of him was Jaebeom. His breath caught, the force was so warm and alive around them. He could hear Jaebeom's thoughts were the same as his, wondering why, wondering how. Wondering if the force bound them for a reason. Wondering what that reason could be and wondering why the fire between them burned so strong._

_Jinyoung was overwhelmed as he reached for Jaebeom's face to hold onto him, to move closer. There they looked into each others eyes and there Jinyoung began to understand something more. They were a furnace of flames, their connection so deep. It was more than a force connection when Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom. They were still so young but Jinyoung began to understand in that moment. What was between them was more, it was love. Jinyoung loved him and he could feel in Jaebeom’s thoughts the same thing in return._

_There he began to understand what had formed between him and Jaebeom felt right, like the light of the force warm and strong. But he knew in his heart, that it was wrong. It was not something he was allowed to have._

_Forbidden._

_But how could something forbidden feel right? How could something meant to destroy them feel like light itself. He wanted to stay there in the light of their bond, in the light of the force that strengthened them both._

_But he feared it, because that was what he'd been taught._

_Light could turn to darkness._

_Passion could turn to pain._

_Love could turn to suffering._

_It was forbidden, selfish, destructive._

_He cried as he realized he could destroy them both, and he cried because he couldn't tell anyone. Because if he did, it would end._

_His dreams would all end.  
  
_

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung moved like a shadow when he wanted to. All Jedi could blend deep in with their surroundings to avoid being seen when they wished. He knew how to chart a path in the dark, how to stay to the unseen places and stay to the darkest parts of a city alive with lights. It was dangerous to do anything less in the situation he found himself in.

He moved in the shadows and followed the figure of a man he could easily identify. Ganthel was growing dark and Jaebeom hadn't left the planet. Jinyoung resolved himself to stay close, to steal away on Jaebeom's ship if the man did leave but he didn't. There was something keeping him on that planet and Jinyoung was determined to find what. Jinyoung had watched for days and tracked as Jaebeom was clearly searching for someone. Searching bars and stalls, searching everywhere.

Jinyoung stayed in the dark and wondered what it was Jaebeom was looking for or who it was he was looking for. Jinyoung followed along a rooftop as Jaebeom walked in the streets. He furrowed his brow as he watched Jaebeom go into the same bar he'd gone into the day before. Jinyoung hadn't followed that far, he'd waited outside follow edJaebeom when he'd left the place. Jinyoung wondered if there was someone in there Jaebeom was meeting with. He swung down from his perch to get a closer look.

As he had followed Jaebeom in the days before he'd wondered what it would be like to get even with the man after what he'd done. Jinyoung had let it go in the moment but realizing Jaebeom had shot him in the back and blocked him from the force made Jinyoung's blood boil. He wanted to find out what it was the man was doing on Ganthel for so long and figure out what to do about it. He fell softly without a sound into the streets below. He used the force to turn the minds of those who would notice him away from him.

His movement was easy as he slipped towards the back door in the dark. He stepped through into the hallways, used the force to divert more eyes from his movements, his hood was pulled low over his head as he slipped into the back through the shadows. The darkness of the bar aided him as he moved to a seat in a darker corner and listened with the force for a familiar voice.

"...you told me the cargo was being moved," Jaebeom said, "did you lie? I've been watching the area you said it would go but there's been no movement." Jinyoung hated the smells of the place, the haze of the smoke, the atmosphere which was cluttered with so much dark energy but he’d found his target.

"I've got informants," a voice said to Jaebeom, "but they're not always accurate. What I do know is the loot you seek hasn't been shipped off planet, they're likely seeking buyers here. They wouldn't dare keep it here this long if there weren't some interested parties at play."

"I know how the game works," Jaebeom responded, "no one cares about the laws anymore. It's not dangerous if they get caught and it’s not like they will since the system turns a blind eye. What I want to know is what are you withholding from me?" Jinyoung listened closer. What was Jaebeom seeking to buy? Weapons? It was something physical, tangible. Jinyoung wondered if it had to do with the slave boy that he had heard about.

"The buyers are high in government," the man responded to Jaebeom, "higher than you would dare trifle with. You like to walk unnoticed. The surest way to get noticed is to follow through with this job. If you want my advice you’ll let it go and accept the boy is out of your reach.” So it was about the slave boy. He could feel Jaebeom's tension, Jinyoung kept himself blocked so that Jaebeom wouldn’t notice him. He knew if he made a wrong move that Jaebeom would be able to feel him there as well.

"Just tell me where the exchange will happen," Jaebeom said. He was determined regardless of potential danger.

"You need to pay up," the man responded.

"I've paid you plenty. You haven't given me results," Jaebeom said, "I don't have time for your games.”

"Odd," the man said, "you used to be the best of us at long games. What changed Lim? Have you gone soft because of that kid you took in?”

"I am sure if you don't give me what I want I can find someone else who will," Jaebeom said.

"If anyone else knows you are free to ask,” the man responded, "but you're running out of time and you won't take that risk." Jinyoung waited and listened to the sounds of breathing, the murmur of voices he'd tuned out to focus in on the conversation at hand. It was a new view of the world Jaebeom lived in. The things he would do…

“I need another day," Jaebeom said.

"I would have thought you'd have plenty of cash to share at the moment,” the man responded, "considering you stole Sepyrina's bounty. That boy was worth enough to give me a cut of the money you earned.” Jinyoung stiffened as it sunk in what they were talking about. Jaebeom had taken Jinyoung and others had assumed Jaebeom had done it to collect the bounty.

"I haven't been off world. Do you really think I've had time to off load a bounty?" Jaebeom said.

"Then give me that Jedi boy,” the man said, "and I'll give you the information you seek." Jinyoung wondered how Jaebeom would respond. He didn't have Jinyoung to barter with. If he did then would he have done it? Jinyoung didn’t know and he felt uneasy not knowing what Jaebeom would have done in that situation. Jinyoung also realized if Jaebeom admitted he had let Jinyoung go, then Jinyoung would be known as an open target for those who sought to collect money from Dooku.

"Do you think I would willingly keep someone in chains like that?" Jaebeom asked, "you don't know me at all." Jaebeom sounded offended and Jinyoung didn’t know why, but he felt some sense of relief. He didn’t expect Jaebeom to live without a moral code but hearing it, it was oddly comforting.

"You mean to tell me you let 150,000 credits get up and walk away?" the man asked in shock, "are you mad?"

"Just a little," Jaebeom responded, "but the man who would see a Sith as honorable enough to follow through with such an agreement is a bigger fool than I can even comprehend." Jinyoung lowered his head further listening.

"Dooku is honorable enough to risk it," the man said, "he is a Count, a man of means of his own right."

"Whatever he was before, he is the person who started the war,” Jaebeom responded, "I won’t trust him, but that doesn't matter. If you wish to chase his bounty you can do so but I intend to get what I came for." Jinyoung bristled as he heard Jaebeom blame Dooku for the war with his own ears. He would have to bring it up when they reunited. He'd told Jinyoung he blamed the Jedi. He was a liar switching his story.

"Sorry but no money no deal," the man responded, “but maybe if you gave me a lead on that weak little Jedi we could have a discussion.” Jinyoung bristled, he could show the lowlife what a weak little Jedi could do, but he leaned forward and waited. He could feel something in the force, something dangerous, and he wondered if Jaebeom could feel him. Maybe Jaebeom could feel how close he was.

"No deal," Jaebeom stood up and there was anger on his face, Jinyoung leaned back again. He knew he was well hidden but he didn’t want to risk anything.

"Have it your way," the man said, "and get out of my establishment." Jinyoung saw Jaebeom hesitate but he stalked forward and out the way he came. Jinyoung stayed in his seat for a long while.

He was surprised at Jaebeom, he would have thought the other would give up something. Some piece of information to get whatever it was he was after. He seemed so angry, like it was a important job. Yet he wouldn't sell out Jinyoung, or give any indication he knew where to look for Jinyoung.

Jinyoung waited in the dark, he watched and waited. People came and went but the man who Jaebeom was speaking to stayed at his table. Jinyoung wondered when he would leave. Jinyoung was eager to show him how dangerous a weak little Jedi could be when crossed but most of all he meant to follow and see where the man would go.

When the man finally made a move to leave Jinyoung followed, in the shadows and the darkness he picked his path and followed. He would find answers to what it was Jaebeom was after. If he could secure it, he was sure it would be something to help him earn Jaebeom's trust.

He was on his way to completing his mission, he could feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. The boys are still stubborn and still not getting along but there is much more story to come. Thank you for reading and sticking in this far. Thanks to all who have been leaving comments. I appreciate the feedback and interactions with this story. Thanks for kudos as well and bookmarks. All interactions mean a lot to me.


	10. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 9 - Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung enacts a plan to earn Jaebeom's trust and must rely on his troops to help him.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Lim Jaebeom wasn't sure when he started to love Park Jinyoung, feelings crept in before Jaebeom even knew what love was. Jaebeom only knew the day he'd finally recognized it. He’d realized he had trouble keeping his eyes off of Jinyoung whenever they were in the same room as each other. With growing up Jaebeom noticed even more when feelings became more physical. When he found himself wanting to touch Jinyoung, wanting to be closer to Jinyoung._

_When simple things made him wonder what it would be like to be even closer with the other boy than he was, Jaebeom knew something had changed. The way Jinyoung looked when he trained, shirtless, showing his strength as he took down opponents with ease left Jaebeom breathless. He was infatuated before he realized what was happening to him. Jinyoung had always been his best friend, Jaebeom hadn’t expected things to change. Jaebeom had seen visions about how they would be close but the force had not prepared him for how close he wanted to be._

_Life in the temple was difficult for Jaebeom, it had been for years but his realizations about how he felt about Jinyoung made things even more difficult for him. He felt strange watching his best friend so closely, wondering more and more about what his feelings meant. It was forbidden to form deep attachments, close friendships were discouraged and romantic relationships completely banned._

_Jaebeom and Jinyoung had always walked a fine line with how close they were as friends. They'd always been told they were too close by their masters and others, that their friendship was borderline an attachment. Somehow they'd gotten away with it not really phased by what they were told. Jaebeom knew there were things they couldn't get away with and as they aged and their bodies matured it became hard to ignore how he was feeling._

_At least it became harder for Jaebeom to ignore. Jinyoung seemed to have no issue ignoring his existence when enough eyes were on them. Though Jaebeom noticed whenever the eyes that followed him were Jinyoung's. He had no doubt Jinyoung was struggling in the same way he was._

_Taecyeon noticed and Jaebeom was uncomfortable with the discussion his master instigated about controlling his feelings and controlling his body’s response. Jaebeom was sure Taecyeon would report to the council that Jaebeom and Jinyoung were too close but his master held off. Jaebeom guessed since nothing had really happened that Taecyeon had decided not to say anything._

_Jaebeom tried to get past his feelings with meditations, his hope was to learn to ignore Jinyoung. Going out on missions away from the other boy helped to some extent. But when they returned and Jinyoung and Jaebeom were at the temple together he wondered about what he was feeling. He wondered how close he could get to the fire without being burned. He wondered if the Jedi were wrong about love and what it would mean for them. He didn’t understand. He felt shame and wonder at the same time as he got closer to Jinyoung._

_All he wanted was to kiss Jinyoung, to feel the younger boy’s soft lips. He just wanted to know what it would feel like and he was struggling holding himself back. He wondered why it was so wrong. There were times Jinyoung was awkward with him like the younger boy knew what Jaebeom was thinking. Jaebeom was tempted to push himself closer to Jinyoung, tempted to explore those feelings. He knew if either of them broke it would be him that broke first._

_He wondered how Jinyoung seemed so unfazed when Jaebeom moved closer to him. Things got worse for Jaebeom in every way the closer he got. Those days got more and more difficult in multiple ways. The visions in his head became unbearable, desire in his body and his heart became harder for him to ignore._

_“I don’t understand why love is wrong,” he’d told Taecyeon one morning out of frustration, “isn’t love a good thing?”_

_“It’s passion that’s wrong,” Taecyeon responded the common thing the Jedi said, “we are to show kindness, compassion, love in a way to all those around us. To love all life, not to engage in single minded passionate love towards individuals.” He knew that answer, he’d heard it his whole life. He just didn’t understand why it was what was always said. It didn’t explain why love was wrong._

_“But why is it wrong?” Jaebeom pressed._

_“Anything that would lead us to value one life more than another is wrong,” Taecyeon said, “as Jedi we are called to a higher purpose. To engage in such things takes our focus off the paths before us. Your purpose is to protect this universe, not to protect one person.”_

_“But can’t I still protect the universe while loving someone?” Jaebeom responded, “why does it have to mean I’d value their life above all? Why can’t it just mean I love them? Why is the extreme case the only one we look at?” He’d grown more bold, more unafraid to ask. He wanted a concrete answer that none would give. He was tired of the way they’d taught him his whole life. Tired of not having answers for his visions and his deeper questions._

_“For others I would say it is possible,” Taecyeon responded, “but we are different. Our power comes for the force and we have a responsibility to stay on a path in the light. There is a dark side to it that is easy to cross into, a line so easily burred. Jedi all face some sort of temptation to darkness, our rules exist so darkness does not tempt us in ways we are not strong enough to defend against. Passion is a strong emotion that comes with deep attachment, those emotions could lead to the dark side. So it is our duty for the good of everyone to deny those emotions.” He had heard that, but it still sounded convoluted to him._

_“But what does love have to really do with that?” Jaebeom asked, “love seems much more simple than we’re making it.”_

_“The Jedi order has existed for centuries Jaebeom,” Taecyeon responded, “what people do for those they love, what they’d give for them is not the Jedi way. These rules weren’t created because of possibilities but because of things that did happen. There is a lot we don’t understand as those ”_

_“I just don’t I understand why you say love leads to the dark side,” Jaebeom didn’t get why they took that leap. “Just because I love someone doesn’t mean I am going to seek the power the dark side holds or become a Sith. It just means I love someone.” He wanted his way, he wanted to fight to have his way._

_“Yes it doesn’t mean you will become evil, but the potential to choose wrong becomes greater,” Taecyeon said, “we have a responsibility to the galaxy to do the right thing at all times. It’s difficult to understand now but I believe you will understand if you are patient.” Jaebeom nodded in response because he knew Taecyeon wasn’t going to budge on his position but Jaebeom didn’t like it._

_He didn’t like it at all. He didn’t agree with what he was told. He had so many doubts agains the Jedi order in his heart growing day by day. And each time he saw Jinyoung he didn’t believe there was anything wrong with loving him. Jinyoung meant so much to him and it felt like a strength to love Jinyoung the way he did. As he grew each doubt in his heart grew and he resolved himself in the pain he felt that he had to leave the order. He wouldn’t deny his love, he wouldn’t give up himself for a path he hadn’t chosen with his own mind._

_What held him back was Jinyoung, he couldn’t just walk away and leave Jinyoung. So he endured until he couldn’t anymore, until dark clouds settled upon Jinyoung and Jaebeom wanted to spare him from the dark. He resolved himself to leave with or without Jinyoung. He would give the younger a chance to agree if not he would walk away alone. It was better that way. Better if they had each other or of the conflicting things they felt were simply gone._

_He had many reasons to walk away but he knew Jinyoung only had one. He wouldn’t be surprised if that one wasn’t enough. Jinyoung seemed born for the order where Jaebeom was not. Jaebeom knew he might not be enough of a reason to get Jinyoung to turn away._

_That didn’t prepare him for how much it hurt, it hurt deeper than any pain he’d ever felt in his life. He’d take the nightmares, he’d take the dark again but he didn’t know if he could ever face that deep pain again._

__I don’t love you._ _

_The lie still hurt like a knife. It didn’t matter that it was a lie, it was clear what it was. Rejection. Jinyoung chose the Jedi, he wouldn’t ever choose Jaebeom. Jaebeom knew there was nothing else he could do when Jinyoung walked away from him. The pain of it tore through his whole body, he leaned back in tears. And he wondered why the force had brought them together only to rip them apart._

_He hated the Jedi._

_He hated all of it._

_Walking away was easy after that, because staying had grown too painful. Staying would be like dying each day knowing he couldn’t get any closer to what he wanted._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung didn’t consider himself to be perfect, it was one of the ways he justified himself when his actions were less than Jedi-like. He knew what he was supposed to be and how he was supposed to behave but the war had taught him new grey areas the order had not. Some things were more okay just because they were at war. His family was at risk and he didn’t know how much time he had to try and crack the case on what was going on with the plot against them. He would get what he wanted and he saw a clear opportunity in front of his eyes to do it.

He followed the man Jaebeom had spoken to from the bar in the streets, and waited for his opportunity to overcome his prey. It was dark, the night deep where hidden actions could be left behind. Time was on his side, there were hours until the sun would rise. He wasn’t in a rush to get the job done.

He followed until the streets changed and the levels became lower and lower. Poverty seemed to be a problem on the planet that one wouldn’t know if they just visited the main part of the city. But the lower he went he began to understand... The man he was following wasn’t a smuggler or bounty hunter. He was a slave trader.

The area they walked in held a particular kind of darkness he’d seen before. He knew all the signs, he’d helped to break up operations before when he was younger. Jaebeom’s inquiry was about the slave boy he was chasing. Jinyoung’s blood boiled at the thought of the slave trade having a resurgence not just on the outer rim but on core worlds. He would have to make his move soon but he wondered if he got closer if he’d be able to get what he wanted without confronting the man. He wondered if the man would lead him right to where the boy was being held.

It was dangerous business, freeing slaves. Even if he found the boy in question if he moved in to just get him out it would be dangerous. Jinyoung needed to play his cards right, he needed to identify how the transponders in the slaves were controlled by the base. He needed to find a good entrance and exit to get to them and to get them out. Or he could tear the place apart slowly, make them suffer for what they’d done.

He didn’t need an immediate plan to make it work. He was a warrior, a general with an army that could back him up if he needed it. He smirked as he watched below knowing how easy it was to get what he wanted. He clicked the transmitter on his arm and made a quick call, the signals were untraceable and it didn’t take long for them to get through.

“General Park,” a clone figure appeared before him. The leader of his unit, a part of the clone army that had been put into reserves awaiting his return.

“Commander Ment,” Jinyoung said, “I need you to meet me on Ganthel, bring 15 of your best men in disguise. Tell no one you are coming to meet me, if asked use our code.” He believed 16 of them would be enough with what he was thinking. Jinyoung could come up with a plan and he could get Jaebeom’s slave friend freed.

“What is the mission general?” Ment asked him.

“We’re going to take down some asshole slavers,” Jinyoung responded, “I’ll send coordinates. I’m scoping out an attack plan now. I’ll brief you when you arrive, it will be an immediate fight so be prepared for it upon landing.”

“Sounds good general,” the commander responded, “the boys will be glad to see you again.” Jinyoung smiled, he would be glad to have them with him again. It had been such a long time since he’d seen them.

“I’ve missed you guys,” Jinyoung responded, “get ready for some fun, this mission will be a good one.” He smirked as he looked down at the base. It was unsanctioned by the Republic for him to take it down. If caught or identified they could get in trouble but he would make sure they didn’t get caught. He had a lot of work to do if he hoped to be successful.

He looked down at the streets below him once again. With the right amount of pressure anything could break. Jinyoung would break the slave trade on Ganthel and he was sure when he did it would be enough to gain Jaebeom’s trust again if not just his respect. He leaned back and looked towards the stars in the sky. He would make sure his mission succeeded.

* * *

With hours to go and a dangerous compound to infiltrate and Jinyoung felt himself come alive with the planning of it. Before the disastrous ambush situation Jinyoung had enjoyed being a tactician and general of his troops. He knew each of his men, it was why losing so many was difficult for him to handle.

Commander Ment had brought his best, the ones Jinyoung relied on when the worst happened to their unit. His clones were all identical in genetic code, every clone in the Republic’s army was. Their differences were subtle on the outside, but apparent with their personalities and force signatures. They were all very different. His commander was brash and relentless as he was. It was often said the clones learned behavior from their Jedi leaders. Jinyoung found it to be a curious view as many commanders were very much like their generals.

But the rest of his unit weren’t all like him in behavior. He valued their differences and the opinions they gave when they approached a mission. He shared all the information he had on the target base with them and everything he'd observed about how it operated under darkness. They didn't have much time but Jinyoung believed they could pull off a rescue before sunrise.

A few of his men were nervous about the unsanctioned nature of the mission but Jinyoung believed it would be difficult to trace it back to them as long as they kept to disguises. The tricky part was he couldn't use his lightsaber. If he did, anyone who saw it would have to die. He had no qualms with killing slavers but he wanted to keep the bloodshed to a minimum to keep attention off of what they were doing.

Luckily due to the nature of it being against slavers it meant the Republic was unlikely to make noise since according to them slavery was illegal. It was still the law of the Republic and Ganthel being a core world meant they would be subject to an inquisition if it was peacetime. But things at wartime were a mess. What puzzled Jinyoung was that the man who had spoken to Jaebeom said some of the buyers were higher up. That meant those in power didn't care what was illegal and what wasn't. They were determined to do whatever they wanted regardless and the Jedi were too busy to focus on stopping them.

"The plan is good," Jinyoung said, "we need to make sure to keep in close contact with how our movements are once we are down there. Commander Ment, Firework, Chaos and I will go into the offices and shut down the transponders. The rest of you will take out the guards. We need to clear each quadrant, so that when the cells are opened the slaves can move out freely."

He had to make sure he located the cell that the slave boy Jaebeom was trying to buy was in. He would leave everything shut until he could get to it. He didn't want to lose the boy in the fray of the fight since the boy was Jinyoung’s ticket to getting in Jaebeom’s good graces.

"We are ready to deploy in each quadrant," Commander Ment told him.

"Keep your masks on," Jinyoung said, "we must not alert anyone as to who we are. If things go sideways fall into the backup plans. You all know what to do.” They all affirmed his words and he looked down into the compound below. He was sure they could do it without too much incident. The salvers were not expecting an attack and he trusted his troops would get the job done. It was a small mission, routine for their skill sets.

"Forgive me for asking General," Ment said, "but why haven't you come back?" His Commander asked him as the others left to their posts and the mission began. Jinyoung and his group would move soon.

"I was sent on a series of undercover operations for the Republic,” Jinyoung responded, "and I needed time…” He was sure Ment would understand. He couldn’t just go back, not after what had all gone wrong.

“We all did sir,” Ment said, “the boys were shaken up but we ended up sidelined completely for a long time. We were worried about you but no one would tell us anything.” Jinyoung stiffened. Of course no one would say anything, Jinyoung wasn’t just sent back because of needing time. The way the Jedi had examined him, he couldn’t explain that to outsiders.

“What happened was my fault,” Jinyoung said, “I am sorry.” He let things go bad, he had done that.

“Sir,” Ment said, “none of us blamed you. We were caught with our guards down. It could have happened to anyone.” It could have, but it shouldn’t have happened to them. Jinyoung had overestimated himself and his abilities. He’d put them in the worst possible situation. He’d been responsible for it.

“Well,” Jinyoung said, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, “I have one rule. No one dies today. We’re taking this one carefully.” He’d already told the rest of them not to do anything crazy and to stick together. He wanted them to watch each other’s backs. He knew them well enough to know they valued their missions even above their own lives and he didn’t want that for them.

“Let’s go,” Jinyoung said, he stepped down towards their picked path. They had to move to get everything done on time.

“Got your back sir,” Chaos said. Jinyoung wouldn’t have it any other way. He knew he could trust Chaos to eliminate threats before even Jinyoung noticed them. Chaos had a good sense of what was dangerous. He thought freely, and wasn’t narrow focused like many of the other clones which is why Jinyoung always chose him to watch his back.

They stepped into the compound through the route Jinyoung had mapped out for them. The halls were dark and by his measure guards were close by. They had to take them down silently without making a big mess. They encountered the first two soon enough. Jinyoung moved swiftly his feet light and silent he used the force to close the mouths of each guard. Firework fired his dart, Ment fired his. Jinyoung softened their falls with the force easily. He was glad to have his team at his back again. They had always worked together well.

Down the hall more guards, blasters aimed at them. Jinyoung waved his hand the blasters flew away. His troopers fired more darts, again Jinyoung softened their falls so they were silent. His other troops wouldn’t be so silent but where they were going they needed quiet. They continued forward and towards the office Jinyoung had seen when he’d scouted out the compound on his own. He stopped and held his hand up to stop his troops.

He could hear the man who had spoken to Jaebeom speaking to another in the door beyond. That man was the one who had called him a weak little Jedi. Jinyoung knew it was wrong to want to show him what a ‘weak little’ Jedi could do. Still Jinyoung was only human in this regard.

"No more darts," Jinyoung said, his voice lower. These weren't guards, they were the slavers and they didn’t deserve to live.

"...how much should we raise the price on the boy," someone said. Jinyoung listened closely.

"There are other interested buyers," the man who had spoken to Jaebeom said, "we could make less but avoid scrutiny if we took them.” He didn't care much what these people said, he wanted them taken down. He signaled his troops and prepared. He gathered the force around him, felt out the life inside and smirked.

He pushed the door with a large show of strength. It flew back and hit his target, the man who had insinuated he was nothing more than a bounty. It was petty but Jinyoung didn't mind being petty. The men behind the door scrambled to fight but Chaos shot first. Ment and Firework backed him up and Jinyoung leapt to the man who looked stunned on the ground with the door on top of him. Jinyoung used the force to flip the door off the man, softly controlling it’s movement. The man looked frightened.

"Who are you?" He asked, there was fear wild in his eyes. Jinyoung was calm where he stood.

“You are going to give me information. The boy Lim Jaebeom was looking for," Jinyoung said calmly, "which cell was he in?" The man looked confused and dazed. He’d hit the ground very hard.

"Why?" the man asked as his eyes sparked with recognition, "you're? You're Jedi??"

"Yes," Jinyoung said, "but I am here to discuss Jaebeom and the business he was trying to conduct with you. Which cell is the boy in?” He didn’t want to have to draw his lightsaber but he would if it became necessary. He was threatening enough without it.

"You're the Jedi the bounty is on!" The man declared and Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

"Yes the weak one,” Jinyoung responded, "but..." He lifted the metal door from the ground, “this weak Jedi you see now, could crush you easily.” He lifted the door and moved it above the man. "Which cell?" The man looked frightened and that was what Jinyoung wanted.

"17," the man said, the fear growing more wild in his eyes, "he's in cell 17." Jinyoung moved the door and put it down then nodded for Chaos to step in. Jinyoung turned away as the clone trooper shot the man. It was necessary. He knew it was still his order, still on him but he hadn’t wanted to watch it be carried out.

"Let's get those transponders down," Jinyoung said to his men, "Firework watch the door." Ment sat down at the computers. Someone had once suggested the clone commander be called hacker. He had responded that he never used a sword to hack his enemies apart so it didn't fit. They had tried to explain that he was good with systems and he hadn't understood why hacker was used. He was very good with machine systems and understanding them easily but not so good with understanding the meanings of unconventional words.

“I have the transponder signals," Ment said, "there are a lot of them General."

"How many?" Jinyoung was still shocked that there could be a slaver compound on a core world so close to where the Galactic senate met. The problem being quite that big was something the Jedi order was not aware of.

“There are 49 sir," Ment said, “It is going to be a mess when we let them out." It was going to be a mess, 49 slaves was a crazy amount to be housed there. He’d expected something in the low teens. They were running a bigger operation on Ganthel, he was sure them taking it down was going to make noise. He hoped it all turned out okay.

“Well,” Jinyoung said, “lets hope the others do their part. It will look like a successful slave revolt on the surface if we do this correctly.” At least that was his hope. “Open them but leave 17 closed but pull up the location.” Jinyoung was going there personally. He would start heading there quietly, once they got things moving.

"I am turning off the transponders," he said, "full deactivation but they may not understand what we are doing.” Ment was right, the slaves might not be aware of how free they really were but that’s where Jinyoung’s plan was important.

"It's fine the others will tell them," Jinyoung said. The risk was if the salves felt like their transponders were still on they wouldn't leave their cells. The transponders were a way for slavers to track their movements and for slavers to kill those who stepped out of line. Jinyoung had troops ready to tell the slaves they were indeed being freed.

"Once you get those doors open wipe the system, leave no trace of what happened,” Jinyoung said. He knew he could depend on Ment to do it well.

"Got it boss," Ment responded. Jinyoung listened with the force, he had to be vigilant because he couldn't afford to make any mistakes. Mistakes cost lives and he didn’t want to lose any of them.

"Doors are opening," Ment said, "I'll start working on the system, they'll never recover this data once I’m done. Take Chaos and head to that cell block."

"Thank you Commander," Jinyoung said, "follow when you can, we need to get off world as soon as we can.” No one could know clones were ever there. Jinyoung walked down the halls with Chaos at his back, He followed a path to where 3rd-Eye, another trooper was able to join them and watch their back. He moved fast towards cell 17.

"Sir," Chaos said, "we're getting a message from one of the south side troopers." Jinyoung felt something familiar in the force.

"There is someone they didn't get," Chaos said, "someone slipped past them and they’re having trouble tracking where he went.” Jinyoung listened in the force, he had to listen because he felt something there. He was sure color drained from his face when he realized what was going on.

"Tell the men not to engage!" Jinyoung shouted in frustration. He turned back and was torn on what to do. He had to make sure nothing went wrong but he had to get the boy out of 17 while he had a clear path. His heart pounded as he knew he had to make a quick decision. He turned back entirely towards the hall. He cursed under his breath as he knew he had to turn away from where he was going.

"Chaos, 3rd-Eye," Jinyoung called for them, "get the kid out of 17 and to the ship, I'll take care of it. Give me your communicator." He held his hand out for 3rd-Eye's communicator. He knew the two troopers would know to stay together.

"Do not engage," Jinyoung said once the communicator was in his hand, "keep eyes on but do not engage, let him through!" Jinyoung had been prepared for many eventualities but the one before him hadn't been on his mind. He had to make sure his men didn't make a mistake and take out the wrong person.

"Eyes on," one of the men said, “I’ve got him.”

"Send me where you’re at,” Jinyoung said. He had to get there in case any of his clones had gone dark and didn’t hear what he was saying. They were trained well and would think to immediately take everyone out who wasn’t with them. He kept himself calm, reminding himself nothing had really gone wrong. Nothing had really gone wrong just yet, he still could get them all out okay.

He got the coordinates on his communicator and ran fast. He moved quickly and knew he didn’t have clones with him to fire for him if he encountered guards. He would have to kill if anyone saw him and kill without waiting for them to attack first.

“Do you still have eyes on him?” Jinyoung asked. He didn’t want them to lose him.

“Yes sir, I’m on him,” Jinyoung had a feeling it was Runner and he knew he could trust Runner to keep sights. Jinyoung could see he was getting close as he kept moving.

"Did any of you get to 17?" Jinyoung asked, hoping to hear Chaos responding.

"Yes," a voice came across, all the voices were the same so it was difficult for him to determine which clone it was by just their voice. "I got to the cell, we have both the boys safe and we’re moving to rendezvous. We’ll see you there sir.” Both boys? Jinyoung hadn’t known there would be two of them in that cell but he guessed they had to adjust.

"Thank you," Jinyoung said, "everyone start heading to the rendezvous point now, we're going to need to move fast. Commander Ment begin the plan for evacuation, I'll take a different way out. I'll send you coordinates in space to meet, protect the boys.” He didn’t know who the boys were but he trusted them with his men. They would be safe.

"Do you want me to move out sir?" the one who was following the target most likely was the one speaking. Jinyoung didn’t need him to continue forward.

"Yes, go, get out,” Jinyoung said, "I am close."

“Got your orders," another voice said, "we will get everyone out, see you soon sir.” Jinyoung was glad, they were all going to get out, he ran and opened himself up to the force. He moved fast, he knew there could still be hostiles waiting to take them down. He would have to convince Jaebeom of his good intentions. He needed Jaebeom to follow the plan he'd changed specifically because of Jaebeom's presence and he hoped he wasn’t in for another pointless fight with the man.

He wouldn't be bringing the boys to Jaebeom the same way, he would have to bring Jaebeom to them in space. That was the safest way to handle what was going on. He turned the corner and saw him, Jaebeom jumped to raise a gun in response to a figure entering the room he was in. Jinyoung reached his hand out and pushed the gun out of Jaebeom's hand quickly. He pulled the hood off his head so Jaebeom could see who he was.

"Jinyoung?" Jaebeom questioned in shock.

"It's going to get chaotic down here," Jinyoung rushed to him and grabbed his hand, "come with me we got to go now!” He couldn’t have Jaebeom arguing with him, they had to run.

"Wait!" Jaebeom pulled his hand away, "what the hell are you doing here? I can't just leave!"

"Those boys you came to free on your own," Jinyoung shouted at him, "they're with my men in route to a safe place but we have to go now before everything gets crazy!” He really needed Jaebeom to listen and listen fast.

"What-" Jaebeom stuttered, "how do you even know about that?"

"Let's go now!" Jinyoung said, "I'll answer all your questions once we're out, we just have to get out!” Jinyoung knew they didn't have time to waste, they didn't want to get caught there. Jinyoung grabbed at Jaebeom again and pulled him along. He reached his other hand out with the force to feel for the best path in front of them and to find their way out without encountering anyone.

He was glad he had brought in his men, they had been thorough and accomplished more than he could have on his own. They were good at what they did and good at cleaning. Jinyoung saw bodies and he saw the slaves who had been free running for their own way to get away.

"What did you do?" Jaebeom asked in surprise of what he was seeing.

"I did my best to cripple their operation," Jinyoung said, "as any Jedi would." A part of him relished in the victory, in showing Jaebeom his assumptions of what the Jedi had become were wrong in every way.

They ran together and out of the compound when Jinyoung felt danger, a sense deep within the force. He moved quickly letting go of Jaebeom's hand, he threw the force forward as he realized they were in trouble and he needed to protect them both.

There were more bounty hunters chasing them and they were after him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to get this one out so quick. Sorry for the cliffhanger. Thank you all for reading, I have been excited about the growing positive response to this story and I hope you love what's coming. Please leave comments and kudos, they're really wonderful to recieve. Enjoy!


	11. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 10 - Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jaebeom must fight side by side to win against difficult odds.

* * *

Past

* * *

_After Jaebeom left Jinyoung denied anything changed, denied it in his heart and told himself that it didn’t matter. He was lying to himself. Jaebeom’s absence was there in the little things, in everything Jinyoung did. Every part of his life at the temple had been colored with Jaebeom. Jinyoung had no one to run to, no one to hide behind when things got too difficult._

_He hadn't even realized how much Jaebeom had been in every part of his life. He should have realized but he hadn’t expected Jaebeom to leave, he hadn’t been prepared for that outcome. Watching the sunset wasn't an option anymore, it reminded him too much that he was doing so completely alone. There would never be anyone there with him again. So he walked to a different side of the temple and meditated at sunrise each morning. The sunrise was opposite, completely different. He felt he needed to be different. It was the only way to push away all the pain in his heart._

_He had to move forward somehow because there was no getting back what he’d lost. Jaebeom was gone, really gone. He’d given up his lightsaber and walked away from the order. Jinyoung felt empty, knowing he’d never see him again. He’d pushed Jaebeom away, he’d done it because he’d had to. It was the only thing he could do._

_The first days he felt like he was drowning, floundering in waters too heavy for him to navigate through on his own. He thought it would be easy to forget things quickly but his best friend had walked out of his life. Of course it was never going to be easy, he'd always had Jaebeom there, since they were small._

_It wasn't easy to face a world without a hand to hold on to when he was anxious, without arms to hide inside when he was unsure of himself. It as hard without Jaebeom's eyes to reassure him that they would at least be together. There was no place for him to seek warmth from the cold. It was all gone, taken away in a single day._

_He had no listening ear for his deepest thoughts. He'd lost his sparring partner. He'd lost someone he'd laughed with, cried with. He lost the person with whom he shared the most formative moments of his life growing up in a cruel galaxy. He realized it was never going to be simple to just let go but he’d tried. He gave it his best effort to let go of his pain. It took weeks to realize it wasn’t happening. Weeks of struggling, weeks of turning for someone who wasn't there. Who would never be there again. Letting go was beyond him._

_He went to his master, once he'd realized he was struggling beyond what he knew how to handle. He needed help, and he had to finally admit it. He couldn’t get past his messy feelings on his own. He'd been too attached to Jaebeom, too used to having him there. The truth was he was attached to Jaebeom before he'd even fallen in love with him._

_After identifying it Jinyoung had to realize he wasn't alone, he wasn't completely alone. The Jedi were his family and he was certain others had struggled in letting go the way he was struggling. Jinyoung realized he had been wrong in trying to handle it alone, that doing so was only making things more difficult. He had to admit that Jaebeom had left shadows in every part of his life, and he needed help to learn how to let go of the pain that came with losing him. He needed help to do that._

_Taecyeon had taken a trip, one of meditation and reflection after losing his padawan. Jinyoung didn't want to go to his peers who he knew were not mature enough to handle the things he faced so the next best person was his master. Jinyoung had always felt strange about his master. The older man had picked Jinyoung so young. His lessons were often cryptic, his instructions though were direct on missions. Jinyoung had gravitated more towards Taecyeon initially since Taecyeon was more affectionate where his own master was cold._

_He knew that the things he was dealing with were holding him back and he realized he should learn to trust his master. Joon was the one meant to guide him so Jinyoung realized he had to go to Joon. It was time Jinyoung stopped hiding how he felt and for the first time he found the strength to stop. He sat with his master and said everything he was feeling, every thought he'd had for weeks and how it had effected him. He let it all out with the rawness of the pain he was feeling because he found he was bursting with the weight of it._

_He cried, because he couldn’t do anything else but to cry when he was done speaking. Joon’s expression was soft and he put a hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder in comfort as Jinyoung cried. Jinyoung felt his master reaching to him with the force with waves of peaceful energy. Jinyoung didn’t feel anxiety for all the things he’d admitted like he thought he would. He felt better, like a weight had truly been lifted._

_"Jinyoung," Joon said once Jinyoung had stopped talking, tears dried on his face and weight lifted from his chest. "I have been waiting for you to come to me, I knew I couldn't push you before you were ready and I am glad you did come to me.” Jinyoung hadn’t known what to expect from his master, he’d held off for a long time._

_"What you've been feeling, it is normal when loss happens. We are Jedi but we are also human,” Joon continued, "we must control our emotions, but we must not deny their existence."_

_"I feel like my emotions are controlling me," Jinyoung responded. He wanted to be completely honest, because everything inside him was tearing him up._

_"They're not," Joon said, "they are impacting you but you've been strong, you've kept moving forward. It is normal for this to hurt, even if things didn't get more complicated between the both of you. He was your friend, his leaving was always going to have an impact on you. We are not forbidden from being fallible, we are forbidden from putting our own passions above our mission. You haven't done that. "Jinyoung you have behaved in every way as a Jedi should, in all this that is what I want you to take away from this—“_

_"But I let myself fail on Ryloth," Jinyoung insisted as he cut off what Joon was saying, "when I was afraid of losing him..." He was so ashamed of his failures. Of his desires. Of the things he’d done when he was afraid._

_“What matters is you came out of it," Joon said. He looked at Jinyoung with eyes full of compassion as he continued to speak. “You're going to make mistakes on this path we walk. Some days things will go completely wrong and you will feel the weight of that. Being a Jedi is about how you make those decisions when you are conflicted." Jinyoung had never thought about it that way. He'd always assumed that just being conflicted was wrong._

_He believed just having feelings for Jaebeom meant he was messing up entirely. That he’d broken the rules in the worst way by not being able to get rid of those feelings. He'd thought it meant he should be kicked out, and the way many Jedi behaved he believed that others would likely disagree with Joon's words. They often seemed much harsher in their evaluation of things._

_"You will be a great Jedi Jinyoung," Joon told him. “Many here would tell you simply not to miss Jaebeom. I’m going to tell you something you may find crazy but you can miss him. You can feel those things but you must learn to find other things to focus your energy to. You just cannot let missing him get in the way of your path. In time you will find that you will no longer miss him and you will have moved on then. As master Yoda would say, a great teacher failure is. Learn those things which led you to your mistakes and learn how to not repeat those mistakes, but don't hurt yourself if they do happen again."_

_“We will fail and fail again and again,” Joon continued, “we will miss the mark of what it means to be a good Jedi. We will find ourselves fighting our own selfishness and conflict but those things do not define us. Our choices on how to move forward when things get difficult do define us. Let the force guide you, but do not fear failure.”_

_"How will I know if the force is guiding me?" Jinyoung asked. He felt so unsure about himself. He heard what his master was saying and he wished it was easier for him to completely grasp what it meant._

_"You don't need to ask that question," Joon responded, "you know Jinyoung, I know you know. You've always known."_

_Jinyoung didn't always trust himself, but he did know how the force felt. He was connected to it, that part had always been easy. Like breathing air that was around him, the force had always been with him. Jinyoung thought deeply about what the force could be asking of him. He didn't even know why the force had connected Jaebeom and him the way it had, but maybe the purpose was for him to learn how to choose the path of a Jedi above everything else._

_It hurt more than anything that Jaebeom had chosen to walk away, he didn't understand why Joon said he would one day find he didn't miss Jaebeom. He believed he would always miss him but he would do as he was told by the Jedi. He would bury attachment, he would choose the Jedi. He believed that he would always choose the Jedi because that was where he belonged._

_He would pass every test. For if he could reject the only concrete thing he'd wanted in his life aside from being a Jedi, he knew that he could reject everything else that came his way._

_His path was clear._

_The force was his guide._

* * *

Present

* * *

They were surrounded. Jinyoung's eyes were sharp as he counted the amount of Bounty Hunters that had arrived on the scene. He didn't know how they had tracked him but they were good at their jobs. He hadn't given them enough credit when he’d assumed the scuffle in the bar was the last of it on that planet. Their chief desires were in greed and Jinyoung was worth a lot.

The odd’s weren’t on his side if he had to take them alone. They would be ruthless in their attempt to take him alive, he was sure Dooku only wanted him alive. If Dooku wanted him dead the man had been given ample opportunity. But he’d chosen a different route. Making Jinyoung a prize to the worst scum in the galaxy was cruel and dehumanizing. Jinyoung sighed as he rocked back against his heels, his heart pounding and blood roaring. He could feel the force strong around him.

"Park Jinyoung," one of the Bounty Hunter's shouted at him, “you are surrounded and you'll make this easy on all of us. Give up and drop your weapons.”

"I count 17," Jinyoung told Jaebeom. It would be difficult if he had been alone but he wasn’t alone.

"19," Jaebeom countered. He wasn’t alone at all.

"Blaster?" Jinyoung asked, and he could feel Jaebeom roll his eyes without even seeing it. Jinyoung had knocked it away in the halls of the slave compound. Not that a blaster was much of a weapon anyways.

"Fine," Jinyoung said, adjusting his plans in his head, "be ready."

"For what?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung closed his eyes and he could feel as his enemies began to move to attack. He reached out in the force and surrounded both Jaebeom and himself with a strong shield. He moved his hand and tossed his weapon to Jaebeom. Jaebeom caught it.

Jinyoung smirked. Maybe he was overconfident but he felt his body coming alive. It was going to be fun.

"Let's go," Jinyoung said. He heard the hum of the lightsaber as Jaebeom ignited it and Jinyoung dropped the shield. He felt something snap into place, their connection, their ability to fight together was still the same as ever. Jinyoung hit his communicator for a code. Jaebeom swung the lightsaber quickly and blocked blaster fire, the force rippling as Jaebeom used it just as Jinyoung knew he could. Jaebeom had always been gifted with a lightsaber, growing up he was one of the best.

"Are you going to make me do all the work?" Jaebeom complained. It was Jinyoung's turn to roll his eyes. He moved forward with the force, it was like dancing. He pushed at his enemies with grace and reached for shields, for the life force he knew he could draw upon. He knew of no other Jedi who fought the way he found to be easiest for himself.

There were more dangerous weapons with the leaders among the bounty hunters. He could sense it and he couldn't allow them to fire those weapons at Jaebeom. He moved fast to get their attention solely on him. He had to dodge as one was fired near him but they wouldn't risk damaging him by aiming at him directly. He was a prize to them.

He leapt away from more fire and kept his composure as he reached to gather the force and send it in waves at his enemies. He knew he had limits, it wasn't possible to sustain such a level of fighting forever. His enemies would likely try to counter him, to learn his patterns so he had to keep changing them. He counted on the fact that he wasn't alone to begin with and his men hadn't gotten far.

He glanced back to see Jaebeom was still defending, he hadn't quite fallen back into being able to return his enemies attacks to them but he was okay. Jinyoung focused on his own enemies. Specifically on being faster and smarter than they were. Bounty Hunters were good at their jobs, good at fighting and good at catching their prey in unbreakable nets. He knew that the ones he was facing likely had contingencies for their prey being a bit more feisty than normal. They wouldn’t show up unprepared for a Jedi.

Jinyoung used the force to push down a literal net that was shot at him. He was angry at the thought of having a net thrown at him like he was going to go down that easy. He relied on the force to stay ahead, to move faster, to be stronger than his enemies were. Adrenaline drove him forward with strength as he fought back. He fought strong…

Until a blast rocked the streets and more blasts followed. He saw the ship as his troops came down upon his enemies. His men moved out in formation forward together to fight the enemies before them.

"Jinyoung!" Jaebeom called out for him.

"They're mine," Jinyoung responded to reassure him. They weren't dressed like clones normally were. They still wore their disguises from the slave compound but they moved effectively and they moved driving Jinyoung’s enemies back. Jinyoung breathed in relief as he slowed, the energy his body used taking it’s toll. His clones were between him and the bounty hunters.

Jinyoung used the force to grab his lightsaber away from Jaebeom once he knew the elder was safe. He used it to defend his men's advances as the Bounty Hunters began to turn away. They would run far and fast. They were bold when their prey was outnumbered, cowards when the tide turned against them. Jinyoung didn't chase after them, he let them run. He'd sent a message to let them know he was not alone. He was sure they would think twice before trying to move against him again.

* * *

He didn’t exactly expect to be thanked for his intervention but the attitude Jaebeom showed towards him in light of what he’d done was more negative than he’d expected. Jinyoung had been almost certain things between him and Jaebeom would turn out better but Jaebeom was still mad at him.

They’d called Youngjae to meet them in space for a pickup of Jaebeom and the two boys that Jinyoung had rescued. Jinyoung was surprised to find one of them was Yugyeom. Jaebeom explained what happened begrudgingly. Yugyeom had been a slave when he was younger, and Jaebeom had bought and freed him years before. Recently they’d discovered one of locations his best friends within the slave trade, a boy named BamBam. Jaebeom intended to purchase him like he had Yugyeom but the slave traders who had him raised the price unexpectedly.

Jaebeom had taken the job from Jackson to make up the difference in money only to find BamBam had been moved off Akiva. Jaebeom had worked to track down where BamBam was taken to. When Jaebeom had found him Jaebeom had fought for a meeting with the slave traders to discuss buying him. In the mix of chasing down BamBam, Yugyeom tried to take matters into his own hands and rescue his friend. He was captured and imprisoned. The slavers demanded more money for the return of Yugyeom and the purchase of BamBam. The price kept rising making it unreachable.

Jinyoung realized as he was hearing it that if Jaebeom had turned him into Dooku he would have had all the money he needed. He could have easily done it since he’d successfully had Jinyoung immobilized but Jaebeom had let him go. Jaebeom had tried other tactics to plan a rescue or negotiate his way to getting Yugyeom back and freeing BamBam. Jinyoung was convinced nothing would have worked but his own plan with his men. Jinyoung had expected Jaebeom to be grateful for the help.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Jinyoung quipped, Jaebeom had yelled at him in front of his men and his men hadn’t liked it. Ment had scowled and Chaos had put a hand to his gun when Jaebeom had mentioned the bounty hunters. Firework and Runner were on edge with what was going on and Jinyoung was leaned back as if nothing was going on.

Jinyoung sat between two of his men, he could tell Jaebeom was unnerved by them. Seeing men that looked almost exactly the same walking around did that to newcomers who first met the clones. What was unnerving to Jinyoung when he had first encountered them was the differences he noticed. From what he could see they were copies but in the force they each had their own unique force signature. It was difficult to him to reconcile the sameness in his eyes to the differences in his extended senses. Jaebeom likely could feel some of that, but not much.

"You don't seem to understand the weight of your actions," Jaebeom complained. Jinyoung figured he did look smug leaning back in his own triumphs with 16 of his troops around him. He felt completely comfortable with them all close to him and maybe a bit overly confident.

"What was your plan?" Jinyoung asked, "were you walking in to try and pay for them again? Were you planning on breaking them out? That would lead the slave traders to send Bounty Hunters after you." Jinyoung laughed a bit as he looked back towards his men then back to Jaebeom. "I doubt you could have disarmed the transponders, You should be thankful, I saved you a whole lot of trouble."

"I am thankful," Yugyeom said. Youngjae was silent, standing next to the airlock that connected their ships. He seemed lost in thought likely considering the situation. Jinyoung had saved them trouble and Youngjae was a reasonable logical man by Jinyoung’s evaluation.

"You need to understand," Jaebeom responded, "this isn't the only location these slavers are operating, and they're going to investigate what happened here. They're going to try to find out who did it and once they figure it out they're going to retaliate.” Jinyoung still didn’t feel threatened by the idea of it.

"Are you worried about me?" Jinyoung asked with a chuckle. He already had a price on his head placed there by a Sith Lord and he was handling it as well as could be expected. Jinyoung also had the benefit of having an army behind him, he wasn’t worried about another set of Bounty Hunters.

"I am worried about the slaves you freed," Jaebeom said, "where will they go?"

"Seems to me they have a better chance now than they had in their cells," Jinyoung replied. Jaebeom was just trying to find something to complain about. He couldn’t accept that Jinyoung had outplayed him.

“Jinyoung did you account for every possible scenario in which they could find out who did this?” Jaebeom said.

“The way I planned it any witnesses will say a group of masked men came in and messed up the base,” Jinyoung said, “I thought through that problem.” He was sure he’d taken care of every possibility with the way he’d planned things.

“No you did not,” Jaebeom said, “because things are more complicated than that. This slave organization knew they had one of mine and someone I wanted to buy. They know my name, you think they won’t check if I was involved? And those Bounty Hunters saw us leaving! Those Bounty Hunters know you were involved and now they know I was involved!” Jaebeom seemed exasperated but he was right Jinyoung truly hadn’t thought about that. “These slavers are powerful, they have bases around the galaxy, they are going to search out what happened and they will retaliate.”

Jinyoung furrowed his brow, they did have a problem if someone tried to retaliate. He hadn’t wanted to put Jaebeom in danger and if that was the case it was a problem he would need to fix. He wasn’t unreasonable enough to disagree with what Jaebeom was saying. He didn’t see it as the end of the galaxy as Jaebeom did though. Just another problem to solve. He was good at fixing problems.

“Okay,” Jinyoung began, “I am sorry-“

“That is all you’re going to say?” Jaebeom cut him off.

“Let me finish!” Jinyoung shouted at him. Jaebeom was taken aback by Jinyoung shouting and that made Jinyoung feel good. He was sick of Jaebeom fighting him. “I am sorry I made this messier than it needed to be, however I have an army!” Jinyoung continued to speak strongly. “So the slave traders may retaliate? Let them try and then lets fuck them all over, root them out and destroy them.”

He hated slavery, hated the slave trade. Experiences from when he was younger had exposed him to the evil of it. He would have no qualms about leveraging the position he held as a general with army and destroying them all. He could do it, he was sure he could. Jaebeom gaped at him, looked shocked that he would even suggest such a thing was possible. Jaebeom’s world view was close to the ground so Jinyoung didn’t expect him to understand what was possible. Jinyoung had other grounded troops who would be happy to see some action. He had passionate and strong unit that would follow him into anything.

The Republic had grounded his infantry, and they wouldn’t move them without Jinyoung’s command. It might be considered rouge move by some to option his army for such a mission but he was past caring. The Republic media had already branded him as one of the lesser generals in the war, he was sure they wouldn’t report anything he did.

“Sir,” Ment said, “we are ready.” He smirked, his Commander was familiar with his style of leading. Jinyoung did what he wanted above what the Republic Senate said they should be doing. When he was told to intervene in conflicts on other planets he’d always taken unconventional routes to accomplish his missions.

Jinyoung would option his troops and he would take down the slave trade. He was sure it would all work out the way he’d said it would. Anyone who argued with him deploying his army would have to answer to Master Yoda who was the head general of the armed forces, Jinyoung at least had that weight behind him. When Yoda heard the reason for Jinyoung’s movements then he would approve it.

“The Republic Senate has been allowing the slave trade to go on. The banking clan is taxing it,” Jaebeom quickly rushed to declare, “I wouldn’t expect you to understand the corruption in the side you’re on. They would never sanction this mission.”

“I don’t care what they’d sanction,” Jinyoung said, “and I do understand the side I am on.” He knew the Senate was corrupt, it was something he had been taught by his master early in the war. The Banking Clan and Trade Federation were earning money off of both sides, fueling the continuation of the war. But the Separatists were led by a Sith, morally worse. They were the driving force of the darkness in the galaxy and they had to be defeated.

“I have special clearance by Master Yoda himself, the highest general in the Republic military,” Jinyoung said, “clearance to do whatever it takes to get you to agree to come to Illum with me. If you say this is what it takes I will deploy my troops to take down every base.” He hated having to bring it back around to a condition, he’d take down the bases regardless but he needed Jaebeom to agree to that one thing.

“I will go myself to where the head of the organization is,and I will take them all down.” Jinyoung said with strength, “This is what the Republic military does. We free the oppressed and downtrodden. We protect the galaxy from the evil brought in by the Sith. That’s why the Jedi were the ones to be chosen to lead.” He was passionate about who he was.

“You’ll only do this with assurance from me that I’ll go with you?” Jaebeom asked, his expression made it clear he didn’t feel good about it. Jinyoung shrugged ready to drop all false pretenses.

“Considering the gravity of what you’ve told me will happen I have to do it anyway,” Jinyoung responded, “so it makes no difference now, but having your agreement won’t hurt when deploying my troops.”

“I am against what your troops have done to this galaxy, I am against this war,” Jaebeom seemed to be searching for a weak argument to continue but Jinyoung knew he’d already one. Jinyoung stood up ready to defend his men and what they were fighting for.

“Give me one thing you have seen the Republic Military do that didn’t begin with Dooku’s battle droids. Perhaps you simply don’t understand who we are,” Jinyoung said, “that is fine but let me show you. We can and will do this.” He didn’t know why he wanted so badly to show Jaebeom that the Republic Military always did the right thing. The Jedi were chosen to make sure they did. For some reason he wanted to prove who he was to the man who’d once been his closest friend.

Jinyoung looked over where BamBam sat with Yugyeom’s arm around him. The two hadn’t left each others sides for a moment since they’d been rescued. They were two boys whose only advantage over other slaves was that Jaebeom had found them and set his mind on freeing them. Jinyoung could use that to convince the man but he knew Jaebeom already knew. It was pointless to try to push him with such tactics.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said his name and nudged him with the force, through their connection, “come with me and help me fight this battle.” He knew the other would make the right decision. Jinyoung looked back to see Youngjae was scowling deeply. It made Jinyoung pause but there was no way they could say no. Jaebeom stepped back away from Jinyoung, backing down from any fight there was for him to have. Jinyoung saw the way his posture changed, he looked smaller, it made Jinyoung curious what he was thinking.

“I will go with you to fight the slavers,” Jaebeom finally spoke, “but I won’t agree... I won’t agree to Illum...” Jinyoung waited because Jaebeom hadn’t finished and he could feel it, “Not yet. Maybe… but not yet.” Jinyoung didn’t understand why, but he accepted that answer.

“Okay,” Jinyoung said, “Chaos and I will board your ship, Ment will go ahead with the others to prepare. We have to go get the army.” Jinyoung turned to his men, he would brief them on what to do.

“Wait,” Jaebeom said, “where are we going?”

Jinyoung smirked.

“Kamino of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fun chapter, a quick update cause it was a shorter one. So much more ahead for this story. Thanks everyone for your responses and comments. Please leave comments about this chapter.


	12. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 11 - Rains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung brings Jaebeom to Kamino and finds his plan isn't all smooth sailing.

The planet they arrived on was one that had relentless rain fall. The sun was hidden by a mass of clouds and Jaebeom had heard that it’s rays never got through those clouds to the planet below. It was the place the clones were created and he found it fitting that it sat in darkness untouched by the light that lived above the planet. There wasn’t anything good about Kamino.

He never thought in his life that anything would ever compel him to visit a planet whose primary function was war profiteering. He should have known better than to think it was possible to avoid the place entirely. He never got what he wanted, the force was taunting him as it had his whole life. Jaebeom had been so determined not to follow where it was leading, to avoid the subtle future flashes that told him he would clearly go there one day. Of course it had been Jinyoung’s fault he was forced to go.

“I hated this place when I first came here,” Jinyoung spoke unbidden, “the rains are terrible and it’s humid, the feelings I got in the force were so messy it made me nauseous the first time. Something about the cloning process creates that strange atmosphere but I got used to it with how many times I’ve had to come.”

Jaebeom leaned back and huffed. Jinyoung was right, he had felt something strange and off no matter how much he hadn’t wanted to. Jaebeom’s response was to shut himself off from the force and he could tell that Jinyoung read that off him. Jinyoung had flinched when he had done it, he just glared at the other boy. Jaebeom would rather be anywhere else in the galaxy than by Jinyoung’s side.

There was a wonder in Jinyoung’s eyes as he stared out of the ship at the rains. Jaebeom couldn’t help but compare the man’s expressions to the boyish ones he remembered from years before. He wished he could shut out memories as easily as he could hide from the force. If he could have, he would have severed his connection to his memories and his past in every way. In a way he had tried by living a life so separate from the Jedi but then he’d taken the wrong job out of desperation. Somehow Jinyoung had been given a place in his life again.

“The 501st is here,” Jinyoung observed something as they circled over the buildings. Jaebeom knew what that meant, not a single person in the galaxy could avoid hearing about how great the 501st was and how Anakin Skywalker was the most known hero of the war. Jaebeom remembered when they were kids, Anakin was considered the chosen one by many of the older Jedi. A title that had once been placed on Jinyoung.

Jaebeom moved to land on the platform that Jinyoung directed him to. He didn’t want to leave his ship, and he didn’t know what to expect outside the doors of the ship that was his home. He could hear the rain beating down agains the mental that surrounded them. It was a heavy deluge that he’d only seen before in dreams.

As soon as he turned the engines off Jinyoung was out of his seat and taking quick steps towards the exit. Jinyoung was clearly excited about being on the planet. Jaebeom leaned back and took a deep breath. There was no avoiding getting off, he had agreed to the mission. At least they’d be doing something worthwhile together, stopping an evil slave trade.

Jaebeom just felt out of place in Jinyoung’s world, he didn’t mind that since he believed the Republic and the Separatists were the same. He’d managed to avoid the war except for occasional lucrative jobs he’d gotten from both sides. He wasn’t too keen on walking into a military factory that specialized in manufacturing human beings. Kamino cloners created humans for the sole purpose of dying on the battlefield and somehow everyone was okay with it. The Republic was just glad to have their own expendable army in the fight against the Separatists. The morality of creating humans for such a purpose seemed to be a discussion no one wanted to have. Not even the Republic’s enemies had used it in smear campaigns, though it was good material.

He didn’t know what he expected from the clones. What he’d seen before were that they were faceless soldiers in army but Jinyoung’s group seemed different in their behavior than those Jaebeom had been exposed to. Jinyoung seemed to have friendships that he’d formed with them. They seemed less army like with Jinyoung was with them. The way Jinyoung walked with them and the way they walked with him. He could see the clones were fond of Jinyoung and that Jinyoung was completely at ease with them.

Jinyoung was a puzzle to Jaebeom due to how different he seemed depending on what environment he was in. He’d just been angry and confrontational when Jaebeom had taken him to Skaytar. Jinyoung seemed like a much more hardened broken person before. But ever since he had set his mind to convince Jaebeom to do something he’d been cheeky, confident, too confident.

Jaebeom didn’t like the way Jinyoung was trying to manipulate him. It seemed like Jinyoung was playing at kindness, playing at doing the right thing to get Jaebeom in a position where he had to accept Jinyoung’s terms. Truly Jinyoung had succeeded somewhat and Jaebeom been manipulated, painted into a corner to get him on a crazy mission. It frustrated him.

Jinyoung was different in every way. Before he’d reminded Jaebeom much more of the petulant scared child he’d known. It made sense considering how vulnerable Jinyoung likely had felt with Dooku so close. The Jinyoung in front of him going into a planet fueling the war was confident, cool, humorous, bright eyed and smug, different in every way. Jaebeom wondered if any of it was real or if it was the caricature that Jinyoung had created in the face of the war.

Jaebeom hated that proximity and the reality of their circumstances meant that he was stuck with Jinyoung in his face and in his thoughts. And that would likely continue until he agreed to go to Illum. The thought made his blood run cold. He wondered if when they finished with the slavers if he could slip away.

Jinyoung was a Jedi everything in his life was defined by whatever fucked up or routine mission he was given. He would never listen to anything Jaebeom had to say on the subject and any refusal Jaebeom had. Jaebeom could run after the threat from the slavers was clear. He could run and hide, but he would likely be running a long time if the council had perceived the mission as truly important.

Child Jinyoung, General Jinyoung… both were stubborn. He would have to weigh his options and wait for the right moment to really get away and then hope that more pressing things were placed in front of the Jedi. He stood up with a sigh and followed where Jinyoung went.

“Are we all getting off sir?” He heard a small voice as he passed the hall and saw that it was BamBam. The smaller boy stood in the doorway of the bunk room peering out with his large eyes. He was bony and thin, Jaebeom wanted to make sure he was cared for properly. He was sure Yugyeom would take care of his friend on the ship. Jaebeom wished there was somewhere he could send the small kid where he would be safe. He was older than Yugyeom but seemed so much younger.

“Stay with Yugyeom,” Jaebeom said, “We’ll be back soon and out of here.” BamBam nodded. Jaebeom hoped he could take care of the boy and give him a good life. Yugyeom had assured Jaebeom that life after Jaebeom had freed him was more than he could have ever hoped for. Jaebeom hoped to empower the both of them to forge their own lives. He didn’t want them to feel like they owed him or anyone else anything. He always hoped Yugyeom truly felt free, not trapped anymore.

He didn’t want Yugyeom or BamBam to see him as owning them. He wanted them to always known that if they wanted to leave he would let them but as long as they were in his care he would protect them. If there was something they wanted to pursue, some dream either of them had, he would support them.

“Do you want me to stay as well?” Youngjae asked as Jaebeom walked on through the ship towards the exit. Jinyoung was long gone, he’d already left the ship with his large clone friend.

“Yes,” Jaebeom responded, “If we need to make a break for it I’ll need you and Yugyeom to get the ship in the air. Keep your comm’s on just in case.”

“Is that really likely?” Youngjae asked, skeptical. Jaebeom knew it wasn’t but he liked to be prepared for anything. He had no idea what he was really walking into. He was sure Jinyoung wasn’t misrepresenting his intentions but he didn’t trust the Republic.

“Just follow my orders,” Jaebeom said.

He walked out to where Jinyoung had already walked out into the rain, the clone trooper was alongside Jinyoung like Jaebeom had thought. The clone’s name was Chaos and he was watching over Jinyoung like he was Jinyoung’s body guard. He was larger that the other clones, built bigger somehow. The rain was pouring down and Chaos had put a helmet on but Jinyoung didn’t even put his hood up. He held out a hand to catch the raindrops and stopped walking for a moment, as if he didn’t mind it.

Jaebeom put a hood over his head to shield from the rain, he wasn’t as excited about it as Jinyoung seemed to be. He stepped out and followed the short path that Chaos took to where the structure overhang to shield from the rain. He looked back to see Jinyoung looking up at the rain with a smile on his face as if he felt good with cold rain falling against his skin. Did he actually like the planet they were on? Jaebeom didn’t understand the boy’s actions.

Jinyoung moved his head down and met Jaebeom’s eyes with a smile. He walked to join them, his hair was soaked around his face from his ridiculous actions. Jaebeom narrowed his eyes at how strange Jinyoung seemed to be behaving.

“I like the rain after being in space for so long,” Jinyoung explained, “it just feels nice to be in a real atmosphere.” Jaebeom didn’t respond, he just followed as Jinyoung passed him. Jinyoung opened the door to the place and Jaebeom was hit by how white and bright it was inside, it was a contrast to the dark drab grey of the outside. Everything about it pristine like it polished till it was glowing.

He didn’t like how harsh the light was to his eyes against the white of the interior. He squinted and blinked as he followed Jinyoung quickly down the halls. They walked towards a bridge that allowed him to glimpse a bigger part of what was inside. He saw down from the railing of the level that they were on that there were clones everywhere.

“This is a clone training and exercise facility,” Jinyoung explained, “the legion I command is known as the 970th legion. Several of my battalions needed to be replenished. So they have been here training with the new recruits and getting them up to speed. When I first came here I selected a lot of the clones I wanted myself, but this time I trusted the boys to pick who they wanted to join up.” Jinyoung explained what was going on in the building. Jaebeom latched onto the word legion, Jinyoung was the general of a legion of troops.

“How many troops under you?” Jaebeom was curious. It was strange seeing Jinyoung in a completely new context.

“Somewhere around 8,000,” Jinyoung said, “though Commander Ment told me they added more.” Jaebeom was taken aback by the staggering amount of people under Jinyoung. Within ten years Jinyoung hadn’t just become a Jedi knight but a general in a galactic conflict.

“The 970th is known as the oddball class,” Jinyoung continued to explain his men, “they tend to give me clones that aren’t up to ‘standard’ which is something I specifically requested. I find them to be more interesting to work with and more inventive on the battlefield. Ment was actually originally a part of Joon’s unit but we hit it off so I wanted him as my commander. We got separated from our army early in on the war and had to fight together. I didn’t expect to end up bonding with my troops when the war began but it happened, they’re a great group.” Jaebeom was still in awe.

He knew the Jedi were commanding armies but he had never thought about what that truly meant. Jinyoung was the general of an entire legion of troops he could option at any time for almost any reason. He was close with his troops and he had picked them himself.

“The Jedi were chosen by the senate to be generals because we do not seek power,” Jinyoung explained. Jaebeom knew the history and what had happened. The Jedi had led the clones in an attack on the Separatists who had hostility taken other Jedi into their custody. The battle had led all to believe the Jedi were the perfect generals for the war. Jaebeom hated the idea, it was so opposite to him in what he’d always felt the Jedi were supposed to be.

“General Park!” They were approached by a group of clones, Jaebeom didn’t know how to tell them apart but Jinyoung recognized them. He clearly recognized them with how at was he was around them.

“Commander,” Jinyoung said, “how are the troops looking?” Jaebeom realized the commander was one of the one’s who had been on Jinyoung’s ship.

“The troops are ready sir,” the clone said, “but general Skywalker wishes to see you. The Jedi Council also wishes for you to call in with them, they’re blocking action to move out the 970th.” Jaebeom saw Jinyoung looked unfazed, he was likely expecting something like that to happen. Jaebeom was nervous about it but Jinyoung seemed confident.

“I will meet them immediately,” Jinyoung said and he turned to Jaebeom, “Jaebeom go with Commander Ment and start mapping out all the information you have on the slavers bases, we’re going to have to start making plans immediately. I want to get our approval so we can get moving.” Jaebeom nodded, he wasn’t sure what to respond. He felt out of place, out of his depth as Jinyoung turned away and the large clone continued to follow him. Jaebeom sighed, he hoped that his knowledge would help so they could get it all over with.

* * *

Past

* * *

_The snow path which had guided his feet forward ended as Jaebeom stepped into the mouth of the cave. He wanted to follow Jinyoung instinctively as he felt the tension in the force around him but that wasn’t what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to trust the force and walk a different way. He listened but he only felt the same thing, to follow Jinyoung._

__Illum_ _

_There was a meeting of the dark side and the light side of the force that gave him a headache even with his weak senses. Jaebeom pushed forward walking a different way, trying to follow where his senses were leading him. The masters had told him to follow the force’s guiding, and Jaebeom did his best. He listened carefully and walked forward down one of the paths into the dark caves._

_He shuddered as he felt like he couldn’t see, the darkness grew thicker and he reached for the force to guide his way. He didn’t like what was around him, he felt scared so he turned back. It only took a few steps in the darkness, he reached out and felt only rock wall the way he’d come. He moved a bit more searching for the way but it was blocked to him. He gasped, feeling icy cold fear within him. His only way was forward, he needed to focus on moving forward._

_He breathed deep, momentarily afraid that there was no way out, and that the force wouldn’t help him get out. He pushed it aside though it pressed on his chest. He needed to get away from those thoughts and feelings. He just wanted to see in light again. He wanted to know how to use the force for peace as Jinyoung was able to. He was scared and he could recognize that much. He just didn’t know what to do about it._

_He listened to the leading he felt in the force and stepped forward on the path to follow it’s way. The rock beneath his boots was the only thing that seemed real in the dark. It was terrifying not being able to see. He held his hands out in font of him as he walked. He kept walking when as he did he saw a red light in front of him._

_His heart stuttered and he stopped. He squinted for the light, there was an outline, a hooded figure standing in the light. The red light lit the dark sides of the cave, Jaebeom felt cold, dark and afraid. The feeling sunk into his bones and he wanted so badly to turn back and to run away, to get away from the figure in front of him. A cold wind blew through the cave. He shuddered wondering what was happening to him._

_He was supposed to find his crystal but he didn’t see any crystals. He was scared about what that meant. Had he failed? Had he somehow failed? Had his fear caused him to fail?_

_“Don’t be shy child,” a female voice spoke and he saw the figure move closer towards him. He shivered and froze from fear of what it was. The voice coming from the figure sounded so cold and dark._

_“Come here,” she beckoned to him, “I have been waiting for you.”_

_“Fo-or,” Jaebeom stuttered, “for m-me?” He didn’t understand how or why. What did it mean?_

_“Yes,” she said, “come here you’re not alone in here. I’ll help you.” She felt dark, cold, everything that filled him with dread was coming from her. He could sense it, at least he thought he could. Jaebeom wanted to say no, wanted to cry out for help but there was nothing else and no one to hear him if he did cry out. To continue forward he would have to go past her._

_“Don’t be afraid,” she stepped forward towards him and he shrunk back, “I have waited so long to meet you, I’ll protect you down here. Just take my hand.” He couldn’t see her face. He didn’t know why he recoiled when her words sounded harmless. He breathed deeply wondering if it was part of the test, a test if he would give into fear or accept help._

_“W-will you take me to find my crystal?” He asked. Maybe this was someone who existed within the caves for that purpose. He clung most to the idea that it was a test to see if he could push aside his fear._

_“Yes,” she said, “I will take you to them.” He shivered again and forced himself forward because he had to succeed at getting his crystal and getting out of the cave. He walked towards her and reached for her hand. It was cold. He shivered again but he wanted to make it._

_“Very good,” she said, her voice sounded wrong, everything felt wrong but she started to walk forward and the way she held his hand there was nothing he could do but to follow her down._

* * *

Present

* * *

He always knew there would be some resistance for him pulling a legion of troops out for an unsanctioned mission. Jinyoung had sent his Commander back to create a detailed mission log about the Slave compound they had taken out. He had also had Ment start work on creating a plan with the intention that they were going to take down the whole organization.

He expected pushback from the senate specifically and in that instance he knew the Jedi’s hands could quickly become tied. Jinyoung was prepared to break down why what they were doing was important, and he had been prepared to handle it on his own. He didn't expect someone else to come to his side to support him so quickly. Jinyoung had been walking to the meeting room where the council would all call in from various planets. On his way he'd been interrupted by Anakin Skywalker.

He was the believed to be chosen one, who had out shined Jinyoung in raw force talent when they were kids. Anakin had rushed to meet him before he went in because Anakin wanted to back him up in the fight against the salvers. The council was displeased with his plan to take down a group of slave traders that weren’t considered important on the scale of the war. Jinyoung was glad to have Anakin on his side.

"The slave problem is starting to become a war problem," Anakin Skywalker said, "Dooku is making deals and selling out different planets to these slave traders. He’s money for his armies off offering safe places to whole groups of people, those safe places are slave traders who are funding the growing Separatist threat. Obi Wan and I dealt with this on Kadavo. We took down one group of traders there. "If there are more we need to do our duty and take them all down." Jinyoung wasn’t aware of that part of things, it certainly did shine a more important light on his quest.

"That doesn't change the fact that Jinyoung went off on his own to forge this mission," one of the council members said, "you didn't give any report before you started this process." Jinyoung rolled his eyes, of course the procedural things would be something they wanted to examine.

"I didn't have time to make a report. I saw a situation that needed to be changed and I handled it," Jinyoung continued, "It was a reasonable move."

"Reasonable?" Another council member questioned, "Your whereabouts have been reported as here in the temple and suddenly you surface on another planet on an unsanctioned mission?"

"I was undercover," Jinyoung responded, “anything done undercover is unsanctioned by default. Master Yoda can attest that my undercover status is none of your business." He could see Yoda smile and the older master laughed at him. Yoda was always a more strange one on the council.

"Taking my orders Young Park was," Yoda backed him up as Jinyoung expected.

"What orders?" Mace Windu was the one to speak up. His eyes moved between Yoda and Jinyoung, curiously.

"It doesn't matter," Jinyoung declared, "my objective was met, I found that this is the way I was to accomplish my mission and if what General Skywalker says is true, we absolutely should take out these slavers. It is our job to protect the innocent even during wartime!” He hated the idea that people’s lives were less important when they weren’t in strategic planets.

"I agree," Anakin said.

"My men are prepared to begin this mission," Jinyoung said, "They haven't seen combat in months and they’ve been here training. This is a good time to do this, since there was nothing else planned for me or my legion. I can handle it so just let me do it.” He really didn’t understand why they would say no when he and his legion would just continued to be grounded otherwise.

"I would request my Legion join in as well," Anakin responded. The 501st joining in would be welcome. Jinyoung felt his chances of success were high regardless but with Anakin’s troops he felt losing would be impossible.

"How would you proceed with this mission?" Windu asked with a huff, "where would you even begin?" His expression was difficult to read but by Jinyoung’s measure seemed resigned to allowing it which Jinyoung was glad of.

"I have a smuggler with me who knows the extent of their operations due to his dealings in the underground," Jinyoung said, “he is providing us with information on their bases of operation.” They would have to mark down each one they moved against, that part would be difficult to organize but Jinyoung was sure with planning they could do it.

"And how do you know we can trust this smuggler?" Windu asked him.

"Because he used to be one of our own," Jinyoung responded, “I am sure you remember Lim Jaebeom." There was a look that passed between several council members that Jinyoung didn't miss even through the fact they were all holo-projections. They were sitting in the council room back on Coruscant together likely thinking the same things.

“Ok Taecyeon's former padawan?" one asked.

"Yes," Jinyoung responded. He knew there was no way they’d forgotten.

"General Park now is not the time to let your personal feelings get in the way of your better judgement," Mace Windu was the one to chide him. Windu’s expression was one that bothered Jinyoung. He glared, suddenly feeling defensive against the older Jedi’s implications.

"What are you implying?" Jinyoung said, "I am making this call because it's reasonable, it’s what we should be doing.”

"Lim Jaebeom has no allegiance to either side in this war," another council member said, "we can't trust him simply because he was once one of us."

"I trust him,” Jinyoung responded.

"Of course you do," another said, "you were always quite close to him." He should have expected such pushback but it made him very angry. It was unfair of them to pick at him the way they were.

"Before recently I hadn't seen him for ten years," Jinyoung responded, "I had no reason to trust him same as you but I believe he is honorable and he has agreed to help with this mission. He has compelling reasons to help, two of his crew were slaves under this organization and Jaebeom freed them. Well I freed them but Jaebeom had intended to.” Everyone was silent so Jinyoung decided to keep talking. “I know what it’s like to have doubts about people who aren’t clearly on our side, but this time we need to consider what is in front of us. This isn’t just the right play for the war, it’s the right thing to do.” He knew he couldn’t lose the moral argument. The Jedi would at least agree with him on that.

“The right thing this is,” Master Yoda said, “another problem we have, agree with you the chancellor does not.” The chancellor had already seen his proposal? The Chancellor didn’t usually pay attention to the things he had submitted.

“Your proposal was been blocked just an hour after your clone commander submitted it,” Windu said, “it came directly from the Chancellor. There is nothing more we can do to help you push it through.” Jinyoung was surprised the chancellor had made such a call so quickly. That was the worst outcome, when the Chancellor blocked something there was no way for an appeal, at least one he could make. He wasn’t on the Jedi Council so he wasn’t considered important.

“Why the hell would he block it?” Jinyoung said loudly, “my clones have been doing nothing but sitting here waiting for my return. They have time for this and the way that Dooku’s moving we need to undercut what he is doing!”

“The Chancellor wants us to send you and your legion to Mandalore,” Windu responded, unfazed by Jinyoung’s outburst. Jinyoung was surprised when he heard Mandalore mentioned. He wasn’t aware they were allowed to hold interventions of any kind on that planet. But if he was picked it could have been for more undercover work with his specialty unit.

“Well I am not going to Mandalore,” Jinyoung responded fighting back, “we’re in charge of the military, use your pull to change this!” Jinyoung was upset at them, that they would pull him off his mission. He wanted the council to stand up for him against the Chancellor.

“General Kenobi needs backup on Mandalore,” Windu said, “your troops were selected to go before you returned.”

“If he needs back up then send me,” Anakin spoke up, “and let General Park have this mission to take down the slavers.” Jinyoung looked at Anakin and nodded, he was very glad to have back up.

“There is another assignment for you Anakin,” Windu said, “sorry but our hands are tied on this one.”

“But we’re Jedi!” Jinyoung shouted at him, “we are not the chancellor’s puppets in this war. We are a part of it because we choose to do the right thing first. You’re telling me you want to listen to politicians above the will of the force? The force led me too this, you can’t pull me off of it!” He was scared, going to Mandalore would put him right in Dooku’s reach. He couldn’t afford that.

“Stand down General Park,” Windu commanded him, “your idealism is admirable but we serve the republic. We do not disobey the orders we are given by our government.” Jinyoung was appalled he looked to Anakin who looked deep in thought. He’d heard Anakin was headstrong and brash, but he was seemingly backing down.

“I am not going to go to Mandalore,” Jinyoung declared, “neither are my men. There are bounty hunters after me, Dooku has put a price on my head and you want to send me to a planet within his reach?” Jinyoung didn’t know if they understood how bad the situation with Dooku had become.

“You’ve proven perfectly able to handle those threats,” another member of the council said.

“We have to be smart,” Plo Koon spoke up, “ee have to work within the system. Give the senate what they ask so we are better able to make our own requests. Perhaps after Mandalore you can go after the slavers.” He didn’t believe what he was hearing. They completely ignored what he was saying and the concerns he was expressing because they were playing politics.

“Master Yoda?” Jinyoung questioned him, hoping that the older master would help him. He watched as Yoda frowned.

“No moves to be made today,” Yoda responded, “meditate on this I will.” Jinyoung clenched his fists, he could see the way the council members were analyzing him. He knew what could happen if he lost his temper, how they would take it. He had been taken off the field before and they might do it again. He was not looked well upon by some of the older members of the council, and he had lost his master. Joon wasn’t there to vouch for him.

“Yes master,” Jinyoung said reluctantly. The fight wasn’t over, but he didn’t know what other move to make besides just leaving and breaking the law. A good portion of his clones would likely still follow him but he needed all of them. His plan would have to be striking all bases at once. The other issue was breaking the chancellors order was likely to get him expelled from the order and tried in the Republic’s courts as a traitor. He didn’t want that to happen.

“You’re dismissed,” Windu said, “go meet your new men and prepare for moving out.” Jinyoung stiffened and forced himself to bow before he walked out. He clenched his fists and grasped at the force to walk himself through being calm. He had to stay tranquil, one with the force to prove to them he was not a mess of dark feelings just waiting to explode. He heard footsteps coming after him.

“Jinyoung,” it was Anakin and Jinyoung turned back to him, “I’m going to make a call to the chancellor now so we can fix this.”

“What?” Jinyoung was confused, he hadn’t ever thought to even do that. He’d never liked the chancellor but he guessed why Anakin hadn’t spoken further in the meeting was because he intended an appeal. If Jinyoung wanted to appeal to the Chancellor he wouldn’t even know where to begin.

“Why are you helping so much with this?” Jinyoung followed up with his own question, “why do you think talking to the chancellor would fix this?” He thought the Jedi needed to make their own decisions without the chancellor ordering them around. It was irritating that their hands were tied by a politician he didn’t trust.

“I am good friends with the chancellor,” Anakin responded, “he is a reasonable man and he listens to me. He’s more reasonable than the council even. Don’t worry, I’ll fix this and as to why, I hate slavers...” He trailed off and Jinyoung remembered. Anakin had been a slave himself, as a child. He’d been rescued from slavery by one of the older Jedi .

“Thank you,” Jinyoung responded, “if this all works out I’ll do my best to take them all down.” He could see a fire in the other man’s eyes at Jinyoung’s words. Anakin nodded.

“I’ll get back to you soon,” Anakin responded, “I hope to be able to join you on this.” Jinyoung nodded in leaving.

They turned away from each other and Jinyoung headed back to find Jaebeom. It was an odd feeling, the other man close by. Force connection was alive and easy for Jinyoung to feel. Jaebeom likely couldn’t hold himself away from the force for long. Jinyoung resisted the instinct to reach for him, somehow that instinct still existed within him even after 10 years being apart. It had been years, that feeling used to be his constant. That connection was once his security. Even after all the years that passed it didn’t take him long to start to revert back to those habits. He couldn’t reach, couldn’t touch. They were both different, they were not anything.

* * *

“Come with me.”

Jaebeom had looked up from the work he was doing. The clones on Kamino had amazing equipment, Jaebeom found it easy to use their maps to mark out the worlds the slave organization had effected, the web was complex. He found it satisfying to see it displayed as he began to make the web visual. It seemed more defeat-able when it was clear in front of him.

Jinyoung had arrived back at the control room looking overwhelmed, he’d made some commands to his troops then walked Jaebeom. Jaebeom could feel the stress coming off him in the force but even if he couldn’t do that he could see it. Jinyoung’s posture was tense and his expression was blank.

“What?” Jaebeom asked, surprised by Jinyoung’s sudden request.

“Come with me,” Jinyoung responded, “it’s a simple request.”

“I’m almost done with the mapping, this tech makes it easy,” Jaebeom said, “when do we move out?” He was eager to get started so he could get back to his life. He hated the war, hated even being a small part of it. He wanted out of it as soon as he could get out.

“Just come with me,” Jinyoung reached for his hand, like he always seemed to do. Since the substation Jinyoung had been grabbing for Jaebeom’s hand. It was like something clicked back in place between them at that moment and they were kids again. Jaebeom pulled back and glared at Jinyoung. He didn’t know what the other boy was even trying, or if he even realized what he was doing.

“Where?” Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung’s expression didn’t change despite Jaebeom pulling away. Jinyoung tilted his head slightly and looked away.

“I want to show you something,” Jinyoung said, he didn’t reach again. He turned away and started walking towards the door. “But I guess you don’t have to come.” Jinyoung walked out the door. Jaebeom looked at the map torn, he felt like he should stay with what he was doing. He looked to where Jinyoung had gone. Jaebeom sighed as he shut off the holo projection with his map. He walked quickly to follow Jinyoung.

The hallways had people coming and going but Jaebeom caught up with Jinyoung easily. Jinyoung’s force signature was distinct to Jaebeom, it stood out in the messy mix of clones so it was easy for Jaebeom to keep track of where he was. He could tell by Jinyoung’s posture that something had upset him, he wore the same expression he had when they were kids. Jinyoung would get sulky when something was bothering him then. Jaebeom guessed not everything about him had changed.

Still Jaebeom didn’t care about what was bothering Jinyoung,unless it effected their mission. Jinyoung had made a deal to fix the issue with the slavers and Jaebeom would hold him too it. The last thing Jaebeom wanted was for Bounty Hunters to be chasing him and his crew. He wanted to make sure the boys on his ship were completely safe from a life of slavery.

"Where are we going?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung looked back at him then forward again as if surprised he followed. Surely though Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom in the force, Jaebeom wondered why he was surprised.

"Do you feel that in the air?" Jinyoung asked him, Jaebeom wasn't sure what he was talking about. He wasn't sure how to respond he followed as Jinyoung opened a door to a stairwell.

"I don't know?" Jaebeom finally settled on those words. He was irritated with Jinyoung for acting the way he was all the sudden. Jinyoung seemed to be all over the map with his behaviors and Jaebeom was irritated trying to keep up with all of the Jedi Knight's mood swings. He didn’t sign up for any form of relationship with the knight, friend or comrade or anything else.

"Just follow," Jinyoung said. Jinyoung hit a button for a lift and doors opened allowing them both in. Jaebeom wanted to ask where they were going again but he knew that it was futile. Jinyoung would have told him the first time he asked if Jinyoung was going to tell him at all. Jinyoung was cryptic at times. He was always like that. When he was frustrated he would go silent, when asked questions he wouldn’t answer. Jaebeom had always known to wait for Jinyoung to be ready to say something, Jinyoung would always say something with time.

“I told you the first time I came here I got nauseous,” Jinyoung began to speak as they were lifted to somewhere only Jinyoung knew. “The way the force feels here is still a bit strange to me. I don’t know if you can feel it, but it has to do with the cloning process.” Jaebeom could sort of understand what he was saying, this were definitely muddled. But Jaebeom was tried of Jinyoung acting like Jaebeom was the same as him, still a Jedi. Jinyoung seemed to treat him like they could still relate. Jaebeom didn’t miss his life as a Jedi, he didn’t care, he didn’t want a taste of it.

“I am not a Jedi Jinyoung,” Jaebeom responded. He wanted to close off Jinyoung from pushing him back into such a world.

“Yeah but...” Jinyoung trailed off and he leaned back against the wall in the lift as in thought. The doors opened. Jinyoung pushed off the wall and walked out and as he did Jaebeom followed but saw it was raining. Jaebeom didn’t really want to step out in the rain the way Jinyoung did so readily.

“Come on,” Jinyoung said, “you have to endure it a bit.” Jaebeom didn’t know why but he continued to follow Jinyoung into the rain. He put his hood up while Jinyoung didn’t. The other once again showing he didn’t care about the water falling against his head. They walked up stairs to another lift and entered it. Jinyoung pushed the button to go up.

Jaebeom wondered what the other man was thinking and where they were going. When lift opened and Jaebeom stepped out his jaw droppedThe air was humid but cold and the rain gone as they stepped out on a platform so high it was above the clouds. Beyond them the sunset reflected in colors on those clouds. Jaebeom’s breath was taken away by how beautiful it was.

“We may be on Kamino for awhile,” Jinyoung said. Jaebeom looked back at him then back at the view. He didn’t know what to say but Jinyoung continued talking. “When I first came here my master brought me up here to help me breathe, because it was too much down there. I needed to get away from it then. If you need to get away while here... This is an option.” Jaebeom guessed it was meant to be a kind gesture but there were things he zeroed in on in Jinyoung’s words.

“How long?” Jaebeom asked, “how long are we going to be here? I thought this was just a pickup?” He hadn’t signed up to stay on Kamino for an unspecified amount of time.

“We need to plan out our strategies. We can’t just rush in,” Jinyoung said. Jaebeom looked at him and narrowed his eyes in confusion. The response seemed too defensive, planned, Jaebeom wondered what else was going on. He was sure something else was going on.

“How long?” Jaebeom asked again. Jinyoung’s posture changed slightly, Jaebeom recognized the look. Jinyoung hadn’t changed all that much in the small things.

“I’m waiting on someone’s approval before we can actually move out,” Jinyoung responded, “but I believe we will have it soon. In the meantime we have more time to plan our course of action.” Everything about his response was rehearsed.

“Whose approval?” Jaebeom asked. He wanted to know what was really going on.

“It’s Jedi business,” Jinyoung responded. Jaebeom glared, it felt like he was being given well planned excuses. Something more was going on and Jinyoung didn’t want to admit it. Jinyoung wanted to stay pushing forward his perfect view of the Jedi order and what they were doing.

“This mission is my business since I agreed to go along with it and it effects my life Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung pursed his lips and steeled his eyes ahead at the sunset before he sat down. Jinyoung leaned forward into the railing of the platform with his feet dangling over the edge like he refused to talk to Jaebeom.

“Are you not going to answer me?” Jaebeom asked, annoyed by him. Jinyoung was unmoved. He didn’t say anything in response. Jaebeom wondered if another Jedi would give him answers on things if he asked. Maybe one of the ones who knew him was there.

“Is Taecyeon here?” Jaebeom asked, “or Joon?” He saw Jinyoung tense and the younger looked up at him. Jaebeom felt cold sink in through the force connection they shared.

“What?” Jaebeom asked confused by the sudden feeling.

“Joon’s gone,” Jinyoung responded, he turned away again, “he’s been gone for months.”

“Gone?” Jaebeom questioned before realizing what Jinyoung meant. Joon had been killed. He’d likely died as a result of the war.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said his name surprised at the shock in his voice, he hadn’t expected to hear that. He didn’t know how to respond. It was unexpected yet at the same time Jaebeom should have known. The time before on Jaebeom’s ship, the way Jinyoung had acted wasn’t just in reaction to Jaebeom. He had isolated himself from feeling at all, that was his method of getting through it while pretending to be a perfect Jedi. Jinyoung had never been one to handle the idea of loss well.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebeom said. Jaebeom did feel badly for bringing it up, but he couldn’t have known. He hadn’t kept up with news of the war nor which Jedi had fallen.

“Sorry?” Jinyoung asked his voice lower, “why? Sorry is an odd thing for you to be.” Jaebeom sat down next to him, he couldn’t help but feeling sympathy towards Jinyoung.

“When did it happen?” He asked even though he knew it was probably a bad move. It wasn’t a good idea to try to gauge a Jedi’s emotions when they pretended they had non. Jinyoung didn’t answer, he shook his head as he looked out to the sunset.

“When it happened doesn’t matter,” Jinyoung responded, “it happened. He’s with the force and the force is with me so he isn’t really gone.” Jedi teachings were all Jinyoung had where as Jaebeom resented them. They had made missing people wrong to do.

“Time helps,” Jaebeom said, “so knowing when is like knowing how much time you’ve had.” Jinyoung scoffed.

“Time,” Jinyoung responded, “that doesn’t help anything. The longer time gone just means more time without someone. That makes nothing better. The force makes it better.” Jaebeom had a sinking feeling Jinyoung didn’t really believe that, that those words had just been trained into him. He didn’t understand how anyone could. Especially seeing Jinyoung was clearly still hurting over what had happened.

“Were you with him?” Jaebeom asked. He couldn’t help the feeling that Jinyoung had probably witnessed whatever had happened. Jinyoung glared at him over his question.

“It’s none of your business,” Jinyoung responded. Jaebeom wondered about what really had happened, it clearly still effected Jinyoung. That meant it was either recent or something so impactful that Jinyoung couldn’t shake it. Something that happened that involved some external thing Jinyoung was likely still afraid of. Something that was haunting Jinyoung. He knew Jinyoung well enough before, he recognized things about Jinyoung that he still knew. That’s when it clicked in his mind, what must have happened.

“Dooku killed him,” Jaebeom declared, “didn’t he?” He wanted it confirmed, it would explain so much of what Jinyoung had become. It would even explain the strange relentless pursuit Dooku had been playing on Jinyoung. Dooku wanted to turn Jinyoung, wanted him angry. Dooku must have seen Jinyoung fight and must have seen his dark side. Jaebeom had never forgotten what it was like.

Jinyoung closed his eyes as if blocking out the words Jaebeom said. That one small expression confirmed it in Jaebeom’s eyes. It all was confirmed by every small breath Jinyoung took. Dooku had done it. Jaebeom wondered when and if it had been recent, he wondered more but he likely would get no answer.

"I didn't come up here to talk," Jinyoung finally responded.

"Well then why bring me here?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung was acting strange.

"I was being nice," Jinyoung said defensively, "showing you that this place isn't all bad." A beautiful view didn't change what it was, a war factory that dealt in humans. Jaebeom understood the gesture but it didn’t change anything.

"You know where I stand on things," Jaebeom responded, "that isn't going to change just because you're helping me with this slaver issue." Jinyoung huffed.

"You don't say," the other boy said sarcastically.

"So whose approval are we waiting on?" Jaebeom asked once again.

"The chancellor," Jinyoung finally answered his question. Just as Jaebeom expected, it was always going back the Chancellor. The Jedi couldn't move without him, and that was why Jaebeom believed the Jedi were corrupt. They followed the corruption of the senate willingly while knowing the senate was corrupt.

"Of course." That was all Jaebeom could say. He really wasn’t surprised.

"We operate within the law and we are not the ones in charge,” Jinyoung responded.

"I thought you said that you were allowed to take your army wherever you wanted," Jaebeom responded before he could stop himself. He didn't want to keep fighting with Jinyoung but somehow he couldn’t stop himself from being angry. Jinyoung just stood up in response, it seemed he was tired of fighting as well so he was just going to leave it.

"Whatever you want to think," Jinyoung said, "you are free to think it.” He turned to leave, Jaebeom felt stubbornness set in and focused on the sunset before him. He didn't feel bad for Jinyoung anymore. The Jedi had made their choice, and Jinyoung had made his choice while being full aware of what it meant. There was nothing for Jaebeom to feel sorry for. Nothing but an empty shell of a person denying his own emotions on purpose.

He didn't follow Jinyoung down, instead he watched the last rays of the sun as they disappeared on the horizon. He sat there for a moment longer in the cold air and realized what Jinyoung had done. Maybe Jinyoung wasn’t even aware of it. Jaebeom looked back towards the door because Jinyoung had brought him to the sunset. They'd always watched the sunset together from the highest part of the Jedi temple. As kids, everyday they could they'd climb as high as they could go to watch it disappear.

Jinyoung had done so many things that Jaebeom wasn't sure Jinyoung was even conscious of. Jaebeom wondered if in his subconscious that Jinyoung was reverting back to the way he’d treated Jaebeom before. If Jinyoung deep down still saw Jaebeom as the friend he'd always been. He wondered if Jinyoung knew it was happening or if he didn't care at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quick updates just keep coming this week, all I've been doing is focusing in on this story cause it's my favorite to work on. But I need to go back to my other one. 
> 
> Thank you all for your responses, Please leave comments and kudos. The story is almost to 80 kudos and that has me excited. Thanks!


	13. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 12 - Too Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jaebeom face new challenges and complications as they seek to continue their mission.

Jinyoung didn’t know what was going on in his own head sometimes. Frustration? Maybe that was the emotion that was pressing in on him. He had to endure the Jedi Council once again reiterating that he would be going to Mandalore. He argued with them and in the background continued to order his troops to work on strategies for the slaver take down. He hadn’t seen Anakin in days. The other Jedi Knight had apparently rushed to Courscant to speak to the Chancellor personally but it would take time to resolve it.

Jinyoung didn’t have time, he couldn’t stall forever. Jaebeom kept complaining to him that they had to leave. The smuggler was mad they had to stay multiple nights on the planet. Jinyoung was tired of trying to get his way with the Jedi council and being repeatedly rebuffed.

He sat in front of the map of the planets and breathed deeply. His clones weren't perfected to the point of being unable to disobey orders, they would follow him if he set out on his own but that cost would be high. The whole point of his mission was to get Jaebeom to Illum but seeing the slave trade on a core world had changed a lot for him.

He believed that the Jedi would listen to his argument that they needed this mission because the Jedi always did the right thing. But the Jedi couldn't move without the orders of someone else. It made no sense to him. It left him questioning if the Jedi were on the right path. He'd had such a deep belief in what they were doing by fighting the war. He followed it all, but in one meeting, minutes, days, everything was starting to weigh on his mind in a way that was confusing. Jaebeom kept saying the Jedi were wrong and Jinyoung fought him on it, fought to stand his ground on what he believed in.

Jinyoung found himself wondering more and more what Joon would say to him if he was there. Jinyoung couldn't call on him, and he couldn't call on Taecyeon who was so far fighting for the freedom of another planet. Taecyeon went from one battlefield to another to free worlds from the corruption of Dooku. That's what Jedi did, they fought for freedom for all. He didn't understand why they were telling him he couldn't fight on the mission in front of him.

It was growing late, 5 days in waiting for an approval that Jinyoung didn't think was coming. There had been no word from Anakin, no change from the Chancellor so no change from the Jedi council. Jinyoung had made sure in those 5 days not to spend much time talking to Jaebeom. He didn't need anyone swaying him when he was conflicted.

He spent time meditating, asking the force for guidance what to do. The force had always been with him and a comfort. The only time he felt disconnected was after he'd disconnected himself following what had happened to his master. When the dark had sunk in and scared him so much he hadn't wanted any of it. When Joon had died he had let in so much dark and rage. He'd singlehandedly turned the tide of a losing battle, leveling the droids against them. He'd rushed Dooku for the kill and Dooku had enjoyed every second of it.

Jinyoung had gone down so deep in the dark side there were talks of expulsion. Jinyoung had distanced himself from the force, scared of how easily he'd fallen in to blind darkness. Taecyeon had fought for him against the councils talks of dispelling him from the temple and tried to hide it from Jinyoung but JInyoung had found out. Jinyoung had been in the temple for months with masters trying to help him though what he’d experienced. And all through it he'd believed in the Jedi and what his path was meant to be. He'd believed enough to do what it took to get himself back on track and to fight past his fears.

For the first time his belief was shaken to the core and he hated how it felt. He wanted to go back to a time before it all became blurry, before the war had changed everything for him. He didn't know what to do to make things right. He heard the sound of footsteps, Jinyoung could feel who it was approaching. Jinyoung turned his head. Jaebeom stood in the doorway and leaned against it's frame.

"I was just leaving," Jinyoung stood up and moved to walk by him. Jaebeom grabbed his arm to stop him.

"You've been avoiding me," Jaebeom said pointedly.

"I'm not avoiding you," Jinyoung lied, he believed Jaebeom probably knew he was lying. Jinyoung had absolutely avoided him and it was likely very obviously intentional to someone who knew him. But Jaebeom wasn't the same, maybe he didn't know because he didn’t know Jinyoung.

"I need to talk to you," Jaebeom said looking him in the eyes, "so don't leave so fast."

"I don't need to talk to you," Jinyoung replied, "excuse me." Jinyoung looked away and tried to continue to move out of the room. Jaebeom's grip on his arm tightened as Jinyoung pulled his arm away.

"Just give me a minute Jinyoung," Jaebeom said. Jinyoung looked at him expectantly hoping whatever Jaebeom had to say only did take a built. Jaebeom's brow furrowed.

"You're minute's counting down you better get talking," Jinyoung demanded. Jaebeom looked appalled at him but Jinyoung hardly cared.

"You haven't given me any updates on our status," Jaebeom said quickly, "and I need to remind you that you dragged me here. You made a mess of things on Ganthel and I only came with you here to help fix them. We don't have time to be sitting around and letting things just go."

“Thanks for letting me know,” Jinyoung responded, “I’ll do my best to fix it. Now excuse me.” Jaebeom once again tightened his grip on Jinyoung’s arm.

“That is all you’re going to say?” Jaebeom asked.

“What do you want me to say?” Jinyoung questioned back. He didn’t want a conversation with the man. He realized how close they were standing in the doorway of the meeting room. Jinyoung felt suffocated standing so close to Jaebeom. His mind so messy as he looked at Jaebeom's upset expression. Jinyoung backed away into the room just to put distance between him and the other man. Jinyoung looked away back towards the maps.

"I'm doing my best," Jinyoung said, "I'm sorry that things aren't moving fast enough for you. Being here is being sheltered and safe, bounty hunters and slavers can’t come after us here. So at least find the good in this situation and let me continue to sort it out. I will sort it out.” He didn’t know what else to do but to reassure Jaebeom.

“Let me speak to the council,” Jaebeom suddenly said. Jinyoung’s head snapped, his eyes met Jaebeom in shock.

“What?” Jinyoung was surprised Jaebeom would request that.

“I want to speak to the council and get this mess sorted out,” Jaebeom responded.

“What do you think I’ve been doing this whole time?” Jinyoung asked, “I have been speaking with them, it hasn’t made a difference because of the state of the war.”

“Let me do it then.” Jaebeom insisted.

“Why?” Jinyoung asked. He shook his head in disbelief of what he was hearing. He was suspect as to Jaebeom’s motivations. Jinyoung could put him in front of the council and count down the seconds it took for Jaebeom to run his mouth and call them the Chancellors pawns. It was not something Jinyoung was eager to experience when he was barely handling the situation.

“Because maybe my testimony about these slavers will make a difference,” Jaebeom responded. Jinyoung didn’t understand why Jaebeom felt that way and the way he said it made Jinyoung angry. He knew enough about slavers, all the Jedi did and all of them wanted to take it down.

“They understand the slavers are a problem,” Jinyoung defended, “its not like that is in question.” Jaebeom pursed his lips and his expression changed.

“They understand,” Jaebeom said and Jinyoung didn’t like the expression in his eyes. “They understand yet they’re going to do nothing?” Jinyoung realized his words were poorly chosen leading Jaebeom to a worse conclusion.

“Not nothing,” Jinyoung responded, “they just have other priorities.”

“Other priorities?”

“We’re at war!” Jinyoung declared. Jaebeom shook his head.

“The Jedi,” Jaebeom responded, “defenders of the innocent, would rather put the innocent aside to continue war... to continue this mess.” He gestured to the room where the maps were up. A place where battles where planned and progress was monitored. Jinyoung flinched as he felt Jaebeom’s anger in the force. He didn’t want to talk about the things he was questioning. It was exactly why he didn’t want to talk to Jaebeom. Jaebeom twisted everything around to put it on the Jedi when it wasn’t there fault.

Jinyoung turned away. He took a deep breath as he thought through their problem. They were stuck waiting for approval that he was worried wasn’t coming. Jinyoung couldn’t keep putting off his own deployment without subjecting himself to further examination from the council. Because the only excuse he had left was fear of Dooku.

He felt pressure because he wanted to do what he’d promised Jaebeom he could do. He wanted to do what he felt was right but they couldn’t loose key world, they couldn’t lose any ground. The separatists wouldn’t stop. He tried to focus on taking deep breaths and reaching for the force but it felt cloudy. He felt off.

“You don’t understand,” Jinyoung said, he felt like breathing hurt. He was trying very hard not to fight with Jaebeom.

“What?” Jaebeom asked.

“Please just stop fighting,” Jinyoung said, he put his hands on his face to cover his eyes for a moment. He was struggling enough to process through what was happening right in front of him. He didn’t need Jaebeom messing with his view of anything. Jaebeom was silent and Jinyoung shook his head. He didn’t know how to make Jaebeom understand, he had to make himself understand. Jaebeom hadn’t been there when it had all began, Jinyoung had.

“We didn’t ask for this,” Jinyoung forced the words out, “we didn’t ask for any of this to happen. We’ve just been... we’ve been doing our best to fix it. You don’t understand because you weren’t there. You left, you don’t know!”

“I can still see what is wrong,” Jaebeom said, “from the outside I can see it.”

“No just stop,” Jinyoung looked at him again, “you left. You weren’t there! You didn’t see...” He felt strongly about the day the war began because he remembered the emotional weight, how painful it felt in the force. “You didn’t see your family die around you, fall...”

Never in any day of the order had so many Jedi died in a single fight. Jedi after Jedi had fallen. The older masters were able to block it out and easily sidestep the crying in the force, and the younger Jedi weren’t attuned enough to really feel it… but Jinyoung felt it strong. Jinyoung was so deeply connected with the force that it had reverberated through him. Everytime one fell. He had felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out. Even if Jaebeom had been there it was unlikely he would have been able to feel it as Jinyoung had felt it.

“This war was started by Dooku, he pulled us into it,” Jinyoung said as tears filled his eyes, “He killed so many Jedi! I was there, I felt all of it, and I can’t just forget that. NONE OF US CAN!” Jaebeom was silent, Jinyoung was shaking. He was tired of fighting with Jaebeom, he wanted him to understand there was no way he could make judgements on them. He wasn’t one of them.

Jaebeom looked like he was about to speak Jinyoung stopped him.

“I didn’t ever want to fight with you,” Jinyoung said, “I didn’t ask to meet you again. I didn’t ask to be sent after you, I didn’t mean to mess things up for you. It would have been better to stay apart forever.” But their paths did cross again and Jinyoung couldn’t change that. “And if you hate the Jedi so much,” Jinyoung continued, “if you hate me so much... please just keep it to yourself. Whatever problems you have just get over it. Cause I can’t change who I am, what we’ve done... We’re doing our best with what has been given to us to do, you don’t understand...”

He trailed off because he didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t show Jaebeom what it felt like. Not like he would want want to show anyone that. He wouldn’t want to relive it himself. There were two days in the war where he’d felt ripped apart. The first day, and the day he’d lost Joon. He would never want to live those days again.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said and Jinyoung met his eyes to see sadness there.

“What?” Jinyoung asked with anger. He put vitriol in the one word he spoke in response.

“I never said I hated you,” Jaebeom spoke softly, emotionally. Jinyoung felt his heartbeat increase within his chest. His mouth went dry, he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t expect Jaebeom to latch onto that part of what he’d said. The expression on Jaebeom’s face was one of pain, different emotion.

Jinyoung felt tears filling his eyes that he didn’t want as his body seemed to freeze in place. His chest felt clenched and hollow as he looked at where Jaebeom still stood in the doorway, blocking his only way out. He took a breath, it was shaky.

“You really think I could ever hate you?” Jaebeom asked him, “that has never been true, never once.” Jaebeom stepped forward and Jinyoung stepped back. Distance had to be maintained between them. Jaebeom was different, he wasn’t the same, the most important thing Jinyoung could remind himself.

"If you hate the Jedi then you hate me," Jinyoung responded in defense, "that's what I am." It was everything to him, his identity, his whole existence. Everything he'd been raised in and trained to be. He had worked his whole life to become a Jedi. He believed in them with everything he was. He didn’t want anything else.

"That's not all you are,” Jaebeom spoke softly, simply. Jinyoung counted his own breaths in that moment. Their eyes were locked on each other’s. His heart was beating too fast, everything felt off. He felt like a child again staring into the face of something bigger than he was, something he couldn’t understand. He could feel their connection, grown stronger, almost fully restored by extended proximity.

Everything reminding him of days he never had wanted back... Yet they were days he'd longed for within the deepest parts of his heart.

Echoes...

Jinyoung didn’t know what to do but to stand there staring, footsteps away from Jaebeom. It felt like an eternity wrapped up in a single seconds. Jinyoung was disarmed, not knowing what was happening…

Jaebeom made a move and backed away and turned away to leave. Jinyoung didn't move to stop him, he didn't move at all. He was frozen in place.

It was too close... too close...

He breathed deep.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung felt strange as he looked at Jaebeom’s sleeping form. They laid side by side in a bunk on a ship. Hidden from view of the others on the mission with them. Jinyoung wished they could be completely alone so they could talk. There were 3 other padawans in the same room as them. They were all sleeping, Jinyoung was the last one left awake._

_Jaebeom had fallen asleep quickly, he was exhausted from the mission. They were flying back to the temple where Jinyoung hoped they could spend some time together before being sent out on separate missions once again. He was tired of missing Jaebeom and being apart from him. He never felt right when Jaebeom wasn’t there. Their whole lives were ahead of them as Jedi and Jinyoung wondered how many more missions the masters would send them on together._

_He was sure their masters would soon decide not to put them together so much. Because they leaned on each other and needed each other too much. They shared a connection young learners like them weren’t supposed to have. He wondered how long until the masters did something about it._

_Jaebeom was strong, Jinyoung was certain his friend would be fine without him. But Jinyoung still needed him, and still found his way to Jaebeom’s side every moment he could. He’d always needed Jaebeom more than Jaebeom needed him. Jinyoung always needed Jaebeom, before he knew what it meant to have a friend. He’d isolated himself as a child, he’d focused completely on his lessons and trying to make the masters happy. Jaebeom was the one who taught him how to be happy. Jaebeom was the one who convinced him that it was okay to smile, that smiling wouldn’t get him in trouble._

_It seemed so silly, so simple but it was a reality Jinyoung knew. He looked at Jaebeom’s face as he slept and felt emptiness because he wouldn’t always have Jaebeom with him and he wanted Jaebeom to be with him always. Jinyoung felt shame for his own feelings, because his attachment could ruin them both._

_Jinyoung he shifted forward and pressed his lips softly and silently to Jaebeom’s forehead. A secret only witnessed by the force, the oxygen around them and the darkness of the room they laid in._

_Jinyoung then laid his head down and closed his eyes. He felt when Jaebeom moved, stirred but Jinyoung stayed still as if asleep. He felt the force alive between them like warmth, life itself. Beautiful warmth. He felt safe with that warmth around him. A warmth he could only find with Jaebeom. Everything between them was living, light. Jinyoung didn’t understand it, but he found he didn’t need to._

_He wondered if it was growing so strong that it could carry their thoughts to each other. Somehow he believed that they could learn to speak without words because of the bond between them. He was scared to try, scared to be disappointed if it didn’t work but he wanted to so badly. He didn’t know what was possible with the force but he wanted to discover where it could lead the both of them if they kept drawing closer. It was scary but the warmth was comforting. Jinyoung was always cold without Jaebeom, because once he’d felt Jaebeom’s warmth everything else was icy and cold._

_He drifted to sleep thinking of only Jaebeom and he thought he imagined a gentle press of lips against his face._

_It couldn’t be real._

_He drifted away._

* * *

Present

* * *

“Commander,” Jinyoung said, “what is the status of our spies?” He had nothing to do but move forward. Jinyoung needed to come up with a plan to make things work. He had to force someone’s hand to get the Jedi on his side. While he’d been waiting for word from Anakin he hadn’t been completely idle.

“We’re pulling their reports and data now,” Ment responded, “what else do you want us to do sir?”

“Once you’ve pulled it all I am going to need it in holoform,” Jinyoung responded. He hoped some concrete data on the slavers would help sway the Republic into prioritizing his mission. He knew it was a long shot. It was difficult to fight the senate when the banking clan was involved but he really hoped he could do it. He hoped the block of senators the Jedi worked with could do it if given the right leverage.

“There is more news sir,” Ment said, “General Skywalker sent word that he’s met with several key senators and they want to bring it to vote.” Jinyoung nodded. He’d had a feeling when Anakin didn’t come back quickly that he’d probably had to go through a more detailed process than just getting the Chancellor’s approval. Senate politics were messy and while Jinyoung avoided them he knew Anakin had friends in the senate. Jinyoung had sent out spies in hopes that collecting more information could help with the senate side of things.

He had spent all his time arguing to keep the council from forcing his troops to Mandalore while they waited. He’d bought them time and unfortunately for him what came next was up to a corrupt senate. All he could do was hope he’d done enough by giving them the information.

“We need to get our information sorted and prioritized so that they can have the key pieces ready,” Jinyoung said, “hopefully it provides the senate with leverage to get the votes we need.”

“Sir,” Ment said, “what if it doesn’t work?” Jinyoung sighed. He hadn’t wanted to think or say what his plan would be if it didn’t work. But of course Ment would ask. Ment knew him well and knew there was a backup plan, and also likely had some idea as to what it was.

“I need you to get a count on how many clones would be on my side,” Jinyoung said, “how many would go with me regardless of what our orders are.” He knew how dangerous it was but Jinyoung was getting desperate enough to do it. It was possible that it would be their only option. If he went through with it, then he would be putting his men at odds with the Republic, he’s put himself in a bad position as well. He didn’t want to think about what it could lead to but the idea had entered his mind.

If he did something like that he would likely be expelled from the order and put on trial in the galactic senate. That was the outcome if he got caught. What would hurt the worse would be being forced out of the order, he didn’t know if he could handle it. He really believed it wouldn’t come to that though. No matter how bad things got he believed the Jedi wouldn’t let things get worse. They’d listened to his pleas not to be deployed immediately because they knew taking down the slavers was the right thing to do. They also were waiting for the senate to change their position.

“The men who have been with you through the worst will keep following you sir,” Ment said, “but I would advise against rash decisions. We can figure this out another way sir, I believe we will.” He was glad Ment was optimistic about their chances to do things the right way.

“Yeah that’s the goal,” Jinyoung responded but he wasn’t so sure anymore. He hated his uncertainty and wished he could easily sidestep it.

“I think things will work out sir,” Ment said, “we need to be patient.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. He sighed, he was never one to be good at patience.

“If you don’t mind me asking sir,” Ment began with a statement, Jinyoung was sure he wasn’t going to like the question to follow. “Who is that man to you? This Lim Jaebeom seems to cause a lot of trouble but you’re set on this mission just to get him to visit a planet with you?” Jinyoung wasn’t surprised Ment asked, he was expecting it to happen at some point.

“It is a mission I was given that I have to complete,” Jinyoung responded, “a Jedi mission.” He knew that wasn’t enough to satisfy curiosity. He could see in Ment’s eyes that Ment was still questioning it. “Jaebeom used to be a Jedi,” Jinyoung explained further, “but more than that we grew up together, he used to be my best friend.”

“So you fight so much because he left?” Ment made a simple conclusion. It was kind of true but way more complicated and something Jinyoung wouldn’t be explaining.

“It’s complicated,” Jinyoung said, “stupid complicated but that doesn’t matter. Regardless of everything this mission is the right thing to do. We’re going to continue to pursue this no matter what.” He couldn’t let the matter drop for any reason, not with what he’d seen. It had started out as something different but knowing how widespread the issue was he had to fight for those who were oppressed.

* * *

It was dark when the lights in the base went low. In the night things on Kamino were very dark. No stars or moons could reach through the thick layer of clouds above and the whole base would quiet. The lights inside that were always so brought would fade to nearly nothing. Jinyoung hated the darkness but it was nothing with the living force surrounding him.

He breathed in the force for comfort and relaxed into a state of peace and drifting to sleep in his bed. The worries on his mind put to rest for the act of sleeping and the troubled feelings of the day momentarily forgotten. He drifted alone, bathed in the feeling of the force. His defense.

And he knew the moment he wasn’t alone.

His eyes were still shut but he awoke. He felt the disturbance in the force and knew someone was close with a dark purpose. His senses in the force were sharp, discerning what was happening.

Someone was trying to sneak up on him but he wouldn’t be caught off guard, he could feel everything. It wasn’t easy to sneak up on him. No life form could, only droids, they could mess with his head because they weren’t living. They didn’t exist in the force. There was a pain to fighting droid armies. They could move in on Jinyoung without him sensing them. He hated that he couldn’t feel them coming, the only thing he got in the force when droids were present was a vague spark of danger.

His lack of sense with droids was how he’d led his troops into an ambush, he’d been too prideful of his own senses. He’d believed he could see all threats coming. He knew it was dangerous to think he could feel everything, see everything but he could feel someone close. Someone was in his room. He reached for the force as he reached to identify where they were, what they were.

He reached in the force to push the force forward. He heard a thud of a being hitting the wall where he’d directed the force. He moved fast and reached again to turn the light on and jumped out of his bed. The bounty hunter fired but Jinyoung has his lightsaber out in seconds to block the stun fire. He breathed heavy as he registered what was going on.

They were on Kamino.

Bounty Hunters were there. They’d found him.

He focused on blocking more blaster fire but he felt cornered. He needed to get the upper hand on the hunter in front of him and the others that would follow. She fired her guns rapidly to throw him off. He lifted his hands to throw out a force shield to protect himself. He felt danger zipping in his veins, the force pumping through his body to protect him, to warn him.

He pushed hard with the force and knew he had to get to a base alarm to ignite the whole barracks. There was so much noise but he didn’t know if it would be enough. The Jedi apartments were emptied, there was no one else on that side of the base. He pushed out of the room using the force to launch himself through, he had to move fast. There were more of them waiting for him in the halls.

He beat back their attacks but he didn’t know the count of how many would be coming and he didn’t have time to fixate on the force to count them. He had let his guard down because he’d believed they were on a safe planet. He hadn’t ever thought in his wildest imagination that his enemies would be there. He’d never thought they would be so bold. Dooku must have raised the price.

He couldn’t reach the alarms with how many were coming into the fight with him, the noise had to be enough but no one came.Jinyoung was surrounded. Dodging stun blasts and fighting back as best he could, as fast he could. He didn’t know what to do. He was momentarily locked in a struggle he quickly realized he couldn’t win because of numbers and firepower.

There were more than before, their numbers had increased. He worried suddenly that it wasn’t just Dooku, but that the slavers had identified him and offered another bounty. That meant Jaebeom could also be in danger and if they knew where Jinyoung was… they knew where Jaebeom was. He didn’t think twice as his first instinct, everything within him moved with the force towards the connection he shared with the other man. Jinyoung reached through the force for Jaebeom crying out for Jaebeom to hear him and to understand.

There was danger.

It was more than danger, Jinyoung wasn’t going to make it against the Bounty Hunters. He pushed hard to fight them off butthey kept coming. They had advanced weapons geared up. There was an explosion. He was knocked off his balance by it. He kept his lightsaber high in his hands to keep fighting.

He felt a stun blast as it landed and he willed himself to not fall to it. But he couldn’t fight against it.

And another came.

And another.

He went down hard, it all went black.

* * *

_JAEBEOM THEYRE HERE._

Jaebeom woke up to a sudden screaming in his head... he flinched and grabbed for it, confused, disoriented by the distress and the pain. Shocked that the sudden rush of the force. It disoriented him.

It took him moments to realize what was happening. He sat up quick, got up quick.

_Jinyoung._

It was Jinyoung calling to him through the bridge of their shared connection. Jinyoung was in trouble and he was calling Jaebeom. Jaebeom was up fast, and he rushed to the bunk room of his own ship. His heart was pounding, he had no idea what was happening but Jinyoung wouldn’t call for him unless it was bad.

“Youngjae get up,” Jaebeom shouted into the room, “Yugyeom, get BamBam and hide in the smugglers hold!” There wasn’t a moment to lose. Something was going on, he could feel Jinyoung’s distress still loud in his mind.

“What is going on?” Youngjae questioned as he got up fast.

“I don’t know,” Jaebeom said, “but I need you to run and get to Jinyoung’s clones and tell them Jinyoung is in danger. You know where those rooms are right? The ones I showed you two days ago?” Jaebeom made sure Youngjae knew where he was going to be at all times. It was safer for them to be able to keep track of each other on such a strange planet. Jaebeom didn’t trust anyone, he knew to never let his guard down no matter what the situation was.

“Where do I tell them to go?” Youngjae asked. That was a question Jaebeom wished he could answer.

“Yugyeom up now!” Jaebeom commanded him. BamBam was up but Yugyeom had been slow until Jaebeom shouted. Yugyeom scrambled after hearing how serious Jaebeom sounded. Jaebeom hated to leave them but he had to trust that they would be okay.

“Just tell them Jinyoung is in trouble,” Jaebeom said, “they’ll know where he should be so they’ll know where to look. Get all of them to move fast!”

“Got it,” Youngjae said and he turned to run. Jaebeom grabbed his for his weapons in the hall.

“Where are you going?” Yugyeom asked.

“To find Jinyoung,” Jaebeom rushed as fast as he could to arm himself. He barely got it together before he was out of the ship and running through the rain towards the base.

He felt an urgency, a feeling in the force so strong that it caused his heart in his chest to beat faster and he didn’t doubt it was because it was Jinyoung behind it. Jinyoung was stronger than most, able to make the force listen, able to seemingly control how it moved. Jaebeom had to find him as fast as he could. Jaebeom was nervous because he had to open himself to the force completely to really hear.

Since meeting Jinyoung again he’d done many things that he’d put away for years with no intention to ever have them again. He wasn’t supposed to use the force and he would have never thought he would be doing it again. Jaebeom’s heart nearly froze in his chest for fear as he stopped in the darkened halls of the base.

If he opened to the force entirely would the visions come back for him? He knew it was likely they would. He’s been running from them for years, hiding closed down just enough to keep them out. Jinyoung had to come in again to wreck everything he had built up around himself. He could feel the cracks growing his defenses as his connection with Jinyoung grew again. As he used the force with Jinyoung again his connection to the living force itself became more and more real. Jaebeom always could feel it calling to him but he’d ignored it.

He could feel something but he knew he would have little chance of simply finding Jinyoung without the full power of the force within himself. His heart pounded as he ran again. His pulse was racing.

They’d fought. The entire time since they’d been back in each other’s lives they’d fought and clawed against each other. Jaebeom had little reason to run to Jinyoung’s aid the way he did. None of the help Jinyoung had promised in taking down the slavers had produced anything. It had all come to nothing yet Jinyoung still tried.

Jaebeom had been so angry but he wasn’t blind to how hard Jinyoung was trying. And Jaebeom knew somehow that Jinyoung would run for him if the situation was reversed. Jinyoung would run to rescue him. He knew that was the truth. Jaebeom suddenly felt nothing else he could follow, the voice of Jinyoung silenced and he knew that his only chance was to use the force. He had to find that place of sight again.

He stopped moving and breathed deeply before reaching. He reached in like he hadn’t in so long and he felt the force filling him, strong in his body, in his mind. As it flooded through him at the first invitation, images filled his senses. Everything he’d been running from for 10 years rushed in his mind. An overwhelming flood he didn’t know how to fully control but he focused. He fought with everything within him and he focused in for Jinyoung. Images of childhood, visions he’d seen before they happened rushed through him. He once again saw the temple in flames, Jaebeom shuddered.

Breathing, he had to keep breathing.

He focused for Jinyoung, not who Jinyoung was then but who Jinyoung had become. He had to find Jinyoung in the maze of images to find the moment they were in because it was familiar, he had seen it before. He’d seen so many things. He’d seen Kamino before, he’d somehow known his whole life that the moment he was in was coming.

The hallways were dark as it all cleared in his head and he saw Jinyoung fall to stun blasts, he saw bounty hunters. He focused his mind to know where it was happening. When, past? It was past he was sure. He needed present and future to find the place he should run to. But the force wasn’t controlled, it controlled him in return. He hated it, he couldn’t make it show him what he needed. It would show him what it wanted him to see. The force moved and it was on his side. Jaebeom felt where he was supposed to go as the vision faded, but he knew he was no match for that many bounty hunters alone.

“Youngjae,” he called for his friend through his communicator, “there are a lot of bounty hunters, they took Jinyoung, west side of the base.” He wanted to make sure no time was wasted. He could do his part to delay them but he was sure he wouldn’t be able to take them all down head on. He had to be smart, to take it slow. They weren’t playing with their plans to take Jinyoung. He had to make sure they didn’t get off the planet, it would be harder to find them if they did.

He rushed the direction he felt was best, the living force felt so strange. He had never felt it so strong, he was overwhelmed in his senses as he realized it had to be Jinyoung somehow still calling for him. The only explanation for such a strong force sense was that Jinyoung reaching for him. Jinyoung strong with the light, strong with the dark as if he was made entirely of the force.

Jaebeom made it down the dark halls to the place he had seen in his head The struggle that had been was evident in the hall. There were blaster marks across the walls and in the center of the hall sat a familiar device.

Jinyoung’s lightsaber.

Jaebeom rushed to pick it up, he could feel the crystal inside that it was Jinyoung’s. It’s signature effected by its connection with Jinyoung, it was almost like it was a piece of Jinyoung himself. At its core maybe that was what it had become. Jinyoung was always a bit different around Kyber than the rest of them, he could feel it on another level.

Jaebeom hadn’t had his own lightsaber long enough to understand and search out his connection to it. When he’d left the council had taken it from him. While he’d had it he had been afraid of what it represented. His own worst fears and his times within the caves that had left him scared and haunted.

The lightsaber in his hand reminded him that everything Jinyoung did was because Jinyoung wanted him to go back to that place. But that wasn’t important, the present danger was important. Jaebeom rushed forward with the lightsaber in his hands almost as if it could lead him straight to Jinyoung. As if it wanted to be back with its master. He moved as silently as he could with light quick footsteps down the halls. He could hear voices and he felt the force breaking into his mind.

The force showed him further up the hall. He could see out towards the ship they carried Jinyoung too, they were too close to getting Jinyoung on board. It was the future, slightly ahead. Jaebeom had to stop them as fast as he could. It faded and he moved faster. He felt a new direction and turned down another hall. He had to get to the landing platform first.

He moved down the hall and saw the ship. There were some bounty hunters waiting but the group with Jinyoung hadn’t gotten there. Jaebeom reached into his belt for a grenade. He moved forward carefully and threw. He reached out with the force to guide it to the engines. He smirked as he reached with the force to flip the switch on the small explosive but nothing happened. He sighed and reached again but it was difficult to use the force in such a specific small way and he was out of practice.

The second time didn’t work. Jaebeom gritted his teeth as he tried again but it wasn’t working. Jaebeom rolled his eyes and pulled another out. He flipped the switch to activate it and quickly threw it and guided it with the force like he should have done in the first place. The explosion rang out fast and the platform shook and shook the part of the base Jaebeom was in. Jaebeom was almost thrown back by the force of it as the second grenade went off. When Jaebeom looked again the bounty hunters were on the ground.

Jaebeom pulled out a blaster and fired quickly towards the ones who were moving. There was panic on the platform as they tried to identify who was shooting. Jaebeom felt the force imposing on his view and he shrunk back behind the walls to hide as his mind was imposed upon by another vision. He saw Jinyoung being carried unconscious but Jinyoung shook his head and his eyes opened ever slightly. Jaebeom’s vision faded and Jaebeom reached in the force to find him, to find if he and the bounty hunter group were close.

He could feel Jinyoung, and that was a comfort. Jaebeom focused back on the platform. He moved to leap onto the the platform from where he was with his guns out firing on all those that remained. They shouted, one reached for a communicator. Jaebeom shot him fast from the air. Jaebeom landed on the platform and rushed for cover as he fired.

He heard a jetpack, and turned to see another. A bounty hunter was in the air with something in his hand. Jaebeom fired on him but he was moving fast. Jaebeom couldn’t get a hit even reaching with the force as best he could to try to track his enemy. The flying bounty hunter turned on the device in his hand.

Jaebeom felt cold, ice on his skin... He felt instantly cut off, drained of his connection to the force. He collapsed to the ground with the sudden feeling, like he couldn’t breathe. His head spinning as he hit the ground. It was like he couldn’t breathe, like someone was holding a hand to his throat.

“Call another transport,” the Bounty Hunter who held the field around Jaebeom said to the others. Jaebeom couldn’t fail that was a thought he grasped onto. He had to close himself off to the force, to stop feeling the effect but he couldn’t do anything but struggle to breathe.

He knew what the device was, he’d used one on Jinyoung. When he’d done that he hand’t known what it felt like. He was grabbed, pulled by his arms by his arms. He was thrown down, still in the field that drained him of the force and another body was dropped next to him and he knew who it was. Jaebeom turned till his eyes met Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung’s face was drained of color as he was effected by the field as well, it seemed harder on Jinyoung.

Jaebeom’s heart felt like it burned in his chest as he looked at Jinyoung. For the first time since they were kids, since he left, he didn’t see Jinyoung the Jedi knight. The boy next to him that he saw was Jinyoung, his best friend. Jinyoung looked smaller, scared, struggling against the field.

The bounty hunters spoke but it was all nothing to Jaebeom who reached his hand for Jinyoung. He wanted to save Jinyoung. Tears filled his eyes as his fingers brushed Jinyoung’s. They weren’t the same as they’d been. So much about them had changed with the years but why did the years matter? Why did the changes matter? It was still Jinyoung who was next to him, it had been all along. Together they were always stronger. Jinyoung grasped his hand, gripping onto him like he was realizing the same thing.

They couldn’t feel each other in the force but their hands touched, they could feel each other. That was enough. It was enough. Jaebeom knew he had to do something, he had to protect Jinyoung. Jaebeom squeezed Jinyoung’s hand and wondered if together they were strong enough to break the field. Jinyoung had almost done it on his own, almost. He had been been able to access the force through the dark haze of it.

Jaebeom wondered and wished he could communicate without words. Jaebeom squeezed Jinyoung tighter and looked into his eyes willing the other boy to understand. Jinyoung nodded, Jaebeom knew they didn’t need words or a force connection. They could see it in each other’s eyes. Together they were stronger, together they were always stronger.

Jaebeom reached for the force, it hurt, like pain ripping through his body but he knew he couldn’t stop reaching. He reached with everything he could bring to the fight, every bit of strength that he had. He reached and felt the force begin to respond to him. His head pounded and he squeezed Jinyoung’s hand, Jinyoung squeezed his. They breathed together and reached with all they had. He felt their connection, he felt Jinyoung. He felt strength flooding through him.

He felt the living force breaking through and flooding him and the pain left as they connected in together. They broke free. The Bounty hunters shouted as they sat up together and Jaebeom was scared but Jinyoung grabbed hold of him. He felt surrounded... He glanced around and saw, the device had shattered and from their connection and Jinyoung had put a force shield around them. Shots were fired but nothing could get through. Jinyoung was strong, he was always strong.

Jinyoung pulled his lightsaber off Jaebeom and jumped up to fight. Jaebeom reached with the force for his guns so he could back Jinyoung up. And as he did he felt his vision being assaulted with the force. It was bad timing as he tried to cut off the visions that threatened to invade him but he couldn’t stop it. He could never stop it when it came at him so strong. He cried out and grasped his head. He fell back disoriented.

“Jaebeom!” Jinyoung called for him. Jaebeom’s sight was darkened as he was was carried away.

_He heard crying the sound of a baby. He opened his eyes within halls he recognized. It was the Jedi temple surrounding him. There were older Jedi, the nurses, babies, the children of the force. The ones the Jedi brought in to grow and train. Jaebeom was confused as to why he was there._

_“He won’t stop crying,” a woman held a baby with dark hair in her arms. She bounced him up and down gently to comfort him. She tried to use the force to soothe the child’s cries. Jaebeom watched confused._

_“It won’t work,” another nurse said, “he won’t stop crying unless he’s near the other one.”_

_“The other one?” The woman asked._

_“Oh they’re both new,” the woman explained, “we picked up two boys from the temple monks on Jedha. Little Jinyoung doesn’t like to be without the other one, give him to me and I will take him to his friend.” The other nurse handed the child over, evidently it was Jinyoung. Jaebeom’s vision followed her as she placed the baby in a cradle next to another child._

_“Jaebeom,” the woman stroked the other slightly larger baby’s head, “keep him happy.” Jaebeom was shocked at the sight of it. They had been in the same nursery as babies? They had been from the same planet? He didn’t have time to process as he was suddenly the vision was pulled from his senses and he was carried away by the force back to the caves._

_The caves of Illum._

_“You must of thought you got rid of me,” a dark voice he recognized sounded off in his mind, the hooded figure stood before him, “but I told you I wouldn’t leave. I told you that I would stay.” She walked towards him, her form dark and cold as it always was._

_“Get out of my head!” Jaebeom shouted at her, she would reach for his mind again. He didn’t want to see again the things that she had for him._

_The temple on fire._

_Children dying._

_Jedi being gunned down._

_He couldn’t breathe as he thought of what dark things she had seeded in his mind from the time he was a child. It wasn’t real. He’d spent countless hours with Jedi masters running through it over and over as they told him again and again that none of it was real. It was just a trick of the dark, a poison meant to turn him from his path._

_“You don’t believe me,” the woman said, “but the end is already in motion. You don’t believe cause they told you I was just the sum of your fears. No matter how far you run this is your future, you will die with them.”_

_Jaebeom felt cold, so cold as he was forced to watch it once again. The cold was such that he couldn’t out run. Blaster fire came for him, he could hear laughter._

_He was falling._

_Free fall._

_No way to escape._

It all went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a more action packed chapter, fun to write. Sorry for the bit of a wait but I figured I could take a break after so many frequent updates. Thank you all for your comments, and the Kudos keeps getting closer to 100 so thank you very much. All comments are welcome, I really do enjoy reading them. <3


	14. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 13 - Heartbeats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung fears the worst after the attack.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jaebeom remembered the first day he found Jinyoung alluring in a different way. Jinyoung was pretty, the way his features were soft around large and defined eyes. Jaebeom had always thought he was nice to look at, but they grew up. Suddenly that was something more._

_It was hard for Jaebeom to admit to himself that he was very attracted to his best friend. Especially when he was used to his best friend always being so close to him. Jaebeom found himself desiring touch and loving when Jinyoung clung to him. He wanted to always be close to the other boy which had been normal for them for their whole lives, but it was different. Their bodies had changed, matured the feelings had changed entirely._

_It wasn’t supposed to be that way but Jaebeom found he didn’t really care about what the Jedi said about what they were supposed to do when presented with feelings. His mind was changing, drifting from the path and desiring escape outside the temple. The things that had happened to him had led him to doubt the path he was on. The emergence of new feelings only added to those doubts. He started to see the temple as a prison and he desired escape from his messed up mind and from the rigid rules that made his feelings something that could never be acted on._

_He would often watch Jinyoung, he realized wanted to kiss Jinyoung. He wanted to know what it was like. He imagined it often, almost did it many times, he made sure to hold himself back from doing it. He couldn’t bring himself to because he didn’t know how Jinyoung would react and he was nervous. He was sure Jinyoung felt the same way, but Jinyoung was different than he was._

_Jinyoung seemed too perfect to touch, like he was so meant to be a Jedi padawan. Jinyoung’s relationship to the force was so pure, so perfect. Jaebeom didn’t want to corrupt Jinyoung’s path. Jaebeom felt selfish thinking of he could become a distraction to Jinyoung but he wanted Jinyoung. And he caught the way the younger looked at him, the way Jinyoung leaned in when he got closer. Jaebeom was absolutely sure Jinyoung felt the same he did._

_They were always connected, always on the same wavelength. They didn’t need words to tell each other there was more. They couldn’t hide anything from each other. Jaebeom knew it was only a matter of time before their desires would burn too strong for them to hold them back any longer._

_They sat on the back of a ship that was carrying them to another mission, it was their life moving from planet to planet to intervene. Jinyoung’s eyes were bright as they sat together and Jinyoung described the mission he’d gone on prior. Jaebeom listening intently to the words Jinyoung spoke._

_He had his head laid against Jinyoung’s thighs, listening because he loved the sound of Jinyoung’s voice. He loved the excitement that filled Jinyoung’s eyes when he described how he won a fight. He knew from every word that Jinyoung was born to be a Jedi. He was not like Jaebeom. He wasn’t broken the way Jaebeom was._

_“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked breaking him from his thoughts. Of course Jinyoung would notice if Jaebeom’s thoughts changed towards something negative. He could feel everything just as Jaebeom could. Jaebeom felt warmth as Jinyoung lightly played with his hair._

_“Keep going,” Jaebeom said, “I’m just listening.” He wanted to keep listening to Jinyoung talk._

_“Listening,” Jinyoung repeated the word, “but not hearing.”_

_“No I was hearing,” Jaebeom mumbled, he’d been caught with his mind elsewhere. Elsewhere being still on Jinyoung, just not on what Jinyoung was saying._

_“Then what was I talking about?” Jinyoung asked and Jaebeom was at a loss for words. He couldn’t even make something up because he truly didn’t remember the last thing he’d heard Jinyoung say._

_“Not fair,” Jaebeom muttered._

_“It is fair,” Jinyoung responded, “what is going on with you?” Jaebeom sat up, a bit flustered._

_“I’m just tired,” he made an excuse, “my last mission was exhausting.” He didn’t want to look at Jinyoung directly. He wasn’t sure sometimes it was as if Jinyoung could read his thoughts. It made him defensive. They were both vulnerable in how deep their force connection went. There wasn’t much they could hide from each other except those thoughts._

_“Your last mission was a king and queen arguing about what to name their firstborn,” Jinyoung whined at him. Jaebeom was sure if he looked that Jinyoung was pouting with his big adorable lips._

_“Yeah it was dramatic,” Jaebeom whined back, “and exhausting.”_

_“Then lay back down,” Jinyoung reached for his shoulders and Jaebeom leaned into his touch before he could stop himself. He always wanted Jinyoung’s touch. Jaebeom turned to look at Jinyoung, into his eyes and how close he was. He’d held himself back for so long but looking at how beautiful Jinyoung was he wanted to be selfish._

_He wanted to be dangerous. To dance as close to the fire as possible. He wanted to know what it was like to burn with the feelings that were growing inside him. He leaned his face closer towards Jinyoung and Jinyoung didn’t back away. Jaebeom leaned ever closer._

_“What are you doing?” Jinyoung’s voice was barely a whisper. Jaebeom’s heart pounded as he felt warmth in the force, warmth in his body._

_“I just want...” Jaebeom didn’t know how to complete the sentence. He didn’t know much except want._

_One kiss._

_That was all he needed._

_“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung whispered his name. Jaebeom pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s and his eyes slipped shut as he felt them. Jinyoung didn’t pull away from him instead his hands gripped Jaebeom’s shoulders. Jaebeom reached out to grab Jinyoung’s small waist._

_He pulled back and looked at Jinyoung whose eyes were filled with so many emotions and Jaebeom saw hesitation above all. Jaebeom was overwhelmed, he had fooled himself. One kiss wasn’t enough, it was never going to be enough. He leaned in again for Jinyoung’s lips, to taste them more fully, Jinyoung responded to him kissing him back. Jaebeom pressed in more and he felt Jinyoung stop breathing where he held him. He could feel the younger’s heartbeat in his hands. Jaebeom wanted more but Jinyoung pulled back._

_“This can’t happen again,” Jinyoung said quickly and Jaebeom met his eyes. There was doubt in Jinyoung’s eyes, Jaebeom could see that Jinyoung didn’t want to stop. Jaebeom kissed him again, deeper, licking into his mouth to taste more of Jinyoung. Jinyoung gasped at the feeling. Jaebeom pulled away, his skin warm, his body shaking slightly._

_“Jaebeom we can’t do this,” Jinyoung declared but Jaebeom didn’t care what they could and couldn’t do anymore. He only knew that what he wanted was Jinyoung._

_“Why not?” Jaebeom asked before kissing Jinyoung softly, gently. He was growing accustomed to how to do it. He was addicted, he wanted to keep kissing Jinyoung._

_“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said his name against his mouth, “we can’t.” Jaebeom didn’t want to hear those words. He hated seeing how torn the expression was in Jinyoung’s eyes. He leaned in to kiss him again, to make it really count because he knew Jinyoung was right. They couldn’t have this. But he didn’t understand why, he couldn’t understand what was wrong with it. What was wrong with love?_

_What was so wrong with being so deeply in love with Jinyoung?_

_He pulled his lips away from Jinyoung’s mouth as Jinyoung’s breathing began to increase in it’s rate. Jaebeom looked into his eyes and tears began to fall from Jinyoung’s eyes. The younger boy suddenly looked so afraid and so ashamed and Jaebeom’s heart sunk. He leaned because he wanted more but he stopped himself. He could feel Jinyoung’s desire and his fear mixing together in the force. Jinyoung was scared and Jaebeom realized it was all his fault that Jinyoung felt that way. He shouldn’t have done it._

_Jinyoung felt ashamed but it wasn’t Jinyoung’s fault. Jaebeom wanted it too much and took too much. Jaebeom pulled Jinyoung closer to him to embrace him closer. Maybe getting closer was the wrong move but Jaebeom couldn’t help himself._

_“I’m sorry,” Jaebeom breathed as tears filled his own eyes, “I’m sorry Jinyoung, I won’t do it again, I won’t do it.” He felt the shame, the panic of crossing a line that he’d been taught his whole life was wrong. He could destroy them both with his actions, and he’d been so selfish to take so much._

_Jinyoung shook his head as he cried against Jaebeom’s chest silently. They were so close, so intertwined in every way. He could feel the deep breaths Jinyoung took and Jinyoung pulled back away from Jaebeom. Jinyoung looked him in the eyes, his expression intense._

_“Just once more,” Jinyoung begged, “please once more then never again, then we never...” Jaebeom hesitated because it was a fire that when touched did burn._

_It was a mistake._

_But he was one he wanted to make._

_He leaned in again to press his lips to Jinyoung’s as asked, for once more. And he wanted to make every moment of once more count for everything... He licked inside Jinyoung’s mouth again, slow and careful, tentative, loving. And when Jaebeom pulled away Jinyoung followed after him as if wanting to chase him, the tears still poured down Jinyoung’s face. Jaebeom could taste them in his mouth._

_He could tell Jinyoung wanted to ask for another but he knew if it happened they wouldn’t stop. He pulled Jinyoung to his chest to hold him close. Their cheeks pressed against each other They both had to agree to be strong, agree to put it aside but that wasn’t what Jaebeom wanted anymore. He wanted to leave the Jedi order. He wanted to run away. He wanted to take Jinyoung far away, to steal away in the night to never return. To get lost in each other alone, that was the only dream he had left._

_When he tried to let go Jinyoung clung to him, like Jinyoung was afraid to let go of the moment. But Jaebeom knew Jinyoung. He knew him well enough to know Jinyoung would blame himself for what had happened. Jaebeom’s actions had been selfish but Jinyoung would try to carry them on his own and Jaebeom hated it. He hated knowing where it would lead. Hated the Jedi for making everything so wrong._

_He just wanted to hide Jinyoung from the shame of being in love but he couldn’t. They were Jedi apprentices and the shame was their reality. They had been chosen to become Jedi, throwing that away wouldn’t be easy. Jaebeom couldn’t ask Jinyoung to do that when he was so afraid to do it himself. So he held Jinyoung in the moment they had knowing that when it ended it had to be the last. They couldn’t have more._

_No matter how much they wanted it, they could never be._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jaebeom passed out against the landing platform. Jinyoung stood over him, protective, his eyes blazing as he faced down his enemies. Anger filled him, like an easy pulse of access to the force.

The dark tempting, drew at the heart of him. He held the force around himself strong and around Jaebeom, shielding but that shield could become a weapon. He could feel the pull of the dark as he fought to hold himself together The edge was right before him. He breathed heavy at the strain of holding the shield and wanting to fight back. He didn’t know what happened to Jaebeom but he had a need in his heart to protect the other. He wanted to protect him with everything, even so close to the edge of darkness again.

He breathed deep at the strain of all he’d gone through and holding the shield up. The force around them was protective, the essence of what it meant to be a Jedi. Jinyoung knew he had to remain the defender, not attacker. He could fight back with the force, he knew what it was like but he held himself back. It hurt but he held up his shield with strength as his heart pounded. If he dropped it to fight back he'd leave Jaebeom exposed. He couldn't do that. With all he was he knew he couldn't do that.

It was Jaebeom who was next to him. He'd come for Jinyoung, and Jinyoung couldn't let him down. Jinyoung held his hands out. He cried out from the strain as so many of the bounty hunters fired. Guns and blasters were going off in quick succession as if to kill them. He could feel heat through his body, the living force becoming more and more attuned with every cell of his being. He didn't know how much further he could go, how much longer he could hold.

He heard more gunshots and heard shouts but he could barely see what was happening. He could barely feel anything but the force flowing through his veins to protect.

"Jinyoung!" he heard someone calling his name but he stayed still, no matter how much it hurt he held his hands high.

"Jinyoung it's okay!" Someone shouted at him but he didn't recognize anything. The haze was too much to see through. He had to get out, to pull out just enough to see, to understand why someone was calling him. But enough to still protect Jaebeom. He breathed deep as he tried. He tried to pull back and suddenly he lost it entirely. It became too much.

He breathed heavy as he collapsed and fell to the ground. He caught himself with his hands, his head was dizzy. He was next to Jaebeom. He reached out to cover the other's body with his own. A last resort to shield Jaebeom from their enemies.

"Jinyoung!" Hands touched him. He looked back ready to fight and saw that it was Youngjae. Jinyoung shook as he glanced around and saw his clones had flooded the platform. They were safe, they’d been saved. He was shaking as he tried to turn about to see what had happened.

"We got them to run," Youngjae explained, "it's okay now." He still felt on edge despite seeing that Youngjae was correct. They’d attacked on Kamino and almost had gotten away with it.

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said frantically as he realized it wasn't okay. Something was wrong. He reached for Jaebeom, his hands touched the other man's face as he felt for him in the force. He just needed to know that Jaebeom was alive. His heart was frantic as he felt for their connection and Jaebeom’s life force. He could feel it strong.

"Let's get him out of here," Youngjae said. Jinyoung didn't want to let go of him.

"Sir the Kaminotians are working to figure out why this happened," He recognized Commander Ment but he was still too stunned to move, "you need to come with us. The both of you are to be placed under completed armed protection immediately." Things apparently had moved quickly.

"B-B-Both?" Jinyoung stuttered. It was his fault. It was all his fault that everything was going wrong.

"Yes sir," Ment said, "there was a Bounty placed on his head as well, dead or alive." Dead or alive? That meant the Bounty Hunters could have killed him and still collected.

"Who placed it?" Jinyoung was shaking. He was scared because of his own actions, scared that he’d been the reason this had happened to them. He could bear the bounty on his own head but for others to be caught in it, he felt sick.

"Dooku wants him alive," Ment said, "the slavers want him dead." Dooku? Jinyoung felt his stomach turn, he didn't understand what was happening but Youngjae reached to pull on him. He felt panic fraying at the edges and he reached for the force to calm himself. Why would Dooku put a bounty on Jaebeom?

"Sir you need to come now," Ment said, "several council members are on route, we'll fix this. It will all turn out okay.” Ment was trying to reassure him and Jinyoung understood. He had to stay calm, to not let himself panic in front of his own men.

"We better," Jinyoung responded and he let go of Jaebeom. Jinyoung breathed deep and felt the wetness in the air as rain began to fall. His men moved in to help get Jaebeom so they could move him. Youngjae helped him stand, he was thankful to the other boy.

Council members were coming.

Whatever had happened, Jinyoung hoped it strengthened their argument for the fight ahead. The slavers had made a move, they were a threat. Perhaps with the new developments the other would see it as well.

* * *

Taecyeon didn't need to be asked twice to run on an emergency mission to Kamino that concerned Jinyoung. He would always run when the word emergency was tied to Jinyoung. Things on Skaytar had calmed down long enough that he felt comfortable with taking a trip to Kamino with Mace Windu. They left quickly and arrived quickly, light speed travel made it easy.

Taecyeon moved fast when they landed on the planet. He was off the ship quickly and in the base. He was fast to follow the force signature of Jinyoung, surprised to find it linked once again to a familiar force signature. Jaebeom was there. When he found Jinyoung, he was at Jaebeom's side. The other man was unconscious, Jinyoung seemed frozen next to Jaebeom’s bed. The sight took Taecyeon back to when he’d seen the same scene before, the boys were just kids.

Jinyoung turned to see Taecyeon and Jinyoung’s eyes filled with recognition. Taecyeon gestured to him and Jinyoung soon up and followed Taecyeon out of the room. Taecyeon tried to gauge what he'd been told with what had happened. The Jedi were impressed with Jinyoung's ability to hold a force shield as long as he did, but also wary of where that raw power came from. They always had been unsure how to gauge Jinyoung’s power.

“What the hell has been going on the past few weeks?” Taecyeon questioned him as they walked. He didn’t want to go in hard on Jinyoung, but he was stunned by what was going on. The last he had known Jinyoung had been in the temple healing. That was where Taecyeon was hoping he would stay for a long while.

“Good to see you too,” Jinyoung muttered, he seemed to be in a bad mood but the council wanted to meet and they wanted to look into Jinyoung closer. Taecyeon was irritated by the talk that he had heard on the flight over. Windu had dealt with calls from council members who all had concerns about Jinyoung. Windu had been working hard to calm the more hysterical council members. There were talks as if a force shield as strong as Jinyoung’s had to be due to the dark side. It made no sense. Jinyoung’s shield was a defensive move not a form of attack.

Why the council had let bounty hunters threaten their own was even more irritating to him. They should have worked to get the bounty removed instead of letting Jinyoung fend for himself. It was absolutely unfair for them to let a young Jedi knight deal with such a threat for a Sith Lord on his own.

"Jinyoung you can talk to me," Taecyeon said, "you know you can. What is all this about? Why is Jaebeom even here?" Jinyoung stopped walking and Taecyeon turned to look at him. Jinyoung looked torn like he wanted to ask something but he wasn't sure how to even begin.

"Jinyoung?" Taecyeon asked. He wanted Jinyoung to talk to him, to not feel like he couldn’t say something to Taecyeon. He’d always tried to help Jinyoung, since the boy first came into his life. He’d felt a responsibility to keep the Jedi safe, to keep him on his path. Jinyoung clenched his fists, his body seemed tense.

"What does Jaebeom see?" Jinyoung asked, "what has he seen, the visions he has? No one ever told me, not even him but that's what brought us back together. Master Yoda asked me to take him back to Illum..." Jinyoung breathed deep. “I need you to tell me cause I think I saw something too when he collapsed-" He stopped abruptly, "please." Taecyeon could see pain on his face as the last word came out.

Taecyeon breathed deep, he did know everything that Jaebeom had seen in it’s entirety. He had been Jaebeom’s master, it had been a constant fight to help Jaebeom through those things. Taecyeon remembered the older masters told him when he took Jaebeom on that it was his job to help Jaebeom realize it was all a lie. That those visions weren’t real. The Jedi temples were always found in a place of balance, where light and darkness met. The darkness on Illum called to Jaebeom and haunted him but nothing it showed him could be trusted.

Taecyeon hated that he couldn't drive it from Jaebeom's mind no matter how hard he'd tried. It was beyond him to understand how to close whatever door the force had opened to the boy. And it was confusing because Jaebeom saw those visions often and more. The force showed Jaebeom so much and everything in the short term was scarily accurate. On missions visions Jaebeom had showed them outcomes before they happened. It was hard to even think that the older Jedi were right when Jaebeom saw so much that was real. Taecyeon didn’t understand it.

"The council is waiting for us," Taecyeon didn't want to say anything about it. He turned and stepped forward only for Jinyoung not to follow him. Taecyeon could feel it and he turned back. He saw the boy's eyes cold and set on what he wanted. He wanted answers.

"Jinyoung now is not the time," Taecyeon said. He didn’t feel it was something that he should share.

“Back then was not the time, now is not the time,” Jinyoung spoke with clear frustration. "When the hell will it ever be the right time? All we have is now, that's what Joon taught me. You can't put this off forever. I need to know."

"The council is waiting," Taecyeon emphasized. Jinyoung was pleading but it wasn’t Taecyeon’s story to tell.

"I don't care," Jinyoung responded, “They've kept me waiting now for weeks, surely they can survive a few minutes."

Taecyeon didn't understand what Jinyoung was talking about, he hadn’t been there. Taecyeon didn’t want to think it but his mind connected that Jaebeom was involved. Taecyeon couldn’t help but imagine that Jinyoung was once again compromised and he didn’t want to think that. He knew Jinyoung and knew Jinyoung would follow the rules above all because that was who he was.

There was no way he'd let Jaebeom change his path forward, not if he hadn't years before when he'd had good reason to. Taecyeon had to trust that Jinyoung wasn't going to make the wrong sort of decision. He did trust Jinyoung. But answering to what Jaebeom saw, and what he went through wasn’t something Taecyeon could do. It seemed wrong for Taecyeon to say anything without Jaebeom's permission. It wasn’t his story to tell. Taecyeon knew more than most, he'd spent so much time with Jaebeom as a child, he'd seen personally some of what haunted the boy. It took forever for Jaebeom to show it to him.

If Jinyoung was asking it was likely Jaebeom hadn't told him. Jinyoung had likely asked many times when they were kids and Jaebeom had refused to say anything. Jaebeom had his reasons given what Taecyeon knew about how the visions concerned Jinyoung. Taecyeon didn't think it was right for him to share something if Jaebeom wouldn't.

"Jaebeom should be the one to tell you," Taecyeon said, “it’s not something I can say.” He had to be honest with his reasons to get Jinyoung to back down.

"He could have died!" Jinyoung shouted at Taecyeon, his emotions overflowing into the force, "how am I supposed to protect him if I can't understand what he's dealing with?" Taecyeon’s brow furrowed.

"It's not your job to protect him," Taecyeon said. He wondered if he was giving Jinyoung too much credit by believing Jinyoung wouldn’t get caught up with having Jaebeom back in his life.

"Yes it is!" Jinyoung shouted back, "that's what the Jedi are supposed to do. We protect the innocent from those who are evil, we're supposed to protect the innocent! When did we lose sight of that! When did the war become more important than the lives of the people!” Taecyeon then realized there was much more to what was going on than he understood. Something had happened to cause Jinyoung to react in that way.

"Jinyoung we have to go," Taecyeon told him once again. He wanted to hear the whole story and to see what the council had to say.

"You go," Jinyoung told him, "I'm not going to talk to them again. Tell them I am deploying to take down the slavers immediately and they can say all they want about it but I don't fucking care anymore." Taecyeon surmised that meant Jaebeom had somehow gotten Jinyoung caught up with his issues with slavers. Taecyeon sighed, and he took a step towards Jinyoung.

"Calm down now," he said firmly. "Breathe and think. You can't get what you want by digging your heels in and behaving like a child. Let me help you. You have to tell me what is going on to let me help you." Jinyoung shook his head.

"The council put the war over the innocents," Jinyoung said. "They put the chancellor's word over doing what is right. There are slavers taking children, going to war torn worlds and picking up whole groups of people to enslave them and we know where they are. Jaebeom gave us the information. We could destroy them easily and it wouldn’t be difficult. But the council won't let us, they won't let us go!"

Taecyeon was surprised, he was sure there was another reason for what was happening that Jinyoung likely didn't take time to understand. The council wouldn't just ignore slavers if they were a threat. The war was being fought on many fronts. Issues with slavers were known but chasing them down was difficult. A few Jedi had already done things to cripple some slave operations.

“Jinyoung just come with me,” Taecyeon said, “it seems like we have much to discuss.” Jinyoung closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Taecyeon could see he was trying to be calm/

“They shouldn’t have gotten so close,” Jinyoung said softer. Taecyeon did agree they’d let the bounty hunters get to close. Taecyeon saw how tired Jinyoung was at the edges of everything he was saying and doing.

Jinyoung had fought hard to hold that force shield, harder than he likely realized. Maybe it was best to have him rest, Taecyeon could answer to the council for him. Jinyoung needed to rest. He’d gotten no rest since the fight happened and with what he accomplished he was likely emotional due to exhaustion. Taecyeon put his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders.

“I will talk to the council on your behalf,” Taecyeon said, “get some rest, you fought hard. I’ll do what I can but don’t do anything rash, I promise I’ll do what I can.” Jinyoung took another slow deep breath and Taecyeon could see he was torn. But Jinyoung would listen, he always listened when Taecyeon told him to take time to rest. He knew that Taecyeon could read him and understand what he needed. Jinyoung trusted him and that was something that Taecyeon had never taken advantage of. He'd always protected Jinyoung.

"Okay," Jinyoung agreed.

Taecyeon nodded, left him and turned to continue on to meet with the council members that were there. He would do his best to stand up for Jinyoung and his actions even though he didn't fully understand them. He would listen and speak when needed.

* * *

Jinyoung laid down on the cot his clones had brought for him, in the same room as Jaebeom. Youngjae, Yugyeom and BamBam were just outside in another room eating a meal. There were cots in the room for them too. They were all being heavily guarded as the slavers bounties were also on the three younger boys. It had all turned into a mess. Jinyoung was trying to rest as Taecyeon had instructed him to. They were safe in the center of the base, surrounded but Jinyoung’s best men but still he didn’t feel safe.

If Kamino could be attacked he didn't think there was anywhere that was safe. Nothing would be safe until they could fight back against the slavers. But even if they did Dooku was still out there, still waiting. Jinyoung felt cold of the dark just by thinking of the Sith Lord. It was hard to admit but he was scared after what happened. His mind was so trained to reject the idea of the negative emotion. But he was scared. Everything he'd thought would be easy was a mess in front of him. He had so many regrets, and he couldn’t help but think that he should have stayed in the Jedi temple.

He looked towards where Jaebeom lay, he could have died. Because he’d chosen to help Jinyoung when Jinyoung had called. Jinyoung had made a mess of things, then promised to fix it only to do nothing but force Jaebeom to wait. His hands were tied with no way out. He had wanted to show Jaebeom what it meant to be a Jedi. He had felt so much pride in what he was able to do. That pride was hurt and what was left was shame because he'd made promises he couldn't keep. He'd failed again.

Jinyoung was still running from failure, trying to find a way to atone for his mistakes. That realization made him desperate. He wanted to break through and finally succeed at something. That desperation made him want to run, lead the charge and prove his plan to take down the slavers would work. He wanted to take his troops and go despite the consequences. Despite what it would mean for his future, his life. It would be throwing everything away.

He needed to quiet his thoughts, recenter, focus, meditate, get his mind clear but he couldn't. Something had happened when Jaebeom had collapsed, something about their connection. They'd never sent images over their connection before. It was the force, it was strong between them. Jinyoung had seen something he couldn't shake.

The Jedi temple.

The only home he'd ever known.

It was on fire.

He shook from a cold feeling that filled his being. What had Jaebeom seen in Illumn? If it was something so ominous as what Jinyoung saw from Jaebeom’s mind, why was it cast aside? Why had Yoda sent him to find out? He wished his master was there to help him center to help him understand what was going on around him. He tried to settle in, to really sleep but his thoughts keep spinning in his head on a loop. The image, the reality of the situation he was in, his failures. The fear he'd felt was pressing on him.

He turned over to look to where Jaebeom slept soundly. As a child when he was afraid he’d always run to find Jaebeom. He’d always felt better if he could stay by Jaebeom’s side. It was there that he felt so much more assurance and peace. Like if the dark came for him, that Jaebeom would drive it away.

He hadn’t thought of it in so long.

He hadn’t allowed himself to remember.

He hadn’t allowed himself to feel what he’d felt then.

It was something he’d buried so far down he’d almost forgotten it entirely. When did those boxes get unlocked? Was it in that very moment that their hands had touched? Or was it the moment he had looked at Jaebeom, when they were both desperate to win. The wall was there before but it had gone from something invisible, untouchable to where he could feel Jaebeom stronger the before. Jinyoung hadn’t wanted to break it down. Something had changed and with that change his heart ached for what he’d lost. What he’d denied he needed for so long.

Before things had got messy and their feelings had confused them they had been best friends. They had relied on each other and trusted each other. They had always had each other there from the time they had just been small children. From the moment Jaebeom had chased him down and said his name and told him they would be best friends. Jaebeom hadn’t warned him they would hurt, they would break apart to something unfixable.

It wasn’t fair.

Jaebeom saw things before they happened, he should have seen the worst coming for them. He should have never chased after Jinyoung and ruined his life. Things would have been easier if they had never become friends, if they’d never gotten close. Things could have continued to be easy if Jinyoung hadn’t been asked to go after him. Jinyoung didn’t want to but he’d been assigned to. He hadn’t exactly argued, he hadn’t tried to fight it. He’d accepted the mission because he felt he had too but was that the whole reason?

He had to reach for the force, to clear his mind of all other thoughts, everything else. It was a knee jerk reaction, something he'd been taught from the time he was small. Anything that would cause him to diverge from his path needed to be removed from his thoughts. That meant he needed to meditate and calm himself. But something in him didn't want to do it this time.

The allure of the things that moved in his veins was strong. He didn't want the emotions out of his head, he wanted to face them like Joon had told him too. He never had because he'd been afraid to do so. He needed the force, he needed rest in the force. His head hurt, his body was in pain.

He'd pushed himself so hard to shield Jaebeom because he’d known there was nothing else he could do. There were too many of them to fight alone, and Jaebeom would have been vulnerable if he had chosen to fight. He'd been so afraid he hadn't even recognized when the threat was gone.

But was it fear? Or had he gone so deep into the force that he couldn't feel anything but the force around him? He didn't know the answer. He didn't know much about himself only that he was strong in the force. He was strong and sometimes that frightened him.

"Jinyoung," He opened his eyes to see Jaebeom was awake and looking at Jinyoung. Jinyoung took a deep breath. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to speak to Jaebeom.

"Thank you," Jinyoung said quickly. Jaebeom had saved him. He deserved thanks. Jinyoung didn't know what else to do but thank him. He didn't have to come. He didn't have to run to Jinyoung's side and put himself at risk. Jaebeom didn't say anything, he kept looking at him. Jinyoung wasn't sure how to respond to Jaebeom’s gaze.

He felt differently, not like fighting and throwing up walls against the other man. Jaebeom kept staring with an expression in his eyes Jinyoung couldn't identify. Jinyoung felt self conscious as Jaebeom kept staring silently. Jinyoung breathed deep and wanted to look away but he didn't. He remembered how Jaebeom looked into his eyes when they were down and when they’d reached for each other.

"Are you going to say something?" Jinyoung asked nervously. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't read Jaebeom's mind or see what was going on in his head. Jaebeom took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," Jaebeom said. Jinyoung was surprised.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Jinyoung asked. Jaebeom shook his head and Jinyoung felt defensive. Jaebeom reached a hand from where he laid, reached for Jinyoung. Jinyoung felt frozen in the moment, his breath stuck in his throat as he looked at Jaebeom’s outstretched hand. He realized Jaebeom was offering an olive branch, peace from their fights.

Jinyoung felt tears fill his eyes and he wanted to reach back but he was so afraid. He was afraid to be Jaebeom's friend again, to have everything fall apart in the end because they would go their separate ways on different paths. Maybe that was why he fought so hard against the man. He hadn't wanted Jaebeom back in his life because Jaebeom represented every conflict and compromise Jinyoung had ever experienced. He'd broken the rules for Jaebeom an pretended like none of it had ever happened.

He told himself it didn't matter, that they were far past it. Jinyoung felt his breaths coming closer together, anxiety in his chest as he looked at Jaebeom's hand. He didn't know what it would mean to accept it, what it would mean to take it. He didn't know if it was something he was willing to risk. He and Jaebeom were different, it was better that way.

Their paths diverged, their worlds changed, their core beliefs were opposed to each other.

But were they?

Wasn't Jaebeom just fighting for what he believed was right? Just like Jinyoung? Wasn't he just trying to do his best in a messy galaxy that was difficult to navigate. He clenched his fists and tried to think of what else to do. But it was right in front of him.

He wondered if he should take Jaebeom's hand.

He wondered what it would mean.

Was it just an end to the fighting? Was it a new start, for them to be friends once again. The questions were too much for him and Jinyoung couldn't bring himself to reach back. He tried, he really tried. He moved his hand slightly but something held him back. Something left him feeling afraid. He didn't want to get closer, yet he wanted to. The two feelings neutralized him.

He didn't want the past to come back to haunt him.

He stared back counting his own heartbeats in his chest as he was sure it was going to burst. But he didn't reach back, he couldn't reach back.

The walls had to exist, they were for the best.

He couldn't step past them, he had to remain as he was.

He was a Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry for the long wait. I spent like a crazy amount of time on the next Hunger Games chapter so it took me a bit to get back into this. Thanks for all your feedback so far, please comment and let me know what you think about this chapter.


	15. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 14 - Take It All Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebeom opens up to Jinyoung to try and find common ground.

"Jinyoung," Taecyeon was speaking to the both of them but Jinyoung didn't seem to be hearing a word he said. Jaebeom was worried, he noticed that Jinyoung seemed to spend most of his time spacing out since everything that happened. Jaebeom wasn't sure what to make of any of it. He tried to ignore his worries but he and Jinyoung were in a closer proximity that before, both being under armed guard.

Jinyoung seemed to want to ignore him entirely. Jaebeom tried to focus on blocking out the force and the visions that plagued his mind but he couldn’t do it. They kept coming back and Youngjae was worried. He could see the worry on his friends face as Youngjae sat next to him and held his arm. He wanted to reassure Youngjae that he would be fine but he didn’t know how to stop the visions. It had taken him years after leaving the temple to block the force out just enough to silence them. Jaebeom didn’t know how to shut it down after letting so much of it back in.

Jinyoung had slept fitfully then had left to speak with the Council. He'd come back with Taecyeon who had clearly been trying to calm him down about something. Taecyeon left them again and Jinyoung had ignored everyone else in the room. Taecyeon returned and was doing his best to explain how things were going to proceed for all of them. Jinyoung looked empty, like he wasn’t listening but Jaebeom knew somehow it was just a front.

"This is what is for the best Jinyoung,” Taecyeon said, "this way the slavers will get taken out and you and Jaebeom can be protected. It's best you don't go out there right now until we can deal with the bounty that Dooku put on you. He raised it to counteract what the slavers put down for you, it’s too dangerous at this point.” The council had approved the plan to take out the slavers, but they were sending Anakin Skywalker and Mace Windu to do it, not Jinyoung. Aside from that most of Jinyoung's troops were allocated to go out with Skywalker and Windu to accomplish the task.

Jinyoung and Jaebeom were going to be sent back to Courscant until it was safe. There they would be protected at the temple and when the slavers were defeated Jaebeom would be able to return to his life. That was the agreement that Taecyeon and Skywalker had apparently arranged with the council. Jinyoung looked upset, he’d wanted to be a part of the fight. He'd tried to argue but it was clear he wasn’t winning so he’d shut down.

Jaebeom wondered if Jinyoung was starting to realize that he couldn't get his way against the almighty Jedi Council and their omnipotent wisdom about how things should happen. Jaebeom wasn’t surprised things hadn’t gone there way and he could feel Jinyoung's frustrations in the force. He wondered if Jinyoung would deny them or if he would keep fighting the council.

He was beginning to see everything with Jinyoung was the same as when he was younger. As a child he would have outbursts and moments of passionate zeal about his way of thinking. When those higher than him didn’t agree he would reign everything in, lock it inside and pretend he didn't think differently from them. Jaebeom wondered how much had changed, it seemed to be very little.

Jinyoung had always been the one to push him away, to block him out. Jaebeom had reached for his best friend, for a truce to stop the fighting but Jinyoung was the same. He wouldn't reach back. He'd rather keep walls, and keep his distance. Maybe he had the right idea about how they both should be. But in the end Jaebeom was the one who suffered. He'd let his own walls down and got nothing in return. Because of it he couldn't shake the images filling his head.

"This is not for the best," Jinyoung finally started to argue again, "this is my mission! I brought this to the attention of the council, I made the detailed plan on how to accomplish it. It is unfair of them to not allow me to do this!”

"Why does it matter whose mission it is?" Taecyeon asked. Jaebeom was interested to hear what Jinyoung would say, because really it didn’t fully matter who brought in what information. The council would make decisions based on who they thought was best.

Jinyoung was shaking, Jaebeom could see it slightly at the edges. He was angry and trying desperately to control it. Jinyoung had always been a livewire of sloppy control, and bursting emotions. As a child the hardest one for Jinyoung to control had been fear. As they’d aged there was a frustration to him that Jaebeom always saw.

"The council doesn’t trust me," Jinyoung responded, "why don't they trust me? I planned this mission, I should be running it!" Jaebeom could feel too much through their force connection, it made him uncomfortable.

"Jinyoung you're a target," Taecyeon said, "and because of that the council wants you back at the temple. Windu is worried about Dooku and how he’s getting more aggressive in targeting you. We all want you safe, it’s ridiculous we haven’t been able to stop the bounty.” Jaebeom did agree with Taecyeon that it was ridiculous. The Jedi council seemed to have no idea how to deal with what was happening.

"You heard Windu," Jinyoung argued, "they're scared because..." Jinyoung stopped, he looked back at Jaebeom then clamped down entirely. Jaebeom found it interesting that Jinyoung was censoring something about what had happened in the council room.

"Don't stop talking cause I'm here," Jaebeom couldn't control his tongue, "I'm part of this even if it was because you dragged me into it." Taecyeon sighed.

"Jinyoung you just need to stay calm," Taecyeon said, "rationalize what has happened and what is for the best."

"What is for the best is that I run this mission," Jinyoung argued, "tell the council that! Tell them that I am going to be on it, I am going to run it. I am not just giving it up and bowing out because you’re all scared of Dooku! The price is on my head not yours, this is my decision!”

Jaebeom understood his frustration. Jinyoung had waited weeks for the okay to go out on the mission, and was told no repeatedly. He’d been patient and keep fighting his case even when it looked like he wasn’t going to win. Suddenly the council finally could see that Jinyoung had a point about the need for the mission and they decided to send someone else out on it. Jaebeom understood why Jinyoung would be frustrated but he also knew Jinyoung would make excuses for the council if confronted about it by Jaebeom.

"Well the council made their decision," Jaebeom interjected once again, "don't you trust the council?" He knew he was being mean but he was upset with Jinyoung as well. He couldn't help it but want to push Jinyoung’s buttons to see if he would act predictably. Jinyoung glared at him and Jaebeom felt satisfied.

“You’re not helping," Taecyeon complained.

Jinyoung seemed to back off from what he was even trying to say, once again shutting inside. That was a curious response when he’d been so willing to fight back against Jaebeom before. There was something else setting Jinyoung on edge that he was unwilling to say. Jaebeom wanted to know more but he doubted Jinyoung or Taecyeon would tell him. He was an outsider to them despite their history. If something more was going on between Jinyoung and the council it would stay between the Jedi.

"Get some rest," Taecyeon said, "Master Yoda told me he would be by to speak with the both of you at some point. But you need to stop fighting this. The decision has been made and will not change." Taecyeon stood up. "I am sorry that this had to happen this way, but it really is for the best. I will be back to check in later. Get some rest and prepare because you’re leaving to Coruscant soon.” He started to walk out when Jinyoung finally spoke again.

"Did you even fight for me?" Jinyoung asked, his voice softened to a low tone, "you knew what I wanted.” Jaebeom was surprised at the way Jinyoung's tone suddenly changed. The way Jinyoung was talking to Taecyeon, whom he had a close relationship with, was suddenly accusatory.

"You said you were going to fix this," Jinyoung continued. Taecyeon sighed in response. He seemed unfazed by Jinyoung’s behavior.

"Some things are out of all our hands," Taecyeon responded.

"You heard what they said," Jinyoung spoke coldly and Jaebeom looked at him to see his eyes were red with tears in them. “Did you agree with them?" Taecyeon set his jaw and turned back to Jinyoung.

"You know I don't," Taecyeon said hastily but the way Jinyoung looked at him… Jinyoung didn't believe his words and Jaebeom didn't understand what they were talking about because he hadn’t been there. Something had happened in the council meeting.

"You don't?" Jinyoung questioned, "when everyone else does you just don't?" Taecyeon threw his hands up in exasperation.

"You're wrong about what they feel, what I feel. You are projecting your own feelings about yourself onto others," Taecyeon said, "that's why you can't run the mission. That right there is the reason the council didn't choose you because you're behaving like a child. You’re behaving like everyone see's you a certain way because of how you see yourself. Because you still haven’t moved past what happened on Hypori!” Jaebeom felt awkward suddenly as he felt like he shouldn't be there. The conversation in front of him felt like it should be private. He could feel Youngjae shift uncomfortably next to him.

"No," Jinyoung said, "I know exactly what they think about me." It was as if he had stopped caring Jaebeom was there, stopped holding back. "And you know it too, even if you deny it. You know it." There was something not being said in the whole conversation.

"You need to meditate," Taecyeon responded, "find your calm again and put aside how you feel now, because you're wrong." Taecyeon turned away again and left the room. Jaebeom wondered if it was the first time they'd argued about whatever it was they were arguing about. It probably wasn't.

Jinyoung clenched his fists but he didn’t speak again, he didn’t keep arguing. Jaebeom could feel him reaching for the force as if trying to take Taecyeon’s advice that very moment but Jinyoung seemed unbalanced. Jaebeom felt uneasy by what he sensed from Jinyoung. The messy web of emotions made him feel queasy. Jaebeom looked at Youngjae who had his lips pressed tightly together like he was holding back a remark. He knew Youngjae didn’t have the highest opinion of Jinyoung and Jaebeom believed that was his own fault due to his own resentment of Jinyoung when he’d first met Youngjae.

Jaebeom looked at Youngjae and gestured for him to leave. He wanted to talk to Jinyoung but he wasn’t sure how to. He was sure having others there probably wasn’t the best way to put out another olive branch. He had to get through to Jinyoung somehow since they were in the same situation. Maybe Jaebeom could help fix it somehow. He wasn’t exactly sure how but he wanted to try.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said his name, Jinyoung looked tense and he didn’t look at Jaebeom.

“I have to meditate,” Jinyoung responded to close the door on any conversation that could start. Jinyoung always did that, even when they were young... Jaebeom realized that thought wasn’t correct. Jinyoung didn’t try to shut him out until after Jaebeom had over stepped the line to what they were taught was wrong. When Jaebeom had kissed Jinyoung he had left them both in a state of confusion. That’s when Jinyoung had stopped trust him.

Jinyoung stopped letting him in. He’d started to do everything he had to do as an excuse to avoid talking to Jaebeom. That hadn’t changed with the years that had passed apart and Jaebeom wondered if Jinyoung even remembered why. Maybe that was one thing Jinyoung had managed to burry down completely.

“I don’t want to fight,” Jaebeom said, “I just want to help. Maybe if I speak to the council...” He was sure Jinyoung wasn’t listening but he kept on. “I would be willing to speak to them and then maybe they could understand my perspective, because I think they should at least consider my perspective in all this.” He wasn’t even sure if the council would listen. Jinyoung didn’t even seem to want to listen to anything he had to say.

“I am sorry,” Jaebeom said again. Those two words changed something and Jinyoung finally looked at him. Jaebeom remembered what he had asked before; he didn’t understand. Jaebeom guessed on Jinyoung’s side Jaebeom really didn’t have much to be sorry for. Jinyoung had invaded his life by chasing after him. But Jaebeom was sorry because he had had hurt Jinyoung. Jaebeom knew it.

He’d hurt Jinyoung bad. He had shot Jinyoung and put force blockers on him without even thinking of the pain he was causing him. He’d fought Jinyoung and picked at him despite all Jinyoung was doing to try to help. All because he was scared of the moment coming where Jinyoung asked him to go to Illum. He’d somehow known that day he’d only seen in dreams had arrived.

Jinyoung didn’t even get angry with him then. Yet Jaebeom had thrown him out, he realized Jinyoung’s actions were influenced by his response. Jaebeom’s hostile response was partially the reason they were in the mess they were in. Jinyoung had just been trying to help to convince Jaebeom to go with him. Jinyoung stood up.

“I have to go,” Jinyoung declared. Jaebeom wasn’t sure how to talk to him, what to say without fighting.

“Why can’t we have one conversation?” Jaebeom asked, “just one conversation where we’re honest with each other.” He was so sick of fighting. He’d been half the problem but he wanted to change it, he wanted to be better.

“Everything I have ever told you has been honest,” Jinyoung responded, “Everything I have said is true.” Jaebeom knew that was a lie. Jinyoung hadn’t spoken the truth to Jaebeom since the day Jaebeom had left. He’d simply tried to convince himself that his lies were truth.

_‘I don’t love you’_

He knew Jinyoung too well. So little had changed in the boy. And he knew if he wanted Jinyoung to open up to him he would have to say something first. He would have to take the first step and be honest with Jinyoung.

“Before we went to Illum, back when we were kids,” Jaebeom spoke, “I had a gift with force visions, seeing true things that really happened. I was quite young when I often saw you. I saw we would become best friends and that we would help each other as we grew.”

He had kept it under, inside. He’d refused to see Jinyoung as that same boy he’d chased his dreams with, as the boy he first experienced love with because he’d been so hurt. He’d felt that seeing Jinyoung as his best friend, his first love, would just hurt. He’d made Jinyoung a hostile force to antagonize, because it was so much easier that way. But reality was they both needed to face their past together to be able to move on in the present. They had to acknowledge what had happened, so they could work together to fix what was in front of them.

They were picking at each other because they both refused to acknowledge truth. The truth that the last time they’d seen each other as friends they’s hurt each other. Jaebeom knew he’d had to leave then, there was no other option for him, but he’d done so in the worst way. Seeing Jinyoung hurting changed his perspective. He saw Jinyoung different and suddenly it wasn’t some hostile force he didn’t care about in front of him. Jinyoung was still that boy that Jaebeom had grown up with, still his best friend. And his best friend was in pain and all he’d done was contribute to it.

If he wanted Jinyoung to stop being defensive he had to stop attacking, had to be honest. Jinyoung had stopped in his tracks at Jaebeom’s few words so Jaebeom continued.

“I always thought my visions were a gift from the force to help guide me,” Jaebeom said, “especially when they led me to you. I struggled to find my place at the temple till I met you. And my visions prepapred me for things, like you being chosen first, the color of our lightsabers.” He thought of how simple his glimpses of the future had been. It had been fun to see things before they’d happened when it was all innocent and good.

“I know this,” Jinyoung said, and Jaebeom knew he knew. Jaebeom had alluded to it as a kid so many times but he had never said it all out loud, not completely. It was implied not spoken. Honesty mattered if he wanted to gain trust again.

“When we went to Illum,” Jaebeom said, “I was excited but when I walked into the caves the path I took was dark, pitch black, and there was nothing to light my way…” He trailed off, the fear he’d felt then was still something he could feel if he thought about it too hard.

“There were crystals lighting the way in Illum,” Jinyoung said softly.

“Not for me,” Jaebeom responded. When the kids entered the caves they were told to take different paths and follow the force. He had tried to do as he’d been told but he had taken one he was sure was the wrong path. It had contributed to his feeling like he truly didn’t belong with the Jedi. That was something that had clung with him and ultimately been what had driven him out. Maybe his feelings for Jinyoung had been a huge factor but his decision to leave had begun long before they’d hit puberty.

“I walked in the dark until I came upon a figure,” Jaebeom continued his story, “a woman, dressed in black, she had red light around her. I was scared, her presence felt dark and I wanted to turn and run but there was no where else to go...” He never forgot the decision he’d made. “She offered to show me the way and I decided to go with her. She led me down a path further into the dark. I was frightened but I couldn’t pull my hand away from her’s.”

He could see Jinyoung was stiff, just listening. Probably judging his choice as all the Jedi had those years before. They’d made sure to always tell him that it was his own fault what had happened to him. That the force had been merciful in allowing him to succeed after the choices that he had made within the depths of the caves.

“I stopped being afraid when she led me into a cavern,” Jaebeom said, “like she’d said she would lead me to the crystals she did. It was beautiful, probably deep inside the mountain, crystals all around reflecting so much light. The force was so strong around us and there was a river running through the cavern, strong. I wasn’t afraid though cause I felt the force and I didn’t think that there was anything else to be afraid of. I let my guard down and ran around to see the crystals because it was beautiful.” The breathtaking reality of what was in Illum was something he hadn’t forgotten. Kyber was beautiful as it glowed with light and Jaebeom had been drawn to it.

“The woman started speaking just as I was thinking everything was okay,” Jaebeom continued, “most of what she said I don’t remember but she mentioned my gift of sight and called it a curse. The force grew dark and I started to see things... terrible things.” He could feel them at the edges of his mind as if she was still there waiting to show him again.

“I saw a war,” Jaebeom continued to confess, and he felt himself begin to shake, “It wasn’t clear what the war was, who was fighting but the Jedi were there...” He had tried so hard not to think about that vision, blocked it out so completely. He was scared it was their current reality. “And I saw the temple on fire.”

The Jedi temple had been the only home he had ever known. It burned on fire in his visions over and over. He’d seen it so many times. The smoke rising so high above into the atmosphere of Courscant, turning the sun red. The ash would rain like snow on the city below.

“More than that I saw the chaos inside,” Jaebeom said, “students fighting for their lives... children dying... children younger than we were...” He saw so much, so much more than he was ready to handle. How was a 7 year old boy supposed to handle what he had seen? “They were killed by gunshots coming from all sides, or by a dark hooded figure with a blue lightsaber—“

He stopped suddenly as that detail stuck out to him, as it always had. The person seemed like a Sith, but the lightsaber showed the person as a Jedi. He looked up to see Jinyoung was looking at him now but his eyes were shedding tears. Not what Jaebeom would expect, that was not how the other Jedi responded. There was no revulsion on Jinyoung’s face, nor accusation, nor blame. Jaebeom breathed deep and felt he should continue on.

“I didn’t just see it all,” Jaebeom continued. “I felt it,” his voice shook as he said it, “I felt in the force voices crying, life force screaming... death. The force crying out in fear and pain from the loss of its children...” It was something that he couldn’t shake that stayed with him. A vision so strong. “And when it all faded from my mind I saw other things take over,” Jaebeom was scared of what came next. Scared to say what it was that plagued him the most.

He’d left because he partially believed he could alter history by leaving. If his visions were true he believed he had to change them. He had to do whatever he could to stop them from happening. He didn’t want to say what was next in his visions. It was what he had buried the most. He had never told anyone what else she had shown to him, not even the masters.

He opened his mouth to try to keep speaking, but the vision flashed through his mind. On a planet he didn’t recognize, night, dark, hunted. He was running, searching with all he had. The urgency, the fear, he could feel it in his chest as the images surrounded him. When they told him his dreams were just his worst fears coming to manifest that he had too much fear. He didn’t believe them except for the last piece that he saw.

He saw himself searching for Jinyoung, in a dark field. In his vision he could feel the other, feel him so close. But he could feel darkness, like the dark side of the force was ready to destroy them both. He ran, his lightsaber in his hand and when he saw Jinyoung, it was too late. There were too many around them, enemies had them on all sides. There was no way out when Jinyoung’s eyes met his.

Jaebeom remembered the vision well.

Jinyoung ran to him. Threw his arms around him and used the force to shield them both from blaster fire. Jaebeom joined him as best he could. Locked together in a struggle for their lives. Jinyoung pulled back from him holding the force like light between them. Jinyoung kissed him mouth to mouth in something he hadn’t understood as a small child. And when he’d done it Jinyoung’s eyes turned yellow, dark, cold. It was like air was sucked from Jaebeom’s lungs as Jinyoung transformed.

Jaebeom was knocked to the ground. And he opened his eyes back in the cave, opened his eyes back in the room. He was shaking from how real it had been once again, but there was a hand on his. He couldn’t speak it, couldn’t speak any of it. Cause the Jedi were right about his fears when it came to that vision, his worst fear then had been losing Jinyoung to the dark. The dark was what they feared the most as children. It was what they were taught to fear the most. But they were taught fear itself was the dark. And Jaebeom knew Jinyoung was always afraid...

“You don’t have to say more,” Jinyoung said, “I understand...” Jaebeom looked up to him.

Jinyoung was sitting right in front of him, he wasn’t like in Jaebeom’s vision. He wasn’t a specter of madness, he would never be like that. That’s what Jaebeom told himself when he left, that he could prevent it all from happening. By leaving he could stop from ruining Jinyoung’s path and he could stop it from coming true. At one point he’d even thought if he could get Jinyoung out of the Jedi they would both be safe, if not at least he could prevent a dark future by walking away.

“After the visions ended,” Jaebeom said softly, “she told me that no one would believe me, that the dreams would never leave. She pushed me with the force into the river,” Jaebeom said, “and in fear I went under.” He hadn’t been able to swim, he had been so afraid as he was taken by the rapids of water, deeper and deeper into the caverns. He cried out with the force for help but no one had come to rescue him.

“I went down the rapids until I finally was able to use the force to pull myself from the water,” Jaebeom said, “but I was so scared in that time that I was about to die and no one could hear me.” He’d always heard how others faced trials, but his were physically frightening. “I laid against cold rock, shivering, terrified. I wanted to give up but I knew if I did no one could warn the Jedi of what was coming... I pulled myself up and walked forward even though I was so afraid. The crystals came around me and lit my way forward.”

“And when I walked this time I stopped because one glowed in front of me. A green crystal filled with the light of the force floated in my path, calling my name,” Jaebeom said, “I knew it was mine and somehow no matter the dark I faced I had passed the test.” It was easier to talk about the end, not to talk about the dark things he’d seen or the things he was most afraid of. Illum had been hell but the force had still been on his side and had let him forward.

“That was enough to give me strength to get out,” Jaebeom said, “but I barely got out and going back seems...” Jaebeom began to speak but stopped. Jinyoung shook his head and met his gaze.

“You shouldn’t have to go back,” Jinyoung responded, Jaebeom was surprised Jinyoung would agree but of course he did. “I am sorry I asked you too.” Jinyoung had always been different from the other Jedi. Jaebeom told Jinyoung the story because he’d wanted Jinyoung to trust him enough to share what was going on in his own mind but Jaebeom suddenly had a new realization. A new wonder.

“But may going back is the answer,” Jaebeom replied, “maybe facing her will make the dreams go away. Maybe we go there instead of Courscant.” He knew he was crazy but he felt like maybe that was the answer to the nightmares that had plagued him since he was a small child. Maybe running from them only ensured their existence in his head. Going back…

“We are going to fight the slavers,” Jinyoung said, “I am going to make sure of it. After if you want to I will take you there but you don’t have to, you will never have to.” Jinyoung obviously felt guilty himself for what he asked but he didn’t know the truth before. Jaebeom was touched by Jinyoung’s declaration but he was fixated on Illum being the final answer to everything he’d gone through.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said his name, he wanted to ask Jinyoung more but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to say he missed Jinyoung as his friend because everything else was there. Jinyoung backed away from him and removed his hand from Jaebeom’s hands.

Jaebeom knew Jinyoung we’ll enough to know he put walls up first but Jaebeom didn’t want walls between them anymore. That was why he’d spoken, why he’d tried because he wanted the walls to come down. For them to stop pushing at each other and pushing each other away. He moved forward and quickly threw his arms around Jinyoung before Jinyoung could move away entirely. He rested his forehead against Jinyoung’s shoulder and held on. Because he was afraid if he didn’t that the walls would continue to grow and if they did he would lose he chance to have his friend back.

“Jaebeom?” Jinyoung’s voice sounded so unsure, but Jaebeom didn’t let go. He just wanted Jinyoung to realize who he was. He wanted Jinyoung to forget all the things they’d done to hurt each other and realize they could have back the friendship they had when they were younger. He just wanted it back. He didn’t need anything more than his best friend back.

They could help each other. They would go their separate ways again but when their paths did cross Jaebeom would prefer that it was as friends. He wanted to know that if he saw Jinyoung again it could be on good terms.

He hoped they could end the fights.

One of Jinyoung’s hands settled on his back, patting slightly as if he’d forgotten how to do something so simple as hug. It reminded Jaebeom, Jinyoung was full Jedi. Fully different than he was. But that was okay with Jaebeom.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jinyoung curled up finally fully alone. Finally done with the questioning, done with the report. Done with the inquisition of the masters that had left him feeling so hollow, bare, exposed. He felt empty. Fully emptied from every single thing he’d had to give. He just wanted to be alone._

_In his own apartment in the temple, alone where no one would disturb him. It was the first time he was thankful for being knighted, it meant they had already moved him to a place of his own away from the place he had once shared with his master. He wasn’t forced to go back and confront empty rooms where the older man had once belonged. The spaces he had filled in all their lives were things Jinyoung couldn’t face._

_He didn’t want to go back at all._

_He felt so lost._

_So scared._

_He felt like he had failed so badly that it would be better for him to run away than to face his failures. He wished he could disappear far away from all the pain that he wasn’t supposed to be feeling. The council had made it clear that he was wrong and that he’d acted wrong. That he’d done wrong and they weren’t sure how to deal with him for it._

_They’d asked their questions and he felt worse and worse throughout the entirety of the processes. He’d led the operation himself, he’d gotten his master killed, he’d used the dark side. He’d done those things. It was all his fault. And because of that no one trusted him, no one had reason to trust him. He fully expected them to expel him there and then but they didn’t. He felt more pain with compassionate eyes on him, he’d rather they get it over with._

_He was waiting for their final decision on how to punish him. He waited for their deliberation to end and for them to announce it. That he had become too much of a danger to all of them._

_He felt like the worst version of himself, alone. There was nothing he could do but try to feel nothing because if he let emotions in then he would cry and cry until he had no tears he could cry. He was crumbling, and he didn’t know how to control it._

_**There is no emotion, there is peace.** _

_**There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.** _

_**There is no passion, there is serenity.** _

_**There is no chaos, there is harmony.** _

_**There is no death, there is the Force.** _

_He recited the Jedi code in his mind over and over, holding onto it as a lifeline of who it was he wanted to be. It was all he had of his broken dreams and empty heart. He fell asleep empty, awoke empty. It felt like what he deserved after what he’d done. He should become nothing but emptiness to hide away the parts of him that were messed up. He didn’t deserve the force flowing through his veins in peace. He deserved to be expelled, to be cast aside for becoming so corrupted that he’d lost himself._

_He opened his eyes to the empty apartment. The feeling of alone sunk deep into his bones. He was possessed by it. He got up off the ground and walked out the doors. He walked possessed, not fully knowing where his feet were talking him. Just knowing he had to move somewhere or he’d fall apart._

_He walked through the halls that were his home for so long, his sanctuary and place of safety. It still felt like home to him. He didn't want to be cast out, he loved his home. He'd always felt like it was where he belonged in every way. He didn't want to be forced to leave to life he’d always known. The life he’d always dreamed of living._

_He walked with an emptiness in his head down spaces where memories filled his mind, but his memories were empty. Within them he was alone. Everything around him was empty cause he wasn't allowed to miss anything that he had lost. He wasn't allowed to consider his past because it was covered in loss. He wanted to be a good Jedi, and to do it right, to let it go the way he was supposed to. Echoes of the past threatened everything that he was supposed to be._

_He found himself wandering higher to a familiar place where the pillars opened up to the outside. It was a higher point where he could watch the sunset without seeing the towers around him or being seen by anyone else in the temple. It used to be a favorite spot but that had stopped. He wasn't supposed to remember or think about why. It was best not to remember because it hurt to much._

_He sat watching the sun drop down the sky slowly in a place he didn’t used to sit alone. And it was like in that place he could feel a ghost of the person who should have been there with him. Before he knew it he was crying._

_“Hi,” Jinyoung said to no one as tears rolled down his face, “it’s been so long... I just missed you.” He took deep breaths as tears continued to fill his eyes and he watched. He wished if he turned his head that he would see the gentle eyes of the person he’d lost._

_“How are you?” Jinyoung continued to speak because he had to, “I guess you’re doing well. I guess things are okay. They’re not okay with me but I guess they will be.” He felt crazy, like he was reaching a point of going insane. Breaking beneath the pressure._

_“My master died,” Jinyoung said, “I just wonder now... If you were here would you be angry with me like everyone else,” Jinyoung found it harder to speak, “or would you... would you remind me I’m not alone? It’s not true. I am alone... all alone.” He didn’t know how to relate to anyone else he knew when he lost his friend. He’d always felt hollow after that day._

_"I'm sure you'd probably hate me," Jinyoung said, "I heard you don't like us very much anymore. Maybe I hate you too, you did leave."_

_He thought he'd processed everything long before but he'd really stuck it all in neat little boxes. This one labeled to never be opened again. Maybe it was the idea that he would be potentially removed from the order that made him feel so desperate, that he would talk to a specter of a friend who'd loved him. A friend who probably would have been the only person not to blame him._

_A friend who would have comforted him if he’d still been there._

_Why was he messing with his own head?_

_He didn't have a friend like that. He'd never had. If he had then he wouldn't be alone. He wouldn't have been left behind to cry on his own. Joon was gone for good because of Jinyoung’s mistakes, but Jaebeom had made his own choice. He'd left Jinyoung alone._

_"I lied to you," Jinyoung said between breaths that came like whispers in the ever fading light of the sun, "you have to know I lied. Maybe you don't know but I did. I'm good at lying, always have been, probably always will be. Lying just makes it easier. It was easier to say I didn’t love you…”_

_"Don't forgive me," Jinyoung continued, "I don't deserve forgiveness. Cause I haven't forgiven you... not you..."_

_He should never have been alone. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all that he was alone. Jaebeom hadn't even tried to tell Jinyoung he was leaving._

_He'd just left._

_"It's cold this time of year," Jinyoung continued to speak, "remember I always got cold... When I got cold... I needed- I needed-"_

_Deep breaths._

_"I needed you," Jinyoung responded._

__I need you_ _

_Maybe he just never let himself get close to anyone after because things got too messy. Or because no one could replace the person in his life who had meant the most. So why even try to replace him? Why try?_

_It wouldn't make a difference if he tried. He would never let anyone get close enough to hurt him again._

_He guessed it was his own fault at his worst moment he had no one else to go to._

_The last rays of sunlight disappeared. The sun would rise again, and once again remind him that each day would be the same. No matter how many sunrises and sunsets he would never have what he had. And as days past he found himself there again and again._

_Until the council told him they were sending him on a meditative retreat with several masters to help him heal. He accepted it, because it was his chance to stay. His chance to keep moving forward instead of back._

* * *

Present

* * *

"Master," Jinyoung bowed when the older master entered. He was in his control room with his clone leaders arranging the transfer of the data to the 501st for Skywalker's use. He’d given up, he knew there was no more fighting the council and he was tired of fighting them. The last council meeting that he had been called into had been uncomfortable. He'd fully intended to stand up for his right to the mission but someone had mentioned his negligent use of the dark side of the force.

He'd shut down because there was no way to defend himself. He had good reason to be upset by it. There were talks on sending him on another meditative retreat. Jinyoung began to equate them to brainwashing. He needed the help the first time but they were calling his act of protection the use of the dark side. It didn't make any sense, his shields were the light side.

"What gives me the honor of your presence?" Jinyoung asked as Yoda looked at him.

"Dangerous times we are in," Yoda responded, "here to ask about your mission I am." Jinyoung believed Yoda was one of the few on the council he could still trust to be on his side, if he even had a side. Yoda was kind to him even after all that had happened to him. When he worked with Yoda on meditation he always felt better.

"My mission is what led me to this," Jinyoung gestured to the information on the screen, "the reality of what is going on in our galaxy and the truth that we have the power to fix it. I was hoping to get the chance to be a part of this, but now that chance is gone."

"Gone?" Yoda questioned, "gone nothing ever really is. Made the decision was, but unmade it can be." Jinyoung didn't have it in him to hope for that anymore. He sighed in response.

"You were there master," Jinyoung responded, "the others think I am unfit to be on the field right now." He was too tired from weeks of dealing with them. Yoda hadn't been a part of most of it, he'd apparently gone on a retreat of his own before arriving on Kamino. He was in talks to go strengthen the war efforts on a few mid rim planets. He had his own troops to take out to continue the war. Most people wouldn't look at the aged master and see a great warrior, but Yoda was the best of them. He was one of the strongest beings in the galaxy.

"Jaebeom wants me to take him to Illum," Jinyoung added, "he believes it might be a way to make his visions go away."

"Think this, I do also," Yoda responded, "I felt badly when I heard of what happened to him. The answer, on Illum I think it could be. Not just for him but for all of us." Jinyoung didn't feel comfortable with the idea. He didn’t want to manipulate Jaebeom into reliving his trauma.

"Master," Jinyoung said, "do you think I am not ready to get out on the field for real?" Jinyoung continued his question, "I have had missions since it all happened, but nothing like actually fighting on the front lines. I feel like I should be out there, since everyone else is. I don't want to take Jaebeom back to Illum. After hearing what he went through, what if it just makes everything worse? And is there any truth to what he saw? He said he saw the temple burn? He saw a war. Is it true? Is it possible we're going to lose?"

He had tried not to think about the implications because it was too frightening. If Jaebeom's dreams were real it meant so much could go wrong. It couldn't be real.

"So much there is that we don't understand," Yoda responded, "answer your questions I cannot.”

"The other masters thought he was being tricked by the dark," Jinyoung said, "that it wasn't real. Do you think it could happen? That the Jedi temple will be attacked? That we'll all die? Is that why you sent me to find him.” His voice came out smaller than he wanted it to. He sounded afraid. He was afraid but he didn’t want to be.

"A trick of the dark it may well be," Yoda responded, "all knowing I am not."

“What do you want me to do?” Jinyoung asked. He knew what he wanted to do but he felt he needed guidance from the force. It was silent. It wasn’t showing him the way like it normally did. He listened, heard nothing. Maybe the force itself was also angry with him.

“A mission I sent you on,” Yoda declared, “complete it is not. The answers you seek, on Illum they will be.” Jinyoung didn’t know if he believed that anymore. He didn’t know what he believed but he nodded.

“If I do this,” Jinyoung said, “can I get back on the field?” He knew it would be selfish to take Jaebeom back for his own gain but he was tired of the way he was treated. Tired of fighting the council for the right to fight alongside his own men.

“Speak to the council I will,” Yoda responded. He guessed that was the closest to an answer he would get. He didn’t like it but he knew better than to push Yoda. And he trusted his master. Trust was ingrained into him since he was a small boy. He had always trusted. Because he believed they wouldn’t steer him wrong, they followed the force and could see and understand things better than he did. He wanted to understand better like they did.

To do so he would have to keep trusting them and learning from them. He had to remind himself the council was on the side of what was right. Things were messy in the world they lived in, but he had to trust the council. He had to trust his masters. He would ask Jaebeom one more time if Jaebeom really wanted to go and if Jaebeom agreed like he almost had when they spoken, they would go. If Jaebeom said no then Jinyoung would respect his decision and never ask it again.

His heart hurt thinking, that for years his friend hid his pain. That the masters didn't believe in him but Jinyoung would have.cJinyoung had always opened up to Jaebeom of his own struggles when they were kids. Jaebeom was the one who knew Jinyoung's fears, probably better than Jinyoung did. That must have been why Jaebeom kept quiet, to not add to his worries and the things that weighed on him.

It had been years since he'd wondered, years since he thought about what went wrong. He'd always assumed it was his own fault Jaebeom left, because Jaebeom chose feelings over denying them. That Jaebeom left because Jinyoung pushed him away too hard when Jaebeom asked. Knowing there was more to the story almost didn't feel real. It made him question so much of what he had believed. He'd know Jaebeom struggled with something, but he hadn't pushed Jaebeom to tell him. He wasn't the kind of friend to push himself into places he was intentionally locked out of.

Did that mean he hadn't been a friend at all? Just a stupid kid pretending he could support someone besides himself. He'd been selfish, maybe that was why he fell into things that were born of selfish desire so easily.

He had worried that he'd destroyed Jaebeom's life. When he looked to the morning and felt the emptiness of losing. He'd messed things up for Jaebeom but the truth was that there was more too it. Jaebeom had left because he was tired. Tired of fighting with his past self, fighting with doubts and fears. He didn't have the strength for it. Jinyoung hadn’t been there for him when he needed it. They’d hurt each other, but they did need to find a way to move forward.

Maybe in the end Illum was always meant to be the answer.

* * *

Past

* * *

_The rains on Courscant were seldom, rare events. They were planned carefully throughout the course of the year as a way to clean the atmosphere from all the smog the city below shot into the atmosphere. Warnings were posted weeks in advance, and everyone knew they were coming before they arrived. But knowing it was coming wasn't enough when you were out on the streets with nothing, no shelter from the storm._

_The rains were heavy even in the lower levels of the planet and they were cold. Jaebeom shivered from the cold. He walked in the dark rain, his stomach gnawed with hunger pains. He'd tucked the child he’d brought with him into a safe warm ventilation area and given Youngjae the last of the food he had. The credits he carried wouldn't last much longer, they weren’t enough for him to survive for long._

_He felt worn down, weary, exhausted. There was an emptiness in his heart as he tried to fix the situation he was in. When he'd set out from the temple he'd had no plan and nothing to do. He just felt like he needed to get out, to run and get as far away as possible to numb the ache in his chest. He hadn't expected to take someone with him, but Youngjae was alone so Jaebeom took him as well._

_But he wondered if it was the right decision. If he had left Youngjae the council would have sent him to a working planet to do a job, to have a life. All rejected padawans were set up with at least a little bit of a life they could live. But Jaebeom saw Youngjae was scared of what was ahead, and he selfishly hadn’t wanted to be alone. Jaebeom had some money, credits he'd collected through the years that he was sure he could use until he found work. He'd had to turn in his weapons when he left. He had no way to protect himself much less someone else. But having Youngjae with him at least gave him something to fight for. Without that he would have given up._

_He had counted his credits that morning. He could keep feeding Youngjae for a few days but he had to find some form of employment if they were going to keep surviving. He needed to find some way to get off the planet. He hated it, he wanted out and he was scared that they would be stuck in the underbelly of Coruscant forever._

_The rain beat down on his head, he shivered. He climbed up stairs searching for some place that was open. Somewhere he could speak to someone who could help them. As he walked up the steps towards a higher platform. His eyes rested on a familiar building in the skyline._

_The Jedi temple._

_Tears filled his eyes unbidden as he looked at the only home he’d ever known looming in the skyline above. An oppressively large structure he couldn’t escape no matter how deep they went into the city planet. He hated being so close, to have it there as a reminder. It would never be his home again. Every memory housed there was one of pain, bare open wounds that hadn't healed. He wanted to forget and he couldn't do that if it was always there in front of him. It hurt so badly._

__I don't love you._ _

_He wondered if he went back and said he made a mistake, if they would take him. Would Taecyeon hug him tightly and wrap him in warm clothes and feed him hot soup? He knew that wouldn't happen. There was no going back for those who walked away. There was no way home. He wouldn't be able to run to Jinyoung's bed to rest in the warmth of someone he'd loved before he'd known what love was. His heart was a mess as he looked at it with different eyes._

_He was so afraid. He was afraid his plans were falling apart in his hands. It hadn't seemed like a difficult thing to do, to walk away with what credits he had, to get on a ship and fly far away. But he hadn't taken any time to really plan his escape. He'd been so hurt he'd just walked away quickly to avoid facing what he’d said and what he’d done._

_His plan hadn't gone beyond asking Jinyoung to fly away with him. He'd wanted to take Jinyoung away with him. Far away from the rules that bound them, away from a life that would hold them restricted from ever knowing what it would mean to love. He should have known better than to even think it was possible for them to run._

_Jinyoung would never choose him. Being a Jedi mattered more to Jinyoung than being with Jaebeom. Jaebeom was nothing to Jinyoung when pitted against the thing that Jinyoung truly wanted most. Jaebeom was never going to be able to compete with the living force that flowed in Jinyoung. When they were younger and smaller he wasn't sure Jinyoung was even human, he seemed to be made of the force itself. Made to be part of it. He'd fallen in love with the one who belonged there the most, while he was nothing but a broken mess who'd fallen for a trick of the dark._

_Admitting to himself that he was in love with Jinyoung hadn't been difficult. Getting Jinyoung to admit he was in love with Jaebeom was impossible. From the first kiss they shared Jaebeom knew he could never have Jinyoung. They could come close but never really cross a line._

_It would be like drowning, willingly, tossing it all away._

_Running seemed like the better option to not breathing anymore. Running was always in the cards, always in front of Jaebeom. For every moment, and every word when he was told he was the problem, not believed._

_He'd dreamed and dreamed and seen things that hurt. He was frightened and scared as he looked at the temple from a distance. If it was on fire, if one day his dreams came true would Jinyoung be inside? He was scared if he stayed Jinyoung would become that dark specter of his fears, fallen and changed. All because they loved each other?_

_Jaebeom didn't believe it. It didn't make sense. Love was something born of light he was sure of it. To love wasn't selfish, wasn't evil. It was to give all of oneself for another, he didn't understand why it was so wrong. But it was the Jedi way to reject love._

_His body ached with weariness and hunger, he wanted to reach out in the force for Jinyoung, for the person who meant the most to him. He wondered if he called in the night, if Jinyoung would fly to be by his side again or if Jinyoung would block him out and toss him aside. Jaebeom was growing desperate, more and more each day. He had nothing left but desperation._

_He felt the force hovering around him, it would be so easy to touch it. To reach for a connection that still existed within it where Jinyoung was on the other side, not truly far from him. The other temptation was Jaebeom could touch it and reach in darkness to get his own way. He felt so weak, so unable to just survive on his own._

_He knew he had to try harder. But he felt so messed up in his mind, he wasn't sure where to go or what to do. He'd always had things easy for him, ships and missions. A life plan spelled out before his eyes. And it hadn't even been two weeks on his own before he felt a desire to give up. He stared at the temple and thought of his reasons, all his reasons. Not just the loss of love, the throwing aside of passion. The Jedi were wrong, they had to be. He was determined to prove it._

_He was determined to find his own way. To prove that love wasn't wrong, that it was light itself. He was determine to prove to himself that he could make it on his own. That he wasn't the dark side, that he wasn't the identity of things out of his control from one single day. The Jedi had given him a life, but they had ruined his life. They hadn't helped him through the dark, they'd blamed him. He was tired of being blamed, tired of blaming himself for things he couldn't control, for things he didn't think were wrong. He was tired enough to leave._

_What kind of person told a child who was afraid that their fears made them evil? What kind of person told a child that they couldn't love, that it would make them evil? What kind of person told someone who was hurting that every pain was their own fault?_

_He was determined to make it because he knew the Jedi were wrong. And if the Jedi were what Jinyoung wanted more than anything else then Jinyoung was wrong as well. He couldn't keep missing someone who didn't love him, didn't want him, who chose something else above him._

_He could reach for the force but he wouldn't._

_He turned away and kept moving._

_He would find a way to get off the planet, to keep running until he was so far away. Until he was able to make his own way in the galaxy. He would prove to himself that he could do it on his own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another quick update. I hope you enjoy this one, please comment and let me know what you think and if you do. Thanks everyone.


	16. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 15 - Into The Past

* * *

**FUTURE  
**

* * *

__Breathe._ _

_He reminded himself to breathe._

_His dark eyes, stared forward into another pair of dark eyes that looked at him with so much love. The force hummed around them as he breathed. It was warmth and light, it was beauty and strength. There was nothing wrong, nothing dark before him when he looked at the person he loved most._

_Jinyoung shifted, closer, bare skin on bare skin._

_Sated, loved._

_Jaebeom shifted his hand from Jinyoung's hip slowly across Jinyoung's abdomen, and Jinyoung closed his eyes loving the feel of the man’s touch. Reality and morning light would steal them away from each other once again. He knew that._

_He had a duty to keep moving forward when all he wanted to do was stay. Stay forever where it felt like the heavens touched down around him, in warm strong arms that loved him. He let his eyes slip shut and breathed deep to just feel Jaebeom close to him in touch, connected to him in soul. He turned for more warmth from Jaebeom._

_Jaebeom move gently placing his lips against Jinyoung’s forehead. Jinyoung didn’t want them to be split apart ever again. He didn’t want to get up and leave him. He wanted the war to end, for things to change so that they could be together for real. He wanted their meetings to stop being stolen moments between times they couldn’t control._

_Jaebeom moved again gently placing a kiss against his shoulder, and down his arm. Till Jaebeom placed a kiss against his bare hip. Jinyoung reached his hand for Jaebeom’s hair. There was no time for them to continue._

_There was a knock at their door._

_A warning._

_It had to end, Jinyoung had to leave, he’d made his own choices and he had to carry them through. Jaebeom rested his head again’s Jinyoung’s hip and Jinyoung could feel his thoughts, everything… Jinyoung felt the same things but he couldn’t allow himself to give him._

_“Don’t go,” Jaebeom whispered gently, “just stay here with me.” Jinyoung felt Jaebeom’s breath against his skin as Jaebeom spoke. Someday he would stay, someday when it was all over Jinyoung planned on staying. But he couldn’t let himself give in yet, not this time. Living a life hiding the truth was becoming exhausting, but Jinyoung couldn’t stop yet. He owed it to those he cared about to keep fighting._

_“The war will be over soon,” Jinyoung said the words he always said, “and when it ends I promise, I’ll stay.” When the war ended everything would change. He looked down in to Jaebeom's eyes and saw so much sadness there and a tinge of fear. Uncertainty always brought fear._

_"I promise," Jinyoung reiterated. He would make sure they would be okay._

_"I love you," Jaebeom said and he sat up and moved quickly to turn and pin Jinyoung beneath him. Jinyoung let him. He tried to smile but it was difficult to smile when he had to say goodbye. He didn't know how many more times he would have to say goodbye. Jaebeom leaned down to place a kiss on lips, Jinyoung's eyes slipped shut. He reached his hands up to place them against Jaebeom's chest._

_"I love you too," Jinyoung responded between kisses._

_The knock sounded again._

_Jinyoung hated the sound._

_"I have to go," Jinyoung said, he pushed slightly against Jaebeom's chest. Jaebeom kissed him again, slow and deep before letting him go. Jinyoung hurried up even though everything within him wanted to stay, he couldn’t. He gathered his robes and dressed quickly. He reached out to pick his lightsaber up off the table in the room and looked back to where Jaebeom was watching him._

_He hated goodbyes but at least he was able to say goodbye._

_"When will I see you again?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung didn't know what to say._

_"We're fighting battles on Ord-Mantell," Jinyoung responded, “I may be there awhile, if you want to come by sometime in the next few months you know who to contact." Jaebeom nodded._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jaebeom said yes.

He said he would go to Illum with Jinyoung, and Jinyoung was surprised after everything that Jaebeom would agree. He had expected no, hoped for a no. Because if Jaebeom said no then Jinyoung wouldn't have to confront his own feelings about what Jaebeom had seen. The idea of it frightened him and he believed that it was much more frightening to Jaebeom. But still Jaebeom had agreed, they were going to Illum.

The pace at which things moved once it was decided upon was quick. Jinyoung had no intention of presenting what he was doing to the council for evaluation. Yoda had asked it of him and that was permission enough in his mind. They agreed to just go without telling anyone, without asking and without creating a problem around something they both had agreed to. Jinyoung didn't even tell Taecyeon what he planned on doing. It was better that no one except the old green master knew.

He just found himself on Jaebeom's ship within hours of the agreement, sitting between Jaebeom and Yugyeom at the helm. It was crazy to him how after weeks of chasing the outcome before him, that he was dreading what they were about to do. He didn’t feel good about winning that fight.

"What is this place we're going to?" Yugyeom asked. Jinyoung had entered the coordinates. It was far out from the core worlds, it wasn’t a place the bounty hunters would look for them or even know to look for him. No one looked for anyone there. It was deserted, reserved only for pilgrimage from the Jedi. It’s location was only known to the order.

"A place we both went as children," Jinyoung didn't know how to explain to an outsider. Yugyeom wouldn’t understand what it meant for a child to experience a force trial.

“Locking on to coordinates now," Jaebeom said, "it will take hours at light speed. Get some rest, make yourself comfortable." Jinyoung knew what Jaebeom meant, he had offered his own room for Jinyoung to rest but Jinyoung had initially turned it down.

Jaebeom was behaving differently. Jinyoung wasn't sure how to respond to the way Jaebeom was acting. He was being completely agreeable and accommodating and Jinyoung was waiting for Jaebeom to snap at him or say something along the lines of how he was forced of persuaded to go to Illum. Jaebeom had agreed on his own and Jinyoung had even tried to persuade him that it wasn’t necessary.

Jinyoung leaned back in his chair and wondered if he made comments or did something annoying if Jaebeom would snap and his niceness would be proven to be temporary. He expected Jaebeom to be furious after having to 'rescue' Jinyoung from bounty hunters but he wasn't. He wondered how long that would last.

"Illum is an ice planet," Jaebeom explained to Yugyeom, "it's the home to an ancient Jedi temple built because the planet houses one of the richest sources of Kyber crystals that is known in the galaxy. The Jedi send young students into the caves as a ritual of passage known as the gathering. It’s the first step to becoming a Jedi.” Jaebeom’s explanation was direct, Jinyoung guessed he could have said that much.

"Can anyone enter the caves?" Yugyeom answered.

"Only those sensitive in the force can see the way," Jinyoung said, "though it's likely possible that there are other entrances than the one we use. The whole planet is filled with kyber." It wasn't a secret that it existed. There had been times where lowlifes looking for a score had tried to locate the planet. They hadn’t gotten far as it was protected by Jedi, by the force and by the Republic. Jinyoung's status as a Jedi gave him direct access which would get them all down to the planet’s surface.

The access system was a privilege that allowed older Jedi to mine crystals should they need to. In the event that they lost their lightsabers or that they were damaged they could travel to Illum to begin the process of creating a new one. Some Jedi even went to Illum later in life to create a second saber. Dual wielding Jedi were common.

Jinyoung still had his original crystal in his lightsaber and he was scared to loose it. He felt so connected and bonded to it that he couldn't imagine changing for anything. He could feel it’s force signature and energy with him, it had been there since he’d found it. He didn’t want it away from him.

Jaebeom had told him it would be violet before he’d even gotten to Illum. He'd been so excited to share it with Jaebeom when he saw it float in front of him, but Jaebeom didn't come out okay. It was odd understanding that fact, and also understanding that they were going in likely to face that same darkness. This time Jaebeom wouldn't be alone on whatever path unfurled in front of him.

Jinyoung wondered if the specter would hide because of Jinyoung's presence or if they would really see the shadowy figure. He had no way of knowing what was going to happen below when they arrived nor what they were really looking for. He was unsure of the plan to go in at all and what it would result in.

"What are we going to do when we get down there?" Yugyeom asked.

"Jaebeom and I will enter the caves, the rest of you will wait for our return," Jinyoung said before Jaebeom could answer. That was the only way it could go. It was out of the question for the others to go as well. They didn’t belong on the planet much less within the temple. Jaebeom nodded in agreement.

“You’ll be safe on the ship,” Jaebeom said, “it’s going to be cold out there so put on the heat and relax until we come back.” They were talking like they were there already but there was still a few hours to go. Resting did seem like a good plan.

“Can I use your room to meditate?” Jinyoung asked Jaebeom. Since he was being so nice Jinyoung was sure he would continue whatever it was he was doing.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom said, “no one will disturb you, take as much time as you need.”

Jinyoung wondered if he was really okay with what they were going to do. Maybe approaching Illum was frightening to him. Maybe he hit his head too hard when they were fighting the bounty hunters. Jinyoung deemed it best to just go along with it.

“Thank you,” he said and he got up to leave. Jaebeom said nothing more so Jinyoung walked on.

* * *

**FUTURE**

* * *

_His chest felt heavy as he watched Jaebeom’s eyes slip shut. Sleep taking him just as Jinyoung had planned it. His heart hurt, violently beating as everything within his being seemed to reject what was in front of him and what he was doing to the one he loved most. But Jinyoung had no choice, no choice but to keep going._

__“You're going to make mistakes on this path we walk. Somedays things will go wrong. Being a Jedi is about how you make those decisions when you are conflicted.”_ _

_Jinyoung’s masters words. Joon’s words were all he could feel and all he could cling to. He was conflicted with the force’s leading and with his love for Jaebeom. He wanted both and struggled to choose but he was a Jedi first and as a Jedi he had a duty to keep moving forward. To follow where he believed he belonged even if it was only death that awaited him. He couldn’t leave it behind._

_He felt tears begin to spill from his eyes as he leaned to place his lips against Jaebeom’s, to steal one last kiss._

_“Goodbye,” he whispered, “I am sorry, you don’t have to forgive me but I won’t be able to forgive myself...” He couldn’t linger or he would change his mind. Jaebeom had so much of a hold on him, that he struggled getting away from what he felt._

_“Please remember me,” Jinyoung whispered gently as his tears fell on Jaebeom’s face, “because I promise no matter what happens. I’ll remember you. I’ll always remember you.”_

_He wanted to stay._

_He needed to go._

_It was all he had left of who he was, he had to go._

_He had to choose his identity over the man he loved one final time. Jinyoung picked up his lightsaber and felt the force. He was a Jedi first. He placed it in his sleeve and reached to his neck to take the necklace from off of it. The kyber crystal hummed with life. It matched the one Jaebeom wore._

_Jinyoung placed it on the pillow beside him and turned away._

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jaebeom screamed because of the pain in his head. The two Jedi masters with him placed their hands on his shoulders. He didn’t know how to get past the visions, past what he was seeing._

_“You need to focus on clearing your mind,” one said. One of the masters was doing something with the force while the other pushed into Jaebeom’s mind. He felt force waves from the man as he tried to calm Jaebeom. He seemed to be trying to see and push the visions aside at the same time to help Jaebeom but it wasn’t working._

_Nothing they did was working._

_He wanted to be calm, he wanted peace in the force. He wanted to sleep without dreams plaguing his mind. He was trying to listen, he was trying so hard to do what they told him to. Day after day they sat with him to help him, but nothing worked._

_"If you don't learn to reject the darkness in your mind you will never become a Jedi," one of the masters scolded him harshly. Jaebeom shrunk back away from their touch in response. He hated when their words got harsh, he hated when they said that to him. He put his hands against his head as the visions again faded. He wanted them to stop, they needed to stop messing with his head because it was making things work. They were trying to push in once again and his mind was reacting and the visions rose the surface and he couldn't fight them back._

_"Stop," Jaebeom reached his hands out to try to push their hands off him, "please stop."_

_"We're trying to help," one of the masters said, "just let us."_

_He didn’t want their help, he wanted them to believe him and believe what he’d told them. He was so terrified, his dreams were real and he believed they showed the future. His dreams had always showed the future. These dreams showed a future so frightening he couldn’t do anything but try and convince them they were in danger. They were all in danger!_

_He didn’t know why they didn’t believe him even when they saw his visions for themselves in his mind. The pressure stopped as they stopped trying to push their way at his mind. The haze cleared and the visions cleared. He wondered how much they saw and why they denied it so harshly._

_“Listen to me Jaebeom,” one of them spoke softly, as if they realized he was a child. He was so much smaller and weaker than them._

_“You need our help,” the master said, “you had an encounter with a dark spirit on Illum, and we just want to help you get rid of her. The dreams aren’t real, they’re a consequence of you letting her in. Just let us help you.” There it was again, the blame he couldn’t handle. They said what had happened to him was his fault, when he’d been given no other way forward in the caves._

_"I didn't let her," Jaebeom said with tears in his eyes, he was scared of what would happen to him if that was why he thought. "She said you wouldn't believe me but you've seen it now? Haven't you? Did you see what I saw? Did you see the temple on fire? We have to stop it from coming true, please just believe me!" But they didn't believe him, no master did._

_He had in the past heard them whisper to each other that what had happened to him might mean they had to throw him out. He was scared and no one was really helping. They were all just trying to confirm that he was too far gone to get it over with. He knew they likely believed what he already believed about himself, that no master would ever want him after what had happened. Trying to meditate him into showing them the nightmares he saw was only scaring him more._

_"I know it is difficult for you to speak of your experience," The older of the two masters spoke, "but if you show to us more of what you saw then we can help." One reached a hand for him again and he recoiled. He was struggling, and he didn’t want them to keep prying around in his head._

_"I don't want to see it again," Jaebeom cried out desperately._

_"Stop," another master entered. The feeling in the room changed and the two masters in front of Jaebeom withdrew immediately at the presence of the other man. "What is happening here?" His voice was strong, commanding. Jaebeom was sure he was more senior than the masters who had been working with him._

_"We're trying to help him through intense force visions," one of the masters said, "we've been trying to help him for weeks. They started during The Gathering, on Illum." He said it all so fast Jaebeom's head was spinning. The older grey haired master had a serene look to him as he looked down upon the two masters. They stood up to bow to him. The older man's eyes turned to Jaebeom._

_"You're Lim Jaebeom, is that correct?" the man asked and Jaebeom wondered how he knew his name. He nodded to affirm that the man was correct._

_"You know him sir?" the master with Jaebeom asked._

_"I have been monitoring the younger students as I am due to take on an apprentice," the man said, "Jaebeom is a promising young talent." No master had said such a thing about him before that he was aware of. He didn't recognize this master from any of his lessons, he likely didn't teach younglings and Jaebeom had never noticed him among those who watched._

_"What is it that happened during the Gathering," the man reached his hand towards Jaebeom to help him up. Jaebeom was unsure how respond to him and how to speak of it. No one ever believed him. He opened his mouth to speak but was afraid too._

_"It's okay boy take your time" the man told him. Jaebeom felt at ease, something about how the man was using the force made him feel better than the other two had. He began to describe what had happened in the caves. The man listened to him. He described what happened to the temple but he couldn't bare to describe what he saw happen to Jinyoung. He stuttered off has he tried to._

_"You don't have to say more," the man knelt down to his level, "these dreams are not to be ignored." His expression was one of concern. "You say they keep coming back?"_

_"Yes," Jaebeom responded, "no matter how much I try to not dream them they keep coming back. It's a warning I think, my dreams, since I was small they've always come true.” That was what he knew, he’d seen things and watched them play out. Sometimes exactly as he dreamt them, sometimes different in small ways._

_"Yes," the older man said, "it may well be a warning, or as the others have said a simple trick of the dark." Jaebeom didn't want yet another person to tell him that it was his fault._

_"Sir," Jaebeom said, "I didn't mean to follow her, I just..." He put a comforting hand on top of Jaebeom's head._

_"It's not your fault," the man said, "the force is complex, there is more to it, more than just light and dark. It may be that the force means to warn us but visions of the future are tricky. Futures are not set in stone but depend upon our decisions. I will speak to the council on this matter and search it out myself. As for what you should do there is no easy answer, I can see you're afraid but you don't need to be. Don't be afraid of the future that hasn't happened yet. It might be frightening that you can't stop these dreams but maybe if you stop fearing them and if you stop fearing them maybe things will normalize. Your fear might be what keeps them here."_

_Once again it sounded like he was putting the blame on himself for things he couldn't control. But this man was different. The way he reached out to Jaebeom was different, his eyes weren’t as cold as the others._

_"Who are you sir?" Jaebeom asked, he was curious about the man. Not trusting but curious._

_"I am Jedi Master Dooku," the man said, "and I promise you that I will search out these matters. I want you to not fear them, I want you to know they’re in good hands.” Jaebeom felt reassurance. He was one of the older masters in the temple, one who Jaebeom believed actually could help. He had been trained by Master Yoda. Jaebeom nodded in response to the man’s words._

_“I’ll be watching over you young Jedi,” Dooku said, “it will all turn out okay.” Jaebeom nodded. He tried to put his mind at ease because he had someone who believed him enough to search out the truth, that did more for him than any of the other masters had done._

_After that day Jaebeom noticed Dooku where he hadn’t before. The old master did watch the students and while he would be seeing Jaebeom from where he watched, Jaebeom noticed that Dooku’s eyes were on another. He watched the most gifted student in the room like every other master did. His eyes watched Jinyoung closely and Jaebeom didn’t like the way he looked at Jinyoung. There was a gleam in his eyes, it wasn’t the kind look that he’d looked at Jaebeom with._

_He looked at Jinyoung like Jinyoung was an object of power, and Jaebeom read darkness off him. He wondered about what the man’s motived were and worried about Jinyoung. When Jinyoung came that night to his bed to tell Jaebeom that he had been chosen, Jaebeom had expected it to have been Dooku. But it was Joon. Jaebeom was thankful it was Joon._

_He wondered then when Dooku came if Dooku had been watching him as well and if Dooku was his chance, the one who would pick him. He didn’t know if he would like that. But Dooku stooped showing up to watch the children he found out soon after that he had left the order entirely._

_Jaebeom had wondered why…  
  
_

* * *

Present

* * *

Jaebeom looked down as they came out of hyperspace. The planet looked innocuous from above, a harmless sphere of ice. No one outside of the Jedi were allowed to see the full extent of what it was below. He’d never forget the first time he saw it, how hopeful he had been for what it had meant to him then.

He gripped the console in front of him as he began to guide the ship down. He could feel his past experiences, a force of will kicked in. He wanted to turn back and turn away from what was in front of him but he couldn’t allow himself to. Above all his doubts and fears he wondered if in the caves he would finally find the answer. Maybe there he could defeat the dark clouds that centered in his mind, that made him wander from the path that had been set for him. Maybe this was the only way to finally silence the echoes of what had happened to him.

"Are you okay?" Youngjae questioned from where he had taken the seat Jinyoung had previously sat in. Jaebeom took a deep breath before he answered.

"Yeah," Jaebeom said, "it won't take long." They would be in the caves and out quickly then back on their way. Not that he knew exactly what they were going to do after they went through the caves. They hadn’t really talked about it.

"You sure?" Youngjae questioned more. He knew that Youngjae had reason to question him. Youngjae more than the others knew that Illum was a decisive thing for him. He didn't face down his past lightly. His friend knew the things that had driven him out of the order. Youngjae had questioned it from the beginning. Because if given the choice Jaebeom had Youngjae wouldn’t have chosen to leave the temple.

"It's not easy," Jaebeom said, "but I feel like I have to do this."

"Who are you doing this for?" Youngjae asked, "yourself? Or him?" Of course Youngjae would ask a more pointed question.

"Myself," Jaebeom responded with what Youngjae wanted to hear. And it wasn’t a lie. Things with Jinyoung were rocky, messy, all over the map and he knew it would be foolish to do such a thing only for Jinyoung's sake. Going back into the caves was what he believed he had to do. It was an inescapable moment in time. No matter how hard he'd run everything always came back to the mountain, the caves below.

He flew down towards it wondering if it had always been his destiny to walk away or if Illum had stolen his future from him by stealing his faith. Did the dark specter of his past shape his fortunes in ways he had no say in? Or would he have lost faith anyways by being told over and over that he couldn't have what it was he wanted most. His ambitions changed naturally in time alongside his disillusionment with the Jedi.

On his coldest darkest days, when he strived to find scraps of food for Youngjae to eat, those days he blamed Jinyoung more than anything. He knew it was unfair. Seeing Jinyoung again after years he tried to put it behind him, but he couldn't shake his own negative emotions. He'd been wrong in his behavior. He understood that and he wondered if he was making the wrong decision again.

He guided the ship down into the atmosphere and towards the mountain. He put in the codes Jinyoung had given him, the right to access of the caverns below that all Jedi had. The ship touched down. Jaebeom leaned back as his eyes stared at the mouth of the cave. He took a deep breath and powered his ship down.

He didn't know what was about to happen but there was no more turning back from is past. No more running and hiding from the truth. He would face his reckoning inside the temple.

"I'll go get Jinyoung," Youngjae said and he stood up. Jaebeom reached and grabbed his arm.

"I'll get him," Jaebeom said, "you tell BamBam and Yugyeom no matter what happens to stay and wait. You know BamBam... he's force sensitive. He may feel drawn to go in but he can't." Youngjae tensed up.

"Jaebeom I..." Youngjae looked at him with fears in his eyes, "I'm afraid for you." Jaebeom patted his arm to reassure him.

"It's okay," Jaebeom said. Youngjae was like his brother. They had suffered together, fought from nothing to get what little they had. Of course Youngjae would fear for him. It had been them against the entire galaxy when they were both still kids, all because of the Jedi.

"I'll come back Youngjae," Jaebeom said, "and when I do I'll have answers, I am sure I will. That's what matters now." Youngjae shook his head as tears filled his eyes.

"What answers are you looking for?" Youngjae asked, "what answers do you need? I know you Jaebeom, you never wanted this. Not before he came back, and I don't believe you're just doing this for yourself. You're doing this because you're scared the Jedi might face something bigger, and Jinyoung is a Jedi. You're doing this to protect him, even if you don't realize that." He was surprised at how much Youngjae said.

"You can think what you want about my motivations but I’ve told you what they are,” Jaebeom responded, “You don't need to worry about me. There is nothing in there to fear, nothing but visions from the force. You know, you went once." Youngjae had passed the gathering trial as a child, he'd obtained a yellow kyber crystal.

Youngjae had once believed he had a future as a Jedi, only for nothing to come of it. No master or knight saw his future because no one picked him to be their apprentice. It was another reason Jaebeom hated the Jedi, they threw away talented kids if they didn’t get selected by a certain age instead of giving them more time to grow.

"I'm still going to worry until you get out," Youngjae quipped, "but I'll take care of the kids." Jaebeom nodded and stood up. He patted the top of Youngjae's head as he passed him. He'd grown up so fast, Jaebeom wasn't much older but he always felt he had to take care of the younger kid.

He turned and walked down the halls towards his room, where Jinyoung had gone to meditate. He could feel him in the force. The richness of the force was strong radiating off the planet. And force radiated between them, it was getting stronger the more time they spent with each other. Just like when they were kids their connection was easily established.

Back then they were told they weren't supposed to forge connections with anyone but the masters. They hadn't intended to become connected, he’d always assumed it had just happened with the proximity they had to each other. It happened naturally like they were always meant to fit together.

He opened the door and saw Jinyoung sitting on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed. He was breathing deep, and immersed in the force. Jaebeom wasn't sure the best way to pull him out of it to let him know they’d arrived. As kids when he found Jinyoung deep in meditation he would sit beside him and wait. He’d never wanted to interrupt Jinyoung from what Jinyoung was doing.

He had often wondered how Jinyoung could connect as deep as he did. Jinyoung was one with the force, more than even he realized. Jaebeom always wondered and he wondered about his vision, the one he'd had on Kamino.

They had been found on the same planet from what he understood. He hadn't shared it with Jinyoung because he hadn't processed it himself. They were found on the same planet, placed together? They'd been in the same nursery as children. The Jedi had taken them both so young. Most kids weren't picked up as small as they were in his dream. Maybe it had all happened much earlier than he knew, the force connection that bound them. It seemed like the force had always put them together.

He reached for Jinyoung as he felt the force around the other man. It was like ripples and waves coming off him. And no matter how much Jaebeom had tried to run from who he himself was, he could still always feel the force with him. It flowed around him even if he wasn't actively letting it flow through him. Maybe the connection he had with it was deeper than he'd let himself believe. Maybe it was strong within him, maybe that's why the force showed him things.

"We're here," Jinyoung spoke and startled Jaebeom from his thoughts. He hadn’t been expecting a word from Jinyoung so soon, he seemed to deep in meditation from Jaebeom’s outside view.

"Yes," Jaebeom responded quickly, "are you ready?" Jinyoung's eyes opened and he pulled his hands together and nodded.

"It's you who should answer that question," Jinyoung replied, he looked at Jaebeom. His expression was one that Jaebeom couldn’t read. After everything he had heard Jaebeom’s story and was at least understanding of how difficult the path before Jaebeom was.

“I’m ready,” Jaebeom said. He stood up and turned away. He didn’t like the way Jinyoung was looking at him, his expression almost looked like one of pity. Jaebeom didn’t want his pity. “Let’s go.” He said the simple two words short to the point. He didn’t want to wait around outside the caves now that they had landed. He wanted to get it over with.

He walked towards the door and heard Jinyoung sigh. The young Jedi stood up as well and followed him. He could feel it in the force. Jaebeom led the way through the ship because he wanted to get it over with. He didn't want to lose his nerve on his way out. He felt Jinyoung behind him and a hand touched his shoulder when they reached the entrance.

"We need to stick together in there," Jinyoung said.

"I know," Jaebeom responded. He was uncomfortable with Jinyoung’s hand on him and he was glad when Jinyoung withdrew it. He hit the button to open the door and they were greeted by the cold air outside. They both walked out together, the mouth of the cave loomed in front of them, large and foreboding. Their boots crunched the snow and ice beneath their feet.

Jaebeom shivered from the cold. Snow wasn't falling like it had been the first day but it was all all over the ground stretching into the depths of the cave. They continued walking forward. Once they were inside it would be warmer, the ground was solid and the warmth was practically magical, fueled by the force itself.

They both walked together, Jinyoung fell into stride with him side by side and they stepped inside to the edge of the snow. Jaebeom stopped and Jinyoung stopped with him. He could see his breath in front of his face as he looked in that place, not with the same view he’d had as a child. He’d been smaller, scared, unsure of his future then. Maybe he wasn’t so different, he still didn’t know what to make of his future, nor the future’s he saw. Life for him had become a constant fight of fighting for himself, unsure of what each day would really hold.

He would have never imagined he’d stand there again. In all his dreams he’d seen many things but he’d always liked to think he had a choice. He’d never imagine he’d willingly choose to return to that place. But he wasn’t in a dream. The mountain in front of him was real, the caves echoed the force as they always had and always would.

Jinyoung began to step forward but Jaebeom was still. He took a deep breath as he remembered that day despite not truly wanting to. He remembered stumbling out of the cave, worn down and scared. He felt fear grip his chest as he stood in front of it. He'd thought he would be fine just facing it.

There was no being fine with it.

"Come on," Jinyoung began to walk forward without him. He wasn't that same child anymore. He reminded himself of what he’d learned through time and years in a hostile galaxy. He wasn't going in unarmed, though it was unlikely weapons could do anything if it was the force itself he faced. He tried to will himself to move and to take a breath to move but it was more difficult than he’d ever imagined. His eyes were wide open as Jinyoung turned back to him.

"Jaebeom you don't have to—“ Jinyoung began to speak. Jaebeom shook his head to silence whatever Jinyoung was planning on saying. He had to enter the mountain again. That's exactly how it felt, like he had to keep going and if he stopped he would never get answers. And if he never got answers and the Jedi fell apart...

His eyes moved to Jinyoung, their eyes met. The first time they'd gone to the mountain they’d been together and they'd both been happy, to finally get their crystals and their lightsabers. That moment represented so much of what they'd wanted. Everything they’d wanted. They were supposed to be in it together, but that was the day it had all began to fall apart.

Maybe together facing it down, maybe that was enough to fix... he didn't know what he was trying to fix. Jinyoung was with him again, right in front of him. They could go in together this time. He reached his hand forward for Jinyoung. He wanted assurance or something, he didn't know what but he needed it. Jinyoung seemed unsure, his brow furrowed but his gaze softened. He seemed to know what Jaebeom needed. He reached his hand to take Jaebeom's hand in his own, Jaebeom shifted his hand in Jinyoung's and it felt familiar yet strange. They'd always held on to each other before but they were not the same as they had been before.

"You're not going in alone this time," Jinyoung said to him, "I'll be right here. You'll have me with you every step of the way.” Jaebeom took another deep breath. Jinyoung began to step backwards, his hand still in Jaebeom's and Jaebeom took a step with him forwards. Jinyoung kept stepping with him leading him into the cave.

He could feel Jinyoung assuring him with the force, waves of comfort coming towards him washing over the numbing power the fear had on him. Jinyoung turned toward the cave but kept his hand in Jaebeom's. They were inside, the warmth of the force enveloping them as they entered. And Jaebeom felt as if everything had shifted. It was too late to turn back, the trial had already begun. He glanced back and the way to return was already removed.

They began to walk in a direction that Jinyoung seemed to gravitate to but Jaebeom knew it was the wrong way for them to be going. If they wanted to recreate Jaebeom’s steps they needed to go his way. Jaebeom stopped and Jinyoung looked at him again.

"We have to go this way," Jaebeom gestured to another point in the cave he could see clearly with how all the caverns stretched out before them. They had to retrace Jaebeom's steps not Jinyoung's. He remembered the way he had gone.

"What?" Jinyoung questioned.

"This was the way I ran when we came in,” Jaebeom pointed down one cavern, "when it happened. I ran that way..." He was amazed it looked the same, exactly the same. He'd heard the caverns were different for everyone. He didn't expect to see the exact same formations created before his eyes.

"Okay," Jinyoung began to walk towards it but still seemed to be bent towards the wrong one. Jaebeom knew he had to take the lead, he had to be courageous enough to do it. He stepped forward faster and began to shift so he was the one leading Jinyoung in. He felt Jinyoung tighten his grip on his hand as if to keep him from letting go. Jaebeom felt assured as he began to step down into the cavern where he had run.

There were crystals around them lighting their way. They looked exactly the same as he remembered but as they stepped down those crystals became less and less. He had to count his breaths to remind himself that it was okay. The warmth of Jinyoung's hand in his helped him to keep stepping forward. The darkness grew stronger until they couldn't see. Jaebeom could feel Jinyoung holding tighter. He wanted to stop but he remembered that turning back would show him nothing. There was no way on by forward.

"You weren't kidding," Jinyoung said softly, "it's very dark." He was glad for the voice of the other man.

"Yeah," Jaebeom said but he was surprised how small his voice sounded. They continued forward and he expected to see the figure waiting for him with each step he took forward but he didn't see her. Jaebeom didn't try to stop because he did feel safer knowing he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to wait too long for what was coming. He didn't want to stop moving forward.

"How much longer?" Jinyoung asked. He could feel Jinyoung’s discomfort in the force. He didn’t like being in the dark.

"Long," Jaebeom responded. He didn't mind Jinyoung asking questions. The sound of his voice was actually helpful. Another reminder that it was Jinyoung's hand in his not the figure from back then. He shivered, it was cold and dark and it felt like the warmth of the force had shifted into something much colder.

"Keep talking," Jaebeom asked Jinyoung for one thing, "please. It helps." He gritted his teeth together as he expected any moment to come upon the dark specter. He wanted to be strong.

"About what?" Jinyoung asked him.

"Anything," Jaebeom replied, "anything at all. What you've done the past few years." He didn’t care if they talked about speeders or banthas, he just wanted Jinyoung to talk to him.

"I don't know what to say," Jinyoung said, "I could ask you about your life, it would probably be more interesting than mine. I just did what all Jedi did, I helped with planetary disputes then the war started and now I spend my days trying to stop the separatists from wreaking havoc on planets across the galaxy.”

"I am sure more than that happened," Jaebeom said, “you probably have some good stories." Life as a Jedi had never really been boring. Planetary disputes always turned into adventures for them when they were kids.

"I'd have to think hard for any I'd want to remember," Jinyoung continued, "the war hasn't been fun. Most of what's happened I'd like to forget, it’s just been a mess.”

"What about when I left," Jaebeom said, "what mission did you go on first?" He realized when he said it that it probably wasn’t best for him to bring up leaving. He could hear Jinyoung's breath catch.

"I don't want to talk about it," Jinyoung said quickly, "what did you do after you left?" Jaebeom wasn't sure how to answer that question either. It would never be easy to talk about the days that followed his leaving the temple.

"I don't want to talk about it," he responded the same way that Jinyoung had.

"Great so neither of us will talk about it," Jinyoung responded with a chuckle. If they weren't in the situation they were in, Jaebeom knew that comment would have probably led to a fight but both were on edge. They were both struggling with the darkness that surrounded them with only each other as company. It was better not to fight.

"It sucked after I left,” Jaebeom decided to answer it after all. He knew Jinyoung wouldn’t. "Courscant is nice on the surface, but the lower levels are a mess. Youngjae and I went down. I ran out of credits trying to keep us fed, I tried to find work but most of it wasn't ideal. It was like hell trying to figure out how to survive on the outside. but eventually I did find work, that work was on a ship and Youngjae got to work with me as well. The captain was kind to us. He taught me a lot, kept us safe. We were lucky."

That was more than he'd ever thought he'd share with Jinyoung. He hadn't thought they'd ever talk about those things. It was a short summary of what had been a very uncertain time but it was still him sharing a part of his experience with Jinyoung.

"What happened to him?" Jinyoung asked. Jaebeom knew who he was asking about.

"About 3 years after I started working with him we lost him…” Jaebeom began, "he taught us about smuggling, it turned out it was the primary business he engaged in. Youngjae was small helped him with odd sorts of jobs and I was strong. He taught me to fight differently then we learned in the temple. We had a run in with some pirates. He locked Youngjae in the cargo hold and had me run to the cockpit to launch the ship. He stayed fighting off the pirates and told me it was all clear. But the truth was he had fought the pirates back to their ship and held them off there while we escaped…”

"We lost him," Jaebeom continued, that day had been a difficult one for the both of them, "I wanted to go back for him and tried to but we couldn't track them down. Youngjae and I completed the job and worked others to try and find out what happened to him. We did find out, he died on that ship. He died to save us above himself." It was a sobering reality that things often did go wrong in what they did.

"I'm sorry," Jinyoung responded. Jaebeom felt he meant it, as much as someone who pretended they didn’t have emotions could mean it.

"I guess you know exactly how it feels," Jaebeom continued, "we both lost our mentors." He could feel Jinyoung's apprehension after he said it. And Jinyoung's grip once again tightened on his hand.

"I know," Jinyoung responded. Jaebeom couldn’t deny he was curious, the way Jinyoung reacted to any mention of Joon… Jaebeom wanted to know what had happened from Jinyoung’s view of it.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jaebeom asked him. He wanted to know what it was that haunted Jinyoung in the quiet moments. There was always a look he would get, he’d experienced something terrible and Jaebeom was sure it had to do with his master’s death. Jinyoung had reacted strongly when he had spoken of Joon.

"I've never talked about it," Jinyoung responded, "not really.” He was silent for a moment then he spoke two quiet words “I can't..." Jaebeom didn’t like the way he said it.

"Not even to me?" Jaebeom asked. He realized how it sounded but he couldn’t stop it.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jinyoung asked him, "what are you different from anyone else?” Jinyoung was defensive in every measure of the word. His defenses since they’d found themselves back in each other’s lives, they’d been rock solid.

"I'm your best friend," Jaebeom responded, "you can tell me." That was what Jaebeom had felt when they’d been defenseless to the bounty hunters, and he felt it again as they walked with only each other in darkness. Jinyoung scoffed, of course he didn’t see it the same way.

"Jaebeom we haven't been best friends for ten years," Jinyoung responded, "what even does that mean? You and I know nothing about each other anymore." Jaebeom sighed.

"We can change that right now," Jaebeom responded. He couldn’t help but feel hopeful, as they walked hand in hand.

"Why would we?" Jinyoung asked.

"What?" Jaebeom was confused. Jinyoung stopped walking.

"What would be the point of changing anything?" Jinyoung asked, "when this is over we're both walking in different directions again. There is no point in getting to know anything more about each other."

"I don't agree," Jaebeom replied. Maybe they wouldn’t ever be constants in each others lives again, but he felt like it would be better if they departed from each other as friends.

"Well you don't have to," Jinyoung responded, "but you can't seriously think that things are going to go back to being the same as we were. Maybe this place is messing with your head." Jaebeom understood why Jinyoung would say those things, but they were hurtful.

"Let's let keep going," Jaebeom responded. He tried to step forward but Jinyoung wasn't moving with him. He felt Jinyoung's uneasiness and Jinyoung let go of his hand. Jaebeom was surprised but he couldn’t see Jinyoung in the darkness.

"You know you were the one who left," Jinyoung said his voice sounded smaller. Jaebeom was surprised.

"Jinyoung..." Jaebeom said, "let's just keep going." He reached for Jinyoung’s hand but he couldn't see which direction Jinyoung was in. He couldn't find him.

"You left," Jinyoung repeated those words, "you didn't have to. Why did you do it?"

"Jinyoung just take my hand," Jaebeom needed it. His heart rate increased as he felt fear that he wouldn’t be able to find Jinyoung in the dark.

"Why?" Jinyoung asked again. Jaebeom didn't understand how a simple conversation had turned so fast. He hadn’t intended for that to happen when he’d started asking Jinyoung about the past.

"We need to stick together," Jaebeom said.

"We are together,” Jinyoung responded, "but you're the one who wanted to talk. You wanted to talk then to, when I told you to stop."

"Jinyoung now is not the time for this," Jaebeom just wanted Jinyoung’s hand again so they could get out of the dark. They had to keep moving forward. Them fighting made the darkness feel more oppressive and Jaebeom hated it.

"Why was it so important for you then to push and push and push?" Jinyoung asked, "We'd promised each other we wouldn't ever—“

"Jinyoung!" Jaebeom interrupted, he felt a dark presence closing in and it was familiar. Jaebeom’s chest tightened.

"You didn't have to go!" Jinyoung accused, "you didn't have to throw it all away!” Jaebeom felt cold and he reached again for Jinyoung but he felt ice in his veins. Jinyoung’s words got to him.

"You didn't have to lie to me!" He shouted before he could stop himself.

"I never fucking lied to you!" Jinyoung shouted at him.

"Yes you did!" Jaebeom found himself shouting back again, "you lied Jinyoung." He could hear Jinyoung taking harsh breaths. Jaebeom couldn't help but to fight back because he knew that Jinyoung had lied. It had to be a lie. Jinyoung had lied that day in all that he had done.

"When?" Jinyoung asked his voice coming in quieter. Jaebeom knew that Jinyoung knew exactly what he was saying. He could feel Jinyoung but Jaebeom hated that he couldn't reach for him. Fighting wasn't going to get them anywhere.

"Let's just keep going," Jaebeom said, "please take my hand." The darkness felt stronger as they fought, locked back in that same tension that seemed to follow them in everything. All they were was a mess of unresolved mistakes that couldn’t be rectified in the darkness on Illum. They had to continue forward with what they were there to do.

"When?" Jinyoung asked again.

"We have to stop fighting," Jaebeom said, "and keep moving in this together!" He reached again but he reached into nothing. Maybe Jinyoung was backing away but he couldn't see. Jaebeom stepped forward reaching and searching but he couldn’t find Jinyoung.

"Jaebeom," a woman's voice spoke his name and a chill ran down his spine as he realized...

She was there.

Light filled the cavern around him, red light. His eyes adjusted quickly to the sight of it and when it filled the space in front of him there was no one there. Not in front of him where he was sure Jinyoung had been. He turned quickly around looking for Jinyoung's face in the newly lit darkness but he couldn't find Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung!" He called out for him and as he turned about the only figure he saw was her's. Hooded in the dark, surrounded by that same red light. "JINYOUNG WHERE ARE YOU!" He called out again. He was afraid, and he couldn’t find Jinyoung.

"Jaebeom," the woman spoke again, "how lovely to see you again here." Jaebeom drew his gun and aimed at her. All he knew was how to defend himself against such threats.

"What did you do to him?" Jaebeom shouted at her, emboldened as fear filled his veins, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TO HIM!" He was scared but he would do anything to fight to keep Jinyoung safe.

"I didn't do anything to him," she responded, "he chose to walk another path in the dark. You can choose to come with me and see what you want to see. I know what you’re here for, I have much to show you.” He didn’t want to go with her.

"Bring Jinyoung back!" Jaebeom said to her.

"Jaebeom I know why you are here," she reiterated, "you want to know the truth about the things I showed you all those years ago, you want to know why I chose you. Take my hand and I will show you." Jaebeom was angry now, he had to find Jinyoung.

"Bring him back!" Jaebeom shouted.

"I can't do that," she responded. He tightened his hands on his gun. He felt nothing but rage, no more fear of her.

"Fine," Jaebeom said, "I'll find him myself."

He fired his gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly didn't expect to be putting out a chapter today, this is very shocking for me. I've been going through a lot mentally and I somehow got through writing this. Thank you for your patience. It's been a wild ride lately trying to balance both this and the Hunger Games stories. More to come. Thanks for reading, please leave some form of interaction via comment or bookmark or kudos.


	17. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 16 - Side By Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebeom and Jinyoung face down their biggest failures and weaknesses in the Gathering trials of Illum.

* * *

Past

* * *

_“Stop following me!" Jinyoung whined. He couldn't get the other kid to leave him alone no matter how hard he tried. He just wanted to get back to his quarters and do his assigned reading but Lim Jaebeom had other plans. Stupid Lim Jaebeom wouldn't leave him be. He was annoying, loud and somehow always knew where to find Jinyoung._

_"I told you we're going to be best friends," Jaebeom said, "when will you listen to me?" Jinyoung rolled his eyes, he didn’t believe it for one minute._

_"If you know so much you should know,” Jinyoung spoke with exasperation, "as it is the force does not show us exact futures. Even if you did see visions, they're not true and I’m not going to be your best friend!” He didn’t believe anyone could know the future for certain._

_"Says you," Jaebeom said, "but I'm not going to leave you alone. Not for a moment."_

_Jinyoung turned back to him determined to be angry with him but Jaebeom was smiling. His smile stretched his whole face, his teeth showing, each and every one of them. His eyes disappeared in crescents when he smiled, his face was bright and lit up with a radiant energy. Jinyoung lost whatever words he was going to say, he opened his mouth but nothing came out of it. He had never seen someone smile so brightly in his life. Most of the other kids were stoic, sour and wore blank expressions always but Jaebeom was different._

_"Come on," Jaebeom reached to take his hand, "We can work on our lessons together and I know where the teachers keep the training sabers. We can get some extra practice in and when we're done I can show you this awesome place in the temple that I just found. There is so much to do and there’s so much I have to tell you! We've only just begun and you can't tell me you're not going to come with me, I don't like being alone."_

_Jinyoung wanted to keep being stubborn, to keep pushing him off but Jaebeom had said something that resonated with him. As much as he wanted resist it, he couldn’t help but respond to it._

_"I don't like being alone either," Jinyoung said, "not really." He'd always hated it. He remembered when he was younger the masters would console him and tell him nothing bad could happen to him if he was on his own. He always felt like something was missing and he was scared of being isolated._

_"You're not alone anymore," Jaebeom responded, "that's what I've been trying to tell you! You have me and because of that we're going to be okay now. Nothing bad can happen to us as long as we stick together."_

_Jinyoung wasn't sure why it sounded so true, he felt so assured by Jaebeom’s words despite wanting to resist them. Something clicked into place in that moment. Jinyoung felt the force like in a single moment that thing he had been missing was suddenly returned to him._

_He let Jaebeom hold his hand, let Jaebeom lead him forward._

_Jinyoung let the door open and let their friendship begin._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung woke up stiff, hard rock beneath his back, he was laying on cold solid stone. He opened his eyes and moved testing his limbs to feel that he could still move them. He didn't know what was going on, he felt disoriented like he had hit his head very hard but he didn’t remember doing so. He blinked against the odd feeling of waking up in darkness as if blinking could make light fill the space around him. But it didn’t, he couldn't see anything.

He tried to sit up and when he did his head hit rock. He groaned and reached his hands up, there was only solid rock above him. He kicked with his feet into rock above him. He reached his hands to the side to only find rock and he was shocked that he seemed to be entombed in it. His memories were foggy but they came back to him.

He was in Illum.

He'd gone in with Jaebeom.

"Fucking shit," he groaned and reached his hands to feel solid rock all around him. His heart started racing. He felt fear chilling like ice in around his bones, in his heart. He was trapped in stone.

"Help," Jinyoung began to find his voice. He felt around looking for an opening, blindly reaching for something but not finding anything. He didn't like that he couldn't see a thing with his eyes. The fear sunk in deeper when he tried to find his way. Was he stuck below ground forever?

He remembered, he’d been fighting with Jaebeom, fighting because Jaebeom wanted to talk about the past. Jinyoung only felt anger when thinking of the past. Anger and sorrow and negative emotions all came flooding back when speaking of Joon or of the day Jaebeom left. Those things that hurt him could still damage him. He couldn't reign it in and he'd let it flood his whole being before he knew what was happening.

"Jaebeom," he said the other man’s name and he tried to turn from where he was but he could barely move with rock above and beneath him. What had happened to him? Why had this happened to him? Illum had ways of testing them but this seemed like a punishment.

"Help," he said again but he felt like his throat was closing from the fear pressing around him. He shouldn't have let go of Jaebeom’s hand.

He shouldn't have let go of Jaebeom.

That thought invaded his sense in an instant and it was like the slice of a knife through his body. Old wounds opened, bleeding out into a sense of darkness... Jinyoung hadn't thought of it in so long. He'd tried to believe he was past any feeling. After he'd lost Jaebeom, he'd thought that it was easy to lock it down and let it go. That singular thought had been in his mind so much those days. If he'd just held on, if he'd kept hold of Jaebeom, he wouldn't have lost him.

If he hadn't run...

He'd thought he’d forgotten it when he’d just buried it so deep and locked it away. That box was open again, his mind assaulted with the stabbing sharp pain.

He reached his hands above his head to feel if there was rock there he couldn't feel any. He felt a bit of relief in the thought that he had found a way to move, to try and get out. He moved his legs as best he could to try to push himself up. he tried to push all thoughts of Jaebeom out of his head as best he could while he focused on moving. It was hard to move his legs as they hit rock above him and below him, protected from scrapes only by the thick robes he wore. He groaned with the pain of it. He moved his arms to keep feeling above his head. He knew it would be easier for him to move if he could turn himself around but the space was too narrow.

It felt for a moment like he was in a box of rock, a box locked up and buried below ground. Just like he'd always thought of his emotions as being easily contained in locked boxes and buried deep inside of himself. The Irony was not lost on him. The force in Illum worked in strange ways, and though fear tried to grip him he knew where he was. He knew Illum didn't claim lives, except for occasionally.. but it was rare. The last time someone had died in Illum had been 100 years before.

The Jedi told them never to worry about that, but to know they would be changed in the caves. Whatever his current predicament was, it could be remedied if he figured out the lesson he was meant to learn. Maybe the lesson was as simple as stop arguing with Lim Jaebeom, the big idiot that Jinyoung couldn't shake from his life no matter how much he wished he could. The situations they were in were irritating to Jinyoung.

10 years apart should have made a bigger difference. Unfortunately for Jinyoung everything had to come rushing back when that brash man, who was very much no longer a boy came, back into his life. He could talk himself into thinking he hated Lim Jaebeom but he knew if that was the case, getting the bastard out of his head would be much easier. Jaebeom wasn’t stubbornly sticking in Jinyoung’s mind, it was Jinyoung who was keeping him there. He was frustrated.

He shifted upwards and continued to shift his body upwards in the dark. He kept his hands above his head and felt there was still a way for him to keep moving.

"What are you trying to teach me," Jinyoung said as he reached for the force in his endeavor, "that patience and slow moving are some sort of value I need in my life?" Maybe he rushed into things too much and the force simply wanted him to slow down. To learn to take challenges at a more measured pace. He shifted further when he heard the sound of metal scrapping against the rock and his heart stuttered in his chest.

Metal.

Illum.

He rolled his eyes at himself and mentally slapped himself. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. He didn't come into Illum this time like he had as a child, he wasn’t on a search for a crystal and a chance to become a Jedi.

He was a fucking Jedi Knight.

He reached his hand down the length of his robes towards where his lightsaber was. His hand gripped the cool metal of the familiar weapon. He shifted it above his head and tilted his head back so he could see.

"Come on," he groaned as he ignited his violet blade.

Light assaulted his eyes, a violet glow filled the space in front of him giving him a view of what was before him. The brightness of it felt like warmth and life to him. His kyber crystal glowing through his blade felt soothing to his mind and body. He gasped at the sudden feeling of warmth in the force. Light, that was strength to him.

His eyes adjusted, he'd been in the dark for so long it took a moment for him to be able to open them and when they did he saw the crevice he was in stretch out before him but the wall above him it broke off, upward. He wondered if it was enough room to sit up in beyond, maybe enough room to stand. He continued to move and shift while careful how he held his lightsaber and he was on his way again. He used the force to help him guide his movements with sureness.

He didn't want his lightsaber touch it to the rock and turn the rock in his path into molten hot rock and burn himself. It would be unpleasant to say the least. So he was careful. It was slow going as he pushed his way along the rock bit by bit. He was sure he was going to have scrapes and bruises when it was over with but he knew better than to stop. Somewhere in Illum Jaebeom was facing his own trial and Jinyoung had promised not to leave him.

He reached the edge where he could see his way out and his hand grasped onto rock and he pulled himself out. He lifted his lightsaber out as his head was pulled out of the crevice. The light lit the caverns above him in the darkness and it went up high. Higher than he could see. He breathed easy finally when he'd pulled his body all the way out. He laid on the floor for a moment just to breathe. His hand still held his lightsaber upwards for light to see but he felt better now that there was room for him to move.

He laughed at the thought that the most elegant weapon in the galaxy made a great flashlight and he was glad for it. He sat himself up and leaned against the rock wall as he held his lightsaber up to see more of the cavern he was in. He couldn't see far beyond himself but it was enough light around him that he was comforted that he could search for a way out. He moved to stand and began to walk forward. His body was sore from moving from such a small space but he was thankful for the small victory he’d achieved.

He didn't know what he was supposed to be doing, an emptiness filled him as he realized how he'd let himself fall into arguing so quickly. He'd been so angry in that moment, he’d been blinded by it. Jaebeom called them friends again like he had so many years before when they were so far from it. He didn't understand why Jaebeom had acted for a moment like nothing had changed. Everything had changed and it had changed long before Jaebeom had left.

Long before they'd fought with the sunsetting and no one to witness it.

Long before they'd gotten too close...

They'd stopped being friends before the day they kissed… Their mouths had fit together so well in a moment Jinyoung had vowed to forget but never had, there was no way for him to forget it. He'd just locked it away, sealed in a box that was made of glass and shattered the day he saw Jaebeom's face again. Time healed nothing when it was all unresolved. That was why he’d kept his distance even when he’d found out exactly where Jaebeom was. When Taecyeon told him that he’d encountered Jaebeom again, Jinyoung did his best to keep away from that particular smuggler. He didn’t want to see him again.

He'd put up walls and pretended he could easily compartmentalize all the reasons why he hated Lim Jaebeom. He'd turned his anger into something logical, made Jaebeom separatist sympathizer because that was easy for him to combat. That was something he had cause to hate. It was all a sham, a farce to hide behind because he was still so angry with Jaebeom and also with himself. Because what tore him apart the most about that night...

He couldn't let that box open. He had to keep at least that one shut down and locked away forever. It wasn't okay to open it and to touch what it was he was not allowed to have.

He refocused on his surrounding despite his messy thoughts. What had he gotten himself into? As he walked the sight in front of him was unchanged. His back hurt from his escape from the crevice and he reached for the force to try and numb the pain. Some Jedi used the force for healing and were experts at it, he was not. He’d always meant to study the technique, but the war had left him with little time to hone it. He began to wonder if he'd escaped at all from anything or if he was walking in a larger prison meant to lull him into a sense of ease.

He could move that didn't mean he was free yet. He needed guidance in the force to know where else he was supposed to go.

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung called for him.

He reached out in the force wondering if he could feel their connection, call for it. As he did he felt nothing, it was strange because they were likely still close. Illum seemed to be blocking them from each other. The connection was growing between them no matter how much he'd tried to stop it from happening. Yet his moment of need, he couldn’t get around the will of the force.

"Your own fault Jinyoung," he muttered to himself. He'd let go of Jaebeom's hand, or was it the other way around? Had Jaebeom let go of him? Jinyoung would much rather blame Jaebeom for the current situation he found himself in. Jaebeom was the one who thought talking out their past was a good idea. It would be better if they never talked about things, they needed to get Illum over with and get the hell out.

He settled it, he would blame Jaebeom, Jaebeom deserved all the blame. It was always Jaebeom's fault from the beginning. Jaebeom interrupted his life, made a best friend out of him, got in his head and got too close. Jaebeom had to be so irritatingly beautiful and kind and incredible all at once, that Jaebeom had forced his way into Jinyoung's head. It was Jaebeom's fault Jinyoung caught feelings, Jaebeom was the one who made it so hard for Jinyoung not to care about him.

It was Jaebeom who had crossed the line first and kissed Jinyoung.

Jaebeom had done that.

Jaebeom was always the one to cross the line, every single time it happened it was because Jaebeom did it first. Jinyoung wasn't bold enough to ever break the rules on his own. He was always too scared to do it.

Scared to love.

Scared of what the council would do.

Scared of what would happen to them.

Scared of a future without the dream he wanted most.

Scared to be cast out of the Jedi order.

Scared of becoming something dark and twisted.

Scared of falling away to passion.

Scared because he couldn't help himself from the things he was feeling. He shook slightly and stopped walking as he felt the past eating away at his heart, his being. It was a past he never really confronted. He hadn’t wanted to confront it because it was scary to him to know he was so close to the dark side and anything that threw him off balance could tip him in the wrong direction. The dark seemed to cling to him, that’s what Dooku sensed that made Jinyoung his target. Jinyoung didn't know how much longer he could outrun it and that was terrifying to him.

He felt it eating away inside of him with all the fear and pain and the past hurts that he couldn’t keep locked down forever. It was tempting, telling him it would be easier just to give in, just to become what he feared the most. It was there, inside of him because he'd already tasted the power of the dark side.

Everything he'd been taught in his whole life was that love would cause him to succumb to it quickly. Maybe that was why he'd always been on the edge of the embrace of darkness, because he did love people. He did no matter how much he tried not to. Because love wasn't just passion, lust and deep feelings. Love was more than that. It wasn't just selfish like the Jedi had painted it. Love was something that formed between two people so easily and it wasn't just based on attraction.

He'd loved Joon like a father and he knew it. That's why losing him had shattered Jinyoung and all Jinyoung’s control. He loved Taecyeon like an older brother who always looked out for him. He loved many of the Jedi who he'd grown up with like a family around him that was strong. Losing them, he felt it in the force. Everytime one died it was like a knife stabbing its way through him.

He hadn't meant to ever love anyone, it just happened.

Loving Jaebeom had happened long before their bodies changed, long before attraction was even a factor. His love for Jaebeom had formed in the deepest parts of his heart. He'd loved Jaebeom from the first days, when Jaebeom chased him everywhere and pulled him around. He'd loved Jaebeom from the moment that stupid boy had smiled at him. He’d destroyed every wall Jinyoung had ever put up against him.

And what hurt him the most in his whole life was that Jaebeom had left him. It was not that Jaebeom had left the order, Jaebeom had left _him_. And when he’d left he’d left Jinyoung with no chance to ever change his answer. The door was closed on that day, Jinyoung could never have another chance at that. The worst thing about that night was that Jinyoung was left to regret letting go of Jaebeom. He was left to regret pushing the other boy away, and running far out of fear. He wondered for a time after if he had just held on for a moment longer, what they could have been…

Regret was a bitter feeling, and he hated it more than anything.

Jinyoung had to lock his regrets away, because he'd had Jaebeom in his hands that night. He'd had all of Jaebeom’s heart bear before him. Jinyoung had pushed Jaebeom away, thrown it all away. Jinyoung couldn't blame Jaebeom for not being bold, for not risking everything. But he could blame him for leaving... but could he? It was all a mess in his heart and mind, and he hated every bit of it.

He was a disgrace.

Jinyoung dropped his lightsaber to the ground in front of him. Jinyoung fell to his knees before it and it’s violet light. He didn't deserve to carry it. He should have never been named a knight. He hadn’t faced the trials like the others, he didn't deserve any of what he had been given. He'd broken the code so many times and he had broken the code by loving Jaebeom the way he did.

Everything he'd done since that night had been a lie. He'd thought being honest with his master was enough but he'd lied then too. He'd acted so much like he had found a way to move past it, but he never had. If he had then the dark wouldn't have gotten in and found his lies. He'd lived the 10 years of his life without Jaebeom like a broken piece of glass just taped together by thin bonds. That was easily destroyed. His defenses were so easily shattered.

The loss of Joon had broken him open, torn him to pieces because the one person who understood him and helped him through it was gone. Joon had always seen through him, Jinyoung had lied to himself successfully but not to Joon. Joon's words always pulled him from his downward spirals, always helped him stand again. Joon always reminded him of the the truth that being a Jedi wasn't based on the absence of feeling, it was about a choice of how to act in the face of what he felt.

A Jedi was to choose duty over love, to choose the greater good over selfish ambitions. Jinyoung had done that the day he'd pushed Jaebeom away, but it felt so wrong within his soul to do what he’d done. It felt like everything he'd been running from was what he actually needed to breathe and to live. It was like he was tearing out pieces of himself just to be the perfect Jedi but he never succeeded. No matter how many parts of himself he cut away to try and become what they wanted him to be he still wasn't enough. The council looked at him like he wasn't enough.

But Illum.

Fucking Illum.

The force.

Everything.

It all pointed at him like being a Jedi was where he belonged. Illum had given him a crystal, a chance to step forward into the life of a Jedi. The light side of the force was with him, it hadn't abandoned him to the darkness. Those things had always been a part of who he was and those things were why he had begun to doubt that the Jedi were actually right. If he wasn't worthy to be a Jedi, to serve the force then why had the caves affirmed him? Why did the force stay with him and surround him in everything he did? Could he serve the force and be who he was meant to be and still have himself?

Was love selfish or was love the very opposite? Because love as a selfish action didn't ever make sense to him, not really. Love at it's core was always about putting someone else first. Love wasn’t ever about him.

"What do you want from me?" Jinyoung asked to the force. It all felt like it was crashing down around him. Every emotion he'd tried to hold back for so long was flooding into his body in it’s full weight. He couldn't keep it back or locked away anymore. He stayed there on his knees, on the stone ground, as tears came to his eyes.

He wanted the Jedi, to be a Jedi. He wanted the life he had, he’d given up everything for it because he believed it was where he belonged. He'd always wanted it from his first moments. But he also wanted love. He wanted to love and be loved. He wanted Jaebeom. He always had. That desire had never truly gone away, no matter how much he thought he wanted it to. It was unresolved so it stayed with him He couldn't truly let it go.

He reached for his lightsaber and turned it off. The metal was warm in his hand, warm from him holding on to it and from the mechanism inside that relied on the crystal. That weapon was all he thought he had wanted out of life when he was younger. He’d dreamed of the chance to hold a lightsaber that was his own, created from his own being in the force. It was a piece of the life he had always believed he belonged to.

He hated being so torn up. He hated being unable to have both of the things he wanted. He wanted the Jedi _and_ he wanted Jaebeom. He moved back from his knees to sitting fully in the dark of the cave.

"Please tell me what to do," he begged the force for guidance.

He closed his eyes and curled in on himself. The dark was around him, it was so dark there was nothing to see. He could willingly close his eyes to it knowing there was nothing he would miss in the darkness.

He reached for the force. Silent.

The force that flowed through everything.

The biggest lie the Jedi told themselves, was that they could understand the will of the force. It was the very picture of arrogance as if mere mortal beings could interpret the will of life itself. He felt so small as he realized how finite he really was, reaching, feeling for life itself.

A hand touched his shoulder.

* * *

Past

* * *

_“I need you."_

_He cried._

_"I need you."_

_There was no answer._

_"I need you." He said._

_You need me._

_An echo._

_Too late._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jaebeom lifted his eyes as the gunshot hit the back wall. Straight through the specter that had seemed so solid and real when Jaebeom had taken her hand all those years before.

He fired again and again.

Nothing happened. She remained no matter how he fired. He breathed in deep, he couldn't beat her with his weapons.

"Bring Jinyoung back!" He commanded her. His voice was strong as if he carried a confidence he knew he didn’t have.

"It is not in my power to bring him anywhere," she said, "you are in Illum now young forceling, you are at the mercy of the force itself and so is your friend. Now are you done with that silly weapon, do you want to see more of what I have to show you? Is that not why you've come? To understand what it was I showed you all those years ago." Her tone was mocking, and he felt uncomfortable listening to her words.

"I don't want more," Jaebeom shouted at her, "I don't want more visions, I don’t want visions at all! I want you to take them away from me. Get them out of my head!" He was done with the dreams, done with the things they carried.

"You don't like my gift?" she asked once again mocking. Jaebeom stepped forward anger filling him at her words.

"I don't want this torment anymore!" He shouted at her. He wasn't to a point of begging, he was angry. She had destroyed his childhood, destroyed his dreams and destroyed everything that he'd had. Jaebeom’s whole world had been torn apart and his destiny had been altered the moment he’d seen those visions. He’d never know peace until it was all gone.

"Well," she said, "no matter what you think you want I was just showing you truth. You were a seer at birth, born to see things others can not handle so that you could prepare this world for what is to come. The force gave you that gift, I enhanced that gift. You really hate it that much? Do you hate the force inside you?" That wasn't what he meant, she was twisting everything. It wasn't the force he hated, just the visions. The visions of destruction and loss were too much for him to handle on his own and no one else believed them. They’d caused him so much pain.

"The visions," Jaebeom spoke with hesitation, "are they real? Or all they fears? Why do I see them so much? Why did you show them to me? Why? Why?” He didn't understand what could be gained from them if no one believed they were real. Jaebeom wasn’t even sure he believed they were real.

"If you want to know why so bad," the woman said, "take my hand." She reached out to him, "I will show you why."

He stood back away from her, holding his blaster still aimed square on her. He didn't trust it, he had taken her hand as a child and she had shown him things that had ruined him. He couldn't take her hand. He had to hold back but he wondered again if he could get what he wanted by going along with her. He didn't understand why she appeared to him, he didn't understand what the point of it ever was. He had never understood and he hadn't wanted to. He just wanted to be free of them.

"Just take my hand Jaebeom," she stepped forward reaching her hand out to him. He gripped his blaster tighter. He had just wanted them gone not to understand them but something had changed… No everything had changed.

Jinyoung.

Jinyoung was back in his life, and if there was a truth to what he saw he needed to know the truth. He needed to know how he could protect Jinyoung. He took a deep breath and his heart pounded as he felt himself making the decision. He didn’t know if it was right or what he was supposed to do. He lowered his blaster and looked at the hand outstretched before him.

If he made the same decision would things get worse? What was it that he was supposed to do? Had he made the wrong decision as a child or the right one? He wasn't supposed to be facing it alone. He wasn't supposed to decide it on his own but Jinyoung wasn't there. He didn't use the force enough to understand what it would want him to do.

Jaebeom looked at the hand in front of him suspect, unsure.

"Why?" Jaebeom asked, "why are you here everytime?”

"I know all you have seen," she said, "do you remember the vision of your childhood, you saw it recently. You were born on Jedah, you were born on a planet made of kyber. The force within you is stronger than you know. You were born to see, what you do with what you see, that has always been up to you."

Jaebeom didn't like it, he didn't understand it. He took a deep breath and wondered if the answer was to accept what it was he saw. To accept and learn, to try and learn from it. He didn't want that. He wanted them gone, to be taken away from him.

"I'm not a Jedi," Jaebeom said, "you did that to me." He was supposed to be a Jedi until Illum had destroyed him.

"Did I?" she asked, "you made that decision. You had reasons to make that decision that go beyond what I showed you. Isn't it you who believe the Jedi are wrong, who believe they are flawed beyond saving. You made your own choices, every single one of them.”

"Yes I did," Jaebeom responded, he had chosen to take her hand before. He hadn't known then what she would do but maybe what she gave him was a warning.... a curse.

"You said no one would believe me," he responded, "and no one did. You cursed me! You attacked me!” He didn’t forget the things that had happened to him .

"All a part of your trial," she spoke, "the trials don't end when you leave this place, they don't cease. Your trials last your whole life until you can properly discern the lesson. Are you ready to understand Lim Jaebeom? Then take my hand." His heart pounded and he felt so unsure.

Jinyoung was supposed to be with him. Jinyoung was supposed to stay by him but Jinyoung had let go of his hand. Jinyoung wasn't there, he was never there when Jaebeom needed him. He'd left Jaebeom to face it on his own once again, even when he said he wouldn't.

Had Jaebeom driven him to it?

Had Jaebeom pushed too far?

Like Jaebeom had when they were kids and he'd cornered Jinyoung and tried to force Jinyoung to admit his feelings. When Jinyoung had grasped hold of him and Jaebeom had kissed him desperately, desiring Jinyoung only. Jinyoung had let go. Jinyoung had been the first to let go, always the first to let go. Jinyoung didn't stay with him, and Jaebeom always wanted him to but he never would. Jinyoung would always choose something else above Jaebeom, his pride, his identity, the Jedi.

There was no battle they could fight together because Jinyoung would always let go, the way they’d been taught. Jinyoung was the best at it. Jaebeom had nothing in front of him but a choice he would have to make on his own. No one would be there to stand by his side like he wanted. Like he'd wanted from his first days.He'd chased down Jinyoung, because he'd hated belong alone. Because the forced had shown him someone who would take away that feeling of loneliness away from him. From that day on to every single day of his life he'd lived desiring Jinyoung.

He'd lived 10 years without Jinyoung, and knew he would have to endure forever without. Their paths had crossed but it was only temporary as Jinyoung had reminded him. Once they were done with Illum they would walk away from each other again, for a last time. Never to see each other again if Jinyoung had his way. Jinyoung didn't want Jaebeom in his life.

Jinyoung didn't want the reminder of things that took away from what he believed made him the Jedi that he was. Jaebeom realized that and in that realization he stepped forward again.

Alone.

He reached his hand forward to meet the woman's before him, alone.

* * *

Jinyoung took a deep breath before he opened his eyes, a presence before him.

He could feel it.

A hand on his shoulder.

_Comfort._

He opened his eyes half expecting to see Jaebeom returned to him but he was shocked to his core by what was there really in front of him. A ghostly figure, colored blue like the light from a lightsaber it glowed around him. He could see through it & around it, like it was just an outline but that outline was a perfect picture of a man he knew well. The one he'd lost to his own mistakes and his own failure.

"Master," Jinyoung gasped.

"Jinyoung," Joon spoke to him like an echo, it sounded like his master but it didn't sound real. "What are you doing here my child?" Jinyoung shook his head. Tears came to his eyes and it was seconds he was crying, of course he was crying.

"Master," he said as tears spilled down his face, "I..." He choked up on words. He could feel Joon's hand on him. But when he reached to touch him in return his hand went through. A reminder that Joon was gone.

"Jinyoung," Joon said his name again, "I can't read your mind, you have to speak." That was something he chided Jinyoung with often, Jinyoung's propensity to go silent and to hope his master just understood him. There was a chuckle in the older man's voice that he'd missed. The older man’s presence had always grounded Jinyoung.

"I'm sorry master," Jinyoung spoke.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Joon asked him. Jinyoung shook his head.

"I..." He struggled with words. "I let you die... I caused it..." He couldn't breathe but he forced words out. "I'm sorry, since that day... I haven't been a very good Jedi. I've struggled, and I know I've let you down." Joon's eyes were soft around the edges, the way he looked at Jinyoung was always with compassion and care. It was always with warmth and light. Jinyoung wondered how the man could be so patient with him when he was a disaster. He was always sure he was the worst student in the temple. Joon never saw him that way though. Joon always looked at him with pride and always encouraged him that he was doing well.

"My child," Joon said, "you haven't let me down. It was never me you feared disappointing, you placed me in that role to hide from yourself. I never placed expectation upon you to be perfect, nor to be very good. I have only ever asked you try to stay balanced.” That was true. “You disappointed yourself. You placed expectations on yourself you couldn't meet, because you lied to yourself about what it was you wanted." Jinyoung looked away from him.

"Look at me," Joon instructed him and he looked back, "it was never your fault. It was not because of something you did or failed to do. How were you supposed to see something coming that even I could not?"

Jinyoung held his breath within. He had always blamed himself because of the expectations... People had told him he was strong in the force. He’d been considered gifted and he’d believed too much in his own strength. He’d really thought he should have been able to see the threat before it was on top of them. And he hadn’t, so he’d told himself he failed.

"I want to tell you something," Joon said, “I want you to hear something I think is hard for those of us who follow one way, the rigid way of the Jedi." Jinyoung listened. "The force is with you Jinyoung, and the force is neither light nor dark. It has no inherent good or evil to it, none at all. It just is.”

Jinyoung wasn't sure what was being explained to him.

"The force flows through all living things," Joon continued, "all living, those who are good and those who are evil. The force exists in life and in death. It is everything that binds us together and holds the universe in tact. You get so scared of disappointing yourself, of falling to dark alone, that you miss the reality of what is inside you. You have the capacity to love, to really love those around you and nothing about that could ever make you evil." Jinyoung couldn't stop crying because somehow Joon always knew exactly what to say to him.

"No matter what path you choose," Joon continued, "I want you to know I am proud of you. I know you will do the right thing, not just for the greater good but because of who you are. Don't let the past haunt you anymore. Let it go and remember it was never your fault. The love within you is light. The protective love you feel, that is goodness. Don't be afraid anymore. The fear, that's what keeps you back from the light you want so badly."

Jinyoung wished he could reach and hold the hand of the man before him, he wished Joon was with him for good. But he was nothing more than a ghostly reflection of the force. Not something Jinyoung could take with him from that place. He didn't know what to say as emotion blocked him from speaking, the core of him so devastated by words he needed so desperately.

"Now get up Jinyoung," Joon told him, "get up and take your light with you."

Jinyoung shook as he moved to listen and moved to stand, the lightsaber was still in his hand as he stood. He reached forward for his master into nothing.

"Master," Jinyoung cried for the one he missed.

"Go," Joon said, "Jaebeom needs you now." Jinyoung nodded. He breathed deep, so much had been confronted in so little time.

Such was the way of Illum.

"Thank you," Jinyoung said to him. Joon nodded and Jinyoung watched as he faded from before him and darkness wrapped around him again.

When he blinked the darkness was gone and he stood in a cavern surrounded by crystals. Lit around him, warmth in the force that was comforting, healing even. He breathed deep as a crystal began to move from the formation on the wall and float before him. A crystal presented itself to him, that was always the reward in Illum, but he hadn’t expected it to happen again. He wasn't sure what to think.

This one wasn't colored violet like the crystal that was inside his lightsaber. It was different to any he’d ever seen. This one was white, as if made of the purest form of light. He breathed deep as he reached out for the crystal in front of him to hold it within his hands. His breath caught in his throat The light glowed as he took it from where it was and he felt strength flowing through him. He felt as if his body was filled with light itself and the cavern opened before him to show him the way out but he wasn't leaving yet. He turned back towards the depth of the caves.

He turned back to run.

He had to find Jaebeom.

He wouldn't leave on his own this time. He wouldn't leave until he had Jaebeom within his hands and he knew he would never let go again.

* * *

Jaebeom took her hand and felt ice in his veins as she began to step forward leading him again like she had done before. The dark felt cold and he felt entirely trapped with no way out. It was a prison of his worst nightmares, everything he had feared it would be once again.

She led him down deep again towards the depths of the caves and caverns and out of the darkness and into a place where the crystals shown bright in every shade. He gasped as he looked around, it was more beautiful than he had remembered. His memories had been tainted by what had happened after, so much so that he’d been unable to see the beauty of the crystals.

"What was it you wanted to see." She let go of his hand and he turned towards her.

"Nothing," Jaebeom begged, "take them away, please." She smiled and the smile turned. He realized he’d once again made a mistake.

"This one," she sneered at him and Jaebeom was taken away by a vision as he screamed out for it to stop. His eyes filled with sight again of the temple on fire and of the Jedi dying. He'd seen it so many times, it felt so empty. He hated that vision.

"STOP!" He cried as she looked at him again and his mind was carried away. He was scared of more, scared to see more of the Jedi dying, to feel them. He’d felt so much in his dreams.

"You want them to stop?" she walked around him, "you want them to stop before I show you this one."

He cried out as he was taken in again, the dark surrounded him the cold of the night and all he sought was Jinyoung. Jinyoung, always Jinyoung. He couldn't outrun it. Jinyoung a part of his past. Jinyoung a part of his present. Jinyoung there in his future.

He had tried to forge a life for himself outside of everything he wanted. To find new dreams and new passions out of the life beyond. To find love that he could hold on to. And he'd found it, he'd thought he'd found everything he needed to fulfill himself and all he wanted. But no matter what he did he couldn't outrun the things that had happened to him as a child. No matter how hard he worked they were always there within him.

The vision of Jinyoung fallen to the darkness was there again, more to take him. Jaebeom fell to the ground as he came out of it, his body shaking from the emotion of that vision. He looked up to her and she sneered down at him.

"The light wanted you," she said, "so I wanted you more, that is why this happened to you. Because I wanted to destroy what the light put in you, that is your answer. This is all you will ever know, that I won over you. I beat the force’s will for you.” Jaebeom couldn't pull himself out as he breathed deep in fear. She'd taken everything from him and the Jedi had blamed him because he’d gone with her. But he’d chosen to do that again, so maybe all along it was his fault.

"Know this boy," she said, "everything I have shown you will happen, and you can't change it. You will watch it unfold before your eyes knowing you couldn't stop it." He shivered from the cold as he believed her, he believed his dreams were real...

He heard a lightsaber ignite.

Another dream.

Another specter.

Another manifestation of fear itself.

"You'll know the moment they begin to come to pass,” she said, "that everything I showed you was true, when he dies and you can't stop it!" Jaebeom shook from the fear. He couldn’t do anything…

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM YOU WITCH," A voice shouted and Jaebeom opened his eyes. He knew that voice. He looked up just as Jinyoung jumped between the woman and Jaebeom. She laughed as Jinyoung held his lightsaber high. Jaebeom was shocked, Jinyoung was back. Jinyoung had come back.

"You think you can defeat me with that?" she asked, "I am the force."

"You are not the force!" Jinyoung shouted at her loudly with strength, "I am the force." She reached and pushed Jinyoung back. He almost fell to the ground, but he caught himself with the force and reached around with such fire that Jaebeom could feel it. Jinyoung’s power radiated through the force, Jaebeom glanced around in shock as the crystals began to respond to him. The cavern filled with more light as they began to all glow.

"What are you afraid of?" She questioned Jinyoung, "what is it you fear most? Do you want to see it? To know that it will happen?"

"I'll destroy you," Jinyoung shouted at her. He was angry, fighting back. He reached his lightsaber to slice through her but it went straight through and still she stood. Jaebeom looked at her and she pushed Jinyoung back again but he was resilient towards her.

"JINYOUNG!" Jaebeom shouted for him, reached for him. He didn't want Jinyoung to get hurt. He couldn't let her hurt Jinyoung. Jinyoung's lightsaber wouldn't do anything. He couldn't beat her that way.

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said his name. Jaebeom breathed deep as their eyes met and the look in Jinyoung's eyes was different than what he'd seen before. The look in his eyes had changed completely. There wasn't fear, there wasn't a wall, there wasn't hesitation. Jaebeom was confused by what he saw because what he saw was something more than what he ever believed could happen. The way Jinyoung looked at him was protective, fierce, like he would fight for him.

Jinyoung was looking at him with love.

Jaebeom's breath caught in his throat.

"Your interference can not go unpunished," the woman spoke to Jinyoung and Jaebeom felt anger in his heart that she would dare to try and hurt Jinyoung, "you won't shake this." She reached her hand out to Jinyoung and Jaebeom got up.

"STOP IT!" Jaebeom cried out. Something clicked in his mind and he reached out in the force. He reached out in a way he'd felt, seen, witnessed so many times from Jinyoung, always Jinyoung. Jaebeom pushed his hands together like a shield. The woman shrieked and recoiled as Jaebeom pushed forward using everything he had in the force.

"Jaebeom!" Jinyoung shouted at him, "The force! Hit her again!" Jaebeom gasped from the feeling of it because he hadn't done such a thing in so long. He reached to do it again but the strength wasn't there. She laughed at them.

"You're trying so hard," she said, "but you can't defeat me!"

Jaebeom watched Jinyoung push forward with the force but she didn't react at all. Jinyoung's push had to be harder than Jaebeom's, yet Jaebeom's had actually hurt her. This was Jaebeom's trial, his test, not Jinyoung's. He had to do it on his own.

He reached again.

He reached and took hold of the force and pushed it at her. She cried out again in a ghastly sound.

"Stop it!" She screamed and hit his mind with another vision but he pushed forward with the force and shattered it before it could take hold. He gasped from the realization of what was happening. Jaebeom had to defeat her, and he possessed the power to do it. That was always the answer. He could shatter the darkness, he could shatter his own fears. He could crush them but he worried he wasn't strong enough on his own, that he couldn't muster enough strength to hold her back alone.

"You're not alone," Jinyoung said as Jaebeom hesitated, "I'm right here!"

Jaebeom gasped as he looked to Jinyoung again and held out his hands. He felt their connection light up with the force like fire and strength filling his being as Jinyoung joined in with him. Jaebeom felt strength to push at her with the force, strength and light, white pure light, Jinyoung’s light.

She screamed and recoiled and seemed like she tried to get away from their fight. Jaebeom wondered of what it said, if it was him all along who was meant to defeat the future. It was his destiny to defeat the specter of his past and to change what it was that was meant to come. It felt like a border coming down upon him but he wasn’t alone, Jinyoung was with him. Together they were stronger. He felt Jinyoung pushing the force to him and Jaebeom let it flow through his body feeling the strength of what Jinyoung could harness.

He breathed it in, and let it go out.

They were side by side, two as one but it was Jaebeom who had to direct it. It was Jaebeom who made the monster scream until she writhed unable to stand to the power of the light within the two of them. Jaebeom shouted as his head began to pound with how much power flowed through him. She screamed and screamed and Jaebeom couldn't even think of stopping because Jinyoung wasn't stopping. Jinyoung's power was so much it overwhelmed his senses and filled every cell of his body until the screams stopped and the specter turned to dust before them.

Jaebeom collapsed as Jinyoung stopped directing the force to him. He fell to his hands and knees and heard footsteps running as Jinyoung dropped in front of him and put hands on him. It was hasty like Jinyoung didn't know where to place them as he gripped for Jaebeom's arms.

His shoulders, his back, neck, head...

His face. Jinyoung's hands touched his face and he looked up into Jinyoung's eyes. Jinyoung smiled at him, his eyes folding at the edges like they always did his whole life. Jaebeom's breath caught, he hadn't seen that smile in years.

"Jinyoung," Jaebeom said his name.

"You did it," Jinyoung responded and Jinyoung threw his arms around Jaebeom in an awkward way but Jaebeom didn't mind. It felt strange having Jinyoung there but Jaebeom felt comforted. Jaebeom looked over his shoulder behind him and saw a crystal formation shifting.

"Jinyoung," Jaebeom shifted and Jinyoung let go to turn and see what it was Jaebeom was shifting towards. The crystals in the walls shifted and one broke off from the rest. It made it's way towards them and Jinyoung shrunk back away from it.

"It's yours," Jinyoung responded.

"Are you sure?" Jaebeom asked him and Jinyoung hummed in affirmation.

"I already got mine," Jinyoung responded.

Jaebeom was surprised the force would give him one. He wasn't a Jedi, wasn't planning on ever being one but he stepped forward to take the precious gift. The stone was not green as the one he'd obtained before was. It was different. It was golden, like a drop of sunlight from the skies above. It wasn't like the yellow color of sabers he had seen before. It was pale, and glittering.

"It's beautiful," Jinyoung gasped. Jaebeom took it in his hands and turned back to Jinyoung. The smaller man looked at him with so much emotion and stepped towards him again.

"I'm sorry," Jinyoung began to speak, "there's a lot I need to say... but I don't even know where to begin." There was apprehension there.

"We can talk," Jaebeom responded, "let's just get out of here first." Jinyoung shook his head.

"If I wait..." Jinyoung responded, "I might get scared again. I need to tell you... you were right. I don't even know how to... I just... I'm sorry..." Jaebeom saw him struggle. Jaebeom watched him struggling with his words and momentarily wondered if it was another test from the caves and Jinyoung wasn’t really there. He pushed that thought away because he'd felt Jinyoung's power in the force. This was Jinyoung in front of him. Jaebeom stepped forward.

"It's okay Jinyoung," he responded, he placed a hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder, "let's just go." He began to walk out, to lead the way out that was shown before them by Illum. He walked forward and heard Jinyoung following. The exit was opening before them, letting them know their tests were complete. Jaebeom felt relief but he could feel tension on Jinyoung.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Jinyoung asked him, his voice softer.

"I think so," Jaebeom responded and he wondered why Jinyoung was so tense. Jinyoung breathed uneasy as they walked towards the mouth of the cave. The cold awaited them and with the ordeal done, Jaebeom wondered what the Jedi had hoped to gain from them going to Illum.

"Jaebeom wait," Jinyoung reached to grab his arm.

"We can talk on the ship," Jaebeom turned back to him, "we still have hours before we reach Courscant." He knew that once they did they would go their separate ways. They would walk down different paths once again. That was something that hurt and he was scared to confront.

"Just wait," Jinyoung said again.

"It's okay Jinyoung we have a little time left," Jaebeom responded.

"But Jaebeom-" Jinyoung tried to speak again.

"There is time to come," Jaebeom repeated himself once again, "it's okay let's just get on the ship. I am tired."

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung gripped his arm tighter his voice desperate and when Jaebeom turned to him there was sadness in his eyes. Whatever it was he wanted to say, Jaebeom knew he should listen.

"I..." Jinyoung struggled again. Jaebeom didn't interrupt him this time. "I... you were right," he stammered the words and looked emotionally at Jaebeom. “I tried to keep it locked away, for my whole life I'd locked everything I'd ever felt away. To hide from what I thought would taint me... make it impossible for me to be a Jedi..." Jaebeom was surprised by the things Jinyoung was speaking.

"Jinyoung," Jaebeom said his name softly.

"You were right," Jinyoung said again, "I lied. 10 years ago I lied to you when I said... I said..." Jinyoung shook his head, "you know what I said and I can't say it again because it was a lie." He breathed deep and met Jaebeom's gaze. "And now I need your help," Jinyoung begged, "and I'm sorry for everything I ever did wrong but I need your help!" He shook his head and his expression changed to one of fear.

"Because I can't loose someone again," he said desperately and Jaebeom wondered what was coming. Jaebeom held his breath as he wondered what Jinyoung was going to say next and he began to hope for the first time that Jinyoung was going to admit the truth.

"You see," Jinyoung said, "she showed me a vision too... while we were fighting and I think Taecyeon is in danger!"

"What?" Jaebeom was confused.

"It's now on the world he's on, on Juran," Jinyoung spoke words quickly desperately, "I saw him there, I saw him overwhelmed. I saw him killed. Jaebeom please. We need to go there, we need to go save him now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please leave comments and kudos to let me know what you think. This was an important one for the story, we're starting to head into some big stuff soon. Thanks for reading.


	18. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 17 - Depths of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung wrestles his feelings and faces more questions.

Jinyoung laid breathing deep, exhausted and wanting rest but a vision of Taecyeon’s face was looping over and over in his head. He kept revising it to try and understand what it could mean. Jinyoung wanted for it to not be true and for it to prove that none of Jaebeom’s visions were true. He had felt free before the vision had hit his mind.

He took a deep breath as he realized he got a small taste of what Jaebeom had suffered through for years. Just a small piece of it and he felt like folding on himself to erase it. The vision felt real in every way like it had been actively happening in front of him. It felt like a moment in time, clear and brightened in his mind. The door to the room opened and Jaebeom entered and closed it behind him.

“We’re in hyperspace,” Jaebeom said, “just as you asked we’re on our way. Try not to think too hard on it, we’ll be there soon. We’ll fix this.” Jinyoung was turned away from him, laying on his bed. He’d taken Jaebeom’s room again, he felt oddly comfortable there. He felt bad hiding in his own unsure feelings but he'd finally reached a point of clarity only to have it all snatched away with a blinding image that he couldn't shake. It was frustrating.

He felt the bed dip behind him and knew Jaebeom had sat down. Jinyoung turned to see Jaebeom place his head in his hands. Jinyoung took a deep breath as he saw the way the other man's shoulders slumped. He felt bad that he had stopped himself from saying everything he wanted to say while he stammered to get so much of it out only to divert it all to the current situation they faced. He'd once again frozen in place but for a different reason.

Not because he was still denying what he actually felt but because of a different sort of apprehension that had sunk into his brain. It had been years. Jinyoung had carried his secrets for years and Jaebeom had laid them bare 10 years before. It was unlikely that after all the years that had passed that Jaebeom still felt the same way he had back then. Unlike Jinyoung, Jaebeom had moved forward and moved on. That left Jinyoung feeling frightened of saying the truth in plain words. He could admit he lied them without admitting that the things he'd lied about were still there.

If that was the case, was he letting himself really move forward? He'd faced the reality of the way he'd locked down every feeling because he'd felt that was what he had to do. That was what Illum had asked of him, complete honesty with everything he had locked away and lied about.

He had always felt that he could hide behind who he wanted to be, the Jedi he believed he was meant to be. Jinyoung had always felt he should be a Jedi as the order defined it but there were different ways than just the one way he’d been taught his whole life. He'd searched them out in times of weakness. There were paths that some walked that towed the line between light and dark, balance as Joon always spoke about. Jinyoung often wondered if his master was more of a grey Jedi that he admitted with words. They existed within the order and apparently had many disagreements with the council.

He looked at the way Jaebeom's shoulders slumped and realized he was really being selfish by not trying to comfort him. He was focusing on his own internal issues rather than what it was Jaebeom had experienced in the caves. Jaebeom had faced his own traumatic experiences and those were much bigger than Jinyoung’s internalized issues. Jinyoung sat up and turned to Jaebeom and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Jaebeom," he said the other man’s name. Jaebeom took a deep breath, Jinyoung felt it. Jaebeom turned to look at him, there was confusion on his face.

Jinyoung took a deep breath as he looked at him. He'd changed in the years they'd been apart, his boyish features had grown sharper and stronger. He'd grown so much into a man who had a strength to him that Jinyoung could see but could feel. He couldn't stop himself, he reached a hand to touch Jaebeom's face. Jaebeom froze, held his breath but he didn't pull away.

Jinyoung had not allowed himself to really look at Jaebeom, to really see him. He'd been scared to, scared of himself in every single step he'd taken. His hand lingered on Jaebeom’s skin as he looked at the features of his face. Jinyoung saw the places where he had changed. Jinyoung had known everything about him 10 years before, but that wasn’t the case with 10 years gone. Jinyoung located a small faint scar that had happened when they were young.

There was another Jinyoung did not recognize. Jaebeom was still as Jinyoung lifted his other hand to trace Jaebeom’s brow. It wasn’t as soft as it had been. It had changed. Things had changed in so many ways. Jinyoung wasn’t sure how to take it all in, that the Jaebeom he loved was different yet the same. He looked to what hadn’t changed. The shape of his eyes, the twin moles above the left one. A feature Jinyoung loved, like the twin suns on Tatooine. It was Jaebeom’s alone.

“What are you doing?” Jaebeom finally asked and Jinyoung withdrew his hands. Their eyes met.

“Looking at you,” Jinyoung responded. He couldn’t believe himself and the things he’d done just to avoid really looking at Jaebeom. His vision had changed. It hadn’t taken much to change him; just a confrontation of his own self, his secrets and the things he feared most. Jaebeom had been honest with him before they had gone in, opened up on a secret he’d held for years. Yet Jinyoung knew so little of his life, his hardships. They’d barely scratched the surface of what it would take to really understand each other again. Jinyoung was scared to want to because he was scared there was no way to have bak what he’d let go of his whole life.

“You said something earlier,” Jaebeom spoke softly.

“What?” Jinyoung asked though he was sure he knew what it was Jaebeom would want to speak about. It was in everything that had hung unresolved for so long. Maybe Jaebeom felt like the best way to close the door on the things that made them fight was to confront it.

“That you lied,” Jaebeom responded. Jinyoung looked away, kept his hands against his knees where he sat and looked down. Jinyoung hadn’t ever thought he would admit it in his whole life. He had surprised himself by saying it.

“Did you really...” Jaebeom trailed off what he wanted to say, Jinyoung understood.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said his name, surprised by how much emotion a single name could conjure within him. He had to speak honestly. “I was scared— you knew then what I had just done, and what they taught us about what could lead one to turn to the darkside...” He trailed off again. “What did you think I was going to say?”

Neither had been fair to each other. Jinyoung in his lie, Jaebeom in pushing Jinyoung to confront something he had been taught was wrong. Of course Jinyoung was afraid, in a way his lies had been self defense. His protection from the things he was scared of.

“I wanted you to come with me,” Jaebeom said, “to walk away from the light and dark and all that was keeping us from truly being free. I thought if I”— He shook his head —“I thought I could save you from the dark, if we both left.” Jinyoung’s breath caught in his throat. Did Jaebeom then believe Jinyoung would truly turn because of what had happened? Is that what he’d thought of him?

“And when you said what you said,” Jaebeom continued, “removing myself seemed... right?” Jinyoung didn’t understand. The thing he fixated on seemed to shatter what he thought Jaebeom would have thought of him then. He’d torn himself apart enough, he would have believed through the years that if Jaebeom was still around that Jaebeom would have sided with him.

“You really thought I would fall?” Jinyoung asked, “so you wanted me to leave?” Jaebeom shook his head.

“It wasn’t that simple,” Jaebeom responded, “I really was sick of holding it in, when all I wanted was you Jinyoung. Not the Jedi... you.”

“But you just said-“ Jinyoung was fixated on his words.

“It wasn’t one thing alone,” Jaebeom replied, “you know what we were taught, just as you were saying. Everything was frightening back then with what happened on that mission. And every feeling I’d had as we grew was becoming too much for me to deny. I was sick of running, sick of burying it. I think it’s clear, I was never meant to be a Jedi.” Jinyoung looked up to see Jaebeom’s hand coming towards his face and he froze. “Not like you.”

The words were spoken with such tenderness that Jinyoung’s core felt shaken by it. Jinyoung didn’t know that he believed those words. He’d always thought Jaebeom would have been the best of them. The strongest, the wisest. Jaebeom was always kind and open with those he met. He was a good person where Jinyoung was always selfish.

Jinyoung was the one who’d mucked things up the most. He’s failed to meet the expectations the council had once had for him. Where Jinyoung had once been considered the chosen one, he’s been replaced but one stronger, one who had the praise and love of the whole of the Republic. Jinyoung was a failure in every way and it was easy to replace him. Sometimes he wondered if the council wanted him gone.

“I’m not really a great Jedi,” Jinyoung responded.

“Yes you are,” Jaebeom said as his fingers gently caressed Jinyoung’s face. There was a roughness to them that Jinyoung found he didn’t mind. He leaned in to Jaebeom’s touch.

“You don’t know the things I’ve done,” Jinyoung said.

“They don’t matter,” Jaebeom responded.

“They do,” Jinyoung reached to take ahold of Jaebeom’s wrist, gently holding his hand in place. Jaebeom’s brow furrowed. Jinyoung looked at him, gaze electric between them. He felt like breathing became more difficult.

Jaebeom was right in front of him, so close that Jinyoung could reach for him, touch him, sense him. The Jedi order be damned, Jinyoung was sick of denying that he could feel os much. He was sick of playing like it didn’t exist. He moved his face closer to Jaebeom’s and closer still. Jaebeom had always moved first before, but Jinyoung felt like he wanted to do something dangerous.

“If I was a good Jedi,” Jinyoung said softly, “I wouldn’t do this.”

Jaebeom froze as Jinyoung moved closer. He knew if he hesitated he would stop so he pushed in and connected their lips. Sparks ignited in his body as he kissed Jaebeom, like he’d wanted to for so long. Jinyoung couldn’t stop himself from moving his hands around the back of Jaebeom’s neck as he moved his lips to kiss him again like a man possessed. He wanted to feel Jaebeom, only Jaebeom. And Jaebeom’s lips responded gently slotting with Jinyoung’s, fitting together perfectly.

Jinyoung pulled pulled back, he breathed against Jaebeom’s face as he looked into Jaebeom’s eyes. He was questioning, searching, wanting to believe Jaebeom might still want him. He wanted to be taken back in time to the moment he’d let go, to hold on and kiss Jaebeom like he should have.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom breathed his name.

Their eyes met in that moment. Jaebeom withdrew his hand from Jinyoung’s face and Jinyoung felt his heart stutter within his chest. Had he taken a leap for nothing? Nothing at all. Jinyoung still held on to Jaebeom as disappointment set in, a break in the feelings in his heart. He slipped his hands off Jaebeom’s neck to his shoulders and he looked down, head dropping. An emotional flood of sadness filling him so quickly as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

Had he missed his chance when he’d thrown it away? When he’d been too young and afraid? He’d locked himself up for 10 years and in that time Jaebeom had been free to live. Jinyoung was about to remove his hands from Jaebeom entirely when Jaebeom’s hand came below his chin and lifted his face back up. Jinyoung blinked and tried to hold tears inside because he didn’t want to be vulnerable, he didn’t feel like he could be. He wanted to run as their eyes met and the expression on Jaebeom’s face made his chest freeze.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom spoke with sadness in his eyes, “you can’t...”

Was he going to make an excuse, to use Jinyoung’s status as a Jedi knight to hide behind the fact that he didn’t feel the same. After all the years of Jinyoung carrying the same feeling, he couldn’t expect Jaebeom to do the same. He pulled his hands away and backed up from Jaebeom’s reach. He was embarrassed for his actions and wondering how childish it seemed to the man in front of him to assume so much.

It hurt, everything he’d tried to confront hurt and he didn’t like that pain in his heart. That was why he’d locked it up so long before. He recoiled like he’d been burned, and he didn’t want to look at Jaebeom and see pity on his face. He berated himself inside, he didn’t know why it had just felt like he had to see if there was anything there for him. He really was the worst Jedi in the order.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said his name again.

“Just go,” Jinyoung responded. Jinyoung backed away but Jaebeom didn’t leave And didn’t stop watching him. Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom’s eyes on him.

“Go,” Jinyoung repeated it with no strength in it. He wanted to be alone but at the same time he didn’t. He’d been alone a long time. Alone was what he needed, to clear his head but after what he’d gone through in the caves…

“I am sorry,” Jaebeom said.

“Always sorry,” Jinyoung muttered, he was tired of empty words, Jaebeom said sorry but he didn’t really mean it. “Leave me alone.” Jaebeom said sorry but it didn’t even matter.

“This is my room,” Jaebeom reminded. His voice sounded empty the same, devoid of the argumentative tone he’d taken with Jinyoung before.

“I am sorry,” Jaebeom said it again, “I was wrong. All those years ago I was wrong to corner you the way I did, to push you when you’d just been through what happened-“

“I’d almost lost you,” Jinyoung interrupted. Jaebeom had almost died then, laid near passing into the force because of a bad thing that happened on a mission. “Then you walked away, we have nothing more to discuss. Leave.” He was angry that Jaebeom wouldn’t leave him alone. Jaebeom took a very loud breath, clear frustration. Jinyoung still wouldn’t look at him. He could still feel the ghost of the feeling of Jaebeom’s lips against his own.

“I think we do have more we need to talk about,” Jaebeom said.

Jinyoung didn’t want to speak, as he was trying so hard not to cry. He didn’t like people seeing him cry. If Jaebeom wanted to talk, then Jinyoung was sure he probably should listen without fighting him but it was a struggle. It felt like letting go of something of self protection. Jinyoung clenched his fists, reached to the force, reached for control.

“I was unfair,” Jaebeom said, “when I tried to push you into choosing me over your life. I am sorry Jinyoung, I shouldn’t have done that to you. We knew each other so well then, but we lived our lives without telling each other the truth. I got tired of lying to myself about how I really felt and more than that I realized I didn’t want life as a Jedi. My dreams played into it, their response... I determined to leave when I was younger, and I realized at some point I only stayed because I didn’t want to leave you. I stayed a long time through the things I felt overwhelmed by. I honestly don’t know what I believe about what happened but I believe leaving was the right decision for me.”

Jinyoung was silent, focused on breathing, trying to fight thoughts that twisted in his mind. Did Jaebeom blame him? Cause Jaebeom was miserable for years and only stayed for Jinyoung. He was overthinking every single word.

“I wanted to push you into choosing to leave with me,” Jaebeom said, “that was unfair of me and for that I need to apologize.”

Jinyoung felt stiff, closed off. He didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t really apologized for lying. He understood how that must have felt to Jaebeom then with how he felt in the moment. Jinyoung pressed his lips down together and kept his gaze forward. His eyes were welling with tears no matter how hard he tried to hold them in.

“Did you find love?” Jinyoung finally asked, “outside of the Jedi, outside of being told no?” He was scared to ask it but he had to. 10 years with no rules there was no way that Jaebeom had stayed alone like Jinyoung. Jaebeom likely had someone else, somewhere else.

“I had some experiences that were fun and some that were not,” Jaebeom responded, “but I never really found someone I really cared for in that way. If I had I likely would have them with me now.”

Jinyoung wondered how he would have reacted to that. If he had walked back into Jaebeom’s life where Jaebeom had a lover. Jinyoung didn’t know how he would have felt about it. His heart just hurt because Jaebeom had pushed him away after 10 years of not knowing each other, telling him no. Jaebeom didn’t seem to even want to talk about it.

“You kissed me,” Jaebeom said next. Jinyoung cursed himself for thinking the conversation into existence. Jinyoung didn’t want to discuss something that hurt.

“Why?” Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung closed off in his mind. He looked forward unwilling to speak because that was the easiest way for him to handle it. He was 10 years old, no years wiser. He didn’t know what was best to say. They would always miss each other by not being ready at the same time.

“Jinyoung?” Jaebeom spoke his name like question and Jinyoung was scared to answer.

_Because I still want you._

_10 years._

It didn’t matter how Jinyoung felt in Illum. It had felt like after 10 years he could truly understand himself and his emotions. It felt like there was so much possibility. That didn’t mean that he had to admit it to anyone if he chose not to. Jaebeom moved closer. Jinyoung held his ground not willing to look at Jaebeom again.

He couldn’t stop the tears that had formed in his eyes from falling down his face. He couldn’t stop any of it as Jaebeom came closer to him. And closer still the more Jinyoung refused to speak. Silence only proved how he was effected in every way by Lim Jaebeom and everything the man was. Jaebeom placed a hand on Jinyoung’s hands where he held them together as fists. Jinyoung didn’t want to move but he felt something overwhelming in his heart as he finally lifted his head to meet Jaebeom’s eyes. They were so close.

“Please forgive me,” Jinyoung found it hard to speak but he had to ask. He had to have it.

“Forgive me,” Jinyoung begged again as he reached to grab for Jaebeom’s hand in return. He needed it. He couldn’t resist, it was what he still wanted. Jaebeom looked at him with emotion in his eyes. A sudden clarity of connection again.

In a moment they were 15 years old again.

The sun setting behind them as Jinyoung refused to be anything that Jaebeom wanted him to be. He had refused to speak any words of truth and he had refused to dare to risk his whole life for love. He didn’t want to do that again. He was tired of burying his feelings and his whole self. And if Jaebeom was still there, he hadn’t pushed Jinyoung away... Jinyoung had to.

“Forgive me,” Jinyoung begged again. He needed forgiveness for what he’d done.

Jaebeom nodded, his expression was unreadable and it was his turn to turn away. Jinyoung quickly reached out to throw arms around him, to burry his face in Jaebeom’s shoulder to cry. He wanted him so badly, it was all uncovered within him. He couldn’t put it away if he tried.

Jaebeom put an arm around him and pulled him closer and Jaebeom’s other arm came around him and held him tighter. Jinyoung wanted to dare to think that things could be okay but Jaebeom would always see him as a Jedi and he knew he would have to choose. At some point he would have to choose which path in front of him. He wanted both. But with no evidence that Jaebeom could still want him as well, Jinyoung wondered if all he had was the Jedi. Too late.

10 years locked away, 10 years too late.

He held on because he wasn’t ready to let go again. He wasn’t ready for a real goodbye.

* * *

Future

* * *

_“Don’t ever leave me again,” Jaebeom whispered in the darkness. Jinyoung could feel him as they laid side by side. There was an emptiness in his heart as he knew such a promise wasn’t one he could make._

_“Never,” Jinyoung lied._

_He didn’t deserve forgiveness for what he planned. There was no more future for them. Jinyoung knew what he had to do, and knew the risks. He knew it was unlikely he would come back alive._

_“We’ll run so far away,” Jaebeom continued to whisper, “they’ll never find us.”_

_“Together,” Jinyoung filled in. Another lie._

_Goodbye._

_He said in his heart._

_He couldn’t cry and reveal the truth._

_He couldn’t speak words and betray himself._

_He would have to pretend until the last moment._

_If he could change the future, if there was one chance he could fix their galaxy he would have to take it._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jinyoung had fallen asleep with his head against Jaebeom’s shoulder, safe in Jaebeom’s arms. Jaebeom was shaken, reeling, surprised by how Jinyoung was acting. Never in his life had he ever thought he would feel Jinyoung’s lips against his own again. Jaebeom had resolved himself to keep Jinyoung at a distance despite his temptations. This time Jinyoung had kissed him, he’d done it himself.

Every single time when they were kids conflicted with feelings they were told they weren’t supposed to allow, Jaebeom had been the first one to take the leap. He’d been the first one to break the rules and test the boundaries. His experiences with the masters taught him to be a rebel and though it was scary and selfish he always had pushed first. Jinyoung was just too alluring for him as a young teenager to resist. Jaebeom had grown past his own lack of self control even with how Jinyoung had grown more handsome. Jaebeom guessed he would always be attracted to his former friend.

Jaebeom felt like he had whiplash where Jinyoung was concerned. They had walked into Illum fighting and Jinyoung had come out admitting he lied and begging for forgiveness. Jinyoung had kissed him, clung to him.

These were things Jaebeom wasn’t used to where Jinyoung was concerned. Jinyoung had been distant and had kept all possible distance between them. He’d been hostile towards Jaebeom. Since reuniting he hadn’t even wanted a similitude of the friendship they’d had in the past. He’d just pushed away and pushed back everytime Jaebeom even tried to get a friendly response out of him.

Something had changed in Illum. Jinyoung hadn’t talked about what it was specifically. Jaebeom guessed it had to do with emotions and Jinyoung’s own relationship with himself more than anything specifically to do with Jaebeom.

Jaebeom felt the weight of Jinyoung in his arms and he took a deep breath as he knew what it meant. He’d been despairing in Illum because he’d lost Jinyoung, and getting Jinyoung back had led to the revelation that he could defeat his inner demons himself. Saying goodbye to Jinyoung again would be almost impossible if they got too close. Jaebeom hadn’t dared to even let himself think of Jinyoung as he had when they were young. Jinyoung kissing him opened him up again to the realization that the love he’d had for the boy in his arms had never really left him. No matter how much bitterness had entered to cover them up.

He’s wanted to respond to the boy in his arms. He wanted to kiss Jinyoung back, to pin him down and make him feel things that Jaebeom knew he’d never felt in his life. He wanted closeness, intimacy. Jinyoung was his weakness, he wanted to give everything for it. it all came rushing back in with one kiss. Jinyoung was alluring, a temptation Jaebeom had to say no to.

Jinyoung wasn’t his to have, and he couldn’t cross that line. Jinyoung wasn’t meant to be Jaebeom’s, he belonged to the force and to the Jedi. That was where Jinyoung had always belonged. Jaebeom couldn’t allow himself to be the thing that took Jinyoung away from the life he’d always wanted. Nor to be someone destructive to Jinyoung

Jaebeom had been bitter enough about the past to pick apart the Jedi and Jinyoung’s identity out of spite and malice. It was because he knew how much that identity meant to Jinyoung. That identity was something Jinyoung had fought his whole life for. He’d given up pieces of himself and his own desires because he wanted to be a Jedi. Jinyoung was born for something greater than the life Jaebeom lived. Jaebeom couldn’t take that from him. He didn’t want to take away all that Jinyoung had worked for.

Jinyoung needed the force like the air he breathed. If he were to leave the order or get expelled for taking actions against the code they would tell him he wasn’t allowed to commune with the force anymore. Jaebeom had gotten the convincing piece of indoctrination they leveled ay everyone leaving. They were not to pursue further training in the ways of the force once they left. The Jedi would hunt down anyone who they deemed dangerous and with Jinyoung’s level of power he would be on that list.

Besides all that, Jinyoung wouldn’t be happy outside the Jedi order. Jaebeom couldn’t ask him to throw it away, he wouldn’t let Jinyoung do it. He wanted to work through the issues they had, the past they shared because he hoped they could move forward as good friends. That would be preferable to nothing at all.

He let his fingers wander to Jinyoung's soft black hair to caress his head and then moved to untangle Jinyoung's arms from himself. He gently laid the younger man down on his bed and pulled blankets over his sleeping form. Jinyoung was still a deep sleeper like he had been when they were young.

He got up and left the room behind. He leaned back on the wall after he exited the room and sighed. What was going on was a lot for him to handle. Jinyoung was afraid because of his vision of Taecyeon in danger, that was likely related to why he was trying something with Jaebeom. He was just off balance, that was what Jaebeom would tell himself.

Jaebeom hoped the vision was untrue. He hoped they'd reach Taecyeon and find things were okay. Jinyoung could clear his head once they reached Jaebeom's former master. Taecyeon and Jinyoung were close and if anyone could help Jinyoung through what he was going through it would be Taecyeon. He always had taken care of Jinyoung, even when his padawan was Jaebeom. Jaebeom had never been jealous because he'd understood. Jinyoung was special in a way he just wasn't.

They were from the same planet, a planet filled with kyber yet Jinyoung was the one with the true strength and destiny. People called him the chosen one at one point. Jinyoung was remarkable, an incredibly talented student. He deserved his success in becoming a Jedi Knight.

Jaebeom shook his head. They had hours to go and Jaebeom didn't know what came after they got to Taecyeon. The slavers were likely still a factor which meant bounty hunters would be looking for them. They’d probably be told to shelter on Coruscant. They’d be together a bit longer. Until that problem was gone Jaebeom resolved that he would protect Jinyoung.

He'd nearly forgotten Count Dooku's involvement in the bounty with how crazy things had been. The former Jedi master was after Jinyoung. Jaebeom knew much more, that Dooku had watched Jinyoung even as a child. He wouldn't stop and even when Jaebeom's problems were resolved Jinyoung's would remained. If only there was some way to shake Dooku entirely. He would be difficult to defeat but that was likely the only way to get rid of him.

After the slavers were defeated the others would likely send Dooku on his way. Dooku wasn't his problem to deal with. It was Jinyoung's battle and the Jedi were the ones whose duty it was to help Jinyoung get past it. The Jedi were the ones who were supposed to stay by his side and help him defeat his enemy. The problem was Jaebeom didn't know that he trusted the Jedi to actually fix it. They’d let it go on for so long and had done nothing but try to shelter Jinyoung in the Jedi temple. That wasn’t a sustainable solution.

Jaebeom knew what he wanted to do, to stay with Jinyoung and make sure he was okay but he had to think of the others. As soon as they were able to they needed to take work. They still had money from the job they'd run for the republic but eventually it would run out. It was his job to take care of the kids he'd taken in. It wouldn't be fair to them for him to neglect them to help Jinyoung when Jinyoung had a whole Jedi order to care for him.

As soon as things cleared up they would be walking away from each other. Jaebeom realized he just had to accept it.

* * *

Jinyoung woke up out of a light sleep to two pairs of eyes both staring straight at him. He jumped surprised by the appearance of two people and the realization that Jaebeom wasn’t there. He was alarmed for a moment before he recognized them.

“What are you doing?” BamBam asked as he sat down on the bed next to Jinyoung and crossed his legs quickly. He was making himself comfortable and Jinyoung didn’t like it.

“I could ask you the same thing!” Jinyoung protested, “why are you in my room!”

“This is Jaebeom’s room,” BamBam observed with a confused look on his face. He leaned forward towards Jinyoung and poked his forehead. “When I imagined what Jedi look like I wouldn’t have thought you.” Jinyoung still felt a bit groggy but he was slightly offended by the comment the younger boy had made.

"What?" Jinyoung sat up in the bed. He didn't understand why the two kids were waking up. He looked back to Yugyeom who stood a bit away from the bed. BamBam seemed determined to be in his face while Yugyeom stayed away.

"See Yugyeom he's not scary at all!" BamBam declared.

"What?" Jinyoung asked again, he put his hand on his head. He was tired, his head hurt slightly and he remembered he’d been crying.

"You're pretty," BamBam stared at him. Jinyoung was taken aback by the stay comment.

"What are you doing in here?" Jinyoung asked. He was exasperated with the lack of explanation.

"Jaebeom said to wake you up we're landing soon and you've been asleep for hours," BamBam explained, "and Yugyeom said he was scared to so I volunteered. I don’t know why he finds you scary, you’re really nice. I like you, can you be my big brother?" BamBam threw arms around him and Jinyoung yelped at the sudden affectionate assault.

"What the hell?" Jinyoung asked. He pushed at the gangly boy who was surprisingly strong.

"You rescued me," BamBam said, "I never got to say thank you cause you never talk to any of us, just Jaebeom. But thank you, thank you, thank you. I know we got in trouble but I am so happy you got me out." Jinyoung wasn’t used to such exaggerated thanks.

"Please let go of me," Jinyoung said as nicely as he could. He didn't want to push the kid away entirelywhen he didn't know how the kid was going to react.

"BamBam," Yugyeom said, "we need to tell him to strap in."

"Oh yeah," BamBam let go of his mid section and grabbed his arm.

"What?" Jinyoung questioned.

"There's a blockade but Jaebeom's going to get us through!" BamBam shouted. Jinyoung was alarmed by the sudden piece of information, which should have been the first thing they boys had said.

"A blockade?" Jinyoung questioned.

"You ask a lot of questions," BamBam responded.

"It's a republic blockade of the planet," Yugyeom clarified. Yugyeom clearly got what was important moreso than the other. Jinyoung’s brain processed what Yugyeom had said and he scrambled to get up. He could hear blasts and his heart jumped. They shouldn't be fighting to get through a republic blockade, Jinyoung had access to get them through. They were risking being shot down for no reason.

"Shit," Jinyoung shouted. He moved quickly and pushed past the other two boys to get out of the run. He stumbled down the hall as the ship jerked. He rushed as fast as he could towards the cockpit. He used the force to keep himself upright as he rushed through as fast as he could.

"Jinyoung you have to strap down!" BamBam called after him but Jinyoung moved quickly. He had to figure out why Jaebeom felt the need to run a Republic blockade when he had a Jedi on board. He made it to the doorway after stumbling and gripped onto it to get himself through safely. The ship banked, he nearly fell.

"What the hell are you doing?!?" Jaebeom shouted as Jinyoung reached for the chair next to him.

"Sit down!" Jaebeom shouted at him again. Another blast rocked the ship. It was difficult to keep himself from flying across the front of the console.

"Call them in," Jinyoung said quickly as he got into the seat and strapped the belts, "I can stop it."

"I gave them the codes that we used to get to Illum but they didn't recognize them!" Jaebeom shouted at Jinyoung as he moved his console focused on maneuvering around the mass of ships. Jinyoung was annoyed Jaebeom thought the same code would work for a different location. That would have been a shoddy security plan on the Republic’s part if they had chosen to do it that way.

"That one wouldn't work," Jinyoung complained, "why didn't you get me."

"You were sleeping!” Jaebeom exclaimed as if it was excuse enough. He could have woken Jinyoung but there was no time to argue. Jinyoung didn’t want to be turned to space dust.

“Where are your comms?" Jinyoung asked as he looked at the console for the buttons he would need.

"There," Jaebeom pointed quickly as he had to move to dodge another shot from one of the larger command ships. Jinyoung found it odd that there weren’t fighters chasing them. He quickly typed into the communicator to get someone to listen.

"Come in," Jinyoung shouted into the communicator, "Commander Dyce, Commander Dyce, this is General Park!" It was Taecyeon's troops that were fighting there, so they would have to recognize him. Static came back through but he wasn’t going to give up on that. He had to get through to them.

"Commander Dyce this is General Park," Jinyoung shouted in, "call off the attack, do you read me? Call off the attack!” He had learned short statements were the best things to use when urgent action was needed. He could explain all the details of why he was there aboard an unidentified vessel later.

There was more static on the lines

"I can't get through," Jinyoung shouted at Jaebeom. He worried he wasn’t working the comm system correctly.

"Keep trying," Jaebeom said, "I'm going to get us out of here." The ship moved sharply but Jinyoung kept his wits about him.

"Commander Dyce this is General Park," he repeated, "operating number 747, do you read me?" He called into it again, reaching in the force wondering if he could find Taecyeon nearby or if Taecyeon was on the planet. If the Jedi was on the planet Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to reach him that way.

"Answer me!" Jinyoung shouted into the comms, "stop firing and talk to me, do you read me? Commander Dyce!" Jinyoung knew which ships they were up against, he could see their numbers. It was Taecyeon's armada, but Jinyoung didn't know who was present with them. He only assumed it was the commander he wanted to speak to.

"Unidentified vessel," a voice finally came through and the shooting stopped, Jaebeom kept flying fast, "this is Admiral Vickers, you were asked to leave the area." Jinyoung was glad to finally get a response.

"Admiral," Jinyoung said, "this is General Park, operating number 747, I am on this ship, I have clearance to be here!”

"General Park?" the admiral sounded shocked. “What are you doing on that ship? You're supposed to be on Courscant. What access code do you have to be entering this planet?"

"I don't have an access code but I have clearance,” Jinyoung responded, he didn’t know why he had to clarify that when it was obvious, "but you know who I am and you can verify my number, just let us down." He was a General in the Republic’s army. He was above the Admiral, his clearance gave him access to every planet in the Republic.

"I am sorry General you don't have authorized access to this planet," the Admiral responded. Jinyoung wanted to scream. That wasn’t a correct assessment at all.

"This is no time for that, I should have clearance as a General,” Jinyoung responded, “I came because Taecyeon is in danger and you will let me through. I am with the Jedi order, I have seniority over everyone, even you.” He hated pulling rank but he was under stress.

"I am sorry General," the Admiral said, "you are listed as operating as a rouge member of the order, your clearance has been revoked. We've pulled up your information and it says if anyone sees you to send you back to the temple on Coruscant immediately for evaluation by the Jedi masters.” Jinyoung was shocked. He’d never heard anything like that.

"I was out on a mission given to me by one of the council members!" Jinyoung stammered over his words, "I am not operating rouge, and you will let me through. Call Taecyeon, get him on the line he'll listen to me! He'll want to see me!" It was outrageous that an Admiral was rebuffing him with something he couldn’t even verify. But it was shocking the Admiral would say such things, there was no way it could be true but why would the man lie?

"General Ok is in a battle on the surface," The Admiral said, "it's impossible to reach him."

Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom whose brow was furrowed deep. The wheel's in Jinyoung's head were turning. He had to find a way to get to the planet below. He had to contact Master Yoda or someone else on the Council to sort out the mess. Windu wasn’t unreasonable, he would do it if Jinyoung could get ahold of him.

"Let us board," Jinyoung said, "I need to use your high range comms to contact the Council. I want to clear this up immediately so I can go below. I have information I need to share with General Ok, you have to at least give me this much." It was a last ditch effort to salvage the situation. It would take time that Jinyoung was worried they didn’t have but it was better than being turned away and risking Taecyeon’s life.

"Sir the only way you can board is to willingly enter our detention center," the Admiral said, "we need assurances you're not going to run." He was surprised, he’d never run…

"What the hell?" Jinyoung shouted at the Admiral before he could stop himself, "I am still a part of the Jedi order. You do not have authorization to do that!" Jaebeom was silent let to him.

"We can reach the council for you but only if you agree to our terms as your file is very confusing to us,” the Admiral said. Jinyoung glanced at the man next to him to see Jaebeom's expression was unreadable as he stared at the console. Jinyoung wondered what he was thinking about the strange situation they found themselves in.

"I will agree under the condition that you treat my companions as honored guests," Jinyoung declared.

He knew he shouldn't be agreeing at all as it was a dishonor to his status, but if he complied he could speak to Master Yoda and clear things up faster. He wanted to make sure in the meantime that those with him would be treated well and kept safe since Bounty Hunters could still be at large. He couldn't believe he had to deal with Bounty Hunters as well as being treated as a hostile force by his own side. Taecyeon would be upset once he heard about it, Jinyoung knew the Admiral would get an earful.

"We agree," the Admiral said.

"Okay we’re coming in,” Jinyoung said before closing communication. He turned to Jaebeom and nodded, "take us inside."

"Are you sure about this?" Jaebeom asked. His eyes met Jinyoung’s, expression still unreadable.

"Yeah," Jinyoung nodded, he had to get ahold of the Council at any cost. It was confusing to him that he was being treated badly by those he trusted and who were supposed to trust him. He was ordered to return to Courscant for evaluation? He wondered why that would be.

Jaebeom turned his ship towards the vessel without questioning it further. They began to fly inside. Jinyoung tried to parse out what was going on when he felt a slight headache beginning to form. He wasn't sure why, he didn't get headaches often, not sudden ones either. It was almost like he was being probed, but only a force user could do that. Taecyeon was below and as far as he knew no other knights were traveling with Taecyeon.

"What the hell?" Jinyoung mused.

"What?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung reached out with the force to try and figure out what was happening. It was like... he didn't feel anyone who could be doing it. Jinyoung's chest gripped with ice as things began to connect and he knew what was happening.

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung realized they had gotten too close to the ship, they had to turn back. His body felt iced over with fear.

“G-get us out of here," Jinyoung spoke but it came out stuttered as the dark of the presence began to fill him. He didn’t even know if running was an option anymore.

"Jinyoung?" Jaebeom questioned, but he began to turn out regardless. Jaebeom turned his ship but it was too late. A tractor beam began to pull them in. "What is going on?" Jaebeom tried to move his ship out but he couldn’t fight the tractor beam’s pull.

"Dooku's here," Jinyoung turned to Jaebeom and reached to grab his own lightsaber off his belt.

"What?" Jaebeom looked shocked by Jinyoung’s words.

"Listen to me," Jinyoung said, "I need you to listen to every word I say." He reached for Jaebeom's hand and pulled it towards himself. Jinyoung placed his lightsaber in the man’s hand and closed it around.

"Jinyoung I can get us out of here," Jaebeom looked like he wanted to turn and fly the ship out but they were too far in. Even light speed couldn't get them out of the tractor beam, they would be torn apart if they tried it.

"I have a plan," Jinyoung informed him, " for it to work I need you." The clones that had operated the ship were likely dead or captive or below. Taecyeon was in danger like Jinyoung had seen andJinyoung had to fix it. He couldn’t do it alone, he needed Jaebeom's help to win.

"I am going to face Dooku,” Jinyoung said, "and you're going to get them all out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's just been a string of cliffhangers lately, I don't think that's apt to slow down. Thank you all for reading, and all the kudos and comments. Let me know what you think of it his chapter.


	19. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 18 - Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung faces off with Dooku while Jaebeom moves to begin his part of the mission.

Light.

Jinyoung had to remember he couldn’t be afraid. Fear was his enemy, the dark and what would be fighting against him. The ship was guided in against their will and Jinyoung sat on his own watching as they entered.

There were battle droids all around the hangar that he could see from the viewport. It was apparent that the cruiser was completely taken over and probably the rest of the cruisers as well. He wondered what had happened and where his friend was. He worried for Taecyeon, and how Dooku might use Taecyeon to get to him. He could see Dooku standing amongst the formations of battle droids, his presence was imposing. Jinyoung saw droids surrounding the republic ship commanders, and among them clones. Guns were on them likely as insurance for Jinyoung’s cooperation.

He wondered if Dooku had taken the armada solely for the reason that Dooku looking for him. Dooku was going to huge lengths to get to Jinyoung and the man’s willingness to do something so huge frightened him. It made him feel guilty that other lives were being put on the line in a chase meant for him. Jinyoung had to make sure he was able to reverse it and get them all out. He hoped his plan worked.

It was difficult to get Jaebeom to agree to Jinyoung’s terms but Jinyoung wanted to make sure the boys with Jaebeom were safe. They didn’t deserve to be dragged into his twisted mess with Count Dooku. This was the only way that they could be protected. Jinyoung stepped back towards the exit where Jaebeom stood and nodded to him. He hoped their ruse would work and that Dooku would buy every bit of it. Dooku knew them both and much of their history, with that Jinyoung worried Dooku would call their bluff. It was dangerous to try to lie to him but they didn’t have much of a choice.

“I don’t want to do this,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung reached his hands for Jaebeom’s hands. Jaebeom’s calloused hands that still fit Jinyoung’s as perfectly as they ever did. The expression on Jaebeom’s face was conflicted, scared and Jinyoung understood.

“You have too,” Jinyoung said. He couldn’t come up with another way on such short notice, he wasn’t ever good at improvising. He could see the hesitation in Jaebeom’s eyes but he didn’t have a choice in the matter. Jinyoung had to give himself up for them to make it.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom spoke with so many emotions.

“We can’t fight our way out against those numbers,” Jinyoung responded. Jaebeom pulled his hand from Jinyoung’s and reached forward and placed his hand against Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung wondered what he was thinking, or what else he could say with all their confusing interactions. There was no time to work out what was happening between the two of them. They never had time to figure things out. Their lives were always a push and pull moving ever forward. Jaebeom hesitated, and Jinyoung could see the wheels in his head searching for another way. His hand still against Jinyoung’s face.

“Jaebeom please,” Jinyoung said, “just get it over with.” He didn’t want to waste time any longer. It was going to hurt, but it had to for them to really sell it. Jaebeom’s hand dropped.

“We need your hands behind your back,” Jaebeom said, “it’s more believable if we do it that way.” Jinyoung agreed. He turned around without argument and held his hands behind his back for Jaebeom to take. Jaebeom took his wrists and locked them in cuffs. Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom’s hands shaking as he continued, he attached the force blocking device and Jinyoung couldn’t stop a shudder knowing what it would do to him.

“I trust you,” Jinyoung assured despite not being able to stop the tension in his body at the thought of being cut off from the force again. He could feel when Jaebeom attached the device but Jaebeom didn’t turn it on immediately. Jinyoung thought of the time before when Jaebeom hadn’t thought twice about putting Jinyoung through that. Things had already changed so much between them. Jaebeom was hesitating.

“Jaebeom-” Jinyoung said his name softly. He knew they didn’t have time to waste and he felt himself being turned around. Jaebeom looked into his eyes, and Jinyoung wondered what he was doing and why. Jaebeom took a breath and he moved his face closer to Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung looked up at his eyes in confusion, his heart stopping as Jaebeom connected their lips.

Jinyoung gasped in surprise as Jaebeom pushed his mouth against Jinyoung’s but didn't do so gradually or slowly. His hands came behind Jinyoung's head and he held him in place. Jinyoung couldn't use his own hands to grasp onto Jaebeom in return even though he wanted to. Jinyoung's could feel his heart beating in his chest as Jaebeom licked out at his lips and tilted Jinyoung's head below his. Jinyoung parted his lips as Jaebeom licked in, Jinyoung's mind going blank, fire igniting across his veins. He wanted Jaebeom, he wanted him so badly. His senses could only feel Jaebeom.

He licked back against Jaebeom's tongue heat filling him as Jaebeom kept kissing him. Jinyoung wished more than anything that he could hold onto Jaebeom in that moment, that he could wind his fingers through Jaebeom’s hair. That he could hold on and keep holding on. It was unfair that Jaebeom had kissed him in that moment when Jinyoung couldn’t reach back for him. When Jaebeom pulled away he looked at Jinyoung with tears in his eyes, emotions that Jinyoung never thought he’d see again.

"I'm sorry," Jaebeom said to him breathless, "I had to." Jinyoung felt sorrow as he looked at Jaebeom and tried to catch his breath. Jaebeom was beautiful, everything he wanted. If this was the moment that Jaebeom was telling Jinyoung he felt the same way, Jinyoung didn’t know how he was going to bear it. They would have to pull off the difficult task ahead to be back in each other's arms, to figure out what they were and if there was a future for them.

"Please, be safe," Jaebeom rested his forehead against Jinyoung’s, ”I’ll get you out. I promise."

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung breathed his name. Jinyoung wanted to say he loved him, wanted to say that he wanted Jaebeom more than anything but the words got stuck in his throat. They felt too final, too difficult given the fight they had ahead.

"We have to go now," Jinyoung said instead, "I'll be alright, I promise." Jaebeom breathed against his face then turned him around. Jinyoung braced himself as Jaebeom activated the device and he tried to block out as much of the force as he could before it happened. He couldn’t prepare as he felt it drained from him. That feeling of being unable to breathe hit him hard. He gasped at it.

“I did what I could to lower the power,” Jaebeom said, “I’m sorry.” He hit the button on the wall panel to open the door and drew his gun. Jinyoung would have to walk forward down the steps of the ship with Jaebeom’s gun to his back when breathing hurt.

“You keep apologizing,” Jinyoung gritted out as he stepped forward. They could see the battle droids, guns ready to point at them if they stepped out of line. Jinyoung continued walking till they were onto the hangar floor. The walked towards where Jinyoung’s enemy stood and Jinyoung stopped as he looked at Dooku. He wasn’t ready to face him.

“Dooku,” Jaebeom called out to him. Jaebeom he pushed Jinyoung forward and Jinyoung stumbled. Jaebeom had pushed him hard.

“Lim Jaebeom?” Dooku questioned from where he stood.

“You remember me?” Jaebeom asked, Jinyoung saw some droids move and Jaebeom pushed the blaster against the back of Jinyoung’s head. “Stand down or I’ll kill him, and with the bounty you put on taking him alive I am sure you’d be unhappy with that.”

“I am no fool Jaebeom,” Dooku said, "I know that you and Jinyoung are close, what is the catch here?" Jinyoung was worried he would remember and call it just as he did. It all depended on Jaebeom’s response.

"No catch," Jaebeom said, "I'll give you Jinyoung." His voice was cold. Jinyoung could almost believe he was being honest, if he didn't know the truth. If Jaebeom hadn’t just kissed him like he had. "I'll give him to you without the bounty. If you wish to pay me out of honor then fine but I will give him to you in exchange for my life, the lives of my crew and in exchange for you putting pressure on the slave traders to leave us alone. Jinyoung made promises to me he hasn't kept, I hope for better from you. I am not a Jedi anymore. I don't agree with them but I went along with them because they'd promised they'd get rid of the slave traders and get the bounty off of my head. Let us go and get rid of that Bounty and Jinyoung is yours. He means nothing to me. He's just another part of a group of people who have brought endless war to our galaxy. You see sir I am a lot like you, I left because I have no love for the ways of the Jedi."

He pushed Jinyoung forward again harder and Jinyoung hit the ground. The force blocker, it was what their plan relied on. The ultimate way to sell Jaebeom’s false intentions. The pain coursing through Jinyoung's veins as he couldn't access the force which he needed to fight back was overwhelming. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Why would Jaebeom have something like that except to use it? That was the logic Dooku would apply that logic. Jinyoung prayed Dooku would buy it.

"You have a deal," Dooku responded. Jinyoung knew Jaebeom's next move was to hold out Jinyoung's lightsaber and Jinyoung took a deep breath. He reached out with the force to try to break past the force blocking field, he cried out as he did. He couldn't break it without Jaebeom. It made him see spots in his vision as he tried so hard to breathe so he wouldn't pass out. He needed to be seen fighting before he lost his consciousness.

"Thank you," Jaebeom said, "nice doing business with you." He dropped the lightsaber onto the ground next to Jinyoung. Just out of reach. Jinyoung could hear Jaebeom's footsteps walking away. He could hear more footsteps walking towards him. He tried to hold on but he couldn't keep himself awake.

A lower setting didn't matter.

Without the force he couldn't stay awake.

His eyes slipped shut.

* * *

Past

* * *

_Jaebeom opened his eyes, he had a mask on his face. A machine pumping air into his lungs as his eyes searched around the room he was in. Awakening confused, but not alone. He knew he wasn’t alone._

__“You'll be okay."_ _

__"I won't leave you."_ _

__"Come back to me.”_ _

_Words came back to him that he heard while he was sleeping in the dark. He looked around the room, lights on. Bacta moved in cool waves through an iv into his body. He’d felt it before and knew it would heal damage he couldn’t see. This time he’d almost died. He’d felt himself slipping away to the force, he’d felt Jinyoung’s despair._

__Jinyoung._ _

_The only thing keeping him grounded to reality was his connection in the force to the boy he loved. He felt strange as the machine kept pushing air into his system and he had no choice but to breathe it out yet he was calm. The sound of his breathing was strange, like each breath was desperate. But the force with him relaxed him, to where he didn’t fight it. The force with him was living and breathing with a sense of Jinyoung, he could feel Jinyoung._

_Jaebeom looked around and located him. His eyes fell on Jinyoung. They were the same age but Jaebeom had grown faster. Jinyoung was much smaller, he’d always been smaller. He was curled up on a large chair in the room, sound asleep. His dark hair was long, it would need a trim to stay within the standards of what the Jedi padawan’s hair was supposed to be. His small padawan braid was short fallen across his shoulder._

_He looked so helpless asleep in the way he was. Jaebeom felt so much warmth in his heart just to see Jinyoung was still there by his side. He’d felt coldness in the force as Jinyoung retaliated for what had happened to Jaebeom. It was followed by fear and sadness that overwhelmed them both across the line the force had drawn between them. Jaebeom could feel everything Jinyoung was feeling and Jinyoung could feel everything Jaebeom was feeling. Even the love they shared was broadcasted across their connection when they weren’t supposed to feel anything. Jaebeom felt everything so tangibly._

_He couldn’t reach Jinyoung from where he was. His body felt numbed down like he wasn’t even supposed to be awake. He’d pulled himself out of unconsciousness because he just wanted Jinyoung. He wanted closeness, safety, the familiar feelings that made them both calm and at peace._

_Jaebeom reached out with the force to nudge him. Jinyoung's eyes opened looked dazed for a moment but he looked to Jaebeom. Their eyes met and Jaebeom reached his hand as best he could for Jinyoung. Jinyoung sat up and stretched his muscles a bit. He got up and walked to Jaebeom and sat down on the bed beside him. Jinyoung slowly laid down and curled up around Jaebeom. That helped Jaebeom to feel more at peace._

_They'd both survived a terrible mission. Jaebeom touched his hand against Jinyoung's head. He was happy they were both alive._

_He just hoped to be able to take Jinyoung away from the dark. To take Jinyoung far away from ever feeling the touch of the dark side within himself again. He could feel Jinyoung's fear, feel the stress in his body relaxing as he laid beside Jaebeom._

_The dark side would fight for him but Jaebeom would fight harder._

* * *

Present

* * *

"Is it ready?" Jaebeom asked as he shut the door to his ship, he'd hoped the boys were quick in what they'd planned to do. They had to take off and they didn’t have time to stall and waste.

"Yes we’re done,” Youngjae declared as Jaebeom rushed to where his ship had opened up in the bottom level to the republic warship below it, a panel had been moved to allow him access. "You have to get in now." Youngjae had worked with Yugyeom and BamBam to open the floor of the republic vessel. Jaebeom had to slip in to begin their part of the plan, while the others would leave to try and find help.

"Contact Jackson Wang as soon as you get out of here,” Jaebeom said, “we don't have codes for anyone else, and I would say no matter who it is, don't trust anyone else. Jackson will help." Jaebeom knew he could count on them to put in their best efforts.

"I will do it," Youngjae said, "we'll be back soon to get you, just don't get yourself caught before you’re done.”

"I'll do my best not to," Jaebeom responded as he quickly began to climb down through the open floor panel. They would close him in on his own, then he'd have to rely in the info Jinyoung had given him and hope it was enough. He would be going to the heart of the ship itself to find what had happened to the clones who used to run it.

“Fly out of here fast," Jaebeom said "and stay safe." Yugyeom moved as Jaebeom reached the bottom to replace the panel and Jaebeom watched up as his view of them was about to be closed off. They would be gone soon. Youngjae climbed up to run to the cockpit to fly the ship out, that was the last thing he saw before Yugyeom shut the panel. He heard the ship above him close up.

Jaebeom took a deep breath to steady himself, he would be able to handle his part of the mission. He was shut in, he heard his ship’s engines roar to life. He made his way further down into the ship, keeping in mind Jinyoung’s instructions of where to go.

It wouldn't be easy ahead but he had to do whatever it took to get Jinyoung back. Jinyoung was counting on him.

* * *

Jinyoung awoke on a soft mattress, and he breathed in cool dry air that made him realize quickly he was on a ship. He opened his eyes and recognized the layout of the room he was in, he'd been in them before only the force around him was cold and sickening. The room which should have been a place of safety for him was a prison as everything returned to his mind, what had happened. Ice filled his veins, the cold of the dark side of the force, and he shivered from it.

He wasn't safe because the enemy who sought to master him was close by. He knew that dark feeling too well, it had become familiar to him. Jinyoung got up from the bed easily, his hands weren't bound and there was nothing holding him there. He took a deep breath as he looked around and saw his lightsaber had been placed on the table beside him.

He could feel Dooku close but Jinyoung didn't know exactly where his enemy was. He knew that there was a fight to be had and he had no problem being the one to instigate that.

Jinyoung used the force to quickly call his lightsaber to his hand. He looked towards the door in front of him and reached to feel if it was locked. It _wasn't_. He knew whatever was going on was likely a test but he was just the kind of person to rush straight into it. He was not one to wait around and find out what Dooku had planned. He'd rather get whatever sick trick Dooku had played on him over with than to wait and see what twisted things that bastard had conjured up for him.

He used the force to open the door and walked out with his head held high. Despite how things looked when he was being handed over by Jaebeom, he wanted Dooku to see he wasn’t someone to be messed with. He hoped they could end the games Dooku was playing by Jinyoung defeating him so that Jinyoung could finally move forward. There were a couple battle droids waiting outside his door, and he used the force to shut them down.

The hallways in front of him went different directions he didn't think think either way mattered. He ran down one side just picking whichever he wanted to. His body felt a bit out of it, probably from the force blocker but he wasn't blocked anymore so there was nothing to slow him down. He could feel the force strong, around him. He gritted his teeth and set his feet to keep running. He knew the layout of the republic ship better than the separatists and he knew where Jaebeom would be going. He had to get there to do his best to help and they could all escape together. He turned down another hallway and continued to run.

He ran until suddenly his body was stopped and he couldn’t move forward. He suddenly felt himself being yanked backwards by the force, by someone so strong Jinyoung couldn’t resist the pull. He cried out and tried to get out of the force bind but he couldn't. He gripped his lightsaber and tried to orient himself to land nicer but he couldn't control it. He was jerked back hard until his body hit the floor and the breath was knocked out of him. His head hit the ground hard, he saw spots in his vision.

"You were always like this," Dooku's voice sunk into his body like ice again, that feeling was one he didn’t want to be accustomed to. He hated the feeling of the dark. “You were always the first to get up and fight back even as a child." Jinyoung turned from where he was on the ground to see where the Sith Lord stood, his form was imposing.

"Get up Jinyoung and fight back like you always have," Dooku challenged. Jinyoung used the force to push himself off the ground and onto his feet, he was ready to take up that challenge. He looked at Dooku with his eyes on a target, Jinyoung surrounded himself with the force reaching with strength to show off his own power. A shield of warmth and light enwrapped him. He rushed at Dooku and moved his hand to turn his lightsaber on but as he did nothing happened. He stopped and looked as his lightsaber sparked but no blade came forth.

Shock and confusion hit him hard.

"Huh?" Jinyoung tried again and reached for the force to connect with his crystal but when he did he felt nothing but emptiness. Fear filled his veins as he looked back to Dooku with confusion. The fight was already rigged for him to lose.

"When are you going to fight back?" Dooku asked, he looked impatient. He stepped forward towards Jinyoung with imposing strength and Jinyoung could feel him as if Dooku’s presence in the force was bigger than anything Jinyoung could hope to conjure. Jinyoung wanted to hold his ground but he felt like backing away out of confusion, not fear. Dooku was better with a lightsaber than Jinyoung had ever been, and Jinyoung... Jinyoung didn't even have one that worked. Jinyoung didn't want to back down but how was he supposed to fight back?

"Are you looking for this?" Dooku asked and he held Jinyoung's Kyber crystal up for him to see. His heart started pounding, a steady quick beat in his chest. He didn’t know what Dooku was playing at. He reached for his violet crystal with the force to try and take it back but Dooku held it strong.

Jinyoung didn't understand why if he was so strong with the force that Dooku seemed to hold more power than he did. "You don't want this to be a fair fight?" Jinyoung gritted out as he tried to get his crystal back. Dooku was completely unfazed by his efforts, like he was taunting Jinyoung with his power.

"I don't want a fight at all. We don't have to be enemies Jinyoung," Dooku said, "I wish to stop this fight between us, to speak as two people. If you give me a chance, I think you’ll find you and I both want the same thing." Jinyoung would hear nothing of what Dooku had to say.

"You know nothing of what I want," Jinyoung responded with vitriol. Dooku wouldn’t leave him alone, wouldn’t stop trying to chase him down for some twisted dark purpose and Jinyoung was sick of it.

"You want the end of this war," Dooku said calmly, "I know that you do. So put down your weapon and come have a talk with me.” Dooku wasn't going to stop but neither was Jinyoung. He reached again with the force for his crystal.

Dooku held it strong in his hand. Jinyoung pulled back with more of the force reaching with what he could and putting more into fighting back. Jinyoung suddenly felt his body seize up as Dooku reached back with the force to entrap him again. Jinyoung suddenly couldn't move, and couldn't access the force. He felt as if the force was being drained from his body as he began to lift off the ground. He was sick and dizzy with the sudden feeling.

"There is no use in fighting," Dooku said, "the dark side is stronger." Jinyoung gasped for air as he was pulled closer to where Dooku stood, he couldn't break out of the hold Dooku had on him he could only squirm in pain. The Sith Lord dropped Jinyoung on the ground in front of himself.

"The dark side will always be stronger," Dooku said as he sneered down at Jinyoung, "even you can not stand against it's power." Dooku tossed Jinyoung's crystal on the ground in front of him and pushed Jinyoung easily back from it. Jinyoung used the moment to reach for the force to call it to his hand. Dooku was playing with him, he knew that but he didn't care. Jinyoung would still fight back no matter how things were rigged for him to fail.

Jinyoung opened his saber fast and put the crystal in and shut it. He got up in his feet and held up a force shield in front of him against any move Dooku could make. Jinyoung felt relief in a rush of light as he turned his saber on, the crystals energy seemed to connect with his own.

A Jedi was not supposed to attack first but he was fed up with being toyed with. Jinyoung found himself itching for this fight, desperate for a chance to beat the man who had invaded his life from the moment that man had killed his master. Jinyoung leapt with all his might towards Dooku and his saber met a red one, crashing together with a sound of sparks and flame. Jinyoung moved fast trying to overwhelm his opponent with speed but each time he struck the opposing red saber. The crashing sound familiar in his ears.

"That's it Jinyoung," Dooku said, "use your anger, you can do this." Jinyoung breathed deep as he tried not to see red, tried not to be angry but it was difficult to suppress those emotions. Dooku had made his life hell, killed his master then put a price on his head. He wanted Jinyoung to be angry, he'd wanted this. Jinyoung backed away and took a deep breath, trying to keep himself centered.

"Don't stop fighting," Dooku pushed him with the force and he couldn't resist the feeling of being pushed back. He couldn't get a shield up that was able to resist being knocked down. His lightsaber was knocked away from him.

"You were once the most promising student in the Jedi Order," Dooku said, "the most promising ever seen. Such a waste of potential you have become. You can't fight, you don't even know how to use your lightsaber as a Jedi should. Yet you have everything within you to defeat me right now if you'd use your fear, use your anger, I know you want to kill me so do it Jinyoung.” Jinyoung got up and pushed at him with the force. But his desperation did nothing. He reached for his lightsaber again and the metal hit his hand. He reached to connect with the Kyber that lay within as he got back up to fight back.

He rushed Dooku with his lightsaber held high. Dooku met his attack easily again and tripped him up in a way that had him sliding across the cold metal again but he didn’t let go of his lightsaber that time. He had to keep his cool, to keep himself from fighting with anger but it was starting to fill his veins. It was starting to get more difficult to hold it back, the temptation of power was messing with his head. He got up again to attack once again, faster feeling each move with the force. He had to fight 10 moves ahead of Dooku if he hoped to have a chance.

"You're trying so hard," Dooku said, "but that will never be enough. You'll never be the Jedi that you want to be." Jinyoung focused to avoid being knocked down again.

He pushed back with the force and caught Dooku off guard enough that he flinched and Jinyoung used his opening to try and strike him down. Nothing he did seemed to work as he kept trying to fight back. Dooku laughed at him as he continued to try and gain the upper hand, lightsaber crashed over and over, the head of it caused him to sweat. Violet and red colored his vision. Jinyoung felt more and more anger in his being as he tried to gain the upper hand when suddenly he felt pain in his body…

Like fire burning through his side.

He cried out as Dooku's lightsaber met the side of his body and he realized just what was happening to him. Pain filled every nerve of his being and he fell hard against the ground, writhing from it. He cried out and clutched at his side, the burning sensation was torturous ripping through his being. He couldn’t make it stop.

"Such a disappointment," Dooku said and Jinyoung felt Dooku use his foot to knock Jinyoung's lightsaber aside. Jinyoung writhed as he couldn't make the pain stop. He could barely breathe, he tried to reach for the force for healing but he couldn’t do it.

“You’re so desperate to be on the side of the Jedi," Dooku said, "to only use the light side of the force... you weaken yourself when you could be the most powerful force user in the galaxy." Jinyoung tried to breathe but he felt like his right side was on fire, including his lung. Breathing hurt, it burned.

"So disappointing," Dooku said again and Jinyoung felt a sudden hot pain in his had. He cried out again in terror and fear as he saw Dooku's lightsaber go straight through it. He couldn't breathe anymore, the pain was becoming too much for him to handle.

"Stop," Jinyoung cried and begged for him to stop. He heard set's of footsteps as Dooku's lightsaber was turned off but the damage had been done. The pain was overwhelming. Jinyoung felt weak, destroyed and at Dooku’s mercy.

"Take him to the medical bay," Dooku said, "and prepare him for transport to Serenno. We have to leave soon before his friends get any ideas about returning for him.” Jinyoung was lifted off the ground by the arms of others.

He couldn't be taken to Serenno.

He shouldn't have fought back at all, shouldn’t have tried to. He didn't prepare for the eventuality that Dooku would take him to where others couldn’t follow. If they put him on a transport he was sure he would never be seen again. Serenno was Dooku's planet. No one could rescue him from it if he went there.

He couldn't think, his body in so much pain.

Jinyoung's eyes slipped shut as he fought to keep them open, he tried to hold on but the pain in his body was too much for him to resist.

He didn't know how bad the damage was.

He couldn't think and he wondered if Dooku was messing with his head, forcing his mind quiet. He couldn’t even resist it. His mind just slipped away.

* * *

Jaebeom slipped out of one of the vents in the ship, it had been a tight fit but he had made it through. He hoped he'd made it to the right level of the ship as he took a relieved breath. He'd struggled to get through the small spaces around the ship was difficult but he'd made it far. He was tired of crawling around the insides and would risk outside because he believed he didn’t have much further to make it to his destination.

The metal floors were cold but he was sweating by how warm the insides of the ship had been. He felt something in the force he didn't like and it suddenly hit him hard.

_Jinyoung._

He could feel Jinyoung crying out in pain, it was so loud it overwhelmed his senses for a moment. Their connection open wide enough for Jaebeom to feel JInyoung’s pain. His heart picked up speed as he stood up quickly, he needed to move faster. Jaebeom reached out in the force suddenly desperate to find him, their plan seeming secondary to getting to Jinyoung but Jaebeom couldn’t feel him.

Fear filled Jaebeom as he reached to nothing, it was as if suddenly Jinyoung was gone. He needed to keep moving and doing what Jinyoung told him to but he worried about Jinyoung and his instinct was to rush to the boy to protect him. He needed to get Jinyoung back and he was so scared for what the feeling meant.

Jinyoung was so sure Dooku wouldn’t kill him and Jaebeom believed it but Dooku didn’t want to kill him, he wanted to turn him. There were things worse than death.

Jaebeom started moving again quickly to get awareness of what floor he was on. He hoped it was the prison level and that he’d come up on the right one. He moved down the halls alert for any signs of battle droids and realized quickly he was on the right level as it fit what Jinyoung had described. He could feel life forms nearby, which meant he was close to the cells and would probably encounter battle droids soon if he didn't keep to the shadows. He followed the instructions Jinyoung gave him and went towards a wall.

He took the panel off the wall as quietly as he could. He didn't want to get in a blaster fight with the droids. Any loud noise would likely get him caught. Wires were revealed and he examined the circuit system. He pulled out a tool and began to cut the wires he knew would give him his desired outcome.

The lights began to go off as he snipped each wire quickly. He heard the clang of metal against metal and it was a sound that was recognizable. Battle droids were coming. He moved quickly in the dark towards a crevice in the walls to hide from their view. He used the force to search for them. He moved like Jinyoung had told him too. They weren't life forms which meant he couldn't sense them like lifeforms, he would have to feel for moving objects.

He wasn't as strong and attuned at doing so but he worked for a moment until he could identify them. There were 4 of them moving down the hallway and they were the tall lanky kind with bad sensors. Jinyoung said they were the weakest of the droids and the easiest for Jaebeom to slip away from. He would wait for them to pass rather than attempting to get into a fight with them. In the darkness they wouldn't be able to identify him but Jinyoung had informed him there was a larger silver battle droid that had heat sensors that could detect him in the dark. He needed to avoid that kind of battle droid at all cost.

It was a lot of information he'd had to take in quickly but he was capable of handling it. He waited until the 4 droids had passed and felt for others to see if anything else was coming. When he was satisfied there were no others he crept out. He had to find the panels Jinyoung had instructed him to find quickly. He couldn't afford to get into a firefight.

His strengths were not in fighting with complex battle droids, he was a smuggler and better fit to working in the shadows. Those droids were made to counter Jedi, that was something he definitely wasn’t. He had to rely on the fact the enemy was not prepared for him to continue moving quietly.

He made it to the cell block using the shadows and avoiding all droids and as Jinyoung had predicted there were cells full of people. They’d put all the clones and staff in cells instead of killing them all and Jinyoung had claimed Dooku would do so to use them as leverage if Jinyoung didn’t go to him immeidately. Jaebeom wondered how they had accomplished it.

Jaebeom was looking for those in admirals uniforms or clones with commander insignia's on their armor. He walked in front of them openly and they murmured as their attention turned to him. They all looked out at him confused.

"Who are you?" one of the clones asked.

"Jaebeom?" another called his name, Jaebeom looked for that one and saw him pushing to the front. Jaebeom’s attention was on him, it was confusing for a moment since they all looked the same.

"Commander Ment?" Jaebeom questioned, he recognized the force signature of the man even though he was a clone. Their force signatures were strange, dizzying for someone not used to them but they were still individual and identifiable.

"Yes," the man said as he walked to the bars, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to break you all out," Jaebeom moved to the door to break the lock, ”we need to take back this ship.” Jaebeom explained as he worked on the lock the way Jinyoung had told him too.

"That will be hard to do," Ment said, "we don't have our weapons and this place is crawling with clankers."

"How did they take control?" Jaebeom asked, "where is Taecyeon?" It was all a confusing situation to think that battle droids had imprisoned so many clones. Dooku had clearly worked hard on his ruse, like he’d known that Jinyoung would be on his way. It made Jaebeom question what it was Jinyoung had seen on Illum and what it had really meant.

"They hit us hard a few days ago," Ment explained, "we weren't expecting it, we were hit by an onslaught of boarding craft all over our ships and we were undermanned due to the fight on the surface. Dooku demanded our surrender and we tried to hold our ships. I've never seen so many battle droids in one place, it was impossible for us to do it. We tried to call for backup but they jammed our communications. I am sure I got a message through to Taecyeon on the planet below not to come up. He's still down there I think. I'm not sure cause I've been here. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on Courscant."

"Jinyoung and I came to see Taecyeon," Jaebeom responded, "Jinyoung's been captured but I came to free you to take back the ship so we can get him back." Jaebeom really hoped with what he’d felt that they weren’t too late.

"Taking back the ship won't be easy," Ment said. Jaebeom didn’t think that was necessary to say, it clearly wasn’t easy for the clones to have been overwhelmed. That meant Dooku still had numbers on his side but there was a chance so they had to take it.

"They sent away all separatists crafts for appearances so maybe their numbers are reduced,” Jaebeom said, "it was a trap that we weren’t ready for.” He successfully opened the lock and moved to the next cell door. He handed tools to a few other clones who requested them to help with locks of more of the cells.

"A trap for Jinyoung no doubt," Ment said, "but you’re right with the separatists ships gone they likely didn't leave the same number of droids here. We might have a shot at this."

“What is crazy to me, is Dooku spent all this money on capturing a republic armada just to entrap Jinyoung?” Jaebeom questioned it. It seemed crazy in his head, Dooku was also willing to pay quite a bit for Bounty Hunters to bring Jinyoung in alive. The price on Jinyoung’s head was not a joke, and Jaebeom was sure it had gone up. He didn't get why Dooku wanted Jinyoung so badly.

"It's crazy that this is our reality,” Ment said, "but Taecyeon warned me about this months back. He told me to keep an eye out for the kid after his master died. The Jedi have been aware for awhile that Dooku wanted Jinyoung then after how powerful he proved himself to be."

He spoke of it casually but Jaebeom realized he didn't know about what had happened. He only knew that Joon was dead, not what the circumstances were. Jinyoung hadn't shared it and he was sensitive about it. There was something about the way Jinyoung had reacted to speaking of it that made Jaebeom realize that it had to have been a very bad situation. Something had happened that effected him deeply beyond just loosing Joon.

"What do you mean?" Jaebeom asked, "what happened then." They worked to open the doors together quickly.

Jaebeom kept turning back to watch for droids until some clones moved to take up a watch position. Jaebeom tried to keep a count of the men they were freeing. There were many of them, likely a force big enough to make a difference, especially if they could get to weapons.

"Months ago we were fighting on Hypori,” Ment said, "Jinyoung was leading our unit and General Park Joon's as well. It was his mission to take out a droid production factory. Jinyoung created a plan to sneak around the back of the enemy force, it was risky but it seemed like a solid plan. He wanted to cut off the escape routes of the engineers so we could fully shut down the droid factories in our sector and prevent them from setting up elsewhere.”

"The Jedi gave him full approval to run the mission his way but he'd had to fight to convince them his plan would work," Ment continued, "Joon agreed to go along with him and to submit his troops under Jinyoung. It was considered Jinyoung's mission.”

Jaebeom felt a sense of dread realizing something must have gone wrong and that was something Jinyoung blamed on himself. That was why it was something Jinyoung never talked about, never wanted to talk about. It felt wrong to hear it from someone else but he wanted to know, felt he needed to know. Especially since it mattered to the situation they were all facing with Dooku.

"We were ambushed in a canyon," Ment said, "by Dooku who had a huge army of clankers waiting for us, Jinyoung couldn't feel them coming. The canyon was the biggest contested part of the plan, as the Jedi masters believed ambush was possible there but Jinyoung had argued they couldn't predict that we would go that way."

Jaebeom for the first time began to understand the Jinyoung he had met again at first. Jinyoung had been closed off, angry, something about the way he behaved at every moment was like he had something to prove. Jaebeom had walked into his life again so close to when he was broken.

"Dooku came down from the cliffs to fight Joon and Jinyoung, while the rest of us tried to fight off the clankers," Ment continued to speak, "Dooku killed General Joon and when it happened Jinyoung was so angry. I hadn't known the dark side of the force could be so powerful until he used it. He tore clankers apart with the force in mass, his eyes changed and the rest of us while glad to have the tide turned became afraid. Dooku ran away from him. It only ended when Jinyoung passed out, when the Jedi arrived and we got him back to camp. Since then Dooku has wanted to turn him, all of us were briefed on what that would mean for his future. Taecyeon explained it to us because he said we needed to know to protect Jinyoung.”

"And now Dooku has him," Jaebeom said, "we have to get him back." It was worse than he’d thought and he wondered if he’d made the right choice to give Jinyoung up to Dooku without a fight. He hadn’t wanted to agree to Jinyoung's plan, he'd wanted to find some way for them to fight out together. He'd known that Dooku had wanted Jinyoung, probably to turn him but hearing others had been briefed on it as a possibility was frightening. It made it all so real.

Dooku had left the Jedi order when they were young. Dooku had watched Jinyoung as a child then had seen him succumb to the dark, that man had known Jinyoung’s potential in every path he could take from the beginning. Everything that led to the moment they were in made Jaebeom realize he should have found another way. He should have fought tooth and nail to keep Jinyoung far away from Dooku.

The clones continued to free the other ones and Jaebeom worked to keep himself calm. He wanted to get Jinyoung back and he was scared of all the way things could go wrong. Every minute they wasted was a minute closer to Dooku getting what he wanted and he already had Jinyoung in his grasp.

"Okay," Jaebeom said, "so here's the plan I think we should execute. Jinyoung is on this ship now and we need to get to him before Dooku can take him off the ship. We should send a team below to get Taecyeon and bring him back. We should also send small teams to sneak through the ship and take out the droids. We know it better than them so we should have the advantage here. We need to cripple their ability to fight any incoming ships so Taecyeon can get on board. We also need teams to free clones from the other vessels."

"We need to take back control of every single ship in this armada," Jaebeom said, “All with the goal to keep Dooku from being able to leave with Jinyoung. And we need to do this fast because it’s already been too long.” He was worried about what he’d felt in the force, with Jinyoung in pain.

"I can start organizing teams," Ment said, "and I can get the men to go with you to locate where Jinyoung is being held. We need weapons though, we don't have them."

"Armory 7th floor," Jaebeom recited what Jinyoung had told him. He’d had to take a lot into his brain all at once but Jinyoung was good at conveying information. Jaebeom remembered everything.

"Yeah," Ment said, "but there are clankers all over this ship, we need to be careful to avoid them before we get weapons.”

"The small ones," Jaebeom remembered seeing them in the halls, “I can use the force to disable the small ones so we can take their weapons.” If they could get a few small ones down they could take their guns and fight back. It wouldn’t be ideal but they would have to make do with what they had. It would take organization and work to get every ship back.

"Let's get to work," Ment said as he started to call out the names of specific clones, some that Jaebeom knew. Jaebeom reached in the force for Jinyoung again to check, to feel if he was there. Jaebeom could still feel him but his signature was faint and pained.

"I'm coming," Jaebeom said softly. He reached in the force like he had as a child, believing he could send his very thoughts to Jinyoung's mind. Hoping that Jinyoung could hear him.

_I'm coming, just hold on I'm coming._

He wanted Jinyoung to know he was there, that he hadn't left him. Jaebeom was going to rescue him, going to protect him. Jaebeom just wanted to feel that Jinyoung knew that, he wasn’t alone and he wouldn’t be alone again.

He felt a response suddenly in his mind. He reached for it, because he knew it was Jinyoung. He couldn't hear him but feeling him was enough. He could feel that Jinyoung was still alive and still there and Jaebeom would fight to save him from their enemies.

Jaebeom would fight against despair of them being torn apart again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting patiently. I've been sick with covid so it's been a bit of work to get writing again. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave comments and kudos, I am thankful for every single one of you. <3


	20. Heart of a Jedi: Chapter 19 - Slipped Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebeom begins a fight to get Jinyoung back from Dooku.

* * *

Past

* * *

_”I like you the most,” Jaebeom said suddenly. They were eating lunch together in the temple mess hall, there were other children around at other tables. Jinyoung had always sat alone before Jaebeom had pushed his way into Jinyoung's life, he’d always had a habit of avoiding others. Jaebeom had changed things and Jinyoung had grown fond of having Jaebeom by his side. Jaebeom was lively, talkative, bright, shining, everything Jinyoung wasn't._

_Jaebeom seemed to know all the other younglings in their class, he could name them all by name and had easy interactions with them. He talked to many of them as they passed but he stayed by Jinyoung's side and Jinyoung didn't understand why. He could probably find better friends elsewhere if he wanted to. Jinyoung couldn’t figure out why Jaebeom would want to be near him when they were so different in every single way. Jinyoung had tried his best to stay away from Jaebeom, thinking it had to be some sort of trick when Jaebeom had decided he wanted to be Jinyoung’s friend. Maybe some cruel joke the other kids were trying to play, because looking at Jaebeom it didn’t make sense for him to want to be near Jinyoung._

_"Why?" Jinyoung asked, he didn't understand why Jaebeom liked him the most. He believed Jaebeom was sincere in the words that he spoke but Jinyoung didn’t understand them. He liked Jaebeom, he really found that he did but he didn’t understand why Jaebeom would like him._

_"Because you're the prettiest Jinyoungie," Jaebeom responded as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jinyoung felt his face heat up. It had to be some sort of joke. Jinyoung had been expecting some lack of answer but Jaebeom gave him the worst possible answer. Jinyoung didn’t like when Jaebeom joked like that._

_"Don't say that," Jinyoung whined and he pushed the other. He pouted at the way Jaebeom’s expression turned to one of laughter. Jaebeom was clearly making fun of him. Maybe he was wrong about their friendship being nothing more than a joke._

_"Why shouldn't I say it?" Jaebeom asked, “you are the prettiest one here.”_

_"Because that's not a reason to like someone the most," Jinyoung complained. Jaebeom laughed at him and Jinyoung pouted back at him._

_"Jinyoungie you're more than the prettiest," Jaebeom said and he reached for Jinyoung’s hand, "you're the nicest, and the strongest. You're going to be the best Jedi, and I want to be there when you are. I really believe in you Jinyoungie." Jinyoung blushed harder and looked away from Jaebeom, he pulled his hand away quickly._

_"You're wrong," Jinyoung whined, "you're going to be the best I just know it." It seemed a silly thing to argue about. Jinyoung felt annoyed at the other boy. He looked back to see Jaebeom was smiling at him, and Jinyoung glared at him._

_"Just eat your food," Jinyoung pushed Jaebeom's tray closer to him and focused on his own food in front of him. He picked up the book he'd placed beside his own tray, fully intending to read to tune Jaebeom out. He felt a sudden odd thing, Jaebeom leaning over closer to him and Jaebeom's cheek against his own._

_"What are you doing," Jinyoung whined. Jaebeom was always doing strange things, and Jinyoung didn’t understand why._

_"I'm going to read with you," Jaebeom quipped. Jinyoung felt awkward and he reached his hand to push Jaebeom's face away from his own._

_Jaebeom put his face back on Jinyoung's shoulder, pressed against Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung groaned, he didn't know why he put up with the brat. He turned his head but that turned out to be a mistake, Jaebeom turned his head at the same time. They were so close their noses bumped, lips brushed. Jinyoung pushed Jinyoung back quickly and stood up._

_"You're so annoying!" Jinyoung exclaimed. He quickly picked up his book off the table and stepped away. Jaebeom laughed, the older boy was always laughing at him. Jinyoung turned to walk out of the cafeteria. He knew other kids were staring, it was one of those things he dreaded. He could hear Jaebeom's footsteps running after him as he stepped into the hallways. He knew that Jaebeom would never stop running after him just because he stormed off. Jinyoung increased his pace to walk faster, he knew Jaebeom be walking as he would get in trouble for running in the halls and Jinyoung wanted to keep distance between them._

_"I'm sorry Jinyoungie," Jaebeom called after him, "slow down! Wait for me!" Jinyoung glanced back at him with a glare. He was surprised with how close Jaebeom was._

_"Jinyoung!" Jaebeom yelled his name and grabbed his arm to stop him from getting away. A few masters nearby frowned at them. One repeated the familiar words about how running in the halls was forbidden. Jinyoung bowed and apologized, Jaebeom bowed with him but kept hold of Jinyoung’s arm as he did. When the masters passed Jinyoung pulled his arm from Jaebeom's grip._

_"You're always doing weird things Jaebeom," Jinyoung whined, “why can’t you just act like a normal person!” He was flustered, embarrassed that they’d created somewhat of a scene._

_"I am sorry Jinyoung," Jaebeom responded, "but I can't help it if I think you're the best ever and I just want you to understand that." Jinyoung felt like he was flushed from Jaebeom’s words. He narrowed his eyes in frustration._

_"You're just teasing me to get me to react," Jinyoung said, "you can stop, I've already reacted. You don't know when to quit seriously." Jinyoung pushed him back but not hard, and Jaebeom laughed at him again. His friend was always teasing, always acting like an idiot._

_"Sorry you're just so funny when you're angry," Jaebeom said. Jinyoung raised his arm as a mock threat to hit but decided to do it, he swiped at his friend and Jaebeom flinched and ducked away from Jinyoung's swipe. Jinyoung glared and Jaebeom held in a laugh like he was trying to be more respectful but Jinyoung knew better._

_"Why am I friends with you?" Jinyoung asked._

_"You can contemplate that later," Jaebeom grabbed his arm again, "we have to finish eating before lessons, food is important. You don't want the masters to yell at us again for not finishing breakfast.” Jaebeom pulled him back towards the mess hall. Jinyoung dreaded going back but he let Jaebeom pull him in._

_"You're the worst," Jinyoung complained._

_"Yeah but without me you'd be a walking disaster and you know it," Jaebeom responded with a smirk to his voice. Jinyoung rolled his eyes in response._

* * *

Present

* * *

Jaebeom was glad that one of the prisoners on their ship had been Commander Ment, the clone was clearly knowledgable and efficient at his job as a leader. He was able to organize teams quickly to get them moving in what felt like no time. Which was key because they didn’t have much time to lose if they were going to stop Dooku from taking Jinyoung.

Jaebeom, Ment, Firework and Runner were on the same team, with the task to work together to begin taking down droids and stealing weapons. They rushed into fights. Jaebeom used the force to take down a few of the smaller, weaker droids, while Runner and Firework ran the weapons back so their task forces could begin work to get to the armory. Jaebeom and Ment took down a few more and Runner and Firework repeated the actions until they had enough. The teams began to fight their way through the ship as quietly as they could.

When they finally made it to the armory when the alarm sounded. Their enemies were alerted that the uprising had begun. That meant things would get more difficult but they had access to weapons now. They would have a fighting chance for sure. Jaebeom wondered why it had taken the enemy so long but the enemy was out of sorts since the ships they were in were not their own. They might have noticed the clones movements long before but couldn’t figure out how to sound the alarm.

"Firework organize the squadrons," Ment said, "let's move people, not a moment to waste.” It was risky, their next task was difficult. They had to take back one of the hangars to send squadrons out to free the other ships in the armada. They couldn’t risk their ship getting shot down by the others.

Jaebeom looked at the weapons around him as clones seemed to know what everything was. Jaebeom wasn’t sure what to grab and Ment must have seen his frustration because Ment picked up a larger gun and handed it to him.

"You'll like this one," Ment said. Jaebeom took it it from him, grateful for the other man’s guidance.

“Thanks,” Jaebeom said. He figured out the mechanisms of the weapon quickly. It was intuitive which he was glad for.

"Let's go," Ment said, Jaebeom fiddled with the comm device he had placed on his ear as he heard Ment's voice loud in it.

They all began to move and predictably they encountered droids in the halls. Jaebeom fired his weapon and hit one dead on with his first shot, it went down. The clone troopers began to move past him in units and formations to take them all down. They Jaebeom followed along and fired as he went, aware he didn’t have armor which meant he needed to be careful.

"Squad 2 break off," Ment commanded, "get to the communications center and find where General Park is being held. Squad 4 Hold this floor for now.”

"Stay with me sir," Ment said to Jaebeom and Jaebeom nodded. As much as he wanted to be with the group locating Jinyoung he would stay with the main group as they worked to take one of the hangars. Once Jinyoung was located Jaebeom would be among those going to him. That was exactly where he wanted to be, back by Jinyoung’s side as soon as possible.

They'd already sent someone down in an escape pod to find Taecyeon to bring him back. They hoped backup would come swiftly. Jaebeom hoped Taecyeon could take Dooku, he was a strong Jedi but Dooku was something else entirely. Jaebeom wasn’t sure what that fight would be like. Maybe Jinyoung would be able to throw in as well. Jaebeom wished he could do more to help, but he didn't know how he was supposed to. He was out of his depth.

They began to fight their way down the ship. Ment shouted orders, adept to handling the odds they were against and clear about how to lead his troops. They didn't take long to make it to a hangar given their tactics, and the firefight once they reached the hangar was huge.

Jaebeom followed Ment's instructions on where to go and how to move. He was behind one of the small fighters and he fired at droids from a safe cover. The clones had equipment enough to take down the larger ones. Jaebeom had to focus his shots on the smaller droids to help take down some of the lasers that were flying in the hangar.

"Destroyers incoming," Ment said, he held something out to Jaebeom. "We'll need your help sir. Since you can use the force, you can send these bombs under their shields and take them down. That’s how we were taught to fight them.”

Jaebeom nodded, he wanted to do his part. He worked to activate the bomb and push it under with the force. It wasn't easy for him to do as he wasn’t well practiced in the use of the force. He missed a couple as he kept trying, he was able to take most of the destroyers down. That cleared most of the field and made it instantly easier for them to move.

"This way!" Ment shouted and Jaebeom followed running as more droids fired shots at them. They ran for more cover to keep fighting through.

"Attention all troops," another voice spoke in their ears, "General Park has been located floor 5, currently in route… it looks like they are moving him to hangar 8. They’re trying to fly him out of here.” Jaebeom felt his heart pounding as he realized, moving to a hangar meant that they could fly away easily. Jinyoung could slip away from their reach if they didn’t get to that hangar.

"Ment," Jaebeom called for him. He was desperate for a plan to stop that from happening.

"I have an idea," the commander said, "squads 18 and 26 board fighters. Squads 36 and 28 protect those of us who are leaving. The rest of you orders remain the same. Squads 18 and 26 get ready, the goal is to breach hangar 8 as quickly as possible.”

"We're going too right?" Jaebeom asked. He needed to be in that group.

"You go," Ment said and Jaebeom nodded to him.

Jaebeom saw a fighter right in front of him and the amount of droids was crazy. He wondered, briefly, if he could pull off the kind of shield Jinyoung was always able to put up. He knew he couldn’t, it would be dangerous for him to attempt something so advanced. He needed to get to the fighter fast, another way.

"You're going to have to cover me," Jaebeom said as his eyes fixed on the fighter. He would be running for it.

"Got it sir," Ment responded and Jaebeom moved using the force to feel his way.

He ran quickly. The clones began firing rounds to throw the droids off as he ran towards the nearest fighter. His muscles burned as his legs pounded the ground. He could feel Jinyoung, he needed to get to him. He felt a blast land near him and another but the ship was in sight and right in front of him. He felt crazy, like there was a need in his life force to get Jinyoung back. It was a feeling zipping through every vein in his body. He reached out with the force like he hadn't in years, pulling on as much of it as he could and he jumped hard towards the ship.

He was lifted into the air his breath caught as he focused in on the ship. And as he came down he landed on top of it, just like he’d intended. It was shocking to him and he laughed at himself. He hadn’t expected to be able to make it but he was finding his way with the force again and it was fun. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed it. Jinyoung was rubbing off on him, and being in Jinyoung’s world reminded him what sort of fun existed in being a Jedi.

Jaebeom quickly got into the fighter and powered it up, he assessed the controls and felt confident. He saw where the droids were and that clones were going down from his higher vantage point. He switched on the targeting computer and began firing. Taking down groups of droids that were inside the hangar to help the clones.

“Go!” Ment called to his comm, “get to 8 now Jaebeom, go!”

Jaebeom realized it was urgent and he didn’t need to be told twice. Jaebeom powered the ship all the way and blasted out of the hangar. He could see other fighters being launched with him. He didn’t know where 8 was but his plan was to follow the others out, the knew the way. His heart pounded in his ears as he flew out in the group.

“Where are we going?” Jaebeom called for help. He was close, it wouldn’t take long to flight. He was desperate to get there as quickly as possible.

“Watch out,” a clone voice said, “the ship is firing at us.”

“Shit!” Jaebeom flew past the cannons on the ship, he felt the tension of flight, “where the hell is hangar 8?!” He shouted in desperation. He could pick his path around the canons once he knew.

“This way,” another clone said, “follow us and stay away from those guns.”

“Got it,” Jaebeom responded, it sounded easy. But it would be easier if he didn’t have to rely on following others.

He circled around and tried to keep close to the other clone ships. He could feel Jinyoung as if Jinyoung was coming back from loss of consciousness but Jinyoung seemed desperate. Jaebeom just needed to get to him.

He followed as they came back around the ship. Guns continued to fire at them. Jaebeom reached out with the force to guide him to get around the the blaster bolts that were flying through the vacuum of space. He saw a hangar, and the trajectory of the others and he knew it was the correct hangar. He pushed his fighter harder to try and fly as fast as he could towards it. A blast rocked his ship but he stayed on course pushing ever forward. Another hit him, he pushed the ship harder.

Another blast but Jaebeom was through to the hangar force field. He directed his ship downward but decided he wasn’t going to even try to land it. He hit eject and reached with the force as he was flung out of the ship. He used the force to guide himself down but he was moving so fast. He tried to slow himself down as the floor of the ship was coming fast and he did his best with what limited power he had. He hit the hangar floor hard and groaned. It definitely did not look like a smooth landing to anyone watching. He stayed on the ground for a moment to get his bearings. Other fighters made their way in as well. He was glad others had made it, he needed the help.

There was smoke from where his own fighter had crashed and as he sat up and squinted past it he saw a figure walking towards him.

A lightsaber ignited.

A crimson blade.

* * *

Jinyoung felt desperation, emotions registering before full consciousness was restored. He felt blind, wandering nothingness as he tried to find a way out of the dark and up towards the light. It was confusing like he was suspended in darkness where he couldn’t even move, something was holding him under.

He began to become aware of darkness in his mind, that emulated from a presence near him. His mind had the pieces but he couldn't fully fit them together, like he’d been drugged. He'd been fighting for his life, for escape. He'd fought hard to push the dark out, to not become a part of it. His only focus was something that was clear to him.

_Do not become part of the dark._

_You are surrounded by it, but it is not you._

_It is not you._

He reminded himself of those things over and over as it became more hazy like someone was forcing him into a state of seeing and feeling only the bad. He didn’t understand what had been done to him, what was being done to him.

_It is outside, not a part of me._

He tried so hard to keep that focus.

_Be stronger._

Jinyoung wanted to see, wanted to understand what was happening to him. There were glimpses of dark, the caves.

His master.

His reality.

The man he loved.

It was there outside of him, but somehow blocked by the overwhelming pressure. He hadn’t ever done enough to protect and shield his mind from being invaded. He could use the force like others couldn't, create powerful shields and hold back blaster bolts and adversaries. Yet he had never been able to understand how to shield his mind. It was open wide, which made it far to easy for his enemies to see their way in. Getting them out, it wasn't easy.

He had to get them out.

Light.

_Take your light with you._

Jaebeom.

That was his light, his way through. He could feel him. One thing that became clear to him in the haze was that Jaebeom was close.

_I'm coming._

Jinyoung felt clarity filling him in his mind, like if his eyes opened he would be able to see and understand what was going on around him. There was a different light and it was close, radiating and connected to him. Jaebeom was coming for him. Jaebeom who he loved was reaching for him.

_Love?_

Love was his enemy, selfish, dark... This is what he'd been taught from the time he was a small child. That he was never to love, never to feel love. But in the midst of the dark he could feel love, because he could feel Jaebeom and he loved Jaebeom. Jaebeom loved him. And he could feel in the force that Love was not those things he’d been told. Love was not darkness, Love was light, the purest and the brightest light.

Warmth.

A golden glow, a white glow.

Pure.

Jinyoung shook his head and his eyes opened from the haze. His body was in so much pain but he could see, he could feel and comprehend. He could connect the pieces. He was captured by Dooku and defeated in combat.

They were moving him and he was hurt badly hurt from the fight. His only hope was that Jaebeom was coming because there was no way he’d be able to fight. He could feel they had drugged him, no matter how much he wanted to break out he wouldn't be able to. He took a shuttered breath in trying to shake the feeling. His limbs were numbed down like he couldn’t move them. He couldn't feel his legs, he couldn't feel his arms. He couldn't move his head. Whatever they'd done to him was to force him into a state of being unable to fight or perhaps of state that was meant to be one of recovery because he was injured.

He’d been burned by Dooku’s lightsaber and breathing hurt. But something was helping him breathe. His left side burned. Or was it right? He couldn't tell one direction from another. He just felt like his lung had been ripped apart and everything he tried to do hurt. He tried to move but he was paralyzed. He tried to use the force to feel more for Jaebeom but he couldn't reach for it. He could only feel Jaebeom when Jaebeom reached for him. He tried to hold on but he couldn't.

It was terrifying, the fear he wasn't supposed to feel. Invading every piece of his senses that he wasn’t able to stop. A cloud around him as if Dooku trying to keep his mind trapped in dark feelings alone.

He heard noises. Crashing sounds.

Blasters.

He could suddenly feel the light closer, the hold Dooku had released from him. Jinyoung turned his head as much as he could but his view as blocked. He couldn't do it. He could only feel not see Jaebeom.

"Take him to my ship," Dooku spoke words even.

The sound of a lightsaber igniting filled his ears. He didn't want to go to Dooku's ship. He didn't want to be taken away, he wanted Jaebeom and he knew Jaebeom was close but he couldn't call for him. No matter what he wanted. He couldn't reach for Jaebeom where he was.

* * *

Jaebeom blinked through the haze as he knew he wasn't mistaken about who was walking slowly towards him. There was only one person that it could be. The red lightsaber, and the regal way in which he held himself were immediate giveaways. He was walking towards Jaebeom who was in a vulnerable position.

Jaebeom got up quickly and reached for his weapon but he knew better than to hope it was enough. A blaster would never be enough against such a powerful force user. Jaebeom took a step back as he tried to figure out what to do. He couldn't face a Sith Lord head on with his weapon; hell he couldn't even do it if he had a lightsaber but at least with a lightsaber he'd have some sort of fighting chance. He scrambled in his brain for a plan because he was sure no one else was coming to help. He'd been so focused on the thought of rescuing Jinyoung he hadn't thought of the possibility that he would be facing down Dooku himself.

"I did think you were smarter than this Jaebeom," Dooku said as he walked towards him.

Jaebeom was sure the man would try to toy with him before killing him, that would at least buy him time to figure something out. He’d been in tough places before, he’d become good at getting himself out of trouble. He held his gun up and began to fire rapidly as if it would do something. He laid down as much blaster fire as he could to the ground in front of Dooku. He wasn't stupid, he knew firing directly at someone with a lightsaber was a quick way to die. Dooku could easily deflect a shot back to him so Jaebeom made sure to to fire in a place where Dooku could do that.

Jaebeom reached for the force to protect himself, to keep Dooku from being able to immobilize him. There were few techniques he knew well, one of them was one Taecyeon insisted upon him learning when he was young. He’d learned to use the force to avoid entrapment. He remembered thinking it was silly because in their galaxy the Sith were thought to be extinct. He was glad Taecyeon prepared for the worst.

Jaebeom continued to back away as he laid down his blocking fire and he turned to rush behind other ships out of sight. He needed to keep a cat and mouse game going.

“I gave you a chance to get away free,” Dooku said, "you should have taken it then. But I should have known better than to think you would turn him over quietly. I wonder do the two of you even know how deep your connection goes?" Dooku spoke of things that he had no business even knowing about. Jaebeom didn't want to listen to him talk.

Jaebeom could feel Dooku getting closer to where he was hiding. He fired from behind the ship and moved to another one quickly. Running wasn't going to get him the win, it was purely about time. He looked out to where Dooku was and noticed something else. Jinyoung’s lightsaber was hung on his belt. He had an opening. He moved quickly to lay down fire again as a distraction, then he reached out with the force to reach for the lightsaber.

Dooku was caught off guard with the move as he clearly he wasn’t expecting it, Jinyoung’s lightsaber slipped away from the Sith. Jaebeom’s heart leapt in his chest as he reached.

The cold metal hit his hand hard.

Muscle memory kicked in, and he ignited it. His body trembled as he felt his mind shifting back into a state of being. He was about to do something he hadn't done in so long but something he’d once been very good at. The forms were a part of him, in his cells, the muscles he hadn't used in years. Memories filled him as he was prepared to fight but he knew it wouldn't be enough.

"You sure you want to do that?" Dooku asked him.

"No," Jaebeom responded with the truth, "all I want is for you to give Jinyoung back. I may be crazy but I'll do whatever it takes."

He fixed his feet and held back, knowing how to take a defensive stance. He was trained never to charge in, never to fight first because that was not the Jedi way. He wasn't a Jedi but he knew exactly how to be one. He wouldn't win by charging in, by trying to beat Dooku at his own game. He would win by defending himself, holding back and biding his time.

The Jedi taught defense never attack. Jaebeom shifted to his preferred form and waited. Dooku stepped and Jaebeom stepped in response, a circling, a dance. Jaebeom was very aware he was about to take on someone who was once regarded as one of the best duelist in the order. Jaebeom lightsaber held high, forward. He could tell Dooku wanted him to be impatient, wanted him to get caught in a net but he held back. He reached for the force, wild, untamed, unused for so long but still his ally in every way.

Dooku shifted and Jaebeom stepped again to match the way his enemy was moving but in the opposite direction. He could feel Dooku trying to probe him searching for weaknesses. He was sure Dooku was surprised he was able to shield himself fairly well.

"You really think you can love someone like him?" Dooku asked, suddenly reaching for something personal, “you think that he will love you in return? He's a Jedi, like any Jedi he rejects such notions.” Jaebeom hadn't ever faced down a Sith before but he knew their tactics were all about inspiring fear and anger. Jaebeom couldn't respond to anything that Dooku had to say.

"It doesn't matter," Jaebeom said, "I don't need to possess him to love him." He would love Jinyoung no matter if they could be together or not. That was something the Jedi didn’t understand. Love wasn’t what they’d made it out to be. Dooku stepped forward Jaebeom stepped back and the circling continued. He wouldn't charge. He would stay back.

"He is mine now," Dooku said, "whatever you try is futile. This is his destiny, to be the most powerful in the galaxy. To learn the force entirely from all sides, both light and dark.”

"I don't put much stock in destiny," Jaebeom responded, "Jinyoung will be whatever he chooses to be, and he will never be yours."

He breathed even the circling continued. Dooku was still looking for a way in, looking for something Jaebeom feared. But Jaebeom was different and he feared nothing. He'd already faced his worst fears and proven that he was stronger than them. Even though it took Jinyoung helping him he was the one who'd taken them down. The nightmares of the past didn't control him.

"The Jedi will fall Jaebeom," Dooku remembered, "you know this. You've seen the future, the real future. I searched it out and realized their days were numbered. They have been deceived, drawn into a war. If Jinyoung stays with them he will die, if he comes we me together we can destroy the Sith, prevent that future and bring peace to the galaxy." Jaebeom did expect Dooku to use his nightmares against him, and it wouldn’t work. The man was a liar and Jaebeom understood that.

"Whatever the future is," Jaebeom said, "we will face it when it comes. Jinyoung deserves the chance to choose and he doesn't want to join you. Let it go Dooku, you have no right to him.”

Jaebeom wasn't afraid of the phantoms of things he couldn't control. Dooku could say whatever he wanted, it didn't matter. He could see Dooku's mask slipping with his inability to figure Jaebeom out. The Sith was running out of things to attack him with, not finding any way to get Jaebeom to crack. Jaebeom was calm, he felt at ease with the lightsaber in his hand and the force around him. It had been years but it felt like home, like returning to something that he was always meant to be.

Dooku stepped forward, Jaebeom wondered if this was the moment he would attack. He waited for Dooku to read that it had been ten years since Jaebeom as a fifteen-year-old boy had put his lightsaber down. Dooku would realize that in a duel he had a guaranteed chance of beating Jaebeom easily. Certainly more of a chance than with words.

Jaebeom knew he couldn't fight with his head by analyzing his enemy and countering Dooku’s style. Muscle memory was his only chance to keep himself from slipping. Jaebeom felt it in the force before it happened. Dooku moved fast and Jaebeom responded to meet him, lightsabers clashed heavy and hard. They snapped in heat, hissing against each other as Dooku began to attack strong and drive Jaebeom back.

Jaebeom's arms moves fast to catch each stroke of the lightsaber. His forms and training, memory all carrying him forward. He let his mind go blank, entirely reaching for the force to keep himself moving. Muscles he hadn't used in so long burning so fast but there was no reason to stop. He wouldn't give up and he wasn't afraid.

Fear would lead to failure and he wouldn't fail Jinyoung.

Dooku pushed him with the force and he flew through the air, unable to resist. He held his lightsaber away from his body and reached his other hand to catch himself with the force before he hit the ground. Every cell of his being felt like fire ignited, protective. Instincts filled him. Jaebeom smirked as he stood on his feet, stance ready.

Dooku charged in again, Jaebeom caught each attack, not with ease but with passion to keep himself alive. He stepped back, back, as he was driven back. He knew most would see it as foolish but he couldn't win in a head on battle. His only chance was in being driven back, patiently taking his time.

They clashed over and over, lightsabers whirling through the air and cracking against each other with sounds that were familiar. Violet clashed with Crimson in a bright array of color that in any other context would be considered beautiful. Not in the reality where Jaebeom was defending himself and fighting for his life, for his existence and for Jinyoung's very soul.

Skills he'd long laid down had come back in the way his body responded. The force was pumping through his veins, and every cell could feel it as if he could glow with it's strengthening within him. He kept himself strong blocking, blocking over and over. Dooku was probing him for for openings, the master switched his forms and with each one Jaebeom responded with lessons he remembered. Jaebeom had once been considered a great talent and he realized he still had part of that within himself.

Dooku was able to push him back with the force again and Jaebeom barely had time to regain footing before Dooku was on him. The Sith Lord was trying to overwhelm him with skill and strength he knew that Jaebeom couldn't match. Jaebeom had to be smarter, more careful. The force had to be his guide.

He moved with Dooku again being driven back until he realized there was nowhere else to go. He hadn’t thought of that one eventuality. Dooku had driven him back to a wall. He was trapped as Dooku swung his saber and Jaebeom caught the red blade against his own. Dooku pushed closer to him, taller, holding their lightsabers together. The cracking sound like a roar in Jaebeom’s ears Jaebeom felt his back against the wall as Dooku glared down at him. He had to get out of it but he was trapped with nowhere to run.

"Your no Jedi," Dooku said to him, venomously.

Jaebeom felt the force being used to hold him in place and Dooku pulled his lightsaber back. Jaebeom was a cornered animal. He couldn’t move, every limb in his body frozen, trapped by the force and Dooku stepped back with a sinister look on his face.

Jaebeom’s arm that held Jinyoung’s lightsaber began to move. His arm unwillingly moving the lightsaber towards his own body. Jaebeom began to panic as he tried to push back against the force Dooku was using. He tried to hold his arm still to stop Dooku from being able to control him. He pushed back with what strength he had and reached to the force for help. He was out of his depth, out of his league but he couldn’t give up. He wouldn’t give up.

Jinyoung depended on him.

Jinyoung needed him to win.

Jaebeom reached for the force and he remembered how Jinyoung had sent it to him in the caves, how much he needed it. He began to push back against Dooku's hold on him. Pushing hard and Dooku's own attack got stronger. The heat of the lightsaber was right in front of him and he could feel sweat forming on his forehead. He pushed so hard against the Sith Lord and still the lightsaber began to slowly move towards him.

Dooku was trying to kill him with Jinyoung's lightsaber in his own hand. Jaebeom began to feel the threat of fear within him. Jaebeom wanted to win, he wanted to show he could. The lightsaber got closer he could feel the heat singe against him. He gave out a loud cry as he tried to push harder.

He could feel Jinyoung so close.

He wouldn’t give in. It burned slightly as it got so close and he fought to stop it and keep it away. He could hear noises and the next thing he knew the tension was released. His arm moved forward from the strength he was pushing into trying to keep from hurting himself. He nearly lurched forward but caught himself before he did. Dooku's attention had turned, pulled by someone else.

Jaebeom breathed in relief as his eyes settled upon a man with a green lightsaber.

Their plan had worked, Taecyeon had come up. Jaebeom's eyes shifted back towards Dooku's ship. He couldn't see Jinyoung and that meant that Jinyoung was on board and Dooku was in the way. Jaebeom wouldn’t be able to get by him easily.

"Are you alright Jaebeom?" Taecyeon asked and Jaebeom nodded. He was breathing hard from the exertion of just staying alive.

They had to defeat Dooku together to rescue Jinyoung but Dooku was powerful. Jinyoung couldn't do it, Jaebeom couldn't do it and others couldn't either. He'd defeated other more powerful Jedi, always stayed one step ahead of the entire Jedi order. Taecyeon and Jaebeom had fought together before but Jaebeom was concerned they wouldn’t be enough at all. The situation seemed hopeless but that didn't mean they were going to stop. They would both die to protect Jinyoung. He could see it in the way Taecyeon stood. He was ready to go down fighting for Jinyoung if that was what it took.

"You've gone too far Count Dooku," Taecyeon said. Jaebeom could tell he was mad but controlling his anger as he confronted the man who had killed his former master and made Jinyoung's life a hell. There was history and reason for Taecyeon to want to destroy Dooku.

"Master Jedi," Dooku responded, "I am sure you understand, this is a war and you know the potential the boy has."

"He will never be yours," Taecyeon said, "You can try to turn him but he will fight you and you'll be forced to kill him. You'll waste your time with him and it won't win you the war." Jaebeom held the lightsaber tight in his hand. He still looked for a way to get around Dooku. He had to get Jinyoung off that ship.

"You like the other Jedi are blind," Dooku responded, "you're serving the Sith with your actions of violence. You can't win this war, even now the tides are turning against you. You think you're gaining ground but you have no idea how bad the things that are coming will be.”

"You think you're winning," Taecyeon responded, "but those on the right side will always win."

Jaebeom didn't know how he felt about the sides. He'd seen so much he'd questioned everything about what the Republic was doing, about the Jedi’s place as generals. It was muddled, messy but he knew one thing for certain. Jaebeom knew that Dooku was wrong and what Dooku was doing was wrong. He knew that Dooku had started the war and would continue it.

He looked back to the ship.

"Taecyeon," Jaebeom called his name but Taecyeon didn't look at him.

He could tell that Taecyeon was weighing the situation. Trying to figure out the best path to begin the fight. Jaebeom wanted to get past Dooku to get Jinyoung while Taecyeon distracted him but he knew Taecyeon would likely need help. Neither of them could win on their own. He understood that.

They both watched Dooku, both patient waiting for his move. Jaebeom stood back, resting back on his heels as he held Jinyoung's lightsaber forward. He was worried Dooku’s first move would be to continue his attack against Jaebeom. He realized he had a blaster at his belt as well as the lightsaber in his hand. He didn't know what help it would be. Maybe he could pull it if an opportunity opened.

"Will you not make the first move master Jedi," Dooku began to walk, he stepped backwards. Jaebeom knew better than to charge in but he felt something was off. Something in the force had shifted.

"Just give us back Jinyoung," Taecyeon said, "and we'll back down." Jaebeom heard an engine igniting, he looked to the ship.

It was moving.

Taecyeon looked startled by the suddenness of it. Jaebeom didn't feel he had time to react as the ship started flying towards them. He jumped out of the way and Taecyeon did as well. He looked up from the ground and saw Dooku use the force to jump onto the ship. Jaebeom’s heart pounded as he realized…

They were getting away.

Jaebeom got up fast and began to run with all he had towards where the ship was flying. Everything in his body screaming as he wanted to get to it. He had to stop them from leaving. He drew his gun and began to fire at the ship, hoping to stop it before it was out into space.

"JINYOUNG!" Jaebeom called out for Jinyoung as he ran but he knew it was too late. The ship was quickly out, unfazed by Jaebeom’s blaster fire. Emotion filled Jaebeom as he realized in his hand was Jinyoung’s lightsaber and his only chance to fight against Dooku. The ship was gone and out of his reach and Jaebeom was locked in a state of panic.

"JINYOUNG!" He called again, reaching in the force but finding nothing.

"Sir," He heard Ment's voice on his comm, "a ship just blasted out, we tried to take it down but it made a jump." His heart beat wildly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, what had just happened right in front of him.

It felt like seconds... He’d thought they’d had a chance but it was over, Jinyoung was gone.

Dooku had taken him.

Jaebeom felt defeated as he stumbled in shock. Jinyoung was gone, the Sith Lord had taken him. Jaebeom turned back to Taecyeon, and saw fear in his own eyes, shock mirrored.

Jinyoung was gone

Jaebeom felt dread in his body. He dropped the lightsaber from his hand, stared into the void of space.

He’d failed.

Jinyoung had slipped away.

* * *

END PART 1

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of "Act 1" of the Heart of the Jedi story. Sorry to leave you on such a cliffhanger but there is much more to come. Thank you all for reading and sticking with me for this first part. I will be working on the next chapters soon. Please leave kudos and comments, let me know what you think of this chapter. <3


	21. Inescapable Destiny: Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue: A look at the past.

* * *

**Part 2 - Inescapable Destiny**

* * *

“I don’t love you.”

“I lied”

“We can’t”

“I’m sorry”

* * *

Prologue

* * *

Past

* * *

_There were many things they didn’t talk about that they probably should have. Things they didn’t say that festered on the surface of every interaction they had with each other. Jinyoung knew avoiding Jaebeom was not a plausible solution for the problem that seemed to grow the more time they spent with each other. There were too many situations in which they had interact because of Jedi business. Aside from that they had always been inseparable, the idea of avoiding Jaebeom was strange._

_He knew it would be odd to let anything interfere with that. It might cue their masters that something was going on. Not that he’d think they’d jump to the conclusion that the boys had kissed. But if the others knew of the way things had changed they would be upset. He didn’t want to risk expulsion, and he didn’t want to risk falling to the dark side. Every potential outcome frightened him._

_He wanted to avoid Jaebeom and for that to be the answer but he wasn’t going to pretend that was even possible. It was likely that they’d have to talk through setting new boundaries which meant confronting what had happened. Jinyoung didn't like talking, he didn’t like complications and difficult discussions. He struggled to bring it up because he really would much rather avoid it. He was unsure how to even begin, what to even say. Jaebeom was distracting in a way that was becoming all consuming to Jinyoung. More and more so as time went on his thoughts were turned towards the other boy._

_Jinyoung found himself staring as Jaebeom practiced his lightsaber forms, shirtless. It was unnecessary for Jaebeom to do such a thing, Jinyoung got annoyed thinking about it. He felt his face heat up as he glanced up at Jaebeom, his eyes drawn to the way the other boys back muscles moved as he held his lightsaber up above his head. Every move he made was done with calculated control. Jinyoung shook his head to snap himself out of it._

_He looked away down at the book he was supposed to be reading and leaned back so he could hold it up higher to block his view of the other boy. Jinyoung couldn’t focus on the words, he glanced over the top of the books pages back at Jaebeom and looked away quickly. He was to finish the assignment, he was supposed to be reading. His master had given him a book on the planet they were set to be visiting next. He was supposed to be studying in preparation for the mission._

_Their masters had let them wander out on a different planet they had stopped on to refuel. It was beautiful out, there was grass, and trees everywhere. Not every planet had that and the one in their final destination they would be intervening in a conflict on a gas planet. Jinyoung wasn't excited about the mission to come as gas planets were always difficult. Usually they weren't actually able to land on those planets, but would be visiting platform cities that had air circulation inside. Other times they had to spend their entire visits in gas masks to be able to breathe._

_It was dangerous if they found themselves in a hostile situation. On one mission they’d dealt with radicals that had actually tampered with an air filtration system. Jinyoung remembered the feeling of gasping for a breath, and how painful that mission had been. He hoped their mission this time around would just be routine._

_He found himself looking past the spine of his book once again, his momentary return of focus broken as he did. The air was warm and humid, Jinyoung’s eyes settled on where he could see sweat starting to form on Jaebeom's body. He was curious as he watched a little closer, the tanned color of Jaebeom’s skin seemed to have Jinyoung under a spell._

_Jinyoung mentally slapped himself over where his thoughts were going. He huffed and moved himself around the tree he leaned against slowly so he could face a different direction. He looked down at the page of his book he'd been starting at for what felt like ages. He hadn't really read a single word on the page, despite trying to focus. He was sure Jaebeom knew what he was doing by choosing to do his forms half naked. Jinyoung closed his book out of frustration._

_"What's wrong?" he heard Jaebeom's lightsaber turn off and he willed himself not to turn and look at the boy._

_"The book is boring," Jinyoung mumbled as he found his hands fumbling for his own lightsaber. Jinyoung wrapped his hand around the cold metal as if it could ground him. He looked up at Jaebeom, he felt his mouth go dry. His eyes moved down to Jaebeom's chest, nothing he hadn't seen before but somehow different with the light coming between the trees leaving Jaebeom glistening. His eyes moved down Jaebeom's abdomen, where defined lines led a path down further._

_He clenched his fists and looked away quickly towards the ground. Things had been so much easier when they were kids and there were no strange sorts of feelings involved. He was hyper aware of Jaebeom moving closer. The other boy was walking towards him. Jinyoung got up from the ground and turned on his lightsaber._

_"Let's spar," Jinyoung suggested, his eyes fixated on his violet blade._

_"Why?" Jaebeom asked, “you said you were tired.” Sparring meant something different to them than to others. It was one of the ways they were able to let off steam and to talk though things, work through things. Since they were kids they’d used sparring as a way to kick off difficult conversations. Jinyoung found it easier to sort through his inner thoughts while moving with his lightsaber._

_Maybe he could convince himself to say what he needed to say if he tried to get it out over practicing forms with his best friend. It was more productive than drooling over the other boy. That wasn’t getting him anywhere._

_“I want to spar,” Jinyoung responded, "you know practice is always good."_

_He took a step forward, a step to the side away from where Jaebeom was. He was still avoiding looking at the boy and he realized that wasn’t really feasible if they did spar. Jinyoung looked up to Jaebeom's expression, and found it was unreadable. That was a rare thing between them, Jinyoung usually knew what Jaebeom was thinking._

_"Make sure your training setting is on," Jaebeom said._

_Jinyoung checked it over to make sure it was. They'd forgotten before, and discovered it wasn't fun to get nicked with lightsaber blade. Their masters had scolded them strongly for being careless. They all were required to have a blade setting that would not be strong enough to burn them for the purpose of training. Jinyoung switched his and heard Jaebeom change is his. The buzz of the blade sounded different on the lower setting._

_"What do you want to practice?" Jaebeom asked._

_"Form 3," Jinyoung suggested. Jinyoung had just chosen a random one. He didn't care which they would be practicing, he just needed to put his mind on something else._

_"Okay," Jaebeom said, “I just want to say before we begin, it’s really humid here, your shirt is going to get soaked through if you decide to leave it on." Jinyoung glared at Jaebeom over how blatant of a suggestion that was._

_"I'll manage," Jinyoung said. He wasn't going to become something for Jaebeom to stare at, he knew exactly how Jaebeom had become since they'd become teens. He'd caught Jaebeom staring more than once. Though he couldn’t say he’d been any better towards Jaebeom. It was frustrating that Jinyoung was so stuck on his best friend._

_"How do you want to start?" Jaebeom asked. Jinyoung stepped to the side again, and his eyes fixed on Jaebeom's._

_"You first," Jinyoung challenged. He wanted Jaebeom to move in first._

_"You're the one who wanted to spar," Jaebeom rocked back on his heels and smirked. Jinyoung was more certain Jaebeom knew the effect he was having on Jinyoung._

_"You're so irritating," Jinyoung whined, "just move in first." Jaebeom had no problem moving first when he was being reckless. He’d been reckless enough to jeopardize their futures just to kiss him. It was all Jaebeom's fault his feelings had become so mixed up._

_"What are you so upset about?" Jaebeom asked._

_"I'm not upset," Jinyoung responded but he was sure his tone betrayed he was not being honest. Jaebeom stepped forward with the form quickly, Jinyoung caught his lightsaber._

_"Okay why are you grumbly?" Jaebeom asked the same question, a different way. Jinyoung shifted moved his lightsaber fast, spun around and Jaebeom caught his stroke and countered._

_"It's humid," Jinyoung responded to the question, "the air is a bit difficult to breathe." It was an excuse and Jaebeom knew it._

_"I told you that," Jaebeom said._

_Jinyoung shifted closer, moving his lightsaber towards an opening. Jaebeom moved with him deflecting, countering with expert ease. Jaebeom was always good at sparring, frustratingly good. Jinyoung had to move to defend as Jaebeom began his own series of attacks which drove Jinyoung back. Jinyoung had to be light on his feet to keep moving with a strong defense._

_Jinyoung moved fast deflecting as Jaebeom switched to form 5, and became more aggressive to take his opening with more strength. Jinyoung moved with him until he perceived an area Jaebeom was vulnerable and used it to begin his own counter attack. Jaebeom's response was to back off, away from him. Jinyoung smirked in satisfaction at the other boy’s retreat from him._

_"What's really on your mind?" Jaebeom asked him. He spun his lightsaber in his hand and paced as if sizing Jinyoung up for another attack._

_"You," Jinyoung responded honestly. He leapt forward to continue the fight, to force Jaebeom to defend himself. He used Jinyoung’s confusion with his answer to catch the boy off guard. It couldn't end until someone yielded and Jinyoung wanted to win._

_"Why me?" Jaebeom asked as he recovered. Their eyes met as their blades locked and Jaebeom smirked. Jinyoung slid his lightsaber away and moved with more agility, more speed in an attempt to drive Jaebeom into yielding._

_"I think we have a lot we need to talk about," Jinyoung responded._

_"Do we?" Jaebeom asked as he blocked more of Jinyoung's moves and seemed content not to fight back quickly. Jinyoung watched and waited, he knew Jaebeom was a patient duelist from training with him their whole lives. Jinyoung would also have to be patient to wait for Jaebeom to make a mistake._

_"Yeah," Jinyoung responded, "we need to set some boundaries.” Jinyoung knew they couldn’t dance around it further. They had done something they should never have done, they’d already crossed a line. It would be dangerous to cross any more lines._

_"Boundaries?" Jaebeom questioned, he began to counter and push back against Jinyoung. Jinyoung moved his lightsaber back and forth to meet each of his attacks. It wasn't aggressive, but Jaebeom had so much control in how he was able to attack Jinyoung without much effort at all. Jinyoung got frustrated and took his first opening to get more aggressive._

_"Yeah," Jinyoung responded, "we're friends right?" They were allowed to be friends, there was nothing wrong with that. There was no lined crossed as long as they were friends._

_"Of course," Jaebeom responded._

_Jaebeom smirked again shifting closer, Jinyoung caught his lightsaber and the colors of their blades reflected off Jaebeom’s bare skin. Jinyoung’s eyes were drawn to it but Jaebeom moved and Jinyoung was almost too distracted not to catch it. He jumped back to avoid being trapped. He used the force to push Jaebeom back, Jaebeom stumbled back wards and was surprised. He looked at Jinyoung confused._

_“I thought this was just a lightsaber sparring session,” Jaebeom whined._

_“Anything is fair game,” Jinyoung responded. Anytime they brought in the force, Jinyoung would gain somewhat of an advantage but Jaebeom was always eager to overcome. Jaebeom’s eyes looked a bit wild, Jinyoung felt heat in his gut._

_“You’re on,” Jaebeom said. Jinyoung felt himself get pushed back by the force and he flew through the air and stumbled when he landed. He wasn’t expecting Jaebeom to push back so quickly with such strength._

_“You know in a force duel I win,” Jinyoung responded._

_“Do you?” Jaebeom held his lightsaber even closer to himself, the green light reflecting off the sweat on his skin. It was as if he knew exactly what was messing with Jinyoung’s focus._

_“You’re so irritating,” Jinyoung moved the force with the trees around them blowing leaves off branches towards Jaebeom and rushed in to meet him head on with his lightsaber._

_“Pretty,” Jaebeom said as he caught Jinyoung’s blade._

_“What?” Jinyoung asked as he attacked._

_He felt himself being pushed again. He lifted his hand to catch Jaebeom’s effort in the force and to block it. They were suddenly locked in a struggle of who would cave first, both eyes locked as they held their hands up together each pushing for the other to fall. Jinyoung was determined not to lose as he glared at Jaebeom._

_Jaebeom looked too confident, a smirk found it’s way to his eyes again and Jinyoung was surprised when Jaebeom let go and flew backwards. Jinyoung stood strong as Jaebeom hit the ground, his green lightsaber switched off and he was laid out on the ground. He didn’t get up immediately, his eyes were shut. Jinyoung was hit with a pang of worry, he had pushed Jaebeom hard. Jinyoung turned off his lightsaber and ran towards where Jaebeom was, suddenly afraid he’d hurt Jaebeom._

_“Jaebeom!” Jinyoung called for him alarmed._

_He shouldn’t have pushed so hard, Jaebeom didn’t know how to use the force the same as him. It wasn’t fair and he knew it, he shouldn’t have done it. His heart pounded as he ran to get to him._

_“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung had almost reached him when he felt the force push and trip him. Jaebeom was up before he could react and Jinyoung found himself on the ground, lightsaber forced from his hand._

_He tried to get up fast but hands caught his wrists and suddenly Jaebeom was there, his body on top of Jinyoung’s, looking down into his eyes. Jaebeom held his hands above his head. Jinyoung squirmed slightly but couldn’t push up from where he was. He was suddenly frozen as he felt his body reacting to how Jaebeom was looking at him, holding him down._

_Jinyoung couldn’t breathe._

_Jaebeom's legs shifted around his, his face got closer to Jinyoung's. They were always dancing on the edge of what was okay and what wasn’t. Jinyoung was suddenly honest with himself, he wanted whatever was coming next. He wanted Jaebeom to get closer. Jinyoung wanted heat, he wanted the feelings he was only beginning to feel._

_That sudden desire flooding him, it was frightening, dizzying, intoxicating. Jinyoung was overwhelmed but it was wrong in everything he’d ever been taught. Those things were not things he was supposed to feel or give into. Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom and the haze began to clear replaced by another overwhelming emotion._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom breathed. Jinyoung felt fear washing over him like cold water._

_It wasn't okay, they couldn't get closer. There were lines they couldn't cross. Jaebeom's head moved back as he looked like he had the same mental realization of the position they were in and the dangers right in front of them. But Jaebeom was the one between the two of them that was more willing to take. He’d kissed Jinyoung and messed with all the resolved strength inside of Jinyoung. But Jinyoung was scared that if they crossed that line again that they wouldn’t stop. That terrified him._

_"Jaebeom," Jinyoung said, "please don't..." He was scared cause Jaebeom didn't seem to care about the rules, he always pushed forward regardless of what the consequences would be. The consequences were everytime he got closer, the harder it was for Jinyoung to let go._

_"Tell me one more time," Jaebeom said, "and I'll stop." Jaebeom moved forward to press his lips to Jinyoung's and it felt wild. Jinyoung’s heart in his chest felt like it was trying to break free with how it pounded. Heat where Jaebeom's weight rested against his groin. It was dizzying, intoxicating, irresistible._

_Jinyoung closed his eyes to reality, letting himself drown for a moment. Closing his eyes and feeling the weight and life of Jaebeom like it filled his senses, making it impossible to do anything but sink down lower._

_His body seemed to move of it's own will, falling. Opening, drawing Jaebeom closer, flush against him. Jaebeom's tongue entered his mouth, exploring, blinding, taking away his need for breath as it seemed just breathing the haze of the lustful feeling was enough. He wanted more so badly, it drove him insane, he was sure he was losing his mind._

_But he froze where he was, fear still present in everything that was happening. Jinyoung felt his mind shutting down, almost instinctively trying to shut out what was happening. Where it was easy to forget himself for a moment suddenly it was as if he was retreating to hide from the things that frightened him._

_Jaebeom drew back, and Jinyoung's eyes opened but he couldn't focus, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He felt Jaebeom's hands let go of him, and one hand came to gently touch his face, to guide his gaze and his eyes settled upon Jaebeom. There was a worry in Jaebeom's eyes._

_"Jinyoung," Jaebeom said his name again. Jinyoung found his breath as their eyes met._

__I want you so badly, but I can’t._ _

_He wanted to find words to say, to let Jaebeom know what he wanted to say. That he wanted Jaebeom like breathing, but he knew that he couldn't have Jaebeom. No matter how much he wanted him, Jaebeom wasn't his._

_"You..." Jaebeom said._

_"You're..." Jaebeom tried to speak again. Jinyoung felt fear shift to anger. Because Jaebeom should know better, Jaebeom should have realized what it was he was doing and how Jinyoung was powerless against him. It wasn’t fair of Jaebeom to keep messing with him._

_Jinyoung felt strength and he moved fast to flip Jaebeom on his back. He summoned his lightsaber to his hand and ignited it above Jaebeom's head to hold it over him._

_"I win," Jinyoung gasped between deep breaths._

_He held his blade a moment longer, seeing the way Jaebeom looked at him resigned to the loss. Jinyoung turned it off, pushed away and stood up. He used the force to call his book to his hand and walked away. He was going to head back to the ship and try to file what had just happened away in a box to never open again._

_He shouldn't have let his guard down._

_He wouldn't let himself look back at Jaebeom. He'd just forget it, ignore it._

_Bury it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with a short prologue opening for part two. We are opening with a glimpse of the past. Next chapter we will be back to form in the present on what is going on following the aftermath of part one.
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think, your support means everything to me. <3


End file.
